God said I would meet you

The night passed in suffocating silence.

When they returned home, a mess of broken porcelain bowls and chopsticks were gone, probably by the couple. The little cousin was carrying a bunch of big and small bags and said, "Bananas, apples, etc. I bought some , spinach, and yogurt, but I didn’t buy the fish because I couldn’t pick it up, and you can figure it out when you want to eat it.”

"...I know," Zhang Xinli faced him, but looked at Lin Jinyu: "I'm in trouble."

Lin Jinyu hadn't said a word for fourteen hours.

All the violent acute reactions have disappeared, he no longer acts agitated, no longer cries, no longer accuses anyone loudly, no longer shows strong rejection when others approach him, but he no longer shows any positive attitude. Emotional responses, not even pretense.

No matter what he asks and doesn't answer, it's like he has become some kind of emotional black hole that doesn't project any matter outward.

"That's all we can prepare for in life," said the little cousin, "Have you contacted any of his friends?"

"Not yet," Zhang Xinli said, "...I will contact you later."

"It's better as soon as possible," the little cousin put things on the ground, and those in the refrigerator: "Get together and have fun, don't think about being unhappy."

Zhang Xinli nodded, turned around, and put his hand lightly on Lin Jinyu's back, trying to guide him to the room - the old doctor said that it is important to develop a regular schedule and ensure adequate sleep. No one slept well yesterday, so he asked Lin Jinyu if he should go to bed first Take a nap before eating.

Lin Jinyu glanced at him, his eyes were indifferent, and he ignored him. Seeing this, the little cousin said, "Why don't you rest and let me watch for a while. He probably doesn't want to get in touch with you for the time being."

The villain was done by Zhang Xinli. This is an unchangeable fact. The little cousin put Lin Jinyu's shoulders on his shoulders and walked towards the room. Lin Jinyu did not resist and followed him.

Zhang Xinli stopped where he was, watching them gradually move away from him, watching the door open and close.

The dead tree outside the window has sprouted new buds, but there are still no shadows of birds in the branches. It is a silent spring.

After a while, the little cousin came out and said, "He said he wants to be alone."

"Let him stay."

When Lin Jinyu was in a bad mood, he always wanted to be alone. Forcing him to communicate with others would only be counterproductive. Zhang Xinli said, "You should go back and sleep on the sofa, or use the bathroom to take a bath."

The little cousin didn't wash his face or brush his teeth all night. He looked like a savage. He scratched his hair, thought for a moment, and said, "No, are you... are you free now? I want to talk to you."

After tossing and tossing all night, Zhang Xinli should also be very tired. The little cousin was afraid that he would refuse, so he said, "Just for a while, it won't take up too much..."

"Sit down." However, Zhang Xinli didn't say a word of refusal, turned around and sat down, motioned to the opposite sofa, and said concisely: "Say."

"..." The little cousin didn't expect him to be so happy, and suddenly became cautious: "...it's about Xiaoyu."

Zhang Xinli had expected it from the moment he spoke, apart from Lin Jinyu, what else between them needed such a solemn opening statement?

The little cousin sat down opposite him, and before the formal meeting started, he handed him a cigarette first—he hoped that this conversation could be held in a friendly atmosphere, and everyone should not hold any prejudices, just discuss the matter as it stands, and simply seek the best Solution is the highest goal.

Zhang Xinli took it, but didn't light it, but put the cigarette away.

"...I'm actually not a few years older than you, and we're considered the same generation," the little cousin vaccinated him: "Don't think of me as his cousin for the time being, and I don't think of you as that either... The two of us Let's talk about the matter, just like ordinary brothers and buddies, discuss the solution to the problem."

What, he didn't know how to say it, he knew intellectually that sexual orientation was formed naturally, no one could blame him, but emotionally, he couldn't help but feel that Zhang Xinli had "harmed" his cousin and led him away... ...If he doesn't show up, will Lin Jinyu never realize that she likes men for the rest of her life, or even if she does, it's better to change someone, someone who can take better care of him, love him, and prevent him from getting sick.

Zhang Xinli said, "Understood."

"That's good," said the little cousin, "I'll just say it, don't be angry, I think if it's possible..." He said, "Let Xiaoyu go home."

Back to his wealthy family, back to his parents, the source of Lin Jinyu's heart disease is actually in the original family, the little cousin thought: this is different from the past, he is in the middle of the mediation, if Lin Jinyu can go back, he can talk to his father calmly Exchange exchanges, maybe nothing will happen?Worst of all... he can live a better life than now.

Look at the present, snail dwelling in a small room less than [-] square meters, the bathroom is shared by five people, and there is a queue to take a shower every day, and there is nothing good to eat, whether it is fried rice or noodles in soy sauce soup, no matter how bad it is It will be worse than it is now.

"I never stopped him from going home," Zhang Xinli leaned his upper body slightly forward, clasping his hands on his knees: "It's his father who didn't accept him."

"Uncle has never refused to accept him," the little cousin said firmly: "You know in your heart that there will always be a place for him in that family."

There will always be a place for Lin Jinyu, but not for Zhang Xinli.

Zhang Xinli was silent for a few seconds before saying, "He doesn't want to go back."

Lin Huainan wanted him to find a normal partner, so Lin Jinyu didn't go back.

"...that's what I want to tell you," said the little cousin, "his body is important...you understand what I mean."

Love and love are things outside the body, and you can pick them up again if you lose them. There are fake marriages and divorces for a few bad money, not to mention the physical and mental health of the whole person-the little cousin thinks so.

"..." Zhang Xinli didn't speak for a long time. In fact, from the moment his cousin opened his mouth, he had a vague premonition of what he was going to say, but he sat down anyway.

"Isn't the priority obvious?" If the conditions allowed, the little cousin would not be willing to be the one who made a small report, but Lin Jinyu really scared him to death yesterday: "Xiao Yu always said that you are very good, you are a very good person, yes He is very good, if you really love him, think about his body and his life, okay?"

The old doctor's words are very clear. Lin Jinyu's symptoms are worse than ever, and his condition is developing step by step. Now he doesn't seem to be suicidal yet, but how many more months will it take?Who can tell?

Judging from Lin Jinyu's performance and speech yesterday, it is not impossible.

"Let me tell you the truth, although I am also puzzled that he is determined to be with men, but I still respect you," said the little cousin, "I only hope my cousin is doing well. Pretending to be separated for a while, let him have a good life for a few days and stabilize his condition before talking about it, this is the head office?"

He firmly believed that Lin Jinyu would get better care when he went back. Zhang Xinli listened to his "strategy" and slowly said: "No," he said: "Impossible."

Pretending to be fake is impossible. Lin Huainan thought that Lin Jinyu didn't know what true love was at all, and that he was just playing a childish game that he thought could last a lifetime like countless men and women who fell in love for the first time. Forget it, once you go back, whether it is true or not is no longer important, the truth is also true, and the false becomes true.

All the hard work in the past will become a meaningless joke. Everything returns to the corridor of the X University rental house, the day when Lin Jinyu loudly said that she loves him in front of her parents, and then enters an endless loop.

If separated, only truly separated.

"Then what do you want?" The little cousin said seriously: "He is my cousin. We are all only children, and cousins ​​are the closest. I can't just stand by and watch."

Before coming here, he never expected the situation to be so serious.

Zhang Xinli murmured: "Give me some time...let me think about it."

Time is life, and time waits for no one. The little cousin took a deep breath: "Okay... let's pass the acute part first, and when he stabilizes, you have to remember to keep an eye on him and take his medicine on time."

Zhang Xinli said, "Of course, you don't need to tell me."

"Remember to ask for leave at work, friends hurry up and contact me, and tell me if you have any difficulties," the little cousin took out his wallet and randomly took out the whole money in it: "You guys use this first."

Zhang Xinli didn't know whether he should pick it up, so the little cousin put it on the coffee table: "Don't be sorry, it's not for you," he said, "I'll take it to the follow-up visit to buy medicine, and give Xiaoyu some good food...I'll give it to you Four weeks... at most two months, he needs to get better." It takes almost two to four weeks for the medicine to take effect, so this deadline was set.

"it is good."

If Zhang Xinli can make the decision, if Zhang Xinli is omnipotent, he will let Lin Jinyu play for one minute and get better the next second, so that he will always be happy from the age of 1.

Having said all that should be said, the little cousin said: "I'm leaving first, and I'll come back at night, remember to get those things for him to eat."

……

Silence returned to the house.

Lin Jinyu still locked herself in the room without any movement. Zhang Xinli sat quietly for a while, took out his mobile phone, flipped through it a few times, didn't look at anything, and turned off the screen again... After a few seconds, he turned it on again, and then turned it on again. Turned off and repeated several times.

He seems to suddenly not know what to do. For more than 20 years, Zhang Xinli has always had a very clear goal in his life. He studied in a big city in a big city, and he was determined to study for an undergraduate degree when he was a little older. He basically achieved what he wanted to do.

He is such a person in his bones, he is indeed very strong, he must have goals at every stage, and he must obtain everything he is really determined to obtain.

But now, Zhang Xinli seemed to suddenly not know what to do.

The last time I felt this way was many years ago. Lin Jinyu didn't know what he had eaten. A high school student dared to kiss him in the dark alley next to the Qing Bar.

That was the first time he was wrapped in great confusion, men and men should not kiss, but at that moment, he felt as if he also wanted to do this shouldn't thing...and he had thought about it for a long time.

Confused, puzzled, anxious, but with a trace of joy that cannot be extinguished, Zhang Xinli realized after a long time, that kind of feeling is called throbbing.

Just as not every seed will fall into the right soil, not everyone will be moved at the right time.

Zhang Xinli stood outside the closed door for a long time. Many times, he wanted to knock on the door, but he couldn't reach out in the end.