because i'm pretty

Love can heal pain, love can provide strength, it can make the lonely find a home, and make the stagnant move forward again.

But love is not a panacea, a wheelchair, a crutch, an excuse, or a coward's den.

Yuan Mingyan loves Yuan Zhiming, but this love cannot offset the inner struggle, and cannot make the broken life and soul complete again;

Yuan Songqing loves Yuan Zhiming, but love can make people fearful, so that he dare not put Yuan Zhiming in the real wind and rain, and can only let the lies be wrapped in a thick cocoon by the years, and the pain will be even more severe when it is punctured ;

Li Yikai also loves him, because he is afraid of cowardice because of love, because he loves him, he thought about escaping and retreating, and thought about simply fastening the cloth covering his eyes, as long as he keeps holding his hand, he will not go in the wrong direction .

But also because of love, he can't accept himself as an accomplice; he can't take away Yuan Zhiming's right to know; he can't really shield him from everything, and let his hands leave the steering wheel of his life.

The red light in the operating room was on, Li Yikai leaned against the wall, looked sideways at the closed door, and heard the clock strike the hour again.

For a moment, he suddenly regretted agreeing to Yuan Songqing. If he hadn't said it himself, if he hadn't said it at this time, maybe they wouldn't have suffered so much.

"Li Yikai."

Yuan Zhiming's voice sounded behind him, and when Li Yikai turned around, he realized that his legs were a little stiff after standing for too long.

It seemed that his courage had been exhausted just now. At this time, he didn't dare to look Yuan Zhiming squarely. He just hurriedly said: "The nurse just came out and said that everything is going well. It should be over in a while. Are you thirsty?"

Yuan Zhiming shook his head: "I'm not thirsty, I just heard."

"Oh, good." Li Yikai said, and turned his head to look at the operating room unnaturally.

Yuan Zhiming still stood where he was, and called him again.

"En", Li Yikai responded, and took a few steps towards him.

"Did my dad just tell you that?"

"Yes".

"My mother's will, he also told you?"

Li Yikai nodded: "Yes."

Yuan Zhiming asked again: "What about himself? Did he have nothing to say to me?"

Li Yikai thought for a while and said, "He said, he believes in your own judgment more, and lets you do whatever you want."

Yuan Zhiming lowered his lips, "He believes what I say, why did he dare to tell me until now?"

Li Yikai moved closer to him: "He said that it would be unlucky to explain this before the operation, but he was also afraid that he would not have the chance to tell you."

He discerned Yuan Zhiming's expression, and said, "He also said that he owes you an apology. If you enter the operating room with this regret, you will have more motivation to live."

Yuan Zhiming's eyes turned red again, and he was angry and wronged: "What if he really has something to do? He thinks that if he confesses this, he can leave me at ease? Can he just walk away like my mother? "

"He didn't." Li Yikai stretched out his hand, gently put it on Yuan Zhiming's shoulder, rubbed it lightly and said, "That's why Uncle Yuan asked me to tell you at this time, he wants you to wait for him to come out and apologize to you, Or even if you can't..."

Li Yikai paused: "He also wants to be resented by you while he is alive."

"Who wants to resent him?" Yuan Zhiming bit his lower lip, and before Li Yikai reached out, he buried his head in it. Tears finally smeared on his shoulders presumptuously, and he said intermittently: "He just knows that I hate anyone. I won't... hate him, he still asked you to come... and tell me that he was lying in it by himself..."

He suddenly raised his head, almost knocked Li Yikai's chin, and asked bitterly: "You just listen to him? You guys, you guys hide it from me together, you guys..."

"I was wrong." Li Yikai held his face, looked for a tissue from his pocket, and wiped his tears while coaxing softly: "I'm sorry, I didn't consider your feelings, and it's okay to hate me."

"Why do I blame you? What does it have to do with you?" Yuan Zhiming pursed his lips, hit his forehead straight on Li Yikai's shoulder, and cried, "You all lied to me, but I don't know who to blame..."

"Then, think about it." Li Yikai rubbed the back of his head and said, "From now on, you don't have to worry about your body, and you don't have to worry about going to the physical examination."

"You still say", Yuan Zhiming became even more angry: "I made such a big oolong, no one told me..."

"I'm sorry, it's okay, everything will pass."

Li Yikai hugged him, facing the scrutinizing eyes of his surroundings, and once again became the focus of attention in the hospital.

However, he felt relieved in his heart—it is a good thing to cry out, but what he was most afraid of was that Yuan Zhiming would not cry or make trouble, but would push him away and swallow all his emotions by himself.

"Cry, just cry out." Li Yikai said softly.

"I'm not that fragile," Yuan Zhiming sniffed, "What's all this? I didn't do anything wrong..."

"Well," Li Yikai wiped his face lightly: "You are stronger and braver than them all."

"I don't want to compare with them." Yuan Zhiming looked at the door of the operating room with the red light on, and said softly but fiercely: "I still have to wait for him to explain to me."

……

It was already afternoon when Yuan Songqing woke up from the anesthesia, the scorching sun shone on her face, what was more dazzling than the sun was Yuan Zhiming's gaze.

"Can you talk?" Yuan Zhiming's red eyes were particularly scary: "Can you apologize to me?"

Yuan Songqing's consciousness had not been fully recovered, he saw Li Yikai winking at him quietly from behind, and then he slowly reacted.With a smile on his chapped lips, he said sorry to Yuan Zhiming with his mouth.

The anesthesiologist and nurse looked at the family suspiciously, and left quickly after checking that everything was fine.

Li Yikai inserted a straw into the water glass and stuffed it into Yuan Zhiming's hand. He didn't know which one to comfort, so he could only say, "Okay, it's okay."

"Something has happened", Yuan Zhiming took it roughly, splashed a little water on the quilt, but still carefully held the straw to feed it to Yuan Songqing, and said at the same time: "Lao Yuan, you will feel better in the future."

When Yuan Songqing recovered completely and could speak freely, he leaned back on the bed and once again sincerely apologized to Yuan Zhiming.

"It's not that I don't believe you. Of course I know you can tell right from wrong, but I just don't dare... Hey, it's all my fault, it's my fault."

"It's so fake, you did all the good things, what do you have to apologize for?" Yuan Zhiming sat on the side of the bed with his arms folded, "You have to wait until you are sick to say so, pretending to be pitiful."

Yuan Songqing coughed twice with a smile, shook her head and said: "I don't think I have done many good things. I have such a disease, and I didn't plan to have offspring, but I met your healthy and lovely son. I think it's me. Got it."

Yuan Zhiming snorted and said harshly, "Did I pick it up?"

"Oh no," Yuan Songqing coughed twice to cover up, and then said: "I have always liked your mother, and it is my own wish to let her live well. But sometimes I also think, I force her to live At that time, is she suffering more, or is she more happy?"

"Afterwards, I thought I was much happier." Yuan Songqing looked at the tree shadows outside the window, "Your grandparents both passed away early, and she worked hard to treat illnesses and live well in those two years, all because of you."

"She chose to leave on the day of my business trip. Before going to the riverside, she dressed you up and left you at grandparents' house."

"She is so tired of this world, but when she jumped into the river, there was a painting you scribbled in her clothes."

"Your mother doesn't regret giving birth to you. I am also very grateful to her. She is willing to trust you to me."

……

That day Yuan Songqing talked a lot about Yuan Mingyan.In the past, he seldom elaborated on these things, because he was afraid that Yuan Zhiming would find out the flaws, and it was also to avoid it for himself.

But maybe it was really a narrow escape, and suddenly thinking about it again, those things finally became lighter. Yuan Mingyan's death was no longer accompanied by guilt and repentance, the past love and hatred were no longer clear, and all the regrets and unattainable things in the first half of life were gone. It seems like a lifetime away.

But he didn't mention Gu Changfeng, and neither did Yuan Zhiming.

Yuan Songqing fell asleep in the middle of the night, Li Yikai and Yuan Zhiming didn't want to leave for too long, they just took a walk in the garden of the hospital to enjoy the breeze.

Yuan Zhiming walked on the cobblestone path, stepping on one by one like an obsessive-compulsive disorder, and suddenly said after a long time: "I think what you said has a lot of beautifying elements, but not all of them are true."

Li Yikai stopped to look at him, and heard him say: "But there is one thing I don't doubt."

"It's that I really look good, and I didn't disappoint."

"Of course," Li Yikai smiled.

"Then you say, if my mother knows, she will regret not waiting until I grow up?"

"If I say, I will." Li Yikai looked at him and walked over to touch his forehead: "Everyone who misses you will regret it forever."

Yuan Zhiming laughed, and kissed Li Yikai's face in the dark: "I don't need everyone to regret it. Some people, I don't want to have anything to do with him anymore."

"Well", Li Yikai responded without mentioning the name: "He has nothing to do with you in the first place, before and in the future."

Yuan Zhiming bowed his head and didn't speak. After a while, he said in a muffled voice: "But, I don't care, and my dad also let it go... I can't ignore what my mother lost."

"Li Yikai, I don't know whether I should do this or not, but I've been thinking about it," Yuan Zhiming said, "My mother's painting, her person, what she wanted to expose at the time but couldn't do it because of me... Did it just disappear without a sound?"

"I do not like this."

Li Yikai took a deep breath, exhaled and said: "That will be a difficult road, and it can only be achieved by breaking the boat, or it may not be possible."

"I know..." Yuan Zhiming said, "and it's been so long, maybe no one will care..."

Li Yikai didn't speak, and went to hug Yuan Zhiming: "But if you don't do it, you will regret it for the rest of your life."

He smiled and said, "Don't leave any regrets, I will accompany you."

In the night when no one is around, only the chirping of cicadas echoes here and there.Summer has come.

In another city, the Jinghai Film Festival was grandly opened amidst all the attention.Gu Changfeng's latest work is once again associated with Yuan Zhiming's name.