because i'm pretty

Yuan Zhiming did not wait for Li Yikai.

At one o'clock in the morning, Qiu He arrived and brought him an old mobile phone, a bag of clothes, allergy medicine, and toiletries, which seemed to be prepared for him to accompany him in the ward.Except that no one came, everything else was available.

He asked Lucifer to go home first, and stayed with Qiu He by himself. Through the glass window, he couldn't really see it clearly. The person lying inside was full of instruments, and he didn't speak or move. Yuan Zhiming even had the guts to lie there. It was not Yuan Songqing's illusion.

Yuan Songqing has always been full of vitality, even if he is not full of energy, he always jokes endlessly and can't stop tossing.

Turning his head again, Qiu He was also old. Looking closely, there were white hairs that had not been dyed in his temples. The exhaustion of the long-distance driving made him hold his back to barely stand up straight.

"Actually, coming here can't help much, but I just want to see him." Qiu He hammered his legs, took two steps back, and sat on the bench.

Yuan Zhimingxu helped him to follow, and after a while he said, "If my father knew, he would definitely scold me for being ignorant again."

"If you don't let me come, I will scold you." Qiu He smiled helplessly: "Your father has always been kind and charitable, but sometimes it is too much. You can only allow others to owe him, and you are not allowed to owe others."

Yuan Zhiming nodded, and then said: "He knows that this is not good, so he won't let me learn from him."

Qiu He looked at him: "It would be great if you were different from him."

"Actually, I'm not that much like my dad," Yuan Zhiming said.

He held two mobile phones in his hand, one belonged to Yuan Songqing. In just one night, the news of his illness seemed to spread all over the world. Countless calls came in, and there should be people who would come to visit tomorrow;

The other is an old mobile phone brought to him by Li Yikai, without a calling card, connected to the Internet and logged into social software, and it is also quiet.

Yuan Zhiming thought, if one day it was him lying in it, it might be like a mobile phone, and not many people would know if it was lost.

"When your dad and I were in school, he was a person who couldn't stop. Our economic conditions were not good, and he always found a way to pick up odd jobs outside the art, and he didn't take it all alone. He always pulled us to earn together. money."

"He often talks about it," Yuan Zhiming said, "that he is the school's contractor."

"Yes, with these things, he can be regarded as a famous man." Qiu He smiled: "Later, one of our teachers tried to persuade him not to spend all his time on these small things, but to accumulate works and have a long-term vision."

Yuan Zhiming nodded: "My father probably won't listen to these words, right?"

"Listen, of course," Qiu He said, "Your father was very aggressive when he was young, and although the teacher was young, he had a good foundation and was able to mix well. His words were very prestigious to us. At that time, we After stopping a lot of odd jobs, I followed him to draw themed works, and went to participate in exhibitions and exchange meetings.”

Qiu He looked up at the light, and the fragments from 30 years ago gradually became clear. He laughed at himself: "The two of us always feel that we have some talents, and we both want to make a name for ourselves."

In Yuan Zhiming's memory, Yuan Songqing doesn't compare himself with others or compete with himself. He works to make money, writes and paints for pleasure, and at most has unrealistic expectations for his son.He never mentioned such a past.

"What happened later?" Yuan Zhiming asked.

Qiu He didn't look at him, but still looked at the place in the void, as if he could see all kinds of things in the past through these things: "Later, this teacher became more and more famous, but he spent all his time on socializing and fellowshiping first. , At that time, there were no such positions as the current manager, and your father and I began to share these for him..."

Yuan Zhiming frowned imperceptibly, and Qiu He looked at him: "Yes, this ran counter to our original intention. But at that time we were young, and he was very inspiring. We felt for a long time that our own It’s actually accumulating.”

"The first time he realized something was wrong was when he started preparing for his first solo exhibition, but at that time he didn't have time to draw new works, and the theme works were incomplete, so he proposed that we two share part of it for him."

"No one wants to be someone else's ghostwriter, but for some reason, under his guidance, we feel that this exhibition actually belongs to the three of us. If it succeeds, we will be honored. Failure is also everyone's responsibility."

"You agree?" Yuan Zhiming asked.

"Agreed," Qiu He said, "I drew three pictures, and took out two previous paintings, and your father took on one theme directly."

Yuan Zhiming looked towards the ward from afar. He thought of Yuan Songqing's photography, writing, painting, and occasionally friends invited him to participate in the exhibition, but he waved them down and said with a smile that he was not qualified; Yuan Songqing was filled with righteous indignation when the master "substituted" him, but he didn't say a word about what happened to him.

"Some people don't care about this kind of thing as they get older, but the older we get, the more we feel disdainful," Qiu He said.

"Then he," Yuan Zhiming looked at Yuan Songqing's shadow, and said, "You guys stopped painting because of this?"

Qiu He shook his head lightly, and smiled helplessly: "The art exhibition is very successful, so successful that we have no time to reflect. Of course, it is also our own ignorance and dullness. We only care about celebrating and fantasizing about the future."

"Until this matter was spread."

Yuan Zhiming's pupils dilated, and he vaguely felt that this incident had a far-reaching impact than he thought, and it was not just nostalgia that Qiu He chatted with him at this time.

Qiu He said to himself: "Our teacher is in the limelight. The factional disputes in this circle are so serious that it is not uncommon to be caught. Fortunately, the media was not developed back then, and he was not well known to the world. rumors are easy to control."

"So he thought of a way to ask your father and me to admit that we were jealous and drunk, and we lied."

"He is very good at coercion and temptation, saying that if we agree, we will only be scolded for impulsiveness and ignorance, but we can still become famous through his light, but if we don't agree, everyone will bear the stains together - he can also rely on the present If we have a certain reputation and fight hard, it will be difficult for us to stand up."

Yuan Songqing and Qiu He struggled between temptation and threat. During the struggle, the paralyzed bottom line and dignity, and the cleverly hidden use gradually emerged.

With their age and experience, it may be difficult to distinguish clearly at the moment, but just relying on intuition, they also know that they can no longer continue to board this yaw ship.

"We decided to refuse and persuaded him to reduce the big incident to a small one. But it failed."

When the school assigned work back then, a large part of the decision-making power was in the hands of the teacher. He showed his true colors and directly used it as a threat. Both Yuan Songqing and Qiu He were under financial pressure. Even if they could not continue in the painting and calligraphy circle, they had to find a job to support their families.

"I have younger brothers and sisters who want to go to school, and your grandfather has been in the hospital bed for many years." Qiu He closed his eyes, "In a dilemma, your father thinks that the source of this matter lies with him. He dragged me into the door at first, so he Take the first step, go to the city book pictorial, publish a report, and catch all the mistakes."

What happened after that is what Yuan Zhiming is familiar with——Qiu He went to work in the Jinghai Cultural Center and stopped writing, but was engaged in the art industry; while Yuan Songqing cut off her own career, changed to a photographer, and shot a lot. Years of odd jobs...

He looked at the neat floor tiles in front of him. Under the seemingly flat and smooth surface, metal cement was buried. Those parallel arrangements were gradually distorted and twisted into a ball because of the loss of focus of his eyes...

"That teacher..." Yuan Zhiming had already guessed, and just asked, "What happened to him later?"

Qiu He looked at him and sighed suddenly: "He became famous all the way, and soon resigned from the Academy of Fine Arts and left Huaizhou. Those who competed with him are no longer comparable to him, and we all actively and passively break up with him. Lost contact and became an insignificant existence behind him."

Yuan Zhiming understood, nodded, and said with a sneer, "He still hasn't changed. I don't know how many times he has succeeded with this trick."

Qiu He was noncommittal and did not speak for a long time. He got up and took another look at Yuan Songqing, and then slowly left the hospital accompanied by Yuan Zhiming.

"Uncle Qiu", Yuan Zhiming sent him to the car, held on to the car door, but didn't close it with his hand, standing outside the car and finally said: "I don't know... What did you think when my father did this?"

"I'm very angry. For a few years, I had almost no contact with your dad."

He looked up at Yuan Zhiming, and said word by word: "Yu Shi, I hope we can all stick to the bottom line instead of continuing to help the tyrant; Yu friend, I don't think his monopoly will make me grateful, it will only make me feel I am powerless."

"And so many years have passed, even if your dad and I let go, deep down, I still feel that I am an accomplice, and I even feel that what happened to you is also the result of what we planted back then."

Yuan Zhiming let go of the hand holding the car door, he lowered his head, his curly hair covered his eyes.

Qiu He couldn't see his expression clearly, the words were very serious, but he had already thought about it before coming, if Yuan Zhiming didn't ask, he wouldn't say it.

"Your father, he knew that you were in contact with Gu Changfeng a long time ago. I advised him to tell you these things. He said that you will have your own judgment."

"Before I came here, I also told Li Yikai about this. His idea is to let you know, but don't force you, and give you time to decide for yourself."

His tone slowed down, and he was still a gentle uncle for more than 20 years: "Xiao Ming, you are luckier than us. The support and freedom given to you by the most important people around you are few in the world. Same, don’t push yourself like this.”

Yuan Zhiming once thought that his cheerfulness and politeness were mostly learned from Yuan Songqing the day after tomorrow. In fact, deep down in his heart, he was far less enthusiastic than his father, nor was he as free and easy as Yuan Songqing.

He liked someone since he was a child, and he loved being in a daze and drawing more than making friends. He also always had a kind of competitive spirit that came from nowhere. open-minded.

However, time seemed to go around in a cycle until the circumstances overlapped, and it turned out that his and his father's choices in the predicament were exactly the same.

He returned to the familiar but empty home, bypassing the living room, another room was Yuan Songqing's study.

On the wall facing the door, there are four large characters - [Making a scene].It was a word that Yuan Songqing inscribed himself a few years ago. He joked that if he left one day, he would ask Yuan Zhiming to engrave this word on the tombstone.

Yuan Zhiming always thought that this was his definition of his own life—except for the responsibility of ethical upbringing, he didn't care about other trivial matters, and when he left, he had nothing to worry about, only leaving a big scene.

Looking at it now, he thought, is this also Yuan Songqing's biggest regret?

It turned out that Yuan Songqing had also swallowed the bitter fruit in a muffled voice, seeking perfection against her own heart.It was far from being as willful and willful as he was in the second half of his life.

What if it happens again?Will he continue to insist, or will he make a big fuss instead?

Yuan Zhiming suddenly wanted to see what his father in his 20s looked like.He stood on tiptoe, Yuan Songqing had a photo of a cabinet, piled up randomly without any rules, but he knew that the top layer was the oldest pile.

The dust is not as much as imagined, maybe their owners often look back, Yuan Zhiming opened the thick cover and found a graduation photo - the color photo is a little distorted due to age, those young people with bright colors back then, also It's a far cry from what it is now.

He identified them one by one, saw a few uncles and aunts who seemed to be familiar, and saw Qiu He, beside him was a slightly taller Yuan Songqing.Two rows ahead, there is another face that has never aged.

Yuan Zhiming stroked it lightly with his fingers, as if he was a child, he told Yuan Mingyan in the photo about many things he didn't want to talk about.

"Mom, did you know these things at the time?" He looked at her wavy hair and brown eyes exactly like his own: "Have you ever persuaded my dad? Did you see Gu Changfeng's evil intentions earlier than him? ? Or are you also kept in the dark?"

Half awake, half confused, he sat back by the bed with the photo in his hand, and murmured, "Say, how should I choose?"

He fell asleep in a daze, and in his dream he saw Yuan Songqing when he was in college, but he was not as cheerful as he is now, instead he squinted at him, as if he didn't like him very much; then he saw Yuan Mingyan, she recognized him, Ask him if his homework grades are good, and if he has been admitted to the Academy of Fine Arts...

Then I met Li Yikai again, who was in his teens.The playground of the Academy of Fine Arts turned into the barren grassland in Jinghai City. The adolescent Li Yikai had a much more stinky face than he does now. He walked alone with his head bowed. When Yuan Zhiming greeted him, he was also expressionless.

Li Yikai in the dream was so cute, Yuan Zhiming approached him to tease him, but the little kid never responded, until Yuan Zhiming grabbed his hand and said that he would take him to graffiti, Li Yikai suddenly threw it away and asked him directly : "Yuan Zhiming, do you really think you are very powerful?"

This sentence made him wake up from the dream in an instant. Yuan Zhiming was also in a daze in the dark and gloomy weather of the rainy season.

He stayed in the hospital all day, going through procedures, receiving visiting friends, and listening to doctors explaining his condition... Uncles and uncles comforted each other, saying that he had grown up, which made people feel at ease.Yuan Zhiming suddenly thought of the words in his dream again.

Yuan Songqing still didn't wake up, and Li Yikai didn't hear from him either.

The next day the sun was barely exposed, and Lucifer arranged for him to have a physical examination two days later. Yuan Zhiming was allowed to visit him in the ward. He confessed all his experiences to Yuan Songqing, but there was no response.

At dinner time, Aunt Qiu came from Jinghai and brought two large insulated boxes of meals, and Yuan Zhiming tried his best to eat a lot of everything.

Until the phone rang—the old phone that Li Yikai brought to him had been installed with a new calling card. It had been unusually quiet these past few days, and neither colleagues nor Gu Changfeng had heard from him.

So he was not used to the ringtone, Yuan Zhiming almost dropped his chopsticks on the ground, and knocked over the water glass when he picked it up - because the call was from a nurse, telling him that Yuan Songqing was awake.

But when he rushed over, he saw that Yuan Songqing just opened his eyes, looked at him without blinking, and soon fell into a deep sleep again.

On the third day, the sun had already entered the house from the window sill, Yuan Zhiming found the few photos of his mother and took them to the hospital to wait for Yuan Songqing to wake up again.

That day, he smiled at Yuan Zhiming, and when he saw the photo, he shed tears again, and then raised his eyelids to see gardenias blooming outside the hospital.

When Dr. Lu came for an examination, he told him that he could be transferred to the intensive care unit.

Yuan Zhiming was very happy, and he asked if this meant that Yuan Songqing's condition had recovered.

Dr. Lu walked out of the ward with him, shook his head while taking off the mask: "I must tell you the actual situation, your father's cerebral hemorrhage is under control and will not be life-threatening, so he was transferred out of the intensive care unit."

"But his kidney failure has reached the terminal stage."

In such a situation, whether it is in the ICU or not is meaningless.

The movement of transferring to the ward was crisp and neat. Yuan Songqing still had the instrument catheter inserted into her body, but lying in the single ward, more gardenias could be seen by the window.

But at this time the sun had already started to set, he woke up again, called "Xiao Ming", and fell asleep again before he could answer.

When Yuan Zhiming couldn't control his emotions, he ran to sit outside the ward by himself. The chairs were empty, and he felt safe only by sitting on the corner of the floor.

The current situation is one day at a time. The kidney is like a part that has run out of energy. If there is no new replacement, no one can recover.

He watched the setting sun go down a little bit, and the boundary line between shadow and light was slowly lowering. Lucifer ran over, squatted beside him, patted him, and told him that Dr. Lu had gone to inquire about a kidney source in another city. good news.

Yuan Zhiming stared blankly ahead, he had been laughing at Lucifer for being superstitious, and now he just wanted to ask him how to pray to be pious.

He also wanted to ask his older uncles and aunts what he should do to comfort his father at such a time.

Or, Yuan Zhiming thought again, what other wish did Yuan Songqing have?

His career has not improved in a short period of time, perhaps the messy matter should be settled as soon as possible, at least let Yuan Songqing know his choice;

There is no need to worry about life, the money is enough, as long as you don’t get sick, you can support it for a long time;

For others, there are few relatives left, and friends have already been here;

Are there any more?

In his mind, there was another person, Yuan Songqing had been talking about for a long time, but he had never seen him.

Yuan Zhiming buried his head in his knees, he thought for a long time, and finally raised his head when the last rays of the sun were about to fall.

He raised his hand and fumbled for the phone in his pocket, but the ringtone was one step faster than his movement.

In the long corridor in front of him, the light at the junction of light and dark hides from the base of the wall into the ground. Before disappearing, he saw the shadow of Li Yikai running in a hurry.