God said I would meet you

At five o'clock the next day, a full hour before the normal wake-up time, Lin Jinyu suddenly woke up from her dream.

In fact, he didn't fall asleep very much last night, he kept thinking, his whole brain was filled with messy things like it was going to explode, he tossed and turned until two or three o'clock, and then he squinted for a while in a daze. It was him and Zhang Xinli.

The curtains were not drawn, and the light of the sky was shining through the transparent window sill glass. The other side of the bed was empty, but the sheets were wrinkled and folded. On the quilt at the foot of the bed, clothes mixed with his and Zhang Xinli's smell were scattered in a pile.

Everything reminded him that everything in the dream was real.

The door was not closed, Lin Jinyu sat up and was stunned for a while.There was no sound outside, it was eerily quiet.

It was not yet dawn, and Zhang Xinli hadn't returned to his room all night, so where did he sleep?After those unclear things happened last night, Lin Jinyu didn't know what kind of expression she should walk out of this door to face Zhang Xinli.

Yesterday... probably because he was too impulsive after drinking?That's why he regarded me as a girl in a not sober state, Lin Jinyu thought: He left halfway and didn't come back, probably after I called out a few times, he realized who I am.

Do you want to act as if nothing had happened later... How could it be possible to act as if nothing had happened?Still a sincere apology... Hell, what kind of apology should I say, 'I'm sorry, I helped you with that yesterday'... Crazy, fetal god, thirteen o'clock.

Lin Jinyu stepped off the bed with bare feet, and moved lightly along the solid wood floor to the door of the room. He hesitated for a long time holding the door frame but still couldn't take a step.

The door of the master bedroom is closed, and Lin's father and Lin's mother are obviously not up yet.

Since he didn't go back to his own room... then he probably slept in my room?Lin Jinyu thought: Otherwise, there would be nowhere to go.

He poked his head and glanced at his own room diagonally opposite. The door of his own room was not closed, and it was pitch black inside.

There was no light in the living room, and now Lin Jinyu was awake alone in the whole house.

This is good, just like when someone suddenly pressed slow playback at the moment when the switch knife fell, and the death row inmate was suddenly notified of a three-year probation, Lin Jinyu got a short respite because of the temporary silence, and he began to make plans for the next situation. Come up with all kinds of ideas... The worst case is Zhang Xinli sober, feeling disgusted, uncomfortable and uncomfortable with everything that happened, and then questioning him how could he do such a disgusting thing... The best case is that he sobers up and feels It's disgusting, but considering that I also have impulsiveness, I generously said that I don't care about the past.

Straight men are really disgusted by men.

Lin Jinyu gave herself some mental training, and finally decided to take advantage of everyone's sleepiness and go out to investigate the situation and see where Zhang Xinli was.

He tiptoed to the door of his room, taking advantage of the slightly bright sky, he found that there was no one on the bed, the sheets were flat, and the quilt was not even rolled out.

not here?Lin Jinyu was stunned, did she go out in the middle of the night?Where can he go?

He walked a few steps along the small corridor connecting the bedroom and the living room, and the sound of his footsteps was particularly abrupt in the silent room.

The small mushroom light at the entrance was on, and Lin Jinyu almost rushed over to see if Zhang Xinli's usual shoes were still there. He only rushed to the restaurant, and before he could go to the door, he heard the sound of his abrupt footsteps. , the rustling sound of cloth rubbing against the sofa came from the direction of the living room.

Lin Jinyu keenly recognized that someone turned over.

Generally speaking, no one in this family would sleep on the sofa. He immediately realized the only possibility, and his whole body froze immediately, even his footsteps became sticky, and he didn't dare to walk as vigorously and normally as before.

Lin Jinyu moved over cautiously, and sure enough, in the dark living room, Zhang Xinli was covered with a blanket, with his eyes closed, his arms covering his eyes, lying on his back on the sofa.

The heavy curtains cut off most of the light, and Lin Jinyu looked at his distinct facial features through the faint light of dawn.

These hands had embraced him yesterday...the lips had kissed him...they hugged each other tightly in the dark, doing the most intimate thing.

Lin Jinyu was unconsciously lost in thought. He felt the side of his neck heat up, as if those tiny kisses and nibbles were still on his skin.

Zhang Xinli moved his hand, and Lin Jinyu was startled, wondering if the movement he made had woken him up.

He wanted to run, but it was too late, Zhang Xinli removed his hands covering his eyes, opened his eyes slightly, and looked at him.

Lin Jinyu met his gaze, and her whole body froze for an instant, unable to move at all.He was raving in his heart: what to do, what to do, what to do, what to do...

Zhang Xinli didn't seem to have reacted yet, so he sat up slowly, propped his elbows on his knees, and rubbed his eyes and browbones with one hand.

After a while, he said, "Why didn't you need someone to shout today, and you got up by yourself."

"..." Lin Jinyu waited for a long time, only waiting for this, and thought: How lazy am I in your heart?

"I..." he said, "Why are you sleeping here?"

"Dizzy," Zhang Xinli still pinched his nose and eyes uncomfortably, "You brought me back?"

"Otherwise..." Lin Jinyu looked at him with a strange feeling in his heart: "Still dizzy?"

"No," Zhang Xinli said, "It's normal to have a slight headache after a hangover."

"Oh." Lin Jinyu didn't know what to say after saying this, and stared blankly at him.

Zhang Xinli waited for a while, seeing that he still hadn't left, he said, "Go change your clothes, don't you go to school?"

Lin Jinyu always felt something strange, he thought about it, and finally said: "Yesterday..." He asked, "Do you remember yesterday..."

Zhang Xinli paused, and then said, "I don't remember."

Don't remember...don't remember?Doesn't that mean...Lin Jinyu's heart beats faster, and sometimes fragments do appear, if he doesn't remember, does that mean...

"You really...don't remember?"

Zhang Xinli didn't look at him, and got up from the sofa: "I don't remember," he said, "I don't have a memory of how I came back, I just vaguely remember that when your parents came back in the middle of the night, they woke me up and asked a few words, I said it's okay, just lie down for a while Go in and they get me a blanket and that's it."

Lin Jinyu hesitated to speak: "Then...after coming back..."

"I said I don't remember," Zhang Xinli interrupted him, glanced at the wall clock on the wall, and walked to the bathroom: "It's almost six o'clock, go change your clothes, or you'll be late."

……

Oh, he doesn't remember.Lin Jinyu felt like she was alive after a catastrophe, but she also felt a little sad.

There was a flag-raising ceremony on Monday morning. He and Zhang Xinli came to the school as usual, and the two of them didn't say anything on the way except for some necessary brief exchanges.

They were going to be late at seven o'clock, and they went back to the classroom to hand in their homework, and when they went downstairs to the playground, Lin Jinyu looked around, and found that the ghost Xu Zhao hadn't come yet.

He walked to the other side, greeted several teammates of the basketball team, and asked, "Where's Xu Dazhao?"

"Brother Zhao," the others said, "I sent it back with someone yesterday. You didn't see his father's face when he opened the door. He turned blue. It might take a while to clean up."

"I guess he must be late today. Look at how much he drank. It would be nice if he could come in the morning."

One of them put Lin Jinyu's shoulders on his shoulders, pouted his mouth in the direction of Zhang Xinli, and said, "Hey, it's the same drink, why is he acting like a normal person, awesome."

Lin Jinyu thought to herself: Who said that he is like a normal person, but he didn't let you see him, he...

Others said, "whale, why are you so red?"

Lin Jinyu pushed him away angrily: "I just ran here, it's hot."

"Brother Zhao said yesterday that you live together, is that true? Are you relatives?"

Boys sometimes gossip like girls, Lin Jinyu said: "No, it's just..." It's just that, he found it very troublesome to explain: "Oh, it's not a relative anyway, just treat him as my brother."

"Why have I never heard that you have a brother? You two are not alike in appearance to clothing style. Your pair of shoes is worth his whole body."

Lin Jinyu didn't want to disclose Zhang Xinli's family situation, as if he seemed out of place, and said nonsense: "A distant cousin who can't get along, the company at home is expanding its business, and the turnover is not enough. He moved here. He is alone in Shanghai. He loves to study, be thrifty, and insist on finish education."

"So powerful?" The others were a little bit taken aback. At this age when everyone still lives at home and only reads sage books, a self-reliant person will be awe-inspiring wherever he is, and a kind of "he is awesome" will be born. a feeling of.

"What do you think."

Over there, Teacher Xia urged the line to gather to raise the flag. Lin Jinyu said bye to them and walked back to her place. Seeing that Zhang Xinli was not there, she just wanted to turn to look for him and remind him that it was time to gather. On the side, Zhang Xinli turned his back to him, talking to Shen Lanxi.

It seemed that the chat was still very pleasant, Shen Lanxi took out something from her pocket, Zhang Xinli took it, smiled politely, and thanked her.

Lin Jinyu suddenly felt uncomfortable... as if a big stone was blocked in his heart.He walked over and heard Shen Lanxi say: "Well... that's it, thank you for helping me carry things."

After she finished speaking, she waved to Zhang Xinli and turned back to the team.

Lin Jinyu quietly walked behind Zhang Xinli, and suddenly asked, "What are you talking about?"

Zhang Xinli was startled by him, turned around and said, "I didn't say anything."

"I didn't say anything to laugh so happily," Lin Jinyu said, "What are you holding in your hand?"

"Nothing, just eat."

The more concise Zhang Xinli was, the more Lin Jinyu wanted to know what Shen Lanxi had given him: "Look what a good thing it is."

"It's really nothing..." Before Zhang Xinli finished speaking, Lin Jinyu had already reached out to grab it: "It's nothing, you dodged it."

He snatched the item from Zhang Xinli's hand, took it back, and found that it was a piece of Dove chocolate.

Reaching out to grab something without other people's consent is actually quite offensive. Lin Jinyu was very impulsive at that moment, without thinking about the consequences.

"Isn't it just a piece of chocolate? Is it necessary to hide it? It's like having a ghost in your heart."

Zhang Xinli frowned, and took the thing back from his hand vigorously: "Did you take it, what does it have to do with you?"

"Just take a look," Lin Jinyu was very upset. He didn't know why he was upset, but he was extremely upset: "It's like robbing you of some treasure, oh, a token of love, isn't it a treasure? talk."

Zhang Xinli turned his head and left, Lin Jinyu was very aggrieved, angry and sad, his whole body was about to explode, and urgently needed an outlet, so he chased after him and said relentlessly: "Why are you running, talking about the main thing? Do you like him?" Ah, talk, do you like it or not, don't be cowardly."

Zhang Xinli was so annoyed by him, Lin Jinyu went to grab his hand, he opened it at once, turned around, and said, "What does it have to do with you? So what if you like it, so what if you don't like it, or do you like men?"

Lin Jinyu became quiet for a moment, and Zhang Xinli also suddenly became quiet, as if he was a little surprised at how he said such a thing... Lin Jinyu said: "Oh...meaning I like it, it's nothing, it's just because it's not very good. Whatever you ask, why are you reacting so badly?"

The heart pumped out blood, Lin Jinyu felt that the blood turned into salty tears in an instant, flowing to the limbs with soreness and sadness... the whole person suddenly became extremely tired.

He turned around as if feeling bored: "Assemble, you are tall, go to the back."

……

It wasn't until the end of the second period in the morning that Xu Zhao arrived late with his schoolbag on his back.

He came, but he lay on the table like a dead fish all morning, either drowsy or complaining of headache, dizziness and nausea.

Zhang Xinli went to the cafeteria at noon, but Lin Jinyu didn't go, and ordered a takeaway with Xu Zhao, and asked him to continue lying on the seat, and went to the bicycle shed to get it by himself.

Lin Jinyu sneaked to the carport to get the clothes for two people and came back. When she walked to the door of the classroom, she saw a few classmates who usually played well around Xu Zhao's seat, and they were talking about something with great interest. Occasionally hey hey hey laugh.Fragmentary words fell to Lin Jinyu's ears along the wind blowing in from the window.

Lin Jinyu didn't know what they were talking about, but she seemed to hear words like "homosexuality".

He felt like a glow on his back, and the irritability accumulated in his chest was like a sponge that swelled with water, so full that it was about to explode. The jokes of Xu Zhao and those people sounded like steel thorns in his ears, which were extremely piercing.

Lin Jinyu walked in with the takeaway, walked straight to them, and said loudly, "Don't say it?"

Everyone was stunned at the same time, and they stopped talking as if they were frightened, and looked at him in unison.

Xu Zhao was also stunned, and after a while, he said with a strange face: "What...whale...you came back, and you were caught by the crew on the way? Such a big fire..."

Lin Jinyu was very annoyed: "What are you talking about here? It's fun, isn't it gay?"

Everyone looked at him very strangely, and a few seconds later, a person said: "We are just reading the excerpts of Erlun..."

Er Lun is the nickname of a classmate in their class. Looking at the five big and three rough, I didn't expect to love learning. There is a special excerpt book for accumulating Chinese materials... No wonder a bunch of old men read it like a Western scene.

Lin Jinyu said, "What... what?"

"Excerpt," Xu Zhao handed him the cowhide notebook in his hand, "here."

Lin Jinyu put away the takeaway, took it, and saw that Erlun wrote densely packed ancient poems in his ugly handwriting on the white paper, one of which was Xu Yanbo's "Plucking Lotus Song": If you find a couple with the same heart, you will have the same heart again lotus.

This is a rather trivial love poem, and it doesn't seem like something that would be related to Er Lun at all. No wonder these guys are all smiling so happily.

This is the relationship... Lin Jinyu was embarrassed, Xu Zhao asked him: "What's wrong with you, you are so angry."

All the boys in the classroom were looking at him, Lin Jinyu wished he could find a crack in the ground and sneak in: "No..." He said, "I'm crazy, don't talk to me."

Xu Zhao felt that he was strange, but he didn't understand why, so he asked, "You just said homosexuality, what the hell is a gay man stalking you?"

Lin Jinyu didn't like his tone very much, as if he had touched something dirty, he frowned involuntarily, threw the rice into his arms, and said, "It's nothing, just eat your takeaway."

Others discussed: "Don't tell me, there is really one in the next class, Damn Tian Tian, ​​I can't stand it."

Lin Jinyu paused when she opened the bag, and heard other people say: "I heard from my friend, that guy goes to residential school and paints his nails in the dormitory every day. No one in his class wants to live in the same dormitory with him."

He probably, like, maybe... knows who it is.

Lin Jinyu felt very uncomfortable, interrupted them and said: "Stop talking, let's eat your meal, talking about it is annoying to death."

Seeing that he was in a bad mood, everyone shut up and ate.

Lin Jinyu didn't dare to tell anyone what was on his mind, but the unknown self made him feel scared, as if he was a normal person before last night, but when he woke up one morning, he suddenly became a Different from everyone else.

He began to hide himself, sealed up those sour, throbbing and ignorant feelings with cardboard boxes, and threw them into a corner where there was no sunlight, praying for them to die in the darkness that no one knew, and deceiving himself that those were just temporary illusions .

Life is still the same. After the final exam of the first semester of high school, Lin Jinyu got the report card, and saw that her grades were still the same, strong subjects were still strong, weak subjects were still weak, and the rankings fluctuated around that range, but Zhang Xinli ranked high. Quite a lot.

English has actually passed, historical progress has also been obvious, and mathematics has remained at the original level... Lin Jinyu looked at it column by column, and he taught Zhang Xinli personally those subjects that had improved significantly.

The subject volunteer form was also sent out. Lin Jinyu filled in the history according to her own thoughts. Huang Jiayao went to the physics class. Zhang Xinli was still at the end of the first year of high school and went to specialize with other people in the class whose grades were at the same level.

Compared with those who started training from a young age in junior high school, they will have to work ten times harder to achieve better results.

Lin Jinyu carefully hid his little secret, and tried to keep a distance not too close or too far from Zhang Xinli. He hoped that those vague throbbing would be like seeds buried in the desert, without anyone to care for them, and without anyone to water them, they would be silent by themselves. Annihilation in a dry corner, but the more love is suppressed, the more it takes root in memory.

There are also flowers in the desert.

Summer is here again, this year, Lin Jinyu is 17 years old, and Zhang Xinli is.