God said I would meet you

"Three two one go..." Lin Ye pressed the play button on the repeater, the tape rustled, and the piano accompaniment came out like water.

Lin Jinyu stood in the living room, posing in front of the music stand, counting the beat in her heart, then bowed, silent for a moment, keeping track of the beat, and began to follow the accompaniment from beginning to end for the umpteenth time.

"Even... evenly," Lin Ye sat on the sofa, lowered his eyes and listened for about a third, and said for the umpteenth time, "Stop...stop, stop," he said, "You can't do this at all. "

Lin Jinyu put down her bow and wiped her sweaty palms.

This was the second weekend after the National Day school started. He sacrificed all his spare time and devoted most of his vacation and almost all his spare time to this song, and finally he was able to present the whole song smoothly.

But Lin Ye was not satisfied.

No matter how smooth, natural, and complete Lin Jinyu pulls, he is just not satisfied.

"Your emotions are not in place," Lin Ye said: "Although the notes are dead, they should be alive at the moment they are presented, but you always make me feel almost meaningless..."

Lin Jinyu asked: "Almost means... what do you mean?"

"It's just..." Lin Ye tried to describe: "Although nine points of a piece of emotion are already on the score, the last point still needs to be completed by the performer. You put a lot of focus and emotion on the piano. , you may be able to convey this point... But you don't, you always feel almost interesting, as if your emotions are not completely full."

Lin Jinyu half-understood, and felt that there was no way to improve.He said, "Then I'll do it again."

He has been here many times. Lin Ye felt that his problem was not in proficiency. Lin Jinyu practiced the piano very seriously, and did not miss a note these few times.

But he didn't have a better way, so he had to ask Lin Jinyu to use stupid methods to fumble over and over again.

"Then come again," Lin Ye reminded him: "Focus on the song itself and don't get distracted."

Lin Jinyu nodded, took a deep breath to try to make herself less anxious, and then signaled Lin Ye to start playing the accompaniment again.

Lin Ye counted down to three times and pressed the play button.

Still familiar with the rustling steel partner, Lin Jinyu played the bow again... He looked at his piano face, frowning involuntarily. Because he was too impatient, he rushed to shoot several bars.

About half a minute later, Lin Ye said, "Stop...stop, stop!" He said, "Forget it, it's not as good as last time."

Lin Jinyu put down the bow a little discouraged, and said, "Maybe it's because I'm not very familiar with this accompaniment yet."

This version of the accompaniment is very simple. Lin Ye asked his music teacher to record it in the piano room.

"This is one aspect, but it shouldn't be completely," Lin Ye said: "Don't hide it secretly. Performance is to interpret yourself. Why are you so reserved and restrained?"

He asked: "I said to focus on the piece itself, what are you thinking about when you play?"

... didn't think about anything.

I didn't think about anything at first, but then I thought about not making mistakes, pulling it well, finishing it... and so on.He was wrapped in anxiety, the more he wanted to be perfect, the less he could be perfect.

Lin Jinyu is indeed trying to feel that strong emotion of showing love... He is indeed full of this emotion himself, and he doesn't even need to resort to additional empathy.

But there's something beyond that, those little impurities that don't fit the piece.

It was a kind of natural shyness, or worry and worry, and he couldn't show that pure piano sound that just expresses love.

"You don't have any problems with your fingering and bowing, but your mood is wrong." Lin Ye said: "If your mood is wrong, the details are wrong. If you can't handle the details, you can't get the taste. And I think it's good for you to do mechanical exercises. Not much help."

Lin Jinyu was silent.

Lin Ye glanced at his watch, and there was still half an hour before the usual time for practice to end.He said: "Come here today, you go back and think about it yourself, don't be too anxious."

"Oh." Lin Jinyu agreed, but her heart was inevitably anxious and frustrated.

Lin Ye took out the tape and gave it to him: "You should also listen to the accompaniment when you go back, it might be helpful."

Lin Jinyu took the tape and said, "What's the use of having a piano partner?" He said, "Xu Zhao doesn't know how to play the piano, and he has never heard my piece. Neither of us has rehearsed once. How will you play then?"

"Don't worry," Lin Ye said, "He's practicing his "roolling in the deep"...well...in general, he plays better than you."

Xu Zhao is a bit stubborn, he does one thing when he does one thing, and he is hardly disturbed by the outside world. Lin Jinyu is quite envious of him.

"But these are two completely different pieces of music, what's the use of practicing...are they solo?"

"No," Lin Ye said, "Don't be impatient, I'll make arrangements, okay?"

Lin Jinyu had no other choice, either good or bad.He carried the piano case on his back, held the doorknob, turned half of his body, and said: "I will send it to the school in the middle and late November, please... hurry up."

"Got it," Lin Ye got up to see him off, and said, "I'll fix it, trust me."

……

Lin Jinyu still went to the milk tea shop to find Zhang Xinli with the piano box on his back, but he was not as excited as he was a few days ago. He looked down at the small sidewalk tile in front of him, walked slowly to the shop, and stood in a large tree. Magnolia looked down at Zhang Xinli.

After Zhang Xinli gave the last cup of milk tea, he looked up and saw him across the passers-by, turned around and went inside, changed his clothes and came out.

Lin Jinyu didn't say anything, turned around and signaled "Let's go" with body language.

Zhang Xinli followed behind him, seeing that he had been silent, said, "Why are you unhappy?"

"It's nothing," Lin Jinyu said, "Maybe there are always a few days every month."

Tomorrow, Sunday, homework is due in self-study, Zhang Xinli guessed, "Did you finish the homework?"

"No."

During this period of time, Lin Jinyu worked harder than anyone else. No matter how short the spare time was, he squeezed it out like a sponge for self-study, class breaks, and lunch breaks, and used it to do homework and memorize vocabulary.Because if he didn't even complete his assigned tasks, he would not be allowed to do other things.

"That's why," Zhang Xinli asked, "What happened to you, Lin Ye?"

Although he knew that Lin Ye's image in his heart didn't seem to be very positive, but there was no need to speculate like this...Lin Jinyu denied again; "It's not that."

The two walked along the curb to the station, one behind the other, Zhang Xinli kept chasing after him.He asked again: "Then what happened?"

"Why do I feel...you talk a lot lately." Lin Jinyu turned around and said half-truthfully.

Although it's not too much, it's really much better than before. In the past, Lin Jinyu always liked to cling to him, and when he talked about this and that with him, Zhang Xinli usually just answered every question and didn't talk to him. No matter what the hell, I usually just take care of him personally, treat him well, and help him with things, and don't take the initiative to say anything to him verbally.

But since Lin Jinyu went to live in school, the situation seems to have changed little by little.

They had lost a lot of time together, and Lin Jinyu was no longer inseparable from him all day long, clinging to him and talking to him, but Zhang Xinli seemed to be taking the initiative to talk to him more and more often.

Lin Jinyu only had a vague feeling at first, but as time went by, he felt that it was not his own illusion.

"..." Zhang Xinli didn't speak for a while when he asked him this question. After a long time, he said, "Oh, you think I talk too much."

How could Lin Jinyu think he talked too much, at most he just felt a little strange.But seeing Zhang Xinli's unhappy face, he suddenly wanted to tease him, and he said, "Well... there are quite a few of them, twittering, almost catching up with the old me."

Zhang Xinli was speechless for a long time. Lin Jinyu walked a few streets and turned to look at him: "Hahaha, I won't be really angry, I'm kidding you."

The bus came from a distance with its horn on. Zhang Xinli walked to the front, leaving Lin Jinyu behind, and got on the bus in three steps at a time.

That reaction was a bit like anger, but also a bit like shyness... Lin Jinyu found it novel and interesting.

He shouted from behind: "Hey, wait for me! Can't I stop talking about it in the future!"

……

Although they got along quite well when they were outside, Lin Jinyu became silent as soon as they got home.

The moment he stepped into the house, he seemed to put on a mask suddenly, and the whole person suddenly fell silent, and he didn't smile much.

Lin Huainan was not in the living room. Lin Jinyu changed her shoes and entered the door. She saw the rice cooking in the rice cooker in the kitchen, and the dishes were already on the table, steaming.

Zhang Xinli put the key card away, and said as he walked in, "Put the piano away and wash your hands, and eat right away."

Lin Jinyu said, "Yes."

Lin Huainan heard the sound of the door opening, walked out from the study, and said, "I'm back, hurry up, wash your hands and eat."

Lin Jinyu glanced at his father, put the piano on the dining table stool, washed his hands, and sat next to his father consciously when he came out.

Zhang Xinli filled the rice for everyone and took the chopsticks. Lin Jinyu's father was on the left, and the piano was on the right. There was no room around him.

"Xiao Zhang, sit down," Lin Huainan beckoned him to sit on the other side of him: "Xiao Yu, I made your favorite sweet and sour pork ribs today, eat quickly."

Lin Jinyu held the chopsticks, looked at the white rice in her bowl, and nodded slowly.

Probably because he noticed that Lin Jinyu had been in a low mood during this time. During the whole meal, Lin Huainan talked to him at irregular intervals, sometimes asking him what interesting things happened at school, and sometimes telling him about the girls he had a good relationship with in the past. classmate.

He may think that his son's depression is just a normal reaction after leaving home to live in school for the first time, or he may think that the reason why he is unhappy because he is forced to keep a distance from Zhang Xinli is that he is unhappy after the adolescent child loses a close relationship. , The loneliness that naturally breeds, talk more, and it will be better after a while.

Lin Jinyu dealt with it casually, without any intention of chatting with him, nor any intention of being happy.

He stretched out his chopsticks around the sweet and sour pork ribs to pick up the stir-fried Chinese cabbage on the other side. The dish was a bit far away, and Lin Jinyu was too lazy to stand up, so he could only barely reach the corners. The chopsticks poked in the plate for a long time, and poked some soup, but nothing was picked up.

Zhang Xinli was eating his own meal, so he picked up a chopstick for him and motioned Lin Jinyu to pick it up with a bowl.

"Don't..." Lin Jinyu said, "Don't pinch it for me, not for you."

Zhang Xinli said, "You can't catch it, can't you?"

"I can get it," Lin Jinyu said, "No need, thank you."

Zhang Xinli was puzzled, put the chopstick dish back on the plate, bowed his head and went to eat.

This is not very polite, but Lin Huainan didn't say anything to him, but rather encouraged him.He felt that this was a sign of Lin Jinyu's efforts to walk on the right path. It is inevitable that the child will not be able to handle it properly, and it will be fine after this period of time.

Lin Huainan continued to talk to him, but Lin Jinyu remained silent. After the tortured meal lasted about 15 minutes, Lin Huainan's cell phone rang.

Even with her eyes closed, Lin Jinyu knew what that business-like ringtone represented, and by the way, she knew Lin Huainan's next lines clearly.

"Well, yes...it's okay, the leader of the tax bureau? Okay, then I'll come over right now."

Oh, it seems to be a very important leader. Lin Jinyu is picking up the rice in the bowl. Such an important leader should not be neglected.

Sure enough, Lin Huainan was almost finished eating. He put down his chopsticks and said, "Xiaoyu, Dad is going out now and will be back in the evening. You should be conscious at home, do your homework well, and study hard."

"Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm." Lin Jinyu didn't want to hear these old-fashioned instructions from his father, and dismissed him with a series of hmms.

Lin Huainan went out.

As soon as he went out, Lin Jinyu seemed to come back to life, and her eating speed increased several notches.

After Zhang Xinli finished his meal, he cleaned up the dishes and went to wash the dishes.Lin Jinyu ate up all the food in three mouthfuls, walked to the bowl pool, gave him the empty bowl, chatted and said, "Are you still doing your homework today? I'm so exhausted, my back hurts from standing all afternoon, and I don't want to move anymore. "

The water was rushing, but Zhang Xinli did not speak.

Lin Jinyu rubbed his shoulders against him: "Hey, I'm asking you."

Zhang Xinli still ignored him, but Lin Jinyu pushed him a little harder and gave him half a stagger, Zhang Xinli finally turned his head and glanced at him.

Lin Jinyu raised his eyebrows at him, showing a look that was somewhere between amused and provocative.

Zhang Xinli looked at him and said, "...you really have the face of a dog."

"What cat face and dog face?"

"Become fast."

Lin Jinyu felt that he hadn't said anything just now, so why was he making a fool of himself, he continued the topic he started, and said: "My back is so sore, I feel so tired to death."

Zhang Xinli put the washed bowls into the pool to dry, wiped the handles on the rag, and said, "Jinggui."

He shook off Lin Jinyu's body that was half leaning on his back, and told him to stand up and go to the sofa in the living room.

Lin Jinyu said: "What's the matter, is it possible that you are still angry for talking about you in the street, I am just joking."

Zhang Xinli didn't answer his questions, just sat down on the sofa and said, "Hurry up and do your homework."

"I'm tired, I don't want to write." Lin Jinyu followed behind him, went to sit beside him, and lay down on the backrest: "My waist and knees are weak, and I feel weak all over."

Zhang Xinli bent down and pinched his ankle, and said, "You did your homework for a while and played the piano in one day. The wind won't blow and the rain won't keep you out of the sun. Are you so tired?"

"Tired," Lin Jinyu looked at the ceiling, "very tired...the kind of tiredness from the inside out."

There were many questions in his mind, such as what Lin Ye meant when he said 'interpret yourself' and 'don't be sneaky and hide'?Can he really express the purest emotion in that piece?

Zhang Xinli said, "I am more tired than you."

Lin Jinyu got up and sat up straight: "Your tiredness and my tiredness are not two aspects of the same contradiction, there is no conflict."

Seeing that Zhang Xinli had been pinching his ankle, he leaned over slightly and asked, "What's wrong? Does it hurt?"

"No," Zhang Xinli said, "the training in the morning was a bit tough, but it's nothing serious. It's probably about the same in another week."

"That's good," Lin Jinyu joked, "Finally, you don't have to walk 1.7 meters on one side and 1.6 meters on the other."

"You are only 1.7 meters by 1.6 meters," Zhang Xinli glanced at him, "It doesn't affect your walking, it's just that you are not very flexible."

"Am I kidding?" Lin Jinyu thought for a moment, and said, "Yes, you have to train in the morning, go to work in the afternoon, and wash clothes and do housework in the evening. You are more tired than me."

"You just know."

"It's commendable," Lin Jinyu said, "At least I'll say I'm tired now."

Zhang Xinli didn't understand what was there to praise, so Lin Jinyu squatted down, stretched out his hand and pressed his ankle, and said, "Are you sore, do you want to press it for you?"

"No need," Zhang Xinli tried to stop him: "It will be a little bit after acupuncture, it will be fine slowly."

Lin Jinyu stood on tiptoe, squatted down in front of him, and patted his thigh: "Why are you being polite to me, it's no big deal if you press it. I am very caring and willing to care for disabled children."

"Your mouth is so bad, is it natural?"

"Hmm," Lin Jinyu supported his knee, and said, "My mother also said that I had a bad mouth when I was a child, and I couldn't forgive anyone."

Zhang Xinli looked at his lips and said, "No reason or forgiveness."

"That's not true." Lin Jinyu thought for a while and said, "I'll admit my mistake if I don't care."

"I didn't see it." Zhang Xinli patted his arm and said, "Okay, get up."

"You really don't need me to give you a massage." Lin Jinyu squinted at him from the bottom up: "I've heard that old Chinese doctor say that pressing can help those tendons... What kind of messy activities can speed up healing. "

"No, it's good if you have this heart." Zhang Xinli wanted to pull him up: "I'm fine, you go and play."

"Oh..." Lin Jinyu didn't want to wake up, he just wanted to look at him in front of him like this, not wanting to play or do anything else.

He glanced at Zhang Xinli, and suddenly had some bad thoughts.Lin Jinyu said, "Then I'll go..." While touching Zhang Xinli's knee up, he didn't use much strength, just the kind of strength that was neither light nor heavy, just right.

Lin Jinyu originally wanted to make a joke out of a joking and mischievous mentality, but when his hands were getting higher and higher and were about to touch the heels of his legs, Zhang Xinli grabbed his hands and said, "Don't make trouble."

Lin Jinyu liked Zhang Xinli grabbing his hand, it was one of the few physical contact he could have.

"Who made trouble with you?" Lin Jinyu said blindly, "I learned from you. Last time you pressed it for me like this."

The last time he was talking about was during training for the basketball game, when Zhang Xinli helped him relax, and that was the first time he heard the vague whispers of love.

Lin Jinyu had a serious look on his face. Zhang Xinli didn't know if he was serious or joking, so he said helplessly, "That's not the case, and you don't know how."

"Oh."

Zhang Xinli looked down at him, while Lin Jinyu squatted on tiptoes in front of him, looking up at him, Zhang Xinli held one of his hands, as if holding him.

Many scenes flashed through Lin Jinyu's mind, including the scene when Zhang Xinli massaged his legs that night, the canyon homestay, the scene where the male partner licked his mouth in that movie, and the beautiful blue-eyed model in the bar playing with the music. Kneeling in front of him, the scene undulating like a snake...

Many pictures were intertwined, and finally only Zhang Xinli's face remained.

Sixteen to 20 years old is the period of frequent brain activity, and many fantasies are about sex.

The height is right, the position is right...the pose is just like...

Lin Jinyu seemed to be dazed, the pictures in his mind were vivid and real, and he couldn't get rid of them.

His heart beat faster involuntarily, Lin Jinyu suppressed his breathing that became faster due to messy imagination, and looked into Zhang Xinli's eyes.

He didn't know what Zhang Xinli was thinking, but he felt that the hand holding him tightened slightly for some reason.

Zhang Xinli was also looking at him. Under the light, his Adam's apple was hidden in the shadow cast by his jaw. Lin Jinyu had kissed and bitten it.

They stared at each other for a long time, Zhang Xinli finally let go of his hand and said, "...get up and do your homework."

Lin Jinyu was still looking at him, and Zhang Xinli's eyes flickered... Lin Jinyu had seen that look many times, on the side of the playground in Liangshan, in the room in Shanghai, in the underground parking lot of the bar, Zhang Xinli always looked like this, showing such a floating and unpredictable look The penetrating eyes... He suddenly remembered.

At that time, Lin Jinyu didn't understand much, but this time he felt that he seemed to see a guilty conscience from this look.

Lin Ye said...he is not a straight man...

Lin Jinyu didn't get up, and didn't walk away as disappointed as the previous few times. He just looked straight at Zhang Xinli and observed the expression on his face.

Zhang Xinli didn't look at him, his eyes dodged left and right, and said, "You always...watch what I do."

Lin Jinyu didn't speak, just looked at him, and after about ten seconds, he said: "I was thinking... what were you thinking just now?"

Zhang Xinli said, "I didn't think about anything..."

Lin Jinyu asked, "Then why don't you dare look at me?"

"I didn't..." Zhang Xinli's eyes wandered.

The living room was brightly lit, this time it was not in a dark room, nor in a dim parking lot, Lin Jinyu could clearly see every subtle expression on his face.

"Then look at me," Lin Jinyu said, "If you say you don't, then look at me."

Zhang Xinli was helpless, and finally looked at him directly.

Lin Jinyu stood up, raised one knee and knelt on the sofa, just like that day in the car... When he got close, he could feel many things that he couldn't feel just now, such as breathing and heartbeat.

The frequency of Zhang Xinli's chest rising and falling was the same as his, that short, fragmented, deliberately suppressed frequency.He leaned back as if to avoid the contact, but couldn't.

Lin Jinyu leaned forward, he felt as if he had lost consciousness all over his body, he was full of wood everywhere, and there was a fire that had been burning for a long time in his heart, and the fire dominated him, searching for an answer.

He slowly approached Zhang Xinli, getting closer... getting closer.He whispered, "Did you think about this day..." Lin Jinyu reached down to touch a certain place: "Or...that day?"