God said I would meet you

At three in the night, the wind rustled the blinds.

Lin Jinyu stood in the corridor connecting her living room with her room, and heard the regular clicking of the wall clock.

Why am I standing here... am I here to find someone?

He didn't remember why he was standing here, Lin Jinyu took a few steps forward, and saw his white door standing in the darkness.

The door blocked his view, and Lin Jinyu couldn't see anything, but he could feel a person standing behind it, as if he really came for him.

There was no light, and the surroundings were in darkness that could not be penetrated by eyes. Lin Jinyu stretched out his hand and pushed open the very familiar door.

The rustling sound of the shutters was clearer, the balcony windows were open, and the moonlight was as clear as water.

There was a person standing in the moonlight, his back was facing Lin Jinyu, his elbows were resting casually on the railing, wisps of light gray smoke leaked from between him.

"Not asleep yet?" Lin Jinyu heard herself say.

The man didn't turn around, just said: "Wait for you."

Why are you waiting for me... Lin Jinyu was very strange, but he said naturally: "Wait in a hurry? I'm busy, so please slow down."

He gently closed the door, and walked towards that person. The person turned his head in the moonlight, his profile was clearly defined in the cold moonlight, and his eyelashes were clearly visible one by one.

Zhang Xinli said, "No rush, I just miss you."

This should be a slightly nasty sentence, but Lin Jinyu said again naturally: "I miss you too."

He actually didn't know why he said this sentence, but he said it, naturally, as if he had said it thousands of times.

He could feel his mood at the moment, it was indeed longing, as well as softness, sweetness and happiness, which made people smile almost involuntarily... The name of that feeling is: love.

If he really knows what love is.

Lin Jinyu approached him, hugged his waist from behind, closed her eyes and took a light breath, the smell of Zhang Xinli lingered in her nose.

A gust of wind blew, and suddenly they switched positions for no reason. Lin Jinyu suddenly opened her eyes and found that she was leaning against the balcony. Zhang Xinli grabbed onto the railing with both hands, and circled him in front of her.

There is no space replacement magic in this world, such a change is of course unreasonable, but none of them seem to realize it.

Zhang Xinli held the half-smoked soft gold sand between his fingers, and he stared at Lin Jinyu without blinking, his eyes were gentle, deep, and aggressive at the same time.

How lonely... Lin Jinyu said, "Brother, give me a sip."

Zhang Xinli raised his hand and brought it in front of Lin Jinyu.

Lin Jinyu lowered her eyelids, leaned over, took a deep breath on his hand, then raised her eyes to meet his gaze, the smoke escaped from between his lips and teeth, and drifted towards Zhang Xinli's slightly parted lips .

"When you say you miss me, do you miss me so much?" Lin Jinyu looked at him and asked, "...Do you miss me as much as I miss you?"

Zhang Xinli bent down and got closer to him, breathing and hearing each other.

He whispered, "I really want to."

Lin Jinyu squinted her eyes slightly, her gaze was like a silent invitation.

Zhang Xinli put out the cigarette, put his palm against Lin Jinyu's profile, and stroked his cheek with his thumb.There was a faint smell of tobacco on those hands, which made people shudder and heart-wrenching.

He slowly moved closer, closed his eyes and kissed Lin Jinyu... It was a very gentle kiss, careful but full of affection.

Lin Jinyu could hardly believe that all this happened for real. Zhang Xinli was kissing him, and that soft kiss gradually became more and more serious, slowly becoming possessive... and other desires.

He couldn't refuse the kiss.

Lin Jinyu began to respond to him instinctively, he opened his mouth slightly, and Zhang Xinli's breathing became heavier along with the kiss, Lin Jinyu raised his arms to hug him, comforting him, guiding him and at the same time seducing him.

The rustling of the blinds became louder and louder. Zhang Xinli kissed his hand while going down, picked up Lin Jinyu's thigh, and let him sit on the flat balcony railing.

A coolness suddenly crept up behind Lin Jinyu. The balcony was not the lush green flower beds and lawns of the community, but an abyss with cliffs and rocks protruding like daggers, which could tear people open in an instant.

But Zhang Xinli didn't care, as if he didn't know anything, he still squeezed between his legs, kissed him, and at the same time stretched his hand through his clothes... That kind of touching made Lin Jinyu shudder.

...we will fall together.

Lin Jinyu put her arms around Zhang Xinli's neck, felt his kiss on her neck, and thought silently: Are you afraid?

……

"Brother Jinyu, brother Jinyu!"

Lin Jinyu woke up in the panic of falling into the abyss. There were two or three people scattered on the bus, and the sound of rain outside was like a breeze blowing the blue shutters of the shutters.

It took him a few seconds to wake up from the dream. This is the bus bound for the Science and Technology Museum in broad daylight. The streets are bustling with people. Countless colorful umbrellas are like colorful flowers blooming in the rain. There is no moon, no cliffs... No kisses and miss you either.

Zhang Xinhe finally woke him up and said, "Brother Jinyu, we've arrived."

"Oh, get out of the car quickly..."

Lin Jinyu took a few deep breaths to calm her heartbeat...why would he have such a dream during the day, it was smoke and love words and...then what, if he doesn't wake up...will this dream continue? ?

Zhang Xinli urged him from behind: "Hurry up, the people behind have to get off."

Lin Jinyu regained her senses, jumped out of the car quickly, and walked to the side, Zhang Xinhe said, "Brother Jinyu, are you having a nightmare? Why are you frightened for a while, and distracted for a while."

Zhang Xinhe has eased up a lot in the past few days. Under Lin Jinyu's conscious enlightenment, he has hardly spoken at the beginning, and now he has gradually become willing to take the initiative to communicate with each other... Although he still doesn't talk much, he is always alone. good sign.

"No, I dreamed that I was doing a question," Lin Jinyu casually made up nonsense, "I couldn't fill in the blanks, so I just thought about it."

"You still do problems in your dreams," Zhang Xinli said behind them, "What kind of problems are you dreaming about?"

This is obviously teasing him for not loving studying. Lin Jinyu didn't know what to say about him, and wanted to fight back... It seemed a bit reluctant. Since when did he stop treating Zhang Xinli with the kind of vengeance that he would pay for every penny. I don't care about eating.

Lin Jinyu said casually: "Fill in the blanks with poems, 'say it is the sorrow of the lonely autumn, say it is the lovesickness of the distant sea' and ask what the last sentence is."

Zhang Xinli hadn't read much poetry, knew nothing about it, and immediately had nothing to say.

Lin Jinyu knew that this would quickly end the topic. He said, "Don't inquire, hurry up and pick up the tickets. There are quite a lot of people making appointments, and there must be more people later."

They came to the Science and Technology Museum this time purely to take Zhang Xinhe to relax. In such a situation, it is most important to stabilize his mentality. It is best to take this opportunity to stimulate his interest in learning or something.

Although there are various science and technology museums all over the country, Shanghai, as a first-tier coastal city famous for its diversity, has built a large-scale science and technology museum with a full range of technologies, which may not seem like a big deal in the eyes of well-informed adults, but in Shanghai In the eyes of teenagers with a strong desire to explore, this place is full of wonderful technology.

Lin Jinyu took them all the way from the biological exhibition area to the machine exhibition area, and then to the information technology exhibition area and space exhibition area. Although Zhang Xinhe didn't show it too clearly during the whole process, he was obviously aroused by these novel things. Exploration and curiosity.

Lin Jinyu and Zhang Xinli followed behind, watching him stop in front of various display cabinets, the string in his heart finally relaxed a little bit.

"I'm scared to death. The day he first came, I thought he was so desperate that he would never go to school." Lin Jinyu began to chat with Zhang Xinli in a low voice: "I'm not an adult, what can I do when I go out, what can I do."

"Why are you scared to death?" Zhang Xinli said, "It's not your brother."

"Can you talk? I'll do my best to help you. You're still asking this kind of question here."

"Without you, he can't talk. He won't say anything in front of me. After chatting with you for a few days, he can barely recover his ability to communicate."

"What he needs is patience, tenderness and love," Lin Jinyu joked, "You don't have any of them."

In fact, he didn't think so in his heart. Zhang Xinli had tried his best to give him patience and love. As for tenderness... Lin Jinyu thought of that dream... tenderness in that sense might only exist in his daydreams.

Zhang Xinli said, "Oh."

Lin Jinyu asked, "Do you think it's fun here?"

Zhang Xinli thought for a while, and said: "It depends on how you define the concept of 'fun', entertainment is nothing." He said: "...But I really wish I had the opportunity to watch these when I was young."

"Then I will make up for you when you were young." Zhang Xinhe went to another exhibition hall, and Lin Jinyu just wanted Zhang Xinli to follow quickly, but felt someone pat him on the shoulder.

Lin Jinyu turned her head and saw Lin Ye greeting him, "Hi."

Lin Jinyu replied subconsciously: "Hi...what a coincidence."

"Maybe this is fate." Lin Ye smiled at him and said, "Come to the Science and Technology Museum? Why don't you come with me."

In fact, he obviously saw Zhang Xinli, and he made this invitation on purpose.

Lin Jinyu said, "Ah... I came with someone else, you alone? How about... come with us."

Lin Ye said: "Aren't you the three of you, you and me, let... I'm sorry, may I ask your name..."

Zhang Xinli said: "He said someone was with him, can't you hear?"

"Hmm, I heard," Lin Ye said, "But you have to give it a try, in case you agree, chances are always reserved for those who take the initiative, right?"

Lin Jinyu didn't understand what he meant, and said, "Why do you have to come with me? I don't want to treat you."

Lin Ye said generously: "Because I like your... face, a handsome face can make people feel happy after looking at it for a long time." He encouraged: "Come with me, you and your straight boyfriend have been chasing Isn't he tired of running with his brother? It's much easier to be with me, and you can take a rest when you're tired from walking, and I invite you to drink milk tea and iced lemonade."

Lin Jinyu didn't understand why Lin Ye specifically emphasized "straight boyfriend". He was a little afraid to mention this in front of Zhang Xinli... There was a sense of panic on pins and needles.

As for "I like your face", it sounded like it was just a joking reason thrown out by Lin Ye casually.

Before he said anything, he felt a hand wrap around his shoulders. Zhang Xinli said, "Thank you for your kindness, but don't worry. If he is tired, I will take him to rest, okay?" Follow Lin Jinyu to turn around and walk to another place.

Lin Jinyu turned half of her body along with him, turned her head to Lin Ye curiously, and said, "How do you know that is..."

Lin Ye said: "You can tell that you are a brother just by looking at your facial features." He asked: "Are you really not thinking about going with me? Last time I was too hasty and didn't have time to leave my contact information. Can you tell me your number, so I can make friends."

Lin Jinyu always felt that he said these words on purpose... But he didn't hate Lin Ye, so he said casually: "Okay, just remember, 133..."

Lin Ye wrote down the number, blinked at him, and said, "Contact me often, and you can ask me more questions about your studies in the future. I won't find you annoying."

"Okay." Lin Jinyu said goodbye to him, and left with Zhang Xinli.

Zhang Xinli walked for a while and asked, "Where did you meet that person, why does he seem to hit it off right away?"

It hits like old friends at first sight... Lin Jinyu doesn't know what to say, after all, he can't say hahaha he's gay, it's the kind of place where many gays go.

"Just... I met on the road," Lin Jinyu made up 98 blindly: "A senior who has been a few years older."

"Acquaintances on the road said they like you?" Zhang Xinli said, "To be honest, did you go to some places that students shouldn't go?"

Of course... yes, Lin Jinyu was frank and lenient in her heart, and she refused to admit it: "How is it possible, I think too much, what people said is 'like my face', and it is obviously a joke."

Zhang Xinli turned around and looked at him: "I don't think that's a joke."

There was a serious expression on his face, and Lin Jinyu suddenly couldn't utter the prevarication words he had prepared. He was silent for two seconds and said, "...if it's not a joke, what is it, men... like men?"

Zhang Xinli also fell silent.

The surrounding crowd was noisy, and after several breaths, Lin Jinyu suddenly said, "Hey, you look so serious that you can't even tell whether someone is joking or not. You are teasing, how could such a thing happen?" He said: "I'm just joking, and others are just joking too. As for being so on-line."

Zhang Xinli blinked his eyes a few times, and said, "Ask casually, I'm afraid you will imitate the bad ones, so don't take it seriously."

"Then hurry up, your brother doesn't know where he is," Lin Jinyu shouted, "Hurry up, and my dad is coming back tonight, what will he do next?"

"Advise him to let him go home first," Zhang Xinli replied, "I have saved some money... I really don't want to go back and let him live outside for a few days now, open a room, there is always a place to go."

"Also... that's fine, that's fine," Lin Jinyu looked away, "You just need to plan it out. I have money here too, so I don't have enough money to ask for it." He searched around, and finally found Zhang Xinhe, wanting to pull him away. Zhang Xinli went over together, but Zhang Xinli did not move.

Lin Jinyu turned around wonderingly, saw Zhang Xinli hesitated behind him for a few seconds, and then asked, "Do you... want some lemonade?"

……

For a moment, Lin Jinyu felt that this guy was quite cute.

After leaving the Science and Technology Museum, the three of them took the bus back home together. Zhang Xinli wanted to take Zhang Xinhe to find a room in a small guest house, while Lin Jinyu went straight home to help pack Zhang Xinhe's things. Fortunately, there were not many, and he was alone. That's enough.

He is rarely in a good mood, and even thinks that even if some relationships can never be closer, the distance now is enough to make people feel grateful. They are very good and irreplaceable friends... One must be content.

Lin Jinyu made a smiling expression when she opened the door, thinking that she should relax like this when she went to deliver things later, so that the day would end with a smile.

When he entered the door, the sensor light in the entrance was on, and there was a pair of father's leather shoes on the shoe rack at the door, but the living room was quiet and there was no one there.

Lin Jinyu felt a little strange, he changed his shoes and walked in, walked to his room, and stood still at the door.

The white door was ajar, and Lin Huainan could be vaguely seen standing in front of the desk with his back turned to him.

It's strange, his father called him and said it was eight o'clock, why is it so early... Lin Jinyu opened the door and walked in, shouting; "Dad?"

Lin Huainan turned around abruptly, his eyes glanced at Lin Jinyu through the lens, that look was very strange and unusual.

Before Lin Jinyu could figure out why, Lin Huainan suddenly picked up a book on the table and threw it in his direction.

The book didn't hit Lin Jinyu firmly, it just flew randomly in the air for a while, and then fell heavily on the bed sheet in front of Lin Jinyu.

The inner pages are spread out, and the handwriting is neat and clear.

"I don't know what he likes, but I still want to give something... because I know that I may never be able to enter his life. There are no memories, only these things remain."

"Whether we can choose our own love, choose whom to be attracted to and whom to fall in love with in my short and inconspicuous life..."

"Gay..."

"Love should be the most beautiful thing in the world... But why is it so painful when we love someone?"

"I never thought I'd love him any more than I ever thought I'd know him..."

"I am not a fire watcher, I am in the flames."

……

It was a small-page diary, with a beautifully plastic cover and densely packed writing on the inside. There was a large stack, each of which was written by Lin Jinyu word by word. It contained the words that no one said in his heart, and There are bits and pieces of their getting along.

The last page with words was written on August [-]th, the day they were at the waterhole:

"This secret will always be buried deep in my heart, it will not be exposed to the sun, but please forgive me for wanting to write it in a corner where no one knows at this moment, when the city is asleep at night. The name of the person I love...his name is Zhang Xinli."

The author says:

"It is said to be the sorrow of the lonely autumn, and it is the lovesickness of the distant sea. If someone asks me about my worries, I dare not say your name." ——Dai Wangshu "Worries"