God said I would meet you

The most difficult thing to get out of is not the trough, but the original family.

Lin Jinyu had only seen those plots in other people's stories before, such as parents' fierce opposition, such as personal freedom control, such as "abstinence from the same place".

But it turns out that these things are close to minorities...or were once close to minorities.

He returned to Shanghai a week before the start of school at the strong request of his parents. His father always believed that he was not a homosexual in terms of orientation.

They broke out countless quarrels because of this. From the north to the south, from school to home, Lin Jinyu fell into endless debates and disagreements. His father and mother put down everything at hand and talked with each other at every possible time He had a long talk, from university to kindergarten, from the "mysterious man" who lived with him to the female deskmate whose hair was pulled by him when he was in elementary school, and cross-examined each one in detail.

In the eyes of Lin Huainan and his wife, this comes from the importance they attach to their son. They care about Lin Jinyu very much and are willing to do everything for him... Although the fact may be true, in Lin Jinyu's feelings, all this brings him only pressure and pain. anxiety.

Except for the eight hours when he fell asleep, he was caught in endless tug-of-war with his parents every second he was free.

Lin Huainan kept asking him about his past, asking him what grade the girl at the same table was, a certain Chinese class representative whose braids had been pulled by him, and the study committee member who always fought with him... Lin Jinyu originally remembered those childhood things, The beautiful girl at the same table in the second and third grades, the Chinese class representative with very long hair, the study committee member who was so close that the head teacher thought they were in a relationship, although he has forgotten those vague, long-term memories that are no longer active. The faces of the shadows, but under his father's questioning again and again, he suddenly felt that those things began to become stiff.

He answered his father's question over and over again, and each time the answer was the same: remember, but not very clearly, it used to be before, I really forgot the feeling... These gradually formulaic answers seemed to be sucked away a little bit The last trace of freshness in childhood memories, those shadows that still had breathing began to harden and become stiff. In the end, Lin Jinyu didn't know whether she was telling a throbbing memory that actually happened, or just like a Robots are answering repetitive and meaningless questions.

He always admitted that he had no subtle feelings for any boys in elementary school, but at the same time repeatedly stated that he was indeed gay.

But Lin Huainan did not agree with this point.He always believed that children’s gender awareness begins around the age of 3, regardless of their innate sexual orientation, and most homosexuals will vaguely perceive that they will be of the same sex when they have the ability to recognize gender in the distant primary school stage. generate different emotions.

Just like what he said to Lin Jinyu, if he is really gay, he can accept it, because he was born like this and cannot be changed, what else can he do?But the problem was that he still didn't think Lin Jinyu was gay.

"I don't know what the meaning of this question is!" These mechanical questions made Lin Jinyu collapse, and after another fierce quarrel broke out on this question, he said loudly: "What I was before must be what I am now Is it like that?"

"I'm just saying that you don't conform to the psychological development characteristics of a homosexual," Lin Huainan said calmly, "You're not gay, I'm just explaining this."

"Okay, even if I'm not, I'm double, so what?" Lin Jinyu said: "Divide me into double in terms of metaphysical orientation, so what? The one I love is a man."

Lin Huainan said, "Who is it?"

"It doesn't matter who it is, I'm gay, just accept it!"

Lin Huainan said: "You are not gay, you have never..."

"But I just like men!"

Lin Huainan said, "Who is he?"

... Such an argument like this, which seemed to never end and would not have any results, made Lin Jinyu extremely tired. He had never been so tired, and never had he been so eager to stay away from the family that gave birth to him and raised him.

When he lost trust in front of his parents, his parents began to be suspicious of all his words. Although Lin Jinyu denied that he had a boyfriend who lived with him, his father still tried every means to find out the truth from his words.

Lin Jinyu began to appreciate the reminder from his little cousin before. Except for this time, his parents respected him since he was a child. He would knock on the door when entering his room, and would not look at his mobile phone without his permission. When they want to know if their son has a puppy love, they will directly ask to see who he is chatting with recently, and then look through it with him in front of Lin Jinyu.

Lin Jinyu didn't have these little secrets before, so he never refused... In other words, if he suddenly refused violently one time, it means that there is probably a ghost.

Thanks to my little cousin’s reminder, after that New Year’s Eve, he changed the lock screen password that his parents knew, deleted the call history, applied for a new account for the phone card of QQ and WeChat, and copied all the friends who knew his orientation. After passing by, Dahao deleted the chat history with Zhang Xinli... Even, in order to prevent Zhang Xinli from being caught calling him, Lin Jinyu temporarily blocked that number.

In this way, no matter whether his parents are real gentlemen or hypocrites, it is absolutely impossible for him to dig out something from his mobile phone without him knowing.

Because of Zhao Wujie's erroneous "testimonies", Lin Huainan suspected that Lin Jinyu's boyfriend was a classmate of his at the same school. A week later, on the first day of school, Lin Jinyu was far away in Shanghai and did not go back to report. Called to ask for leave.

24 hours a day, they were inseparable from Lin Jinyu almost every step of the way. Lin Huainan refused to admit that he was gay, and Lin’s mother seemed to have a hard time accepting this fact. Although she did not quarrel with Lin Jinyu, she still felt that this was incredible in her words. I hope Lin Jinyu will add more Think and take responsibility for your own life.

Lin Jinyu felt unable to communicate with her parents.

Probably because he remembered the indescribable condom in the bathroom, one week later on the weekend, Lin Huainan took him to the hospital for an STD examination.

Jian Ai Lin was all negative, which made Lin Huainan heave a sigh of relief.

Probably because he didn't know much about this aspect, or because heterosexual men naturally reject homosexual behavior, he didn't ask Lin Jinyu the specific details, and what role he played in the sexual relationship...or maybe it was out of a kind of self-deception Mentality, he hoped that his son just had a fringe behavior of wearing a condom with others.

Lin Jinyu didn't go out, and he didn't have time to socialize accordingly. The wrestling between him and his family occupied almost all of his life...including his parents'.

Even so, they still couldn't reach a unity, and finally one day, his parents said to him: "Go to the hospital and have a look."

Lin Jinyu didn't know how many minority groups had heard this sentence, and how they felt when they heard this sentence. In short... when he heard this sentence, he felt an uncontrollable chill in his heart.

It's like feeling that the person who loves you the most in the world suddenly betrayed you one day, and they think you are sick.

"I'm not scolding you, accusing you of being sick," Lin Huainan said, "I just want to find a solution. I don't know much about psychology. I hope they can provide some professional advice."

"You know that sexual orientation cannot be treated," Lin Jinyu said, "You are doing meaningless things!"

"Psychological counseling is not the kind of treatment you think," Lin Huainan said: "It is true that natural homosexuality cannot be treated, but you just have a slight tendency, you still have another choice!"

Lin Jinyu had nothing to say. A long time ago, Wang Xiu told him that one cannot choose who to fall in love with.

The psychology department of the hospital was not deserted. Lin Jinyu registered by herself and took his parents upstairs.

The psychology department of this local hospital is very strong, and the outpatient registration fee is very high. The moment Lin Jinyu opened the door to enter the department, she didn't know whether she should cry or laugh.

A female doctor in her early forties was attending the consultation and asked them what they wanted to solve.

"Hello," Lin Huainan said, "It's...my son, who thinks he's gay."

Lin Jinyu didn't say a word, the doctor seemed a little confused, and said, "Think? You mean...he's gay, right?"

Lin Jinyu said, "I think so, but my dad doesn't think so."

This may be the first time the doctor has heard this statement. In the past, parents have come to consult similar questions. They said that their children have a tendency to like the same sex, and then asked if there is any way to correct it. She said: "This problem... ...It must be up to you to know," the doctor asked: "Do you have any feelings of love for boys...mainly sexual impulses."

Lin Jinyu said, "Yes."

Lin Huainan said: "But he used to like girls."

"This..." The doctor turned the chair: "Then... we generally divide sexual orientation into homosexual, heterosexual and bisexual in psychology. Then your son, he himself said that he would treat boys If you have that kind of impulse, and you say you liked girls, then you may be bisexual...I can only answer this."

She looked at Lin Jinyu and asked, "Do you like them all? Or did you just pretend to like girls before?"

Lin Jinyu thought for a moment, and replied: "...No, but that was a long time ago, and I didn't have a particularly strong feeling."

Lin Huainan said before the doctor spoke: "So I tend to think that he is not gay, he can like girls."

The doctor turned his pen around, and maybe he didn't know what to say in this situation: "That may be like this...Since he has liked them all, it means that he may have liked them. , that's fine too."

This is the answer that Lin Huainan expected, he said: "Then he can be changed, right? I'm not talking about changing his sexual orientation, I'm just talking about changing his current state, and he can also go to girls normally. fall in love."

"This..." The doctor looked at Lin Jinyu: "My parent, we really don't have any treatment for homosexuality from the current medical point of view. It was possible to treat it many years ago, but now it has been excluded from the category of disease, but according to When you say that, you are saying that it is better to ask him to change his current love partner?"

Lin Huainan said: "Yes, giving him some psychological counseling should be able to change his state."

Lin Jinyu said coldly, "I'm fine now, and I don't need to change anything."

The doctor thought for a moment and understood what he meant: "Your statement actually has nothing to do with sexual orientation, it's tantamount to simply being dissatisfied with your daughter-in-law... I'm just making an analogy, I just want to change a girl and let him go to normal." Falling in love... How should I put it?" She smiled politely: "In this case, our hospital does not have this project for the time being, you can't draw a red thread to let him like which one, right? I think this may mainly be Look at your son, his own wishes, see if he is willing to try."

Of course Lin Jinyu would not try to take off his pants and fart, he has a very good lover, unless Zhang Xinli no longer loves him, why would he 'try' to love others inexplicably when he is full.

"Can't we provide some external intervention or psychological counseling?" Lin Huainan was unwilling to easily give up the possibility of letting his son live in society as a person who is not looked down upon by others: "Like positive and negative reinforcement. of……"

"No..." The doctor shook his head: "I don't know about other places, but the hospital doesn't have this."

Lin Huainan was a little disappointed, and said, "Okay, thank you."

Lin Jinyu relaxed a little when he walked out of the outpatient building, his father didn't look very good-looking.

Now he really wants to find a place to lie down for a while, any place is fine, as long as he stays away from these meaningless questions and endless debates and treatments, he has not seen Zhang Xinli, heard his voice, or Talk to him.

It happened so suddenly that Lin Jinyu only had time to send him a message saying that he had something to do recently and was going to retreat for academics. He didn't have time to contact him and asked him not to contact her. Then he deleted all the message records and blocked the number... He began to think about what Zhang Xinli was doing now, he hadn't contacted him for so long, did he have doubts?

The confrontation with his family was so difficult and excruciating that he wanted Zhang Xinli to hug him, but he couldn't.

Lin Jinyu thought that his father should give up. This would be the first and last time he was admitted to the hospital because of falling in love with someone, but it seemed that this tug-of-war was not over yet.

Lin Huainan stood at the entrance of the hospital for a long time, he lit a cigarette, and the mist that floated up was like a suffocating rope: "Let's go back to eat first," he said, "Tomorrow, I will change to another hospital, and my parents' affairs will also come to an end." You can’t keep it there, Uncle Zhao will come over in two days, Dad will accompany you when he is free, and you can go and see it yourself if you don’t, you can always find a way.”