writing coffee

"Xiaoshi, Xiaoshi, mom will tell you a secret!"

"Can I tell someone?"

"What do you think? Is it still a secret if you tell others?"

"Forget it, it's too troublesome to keep a secret. In order to prevent me from accidentally revealing it, I still don't listen."

"You dead boy! Are you listening?!"

"listen."

"Don't tell anyone!"

"oh oh."

Xiaoshi, mother will give you a younger brother to play with?

Xiaoshi, mom is pregnant.

Xiaoshi, you are not allowed to tell Brian, mom still wants to give him a surprise!He keeps asking me when I will give him a little Brian, you say, how about I fold the test result into a bookmark and put it in the book he read recently?Or should I buy a super big gift box and put it in it as a new year gift for him?

Xiaoshi, give mom an idea!Forget your wood.

Xiaoshi, do you know that Brian made this wish on his last birthday?Haha what a fool!

Xiaoshi, think of a Chinese name for your younger brother, oh, it might be your younger sister, then think of two.

Xiaoshi, mom is about to board the plane, pick her up at the airport tomorrow, don't be late!

little poem...

little poem...

I'm sorry, mom... I'm sorry.Xiaoshi told others this secret, but Xiaoshi didn't tell Brian...

"Murong...Murong...Don't cry, don't do this, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, don't cry, I won't lie to you again...I'll tell you where I go, Murong...Don't cry, I I won't go anywhere in the future, just by your side, don't cry...Murong...Murong...I was wrong, I'm sorry...I will always be with you, no one in this world loves you more than me, Murong... ...don't cry, baby, don't cry..."

Qianli hugged me, called my name over and over again, apologized over and over again, made random promises over and over again, wiped the tears on my face in vain over and over again, and kissed me tenderly over and over again, but the tears were like a mouthful Like a deep spring, it can't stop flowing, and it can't stop.

This secret has been pressed in my heart for too many years. It has taken root, and it is deeply rooted in my heart like a broken rock, and it is like a growing baobab tree, propping my heart to pieces.

I don't know if she left any clues to make the man ecstatic when he found out that his wish came true, and then everything was empty in a blink of an eye. I didn't have the courage to confirm it.

I dare not go to worship at her grave, I'm afraid... I'm afraid that there are two names engraved on the tombstone.

"Murong... Murong... Let's go home, shall we?" She held my face in her hands and asked with a trembling voice, "Shall we go home?"

I blinked, squeezed the last tear out of my eyes, and finally saw the face in front of me clearly.What's wrong with her, did she smear all the tears on my face?Why is her face full of tears, and why are there tears on her eyelashes?Her eyes were soaked in the shallow water of the two bays, like two stars washed by heavy rain in the dark night.

"Let's go home by train, shall we?" She said cautiously, coaxing me softly while crying, lest I be accidentally broken in her arms.

I finally drained all the moisture in my body, and with my dry fingers, I went to catch the drops of water falling from her eyelashes. The cold touch was like rain after a long drought, nourishing my exhausted body and soul.

"Murong..."

Her lips opened and closed again, and a little bit of moisture was quietly squeezed in, maybe it was driven by instinct, maybe it was a flash of inspiration, I know, there must be the sweetest honey in the world.Like a ghost dying of thirst in the desert, I tried my best to absorb it, as if I could be redeemed and return to the world.

But this is not enough, far from enough.I bit her lips, as if to suck her blood, and kissed her chin indiscriminately, then her eyes, to her ears, to her collarbone, and then down...

I don't know how I got back to the room. I was so anxious and frantic that I had never seen before. She silently endured and tolerated everything about me.

Then I seemed to bite her lip, and the saliva exchanged had a little bit of blood/fluid sweetness.There must have been teeth marks around her belly/button/eye too, because she pulled my hair in a hurry and I bit her as punishment.And chest/front, legs/roots, a piece of scarlet.

"Murong."

"Ok?"

She didn't speak, she got up from my arms, held my face, looked at it for herself, touched my eyes, then covered them with her hands, and kissed the corner of my mouth as thin as a cicada's wings.After doing all this, I lay down again and closed my eyes with peace of mind.

I think it's a bit funny, because at this moment we hug each other naked, but I can't laugh, I feel a little distressed, but also a little relieved, feeling lost, and suddenly satisfied.

The next day, I was woken up by the sun, and Qianli still had her eyes closed, holding my waist tightly with both hands, as if she was afraid that I would leave her and leave.

It may be that I have been thinking too much about me recently, or it may be that I was tired from tossing and tossing last night, and she didn't even notice that I broke free from her arms.

I sat on the bed and looked down at her quietly for a long time.Her long hair was scattered on the pillow, and a few strands were wrapped around her face. I stretched out my hand and stroked the scar on her lip. Obviously, the little prince might make fun of her.But this guy has sharp teeth, and he can't tell who is making fun of whom.

Jian Qianli, this guy has a good skin, but it is rare, and he has a pure heart.The most rare thing is that this heart can withstand wind, frost, rain and snow, and it can also withstand the warmth and coldness of human feelings.

And this precious heart is all given to me at this moment.

"I'll accompany you, Sister Murong, I know the way!"

"No, it's okay." I opened the car door, "It's not that delicate."

"Oh, then..." Yan Jin replied sullenly, hesitant to speak.What he said was to accompany me to England, Yan Qian drove me to the airport, and the children followed.

I got out of the car and nodded to Yan Qian in the driver's seat, "Goodbye, see you next time."

Seeing that I was leaving soon, Yan Jin lost his restraint and blurted out: "Then what about Sister Qianli?"

I glanced at him and said lightly: "When the school is on holiday, go back by yourself."

He looked at me with wide eyes, unable to believe it, and held it back for a long time before summoning up the courage to ask: "Why?"

I waved at him, turned around and left, behind me was a low-pitched laughter.

Frankfurt to London is only a two-hour flight. In my eyes, it is like taking a night bus from the starting station to the terminal station, and there is no traffic jam in the middle.I finally embarked on this journey. On the one hand, I settled a concern, and on the other hand, I didn't want to let her down.

However, I hope that Jian Qianli understands that whether it is out of good intentions or malicious, a lie is a lie after all.

Brian no longer lives in the same place, and he, his now wife, Linda, and their little Brian, have moved into a downtown apartment.Qianli said that he has not changed at all, exactly the same as in my impression.I remembered him as a good-humoured, well-mannered gentleman, "intelligent and trustworthy," as my mother put it.

My mother’s grave is in the suburbs not far from Heathrow Airport. I bought her favorite little daisy, bought a large bouquet, held it in my arms, and walked slowly in the secluded cemetery, walking in a row between the tombstones.

I am much calmer than I imagined.

The afternoon sun was just right, and the sky was bright. Brian must have picked this cemetery carefully, just the way my mother liked it.Rows of white tombstones are neatly erected on the blue grass, and clusters of colorful flowers are planted in front of the tombstones, which must be the favorite of the owner of the tombstones during his lifetime.

The one my mother likes is naturally blooming there enthusiastically. Although it is still separated by several tombstones, it is so brilliant that the bouquet in my arms fades instantly. Dumb.I looked at the vibrant little yellow flowers around the white tombstones, and finally realized why my mother had a soft spot for them.Because they are so simple and strong, real and lovely, there is nothing but warmth and hope in their lives.

I looked at the tombstone from afar for a long time before I mustered up the courage to approach it step by step.I thought I was strong enough, I thought my tears had been shed last night, I thought I could smile calmly in front of her grave, I thought I would never cry like a child in front of my mother... ...But when I saw the words engraved on the tombstone, it all became ignorant and frivolous.

"My beautiful wife does not sleep here, because she disappeared in the place closest to heaven. I don't blame her for not saying goodbye to me. Angels never care about these red tapes in the world."

I stood there, covering my face and weeping bitterly.

He loves her so much, loves her so much...

What kind of mood did he have when he wrote this epitaph for her?And where was I then?Where have I been all these years?I have never even met him!In my own world, I wrapped myself up as a humble victim, shamelessly begging for pity from others, enjoying the careful care of others selfishly, being cruel without knowing it!

She disappeared in the closest place to heaven, so she went to heaven, right?He doesn't blame her for not saying goodbye, so... does he blame me?

Ah, he said he didn't.He said he loves me, he said, he has been watching me silently all these years... But what about me, what did I do, what did I do to him?I avoided seeing him for six whole years...

Mommy mommy……

I squatted on the ground, hugged my knees, cried until I couldn't help it, cried until I convulsed, and almost fainted, but I didn't dare to look up at the tombstone. I have never been so ashamed, ashamed, and regretful...

I'm sorry, Mom...sorry, Brian...sorry.

"Little poem?"

The author has something to say:

I don't dare to set up a flag anymore, my morals are shattered... Kneel!