God said I would meet you

Lin Jinyu lived for 17 to [-] years, and for the first time began to have doubts about her sexual orientation.

As a normal high school boy, he actually watched all kinds of small movies, but sometimes he watched those movies because of a curiosity about unknown things... For example, the ones that are a little bit curious or more serious, Lin Jinyu has Sometimes it will open, but that doesn't mean he really wants to try it himself.

But he has never watched gay movies.The reason is very simple, he is not interested, he doesn't even have the curiosity to open it, and usually just skips it.

It never occurred to him that he would experience some sort of physical reaction during contact with a man.

? ?

Lin Jinyu began to torture herself: Am I abnormal?

He doesn't discriminate against homosexuals, and he doesn't think there is anything abnormal about this kind of thing that neither hurts nor disturbs others. He even thinks that the scene of two beautiful girls together is quite beautiful... But he never thought about it One day this word will have something to do with me!

It's just... unacceptable.

No, no, it's not possible, Lin Jinyu comforted herself: It doesn't necessarily mean homosexuality or something, under certain conditions, it may occasionally... um... Occasionally?Maybe occasionally?Yes, I've never liked any man, how could I fall in love with that man, it's impossible.

She had to continue studying, and she had to continue eating. Lin Jinyu deliberately kept this matter in her heart, and only regarded it as an accident.

The basketball team's training is still going on. Zhang Xinli seems to have relaxed a little after talking about it, and he doesn't resent contact with the basketball team... When he didn't talk about it earlier, even the other team members invited him to play. Even Zhang Xinli refused to go.

Now when he was waiting for Lin Jinyu, he was tired of reading words, and occasionally he would be invited to the event to move his hands.Teacher Hu has a good impression of this student, and he intends to open the back door for him, and he doesn't mind if he comes and sometimes doesn't come every day.

There are four distinct seasons in Shanghai, and the weather is getting warmer every day. After May Day, Lixia is just around the corner.

Lin Jinyu actually wanted to go out for a walk with Zhang Xinli, spring is suitable for outings.Although in his eyes there is nothing interesting in Shanghai, it is not as interesting as Liangshan.Places like Town God's Temple and Yu Garden, which foreigners like to go to, are crowded with people on holidays, and there is nothing to see, so he has no interest.

The same is true of the well-known Bund. Counting people’s heads with small steps is really not worthwhile for locals to join in the fun. He has been to the World Expo Exhibition Hall a long time ago, and he can still recall standing in front of each pavilion and being dominated by queues. fear……

But he still wanted to go for a walk, even if it was just to look at the magnolia flowers in the park, but Zhang Xinli always didn't have time.Like he said, he doesn't have time for every vacation.

Thanks to the introduction of basketball, Zhang Xinli gradually began to get acquainted with some other boys in the class. Others on the team would sometimes ask him some breakthrough or defensive skills, and Zhang Xinli basically would not refuse.

While Lin Jinyu tried his best to pretend to be open and frank, but secretly pondered about his orientation behind his back, their communication began to decrease.

On the surface, it seems that because Zhang Xinli gradually began to become friends with other people, he allocated less time and attention to Lin Jinyu... But it seems that it is not the only reason.

Maybe it's because Lin Jinyu is really not open-minded in his heart, and he uses filters to look at everything, so he has always been suspicious recently, and it feels like Zhang Xinli is also avoiding him.

All entangled in delusions... Lin Jinyu complained to herself in her heart: Suspiciousness is a disease, and it needs to be cured quickly. I am normal, and he is also normal. This world is normal, love and peace.

It’s another sunny day, the starting lineup has already been set, Lin Jinyu is the No. 1 position, she doesn’t handle the ball very well, so she can only go to the bench and squat, the training task is not as heavy as Xu Zhao’s, and she will climb after completing her part Sit on a bench by the playground to cool off.

At this time, Zhang Xinli, who was originally reciting vocabulary, would get up the moment Lin Jinyu sat next to him, and called it "Activity", and went up to play with them for a few laps with the ball.

No one took a rest with him, Lin Jinyu was a little bored, took a few swigs from the water bottle, and glanced around casually.

During this time, he could often see Wang Xiu.Every day after school, when the playground is full of boys playing ball for more than an hour, no matter how big the sun is, Lin Jinyu can always catch a glimpse of Wang Xiu, carrying a schoolbag, standing on the sidelines with great interest...but not necessarily by the side of their ball rack Generally speaking, whichever place has more shirtless boys, or whichever side has a good figure, he will go to that side.

...Although it's a bit sloppy, but this kind of frank attitude... Lin Jinyu admires it.

Wang Xiu has always advertised that he "spreads even rain and dew", but in recent days, he seems to spend a lot of time by Lin Jinyu's class.

The two met from time to time, and they became acquainted with each other a lot. Wang Xiu's status in Lin Jinyu's place probably rose from "nodding acquaintance" to "superficial friend"... something like that.

It was hot, and Wang Xiu was tired from standing, and only Lin Jinyu's stool was half empty, so he naturally ran over to sit with him.

"Reva?" Wang Xiu casually chatted with him, "I'm about to melt."

Idle is also idle, Lin Jinyu held a bottle of water, and said: "Where is it so exaggerated, the really hot days haven't arrived yet."

"As a human being, you still need to be more refined. The sunscreen can already be turned out and wiped off." Wang Xiu fanned herself with her hands: "It's so hot, lend me a sip of water." As she spoke, she went to get the water in Lin Jinyu's hand.

Lin Jinyu had already finished drinking his own water, and the bottle he was holding in his hand was actually Zhang Xinli's. He didn't know what was going on in his mind, anyway... after Wang Xiu stretched out his paws to get the water At that moment, Lin Jinyu dodged her hand and dodged subconsciously, preventing him from drinking the bottle of water.

"What are you doing?" Wang Xiu said, "Stingy."

"No..." Lin Jinyu said, "It's not mine, it's my friend's. I'll buy you a new bottle."

"Don't, don't, I'm too lazy to take a trip, I won't drink." Wang Xiu held him back: "But, what happened to my friend's water, didn't you drink all of it just now?"

It's just a sip of water, it's really just a trivial matter... The rough men don't care so much, and Lin Jinyu can't explain what he means, just... Wang Xiu feels awkward drinking Zhang Xinli's water.

He has always been quite eloquent, but this time he has organized the language for a long time but still doesn't know how to speak... Finally, Hilary said confusedly: "You...you can kiss each other!"

...what a mess.

Fairy Wang Xiu laughed and said, "What are you talking about... Which of your 'good friend' water is this?"

"It's... his." Lin Jinyu pointed at the figure of Zhang Xinli under the ball frame on the opposite side of the court: "That's the one, the one that is especially accurate for three-pointers."

"Oh, it's him again," Wang Xiu said for the [-]th time, "So handsome!"

"You have said these three words n times, can you use a new word?"

But Wang Xiu's attention was all attracted by Zhang Xinli. In fact, he always nests here, mostly to see Zhang Xinli.

Wang Xiudao: "Straight men are really poisonous. Even though they know it's not theirs, they still can't help thinking about it."

This seems to be different from what he said last time... Lin Jinyu said, "How do you know he's straight? He obviously said it last time..." He felt a little ashamed and didn't finish this sentence... He said last time, He likes me.

"Last time I was just a little skeptical," Wang Xiudao said, "I observed him this week, and he doesn't look gay at all, making me feel very straight."

Is that right... This conclusion is actually the same as Lin Jinyu's own conclusion, but he didn't feel "relieved".

"Do you have a human body aptitude meter? You can also judge a person's orientation with the naked eye."

"It's just based on some small movements, as well as the usual eyes and posture." Wang Xiudao: "There are some gay characteristics that are still obvious, especially some pure 0, male 1 male 0, it is difficult to distinguish, but careful observation is also possible. Just like straight men will always look at beautiful girls intentionally or unintentionally, gay men will also look at handsome guys intentionally or unintentionally, and their attitudes towards the same sex are also different, including body language and ambiguous... This is just In general, some deep cabinets can’t really be seen.”

Wang Xiu's eloquence is eloquent, and she looks very logical... Lin Jinyu actually doesn't understand those terms very well.He looked at Wang Xiu and thought: Can sexuality really be seen from appearance?For example, dealing with people and things... Wang Xiu seems to understand these things very well, do you want to...

He hesitated for a long time, wanted to say but didn't dare, his heart was itchy like a cat's paw... Finally, he couldn't resist the nagging in his heart, and said after deliberation: "Then what...Wang Xiu, I can ask you a question ?"

Wang Xiu looked at him and said, "What's the matter? Ask, she's a courtesan of the attached middle school."

Lin Jinyu then said: "Just... I have a friend who recently..."

"What happened recently? Is it straight or curved?"

Do you want to get to the point so quickly... Lin Jinyu was very embarrassed, he said: "Actually, he thinks he is a straight man, but something happened recently..."

Wang Xiu blinked and looked at him, Lin Jinyu faltered, pretended to be calm and told about the incident a few days ago...Of course, the protagonist of the incident was taken care of by him. To a friend who has never been in a relationship."

Wang Xiu exclaimed: "Ah! So your friend is yelling at the man..."

Lin Jinyu clenched her hands and almost crushed the water bottle in her hand.He rushed over to cover Wang Xiu's mouth: "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Wang Xiudao: "Wind ball... what is that thing? I only know earth fire ball and lightning ball."

"Ah...it's Sichuan dialect...Don't worry about it, keep your voice down! I'll be embarrassed."

In fact, strictly speaking, there is no such thing as "Sichuan dialect", only Chengdu dialect, Xichang dialect, Dazhou dialect, Luzhou dialect, but this small language is not understood by outsiders. Lin Jinyu can only explain it this way... He learned from Zhang Xinli Some very interesting small words in the dialect, and now sometimes I can't help but say it... Similarly, Zhang Xinli's language habits have also begun to be influenced by him, slowly taking on a little Shanghai flavor.

"Oh, I understand, you are the conservative kind."

? ?Is it because you are too open, this is a normal scale for me.

Wang Xiu continued: "So you mean, your friend suspects that he likes that boy?"

"Not...about the same," Lin Jinyu said unclearly: "Probably...the problem of orientation? Can this kind of thing be changed? Because he said he liked girls before."

"This thing." Wang Xiu crossed his legs and said, "I think it's innate."

"Really..." Lin Jinyu tried her best not to look too eager, as if she was just casually gossiping about others after dinner: "Is there any scientific basis... something like that."

Wang Xiu turned to look at him, took a deep breath... and said seriously, "No."

Lin Jinyu fell down.

But yes, everyone is just a group of high school students who have not yet experienced the college entrance examination. They are stuck in book exercises and have not had the opportunity to enter the next level. They choose their majors and conduct more professional studies in a certain field. What is the systematic and scientific understanding of such a complex and important physiological and psychological issue as sexuality... After all, there is no such course in school.

The only thing they can do is to grope for themselves in the unknown darkness.

"I imagined it myself," Wang Xiu said, "I knew that I was different from others when I was very young. That kind of hazy feeling became more obvious when I was in junior high school, because I was conscious at that time. I know what it's like to like."

"Oh," Lin Jinyu said thoughtfully, "so sexual orientation is unchangeable, usually you know it when you are in elementary school, right? My friend can't..."

But Wang Xiu said: "I didn't say that, because I didn't know it, I knew that I liked boys when I was young, but there are some people around me who realized it in junior high school, so some people may also realize it in high school. He scratched his head: "It depends on how you define the meaning of the word 'change'. If you want to talk about change, don't people change every moment and every year? Could it be that only fertilized eggs without thoughts are The original you? I think even if one day you realize that you like boys, it just means that you will like them in the first place."

Wang Xiu said: "You are the original you at any time."

This question seems a bit philosophical. Lin Jinyu thought about it, but she couldn't fully understand it.

"So if you find that you like a boy, it's okay, it's just that you realize that he was originally you."

"It makes sense..." Lin Jinyu nodded, and then realized: "I didn't realize it! It's my friend!"

"I know," Wang Xiu said, "An example! I'm just an example!"

Lin Jinyu relaxed, thought for a while, and then asked, "What, don't you think you're weird...I mean, I'm different from everyone else..."

Humans are social animals that live in groups, and everyone has a need for group recognition. When a person first discovers that he is different from most "normal people", he will probably have some struggles in his heart.

Wang Xiudao: "There are people who feel weird, but I don't." He said: "I knew I liked boys when I was in elementary school, and I never felt that there was anything abnormal about me."

Lin Jinyu thought: Probably because I knew it when I was a child, and I have been growing up like this, so I don't have so many hesitation.

Wang Xiu asked him, "Why do you suddenly care about this kind of issue?"

"It's nothing." Lin Jinyu's expression didn't change: "I'm suddenly a little curious."

Wang Xiu asked again: "Is that friend of yours handsome? Is he 1!"

? ? ?Sorry, I haven't thought deeply about the latter question yet.

Lin Jinyu said, "What does it have to do with you?"

"I'm curious, I can't even ask," Wang Xiudao said, "Forget it, he won't fall in love with me anyway, if you let me meet him, maybe I can see some clues?"

Lin Jinyu's heart moved slightly, and on the surface he pretended not to believe it and said: "Really, are you sure? Isn't it useless to say no."

"Doubt me, I'm gay and thick!"

Lin Jinyu said, "Test you first, do you think I look like you?"

Wang Xiu was provoked and was about to prove himself. He listened to Lin Jinyu's question, stared at him, closed his mouth for a long time, and then said, "Actually, when I first saw you, I thought you were not very good." Straight, although you said you are straight, but... I still think so."

Lin Jinyu said, "Get out, you're not allowed at all." But there was a thump in her heart.

On the court, Zhang Xinli was calling several starters to form a circle, pointing out some low-level mistakes they made just now. The sun was shining brightly and blazingly, shining on his handsome eyebrows and stubble.

Lin Jinyu recalled that the first time she saw him, it seemed that there was such a long distance, and there was a bustling crowd between them.

At the first glance, he felt that Zhang Xinli was very handsome, a special person he had never seen in his previous life.

... But at that time, this handsome brother didn't seem to like him very much, so Lin Jinyu's slight affection when he first met turned into shame and anger... At that time, there was a song in his earphones, that song My name is... what is it called... it seems to be... finish the dance, my lover.

Seeing Lin Jinyu's silence, Wang Xiu thought that her telling the truth made him angry, so she said, "Okay, okay, in fact, I'm just talking about my feelings. It may or may not be accurate. If you don't love Listen, I told you I'm sorry, you denied it, I really shouldn't continue talking nonsense."

He said: "It's a digression. In fact, if you have a reaction, it doesn't necessarily mean that you like it, but... if you don't like it, you must not have a reaction, so you can't say for sure. There is a simple and rude way to verify your friend. Do you like boys?" Wang Xiu said: "It's actually very simple. If he suspects that this feeling is just an illusion caused by the relationship between friends, then let him do things that friends would never do. I have the answer. It doesn't matter if you're joking or whatever, if you ask him to kiss that boy, you don't need others to babble at all... At that moment, he will know it in his heart. "

Lin Jinyu stared at him blankly, and Wang Xiu said, "Sometimes a kiss is worth a million dialogues."