God said I would meet you

Like a thunderstorm, or a huge wave, some things in the world always happen suddenly when people are not prepared.

Lin Jinyu was unexpected. It's not that he didn't imagine that this secret would be discovered by someone one day, but this person should not be his father.He stood there blankly, staring at the diary written by himself in front of him, his throat and eyes seemed to be stuck with glue, and he couldn't say anything.

Lin Huainan stood at the table and looked at him, his eyes full of strangeness and disbelief.

After a long time, Lin Jinyu struggled to find her voice and said, "Dad..."

Lin Huainan clenched his hand hanging by his side into a fist, and said, "Did you write it?"

It was a declarative sentence. Lin Jinyu kept this secret tightly, afraid of being known by others for thousands of times... But when it was finally stripped of the fig leaf and fell into Lin Huainan's eyes, Lin Jinyu was in suffocating anxiety, Actually felt a little relief.

he said yes."

"Do you know what you're writing about?" Lin Huainan said, "I know you get along well and have a good relationship, but it's not this good, you know?"

Lin Jinyu knew, how could he not know, he was more afraid than anyone else, and he asked himself more frequently than anyone else.

"I know . . . which is better," he said.

There is a bed between the father and son, Lin Jinyu is standing here, and Lin Huainan is standing there.

Lin Jinyu said, "Dad, why did you come back alone and peek at my diary?"

"I didn't," Lin Huainan said, "The meeting ended early, and your mother went to see grandpa first. I deliberately changed my flight ticket to come back to have dinner with you, but when I came in, I found that you were not there, and the table was in a mess. ...I didn't look through your diary, you spread it out on the drawer yourself."

Lin Jinyu remembered, on August [-]th, when he came back that day, he was alone at home and watched the whole night... That was the happiest but also the saddest night for him. He had never felt so clearly in love with someone At the same time, I know clearly that I will never get it.

Lin Jinyu picked up a pen and wrote the last paragraph at two or three o'clock in the morning, and then stuffed the diary into the interlayer between the desktop and the matching small cabinet, and did not open it for a long time.

If someone helps him clear the table, he can just bend over... He loves to mess things up too much.

Lin Huainan probably calmed down a bit, and after thinking about it, he felt that it was necessary to talk to his son.

He organized his wording and said: "... I know, you are old enough, you have reached puberty, and it is time you want to fall in love... But at your age, you still don't understand what love is, maybe you can play with him Good, get along well, want to stay together all the time, mistook this friendship for love..."

Lin Jinyu does not deny that he likes to play and get along with Zhang Xinli, and wants to be together all the time...but there are other things besides this, those feelings that he can't explain clearly.

He said, "It's not just like that... Dad, it's not just like this," he said with a lot of effort to say those two words: "Do you think... I'm a pervert, but there are some people in the world That's how people are, they like the same sex as me."

"I know, I know," Lin Huainan said, "Father knows that all people are created equal, I don't discriminate against homosexuals, and I won't go to anyone who meets me on the street..." He said, "But you are my son, Dad still wants you to live as a normal person."

Lin Jinyu said, "So you still think I'm abnormal."

"No," Lin Huainan repeatedly denied: "...If you are really gay, Dad can accept you, because there is no way, what can you do if you are all... But you are not!" He said: " You used to like girls, didn't you?"

Lin Jinyu did not deny it.When he was in elementary school, he happily told his father and mother that people in the class made a fuss about his deskmate—the little girl with long braids was his girlfriend, and he also talked to the beautiful girls in the class when he was in middle school Had that hazy, youthful feeling... It was the same but different from how he felt about Zhang Xinli. He had had this kind of hazy affection for many girls before, but only Zhang Xinli occupied his whole being like a big net. mind.

The feeling of watching a person wholeheartedly...you will keep paying attention to where he is, what he is doing, what he said, and constantly analyze his every movement and demeanor...someone calls his name Sometimes, you will look back.

Lin Huainan said: "You are still young, you don't know what love is at all."

"I understand, Dad," Lin Jinyu said softly, "If it's not love, then what is it?"

"You just want to play together and stay together."

"What about you?" Lin Jinyu asked, "Don't you want to stay with your mother?"

"This is different, this..."

Lin Jinyu said, "How do you determine the boundaries of love?"

"Yes, I admit that love is the most difficult thing in the world to express in words, but it still has certain characteristics that can be described," Lin Huainan said: "Sternberg divides the elements of love into three categories, intimacy, passion and commitment. , I know you are very close, maybe there is a bit of passion driven by hormones... But can this state last for a long time? You are two independent individuals, you will have your own life, one day you will work, be independent, Separated, this illusion will disappear, you understand?"

Lin Jinyu didn't know how to answer, because even he himself felt that he and Zhang Xinli would not even start, so how could he answer Dad's question?

He asked, "Dad, are you going to lock me up?"

"What are you talking about?" Lin Huainan walked over, stood in front of him and said, "Xiaoyu, you are alone, the son of your parents, how could you be locked up?"

Lin Jinyu had read other people's stories about the measures parents took to turn their son into a "normal person"... psychiatrists, confinement, and so-called rehabilitation centers...he had heard of these things.

Lin Huainan said, "It will be fine if you separate for a while..."

Lin Jinyu didn't understand, he said, "What?"

"Let's separate for a while," Lin Huainan said, "Hurry up, there's still time to transfer to another school. He didn't study the textbooks here, so he should be able to adapt better when he goes back."

Lin Jinyu was stunned, it took his brain almost three seconds to digest the meaning of Lin Huainan's words...

"No... Dad, don't," Lin Jinyu panicked almost immediately. He had never been so flustered before, and even stuttered: "Please... please," he said, "What am I talking to him about?" No, he doesn't like me...it's just my own imagination, it's none of his business."

"Who can tell... Even if it is, I can't help it," Lin Huainan said: "Shanghai's student status is not so easy to get, and he didn't know whether he would go back to Sichuan to take the college entrance examination. Maybe go back earlier. better."

How could Lin Jinyu allow such a thing to happen? Zhang Xinli spent so much energy and finally got used to the life here. Finally, he slowly started to make friends with his classmates... Finally, he found out about every subway in Shanghai. He has his own bus card and is used to Shanghai-style breakfast... At this time, he is going to send him back?

He said: "Dad...Dad, I know I was wrong. I don't like him. Really, I will study hard and prepare for the college entrance examination. Don't send him back, okay?"

The more he said this, the more uneasy Lin Huainan became. At home, Lin Jinyu was a person who paid attention to his own feelings and refused to give in to his parents. He usually dared to quarrel with his parents. When did Lin Huainan see him admit his mistakes so cleanly?

He said: "Xiaoyu, nothing will happen. My brother will still take the college entrance examination and go to university. It's just a change of school. Dad promises that he will be sent to a good school in Chengdu, where the quality of teaching is good." , and he is more familiar, okay?"

However, Lin Jinyu just said repeatedly: "No...no..." He was very scared, as soon as he thought of Zhang Xinli, he would leave home and leave here, and no one would go to school with him, no one would go to school with him again. Ordering takeaway, and he had to live alone all the time, which made Lin Jinyu very sad.

"Have you ever wondered what grandpa would think?"

Lin Huainan said: "Grandpa is in the hospital, otherwise why do you think mother said to go to see him first... He already has the old problem of high blood pressure, don't tell him."

Grandpa was hospitalized, which Lin Jinyu didn't expect... The elderly should pay special attention to their health, and they have to go to the hospital several times a year.

It seemed that there was no other way to change Lin Huainan's decision, and Lin Jinyu could not accept such a result.He was anxious for a moment, and suddenly thought of something, he suddenly raised his head and said, "Dad, as long as we don't stay together all day, it will be fine, right?"

Lin Huainan didn't speak for a while, Lin Jinyu said: "I don't like him...we won't stay together...can you send me to live and study, won't the problem be solved...I can do my own laundry at school , will abide by the rules, and will study hard... just don't send him away."

"You..." Lin Huainan didn't know what to say. They were busy in the past, and they had the idea of ​​letting Lin Jinyu go to residential school. Closed management can also cultivate self-care ability, but Lin Jinyu herself refused.

"Do you need to do this?" Lin Huainan said, "You are my own son, I can't send you away and keep him."

"You didn't send me away," Lin Jinyu calmed down from his anxiety and fear, and began to try to convince his father, "I wanted to go to live and study on my own, and you didn't have much free time. It's the same at home and at school. Everyone's doing well, aren't they?"

Lin Huainan pondered for a moment, then slowly said: "Are you insisting on this?"

Lin Jinyu looked into his eyes and said under his father's intimidating gaze: "Yes, Dad."

……

the other side.

In a narrow alley crowded by residential buildings, Zhang Xinli said to Zhang Xinhe, "Go in, I can't help you if you don't want to go back, I'll give you three days to think about what kind of road you want to take." .”

Zhang Xinhe said, "Understood, brother."

This is an unremarkable guest house near the long-distance bus station. When Lin Jinyu arrived, he saw Zhang Xinli coming out of the door. The boss waved a cattail fan behind them. When he saw someone coming, he smiled and called Lin Jinyu to come and stay: " Ala Habini! (we're cheap here)”

Zhang Xinli turned to see him and asked, "Why did you go so long?"

"It's so far away, it doesn't take time on the road." Lin Jinyu didn't look at him at all, he handed the things he brought down to Zhang Xinhe, pointed to Zhang Xinhe and Zhang Xinli, and said to the boss: "How much is it? (How much is it)"

Those in small businesses know how to watch the scene. The boss obviously saw that this was a meeting, and said, "Ninety, ninety yuan will be fine."

Lin Jinyu gave the money, and Zhang Xinli said, "You don't need to pay the money..."

Lin Jinyu turned around and left, Zhang Xinli signaled Zhang Xinhe to go in, turned around and chased him: "Did you hear that?"

"Understood," Lin Jinyu said as he walked, "It doesn't matter, I transferred the money for you to play in the canyon last time."

Zhang Xinli was so busy back home that he forgot about it. Now that Lin Jinyu said it, he immediately said, "I'll give it to you later."

"I don't need it, don't you understand?" Lin Jinyu walked forward quickly: "Just take care of yourself."

Zhang Xinli vaguely felt that something was wrong with him. When they parted at the station, Lin Jinyu seemed to be in a good mood, but now she seemed to be a different person: "Jinyu..." he shouted.

Lin Jinyu still walked forward without looking sideways, Zhang Xinli grabbed him by the elbow: "Who is making you unhappy again?"

Lin Jinyu shook off his hand almost at the same time: "Don't pull me!" He said: "...No one messes with me, I'm just like this."

Zhang Xinli still went to pull him: "If you have something to say, just say it."

Lin Jinyu avoided him again, and took a step back: "There's nothing to say, hurry to the station and take a ride home," he said, "My dad has already returned, and I cleaned up your room, just like before. Sleep in your own place... Also, school will start in a few days, and I will go to dormitory school, and in the future, you can see whether you will say hello to Uncle Zhao and ask him to pick you up, or take the subway to and from school by yourself."

"What?" Zhang Xinli was a little unbelievable: "Jinyu, why did you suddenly enroll in a residential school? What's going on?"

"It's nothing, so I don't want to live at home anymore." After Lin Jinyu finished speaking, he turned around and was about to leave. Zhang Xinli grabbed him and said, "Be clear first."

Lin Jinyu's voice suddenly became louder: "Didn't you say it? Don't drag me!"

Passers-by all looked sideways, Lin Jinyu realized that he was too loud, he took a breath, and murmured: "Don't touch... me, go home quickly, okay?"

Zhang Xinli was already overwhelmed by many things, but now he was yelled at for no reason, and he became angry a little, and asked, "What's the matter with you?"

The two stood facing each other on the side of the road. This kind of conversation and pulling action was like a same-sex couple quarreling.

Lin Jinyu said: "It's really nothing, please, go home quickly, okay?" He glanced at the roadside shops and passers-by from the corner of his eye, and said, "...Brother."

Zhang Xinli couldn't figure out which play he was singing, but it was not a problem to stand on the side of the road all the time, so he said, "Okay, let's go back and explain clearly."

Lin Jinyu just wanted to get out of here quickly, they went to the station and got on the train together, and Lin Jinyu didn't say anything else to him until they got off the bus.

It took nearly an hour and a half to go back and forth, and it was getting dark. Lin Jinyu went straight to the house after getting off the car, entered the door and greeted his father politely, without saying anything, went into the room and closed the door.

"Jinyu!" Zhang Xinli didn't even have time to stop him. After changing his shoes, he greeted Lin Huainan when he passed the living room: "Hello, Uncle."

Lin Huainan was originally watching TV on the sofa, he smiled at Zhang Xinli and nodded.

Zhang Xinli ignored the pleasantries, and walked straight into the room, knocking on Lin Jinyu's door: "Jinyu," he said, "Open the door."

On the other side of the door, Lin Jinyu sat on the ground with her back against the door panel, hugged her knees, and stubbornly looked at the dim sunset outside the balcony.

Zhang Xinli tried to turn the handle outside the door, but it couldn't be turned, so Lin Jinyu locked the door from the inside.

"Can you open the door?" He said, "You can talk about anything."

Lin Jinyu sniffed, and said loudly, "It's nothing, I'll do my homework by myself, don't disturb me." His eyes shimmered, and under the golden-red sunset, two tears fell from his eye sockets as he blinked He came down and dripped on the brown-red wooden floor, and against the background of the setting sun, we could clearly see the tiny drops of water on his slender eyelashes.

"What are you writing after you finished writing?" Zhang Xinli said behind him through the door, "I'll open it as soon as I count to three!"

Lin Jinyu raised her hand to wipe her eyes, and said loudly as if nothing had happened: "There is a bit of a tail that I haven't finished, can you stop making noise? Are you annoying?"

His voice was angry, but his eyes were tearful.

After counting three, Lin Jinyu didn't open the door.Zhang Xinli probably had no choice but to lose his voice for a while.

A few seconds later, Lin Jinyu heard footsteps, followed by Lin Huainan's voice: "Leave him alone for a while," he heard his father say, "It's none of your business, it's my uncle who just said something to him .”

This statement is very reasonable, Zhang Xinli hesitated for a while, and said: "Okay." He said to the door: "Jinyu, uncle is doing it for your own good, don't take it to heart... I'll cook two dishes, and I'll wait a while Call you out to eat."

Lin Jinyu didn't make a sound, he sat on the ground leaning against the door, and heard footsteps in the distance.

There was silence outside the door, and there was no more sound. Lin Jinyu guessed that Zhang Xinli had left.He remained indifferent for a few seconds, covered his eyes, and cried silently and fiercely in this room alone... It was a loud cry without any syllables, and all the grievances, unwillingness, regrets, and sorrows were turned into Tears dripped from between his fingers like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

Outside the door, Lin Huainan's footsteps were far away, while Zhang Xinli stood at the door and did not leave immediately.He held the handle and maintained the posture of knocking on the door, as if he wanted to say something last, but in the end he couldn't find the right words to speak.

They were pressed against each other with a plank in between, one standing and one sitting, one on this side of the door and one on the other side.