writing coffee

"Hi, I'm Brian, this is the first time we meet, please give me your advice!"

"You can call me Xiaoshi like my mother." I reached out and shook hands with him. "Do you like watching anime?"

His eyes lit up, "How do you know?"

"We Chinese don't usually speak like that," I said.

My mother stood beside him, laughing silently.

"Ah, I'm sorry, what should I say?" When we met for the first time, he behaved very modestly and decently.

Well, who knows, I just said it offhand..."We said 'Please take care of me!'"

He smiled gently and kindly. "Then, please take care of Xiaoshi from now on!"

Instead, he took care of me a lot.

"Brian, so I'm a weirdo?"

"Of course you are not, baby Xiaoshi, you are just special. Just like most people in this world like chocolate, but you are very annoying. If you accidentally eat it, you must spit it out. Sometimes I think this is quite cute. "

"When you met my mother, her daughter was almost an adult, which makes you regret, Brian?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Because you always call my name the way you call a three-year-old girl."

"Hahaha, why are you so humorous, little poem baby!"

"Brian!"

"what happened?"

"Look at this."

"Uh...shit doesn't make sense!"

"..."

"Listen to me, from a psychological point of view, this theory is valid, but this is a very extreme example, it requires the cooperation of many environments, and the 'Oedipus complex' alone cannot change a person's orientation. It's a ridiculous inference! Besides, baby Xiaoshi, do you have an Oedipus complex?"

"No."

"Of course you don't, because you have a very good father. You love your father no less than you love your mother. Moreover, Brian is such an excellent and charming person."

"I still love my mom a little more than Brian."

"Oh……"

"I might die alone, Brian."

"Oh? What do you say?"

"This world is so big and there are so many people. It is very difficult to find a person who is compatible with each other. Now, the person I am looking for is only such a small part of so many people! It is difficult to find It's getting harder, it's getting harder!"

"I'm half a world away from your mother, aren't we still in love? It can be seen that it's not as difficult as you said."

"You are lucky."

"Hey, baby Xiaoshi, haven't you noticed that there is a huge loophole in your logic just now?"

"What loophole?"

"If there are so many people in this world, and all you're looking for is just one of them, it's like a drop in the bucket—"

"Looking for a needle in a haystack."

"Can't you use a drop in the bucket?"

"No."

"why?"

"Ask my mother."

"Well, it's like looking for a needle in a haystack. If you are not as lucky as me and your mother, it may take a long time to find it. But if what you are looking for is just one of a small number of people in this world, isn't it just Much simpler?"

"It always feels weird."

"What's wrong?"

"do not know."

"That's not weird, that's right."

"alright."

"Brian, let me tell you something funny."

"what?"

"My university teacher gave us an elective course, "Life Science". She said that homosexuality is not a disease, homosexuality is innate, and we should not discriminate against homosexual patients."

"Heh, your teacher has a talent for comedy."

"Why do they think that homosexuality is a disease? They even want to treat homosexuality! Haven't they thought about the feeling of being forced by others to have sex?"

"Because of ignorance, little poem. People are always afraid of things they don't understand. Fear makes them lose their minds and become cruel without knowing it, just like primitive humans use their companions to sacrifice to ghosts and gods."

"We're born this way, aren't we? We didn't choose to be this way, and it wasn't a virus or something that made us this way, did it?"

"Of course it's not anyone's personal choice. It's a natural choice, little poem. Everything is based on the laws of nature. It has been proven that this is not the prerogative of humans. Other animals also have, even non-living objects, in nature. There is also the law of same and mutual attraction, such as magnetic field. Magnetic field, Xiaoshi, this is one of the conditions for creating life! Have you taken geography yet?"

"Ah."

"So, it turns out that Xiaoshi belongs to a great group!"

"Calm down Brian, the magnetic field is one of the conditions for creating life, and it's not homosexuality that creates life."

"Speaking of creating life, Xiaoshi, why don't we make a bold guess!"

"What guess?"

"From the point of view of evolution, at the beginning, homosexuality and heterosexuality actually existed at the same time, and they were completely equal, even in average in number. But later, due to the impact of natural reproduction on the continuation of life Heterosexuality gradually gained the upper hand, while homosexuality declined, and it was only during the long evolutionary process that the current quantitative gap gradually formed."

"So, is it the choice of natural reproduction that made homosexuality withdraw from the mainstream stage and become a niche art?"

"Hahaha, you are too enlightened, little poem baby!"

"Don't call me Xiaoshi baby again!"

"Okay, little poem baby."

"L, G, B, T, Q, I, A...+?"

"what happened?"

"Why do you have to give them a definition?"

"Why not?"

"Not everyone wants to be defined, not everyone agrees with this definition, and the same thing will have different definitions in different regions and different groups. It's just a theoretical thing, I don't understand why it takes so much Put so much energy into distinguishing the subtle differences between people and things, that kind of definition is meaningless at all!"

"Is that a tongue twister?"

"Brian!"

"Xiaoshi, do you still remember how you felt when you first found out that you liked girls? How did you feel when you realized that you were different from others? You were surprised and scared, right?"

"right."

"Xiaoshi, Brian didn't mean to ask you like this, you trust Brian."

"Ah."

"And then, because you must have known about homosexuality before, at least heard of it, right? So it dawned on you right away that you belonged to that category, right?"

"Ah."

"Then, did Xiaoshi know about 'transgender' before?"

"do not know."

"Do you know 'Nu·Love'?"

"do not know."

"Do you know now?"

"Ah."

"Brian didn't know it before. But look, there are still many people who don't know it, even many transgender people and asexuals themselves don't know it. Xiaoshi, do you know what this means?"

"Brian..."

"That's right, it means that some sexual/minority groups, while being discriminated against and attacked by others, are also falling into self-doubt and even self-rejection. Because they don't know that there are others in the world who are the same as themselves, I don’t know that I originally belonged to a certain group, and although this group differs greatly from other groups in number, they are essentially equal. Therefore, Xiaoshi, we try our best to define a certain group, which is to create a belonging , let all those included in this definition know that their existence is reasonable and dignified, and, at least, they are not alone.”

"Brian."

"Ok?"

"I'm very lucky."

"Ah."

If I had to use one word to describe the relationship between me and Brian, the most appropriate would be to be both a teacher and a friend, like a brother like a father.When I was young and ignorant, when I was most confused and most in need of guidance, when I couldn't ask my father for help, he helped me establish a very positive three views, he taught me a lot by precept and example , I benefit for life.

Even during the six years I avoided seeing him, he still cared about me silently, as always.

Brian...I owe this man so much...

I tightly grasped the hem of his clothes, vented my guilt and self-blame to my heart's content, and sprinkled all the tears of regret on his chest.

"Okay, okay, don't cry, baby Xiaoshi, your mother will laugh at you." He relaxed his arms holding me, and patted my shoulder lightly. Gone.

I straightened up, left his arms, and sniffed. "Don't call me Xiaoshi baby."

He smiled softly, his eyes were moist, "Okay, baby Xiaoshi." Then he carefully wiped the tears on my face.

Qianli didn't lie to me, he hasn't changed at all.He was exactly as I remembered him, and I looked at him as if all these years of struggling had been nothing more than a nightmare.

And now I'm waking up from a dream.

"Why is Brian here?"

"A girl came to me yesterday and brought news about our Xiaoshi. Today I'm here to share with your mother. Unexpectedly, Xiaoshi really loves her mother more than Brian."

"I love you, Brian," I said.

He was shocked.

I turned around, bent down and reached out to touch the words on the tombstone. "I love you mom."

Brian laughed.

He looks so pretty when he smiles, like flowers blooming in spring.

He squatted down, picked up the flowers I dropped on the ground, carefully placed them in front of the tombstone, then stood up and took my hand. "Let's go, Xiaoshi, my mother is in the sky, when you want to talk to her, you just need to look up."

I almost burst into tears again.

We walked slowly through the tombstones and flowers all over the mountains, and walked towards the exit of the cemetery.

"Is that the girl Xiaoshi likes? Sherry..."

"Well, her name is Qianli."

"Thousands of pear trees bloom?"

"Ah."

"It's a very good name, and it matches her very well. Xiaoshi has her own happiness, and Brian is very happy."

When he was about to exit, he stopped suddenly.

He turned around and looked at me with a bit of anxiety in his eyes. He said cautiously: "Xiaoshi, would you mind meeting my wife? And little Brian."

Little Brian... I was choked by this unexpected address and couldn't say a word.

"Xiaoshi, I'm sorry—"

"Xiaoshi is also very happy that Brian has found a new happiness." I struggled to find my voice, raised my index finger, scratched the bridge of the nose of this wronged man, raised my chin and pointed to the exit of the cemetery, " Is that Linda?"

Brian turned around in astonishment.

There stood a beautiful blond woman holding a tiny little Brian by the hand.