writing coffee

She didn't see me.

She went up and down on the steps leading to the account opening garden, bouncing back and forth, like an innocent child immersed in a game she created, the white windbreaker glowed with a hazy halo under the light, which made her see It looks like an angel with invisible wings, who came to this gloomy world by accident.

And right now, I am in this gloomy, pessimistic, timid, afraid of being seen by her, afraid that she will see me like this.

I wanted to turn around, to retreat, to escape.Yet my body was motionless, not even my eyes blinked.

So I thought, why doesn't she look at me?Why don't you call my name in that cheery tone?Why don't you come over and give me a gentle hug like last time?

What about me, why am I standing here?Cowardly, hesitant?Why don't I step forward, step into the light?Are you still afraid that the light is too hot?

Suddenly, Qianli turned her head without warning, her eyes pierced through the darkness and stared directly into my eyes, and then she was stunned on the spot.The next second, she jumped down from the steps and rushed towards me impatiently.

Her figure jumped lightly under the light, with pure and undisguised joy on her face, which was very moving.

"Murong!" She called my name in great surprise, and finally stopped in front of me, but she lost her smile after seeing my appearance clearly.

"Murong..."

I looked at her silently, the tiredness in my soul seemed to have found an outlet at this moment, and it swept over me like a mountain and a sea, completely drowning me.I couldn't take it anymore, I bent down and put the weight of my whole body on her shoulders, she shook slightly, then stretched out her hands to wrap around my body tightly, and quietly withdrew one foot, just like that, support With my weight, my sorrow, and silence... I got my wish.

The chin rests on her shoulder, and the sound of the pulse beating on her neck is heard in my ears. This sound fills my whole world, like an ancient bronze bell beating one by one, sinking all the clamor and shouts into the ground under my feet.

I close my eyes.

I don't know how long it took, as if a night was so long, I finally drew some strength from her, slowly stood up straight, stepped back slightly and broke away from her embrace.

She looked at me sadly, and then showed a worried expression.

"Hungry..." I said.

Her eyes widened slightly, and then a little trace of a smile appeared, her whole face softened. "Go back and cook noodles for you~" Without waiting for my reaction, I took off the bag on my shoulder and carried it on my shoulder, then took my right hand, turned around and walked towards home.

I let her lead me out of the darkness, through the bright road, into the brightly lit elevator, and walk home.

I was too hungry to say a word, walked into the kitchen, raised my hand and tapped my fingers twice on the noodle cabinet, then walked to the sofa in the living room and sat down, leaning on the back of the sofa , close your eyes and endure.

"Murong?" After a while, I heard Qianli calling me softly in my ear.

I open my eyes.

"Drink some water first," she said, handing me half a glass of warm water.

I silently took it and drank it.

"We still have to wait for the noodles, eat a candy to top it." She said, and handed me another candy. The wrapping paper has been torn off, revealing half a milky white cube.

I was too lazy to reach out to pick it up, turned my head to bite with my teeth, put it in my mouth, closed my eyes again, and chewed feebly.

She stood for a while before turning and entering the kitchen.

As I chewed, I thought endlessly, I don’t know where she got the sugar, it tasted like milk, it was very thick, very sweet, very sticky to the teeth, and it was quite delicious.

After a while, I heard the crisp sound of her putting a bowl of noodles on the glass coffee table, and opened my eyes again, so fast?

"You can eat, Murong." She sat down beside me, handed me the chopsticks, and said softly.

I looked down and she mixed a bowl of noodles for me.I can't tell what it is mixed with. There are not many seasonings, not even chopped green onion.

I turned my head to look at her, maybe because of that candy, at this time I finally had the strength to say the second sentence to her tonight.

"Thank you."

She smiled lightly and didn't answer.

I bowed my head and ate it bite by bite seriously.It should be in cold water, not hot, but warm.I'm so hungry that I feel that a bowl of noodles without seasoning is better than countless delicacies in this world.

I ate every last drop.

"Is it better?" She took the chopsticks and the empty bowl in my hand naturally, then put the chopsticks on the mouth of the bowl and placed them in front of her.

"Yeah." Come back to life.

"There's more, wait and eat some more."

I looked at her and repeated, "Thank you."

She still didn't answer, just asked: "Uncle Xiao said you went home for the New Year, why did you come back at this time? Are you still so hungry?"

I changed the subject to a lighter one, "Did he tell you that he took your Aunt Maizi home for the New Year?"

"Murong," she suddenly lowered her voice, "I called you many times, do you know that?"

...I don't know, but I can imagine.

"I called you as soon as I got off the plane, but you didn't answer. So I took a taxi from the airport to the store, but you were not there, and I came here to look for you again, but you were not there. Later, Uncle Xiao told me that you were home for the New Year, and I I have no choice but to go home for the New Year." She looked at me and described the process lightly, without any complaints or grievances, as if she just wanted to tell me a fact, but I suddenly felt guilty and distressed.

"It's just that you didn't answer the phone at night, you didn't answer it very late, and you didn't reply to WeChat, so I came over again, but you were still not here. I thought, wait for you to call back, or send a message saying that you are not coming back I'll go..."

"I'm sorry." For making you so embarrassed.

"Murong," she slowly held my hand, with an imperceptible astringency in her voice, "You don't have to be sorry. I'm not telling you this to make you say sorry, just like I cook noodles for you to eat. Not to hear you say thank you. When I asked you why, I didn't have to ask you to explain, I just hope... maybe if you want to talk, you don't have to think about how to open it..."

"Qianli..." I opened my mouth to call her name, but actually I didn't know what I wanted to say, and I didn't even know what kind of mood I was in at the moment.

"I just, really, really care about you," she said.

"I didn't expect you to come back. At first I was very happy and pleasantly surprised, but you looked sad." Her eyes gradually turned red, and suddenly she knelt down on one knee at my feet, with a look of almost pain on her face , "I like you so much, I love you so much, I want to see you and smile at me every day, but you are so sad when I don't know, where I don't know, and I don't even know why you are sad have no idea……"

She frowned tightly, her eyes were wet, and she looked at me sadly. The deep self-blame in her eyes was so heavy that I could hardly bear it.I lowered my eyes and felt that my hands hurt a little from being held, but I couldn't bear to break free.I want to tell her that you don't need to be like this, and you don't need to be like this for me, but you are shamefully greedy for this cherished tenderness.

"Murong..." She sighed and called out my name, still kneeling, and pulled my hand to her lips almost reverently.I thought she would give a kiss, but she didn't, she put her chin on the back of my hand, and rubbed it lightly until I was a little itchy, then suddenly raised her eyes, and said softly in a deceptive tone, "Murong, can we be together? Let me take care of you."

Murong, can we be together, let me take care of you...

She wants to take care of me.

This reason sounds surprisingly moving.

But I asked myself, do I like her?I like it, it's hard for someone not to like her, right?But do I already like her to the point where I want to be with her?no.I'm past the age of being together because of love, I don't want to have a girlfriend, I just want to find a lover.

So what qualifications do I have to accept her care?Why does she think she can take care of me?

I withdrew my hand.

"Murong!" She seemed to have expected it a long time ago, clutching my hand tightly, her expression showed no urgency, only a little bit of pleading, and what she said seemed to have been carefully thought out, "Half a year, okay? Murong, you too So you like me a little, right? Then why don't you try to be together? You don't need to change anything, and you don't need to pay anything, just give me a chance to get closer to you, okay?"

what is this?

I struggled hard, and she held tighter and tighter.

"Murong!" She finally showed a determined look, "After half a year, if you... fall in love with someone who loves you more than me, I will never bother you!"

You see, she is so young, so brave, so passionate, like the kapok burning like a flame when we first met.

On my wasteland, a flower once bloomed, but it has withered. Now, will she sow another seed for me?

She said, "Murong, it's not that difficult for the two of you to be together."

She said: "Murong, you don't know, my heart aches for you like this, it can't be more."

She said, "Murong..."

"Wait until the kapok blooms," I heard myself say.

She closed her mouth and looked straight at me, as if she didn't quite believe it, as if she was waiting for my next words. After a while, she smiled brightly and answered only one word.

She said, "Okay."