fail love

The school's New Year's Day is an open day, so some small stalls were set up inside the school for students and parents to eat, drink and have fun. Tao Zhi was fed by Yu Yanlun all the way, and it was only when his mouth was full of delicious food that he noticed that Wang Siyu and Yan Shu were gone.

He was chewing something and hadn't swallowed it yet, Yu Yanlun came over with another skewer and stuffed it into Tao Zhi's mouth, "Come here, I just made it, it's delicious."

"Well, I can't eat anymore." Tao Zhi turned his head to avoid Yu Yanlun's feeding, Yu Yanlun curled his mouth, stuffed the meat into his mouth, and said while eating, "You don't know what to eat."

Tao Zhi looked around, the New Year's Eve party was still going on, so there weren't many people outside, but Yan Shu was still not seen, Tao Zhi asked, "Where's brother Yan Shu?"

"I can't lose such a big person." Yu Yanlun picked up another box of Guoqie, and put his arms around Tao Zhi's shoulders, "Let's go, bring these to my parents."

Tao Zhi felt that what Yu Yanlun said was correct, but he was uneasy for no reason. He couldn't think of any reason for Yan Shu to act alone. Tao Zhi wrapped the clothes on his body tightly, and Xiao He quickly followed Yu Yanlun.

Sitting in the stands, Tao Zhi took out his mobile phone to send a message to Yan Shu, but after several minutes passed, Yan Shu's profile picture was still silent, without any movement.

About 10 minutes later, Yan Shu appeared. Tao Zhi was already flustered, but when he saw Yan Shu appearing in the corridor, he quickly stood up and shouted softly, "Brother, I'm here."

Yan Shu was feeling cold, he gave Tao Zhi his coat, and he was only wearing a thin turtleneck sweater. Tao Zhi felt his hand was so cold that he quickly put Yan Shu's hand in his pocket. Keeping warm in his arms, he asked a little anxiously: "Where have you been? You don't reply to my message."

The lights in the stands were too dim, and Yan Shu kept his head slightly lowered. Tao Zhi never noticed Yan Shu's expression, but felt Yan Shu's unusual silence. Tao Zhi lowered his head to get close to Yan Shu's face, and unexpectedly saw Yan Shu's cheekbones There was a bruise on the face.

"Ah! Brother, did you go to fight? How did it become like this?" Tao Zhi was taken aback by the wound on Yan Shu's face, but Yan Shu didn't care much about his wound, only saying that he accidentally fell down.

Tao Zhi gently touched Yan Shu's cheek in distress. He easily believed Yan Shu's words, and he never doubted how his face would be injured if he fell. He said worriedly: "Why are you so careless? Does it hurt? I'll blow it to you."

When Tao Zhi pouted and wanted to blow Yan Shu's wound, Yan Shu held his hand, Tao Zhi was stunned, and kept looking at Yan Shu with a ridiculous expression of pouting.

"You...Are you planning to go abroad?" Yan Shu looked into Tao Zhi's eyes, Tao Zhi's eyes moved from side to side in a panic, his pursed mouth slowly calmed down, and finally he gave a soft "um".

Yan Shu also gave a soft "hmm", unable to hear his emotions, Tao Zhi hugged Yan Shu's arm even tighter, he was a little afraid of Yan Shu's current state, he felt a sense of oppression about to come, he I started to find reasons for myself: "My grades are really bad. There is not much chance of getting good grades in the college entrance examination. If I stay in China, I will not go to school..."

Tao Zhi's anxious tone sounded a bit pitiful, he frowned uncomfortably, knowing that he was not looking for a good reason, and he also concealed this matter from Yan Shu, he thought it would be better if he could be smarter Now, you don't need to be as smart as Yan Shu, as long as you are a little bit better than your current self, you won't be incapable of choosing your own future path.

Yan Shu interrupted Tao Zhi, and asked him: "Wang Siyu told me that he also wants to go to country D with you, right?"

Wang Siyu's grades are better than Tao Zhi's, but it's only at the end of the crane. The two are equally matched, so Wang Siyu's family also plans to send this second generation ancestor to go abroad for purification. Point, we can take care of each other when we go out.”

Tao Zhi agreed at the time, and Wang Siyu did indeed find a school in country D. He didn't know why Yan Shu suddenly mentioned Wang Siyu, and he didn't know what connection Wang Siyu had with his going abroad, but Yan Shu asked, and he He nodded obediently and admitted: "Yes, he is with me."

When Yan Shu was almost not angry, but now he really wanted to lose his temper, but the anger had rushed to his throat, but he couldn't get out. not out.

He had no reason to be angry, and he couldn't ask Tao Zhi why he hid this matter from him. Obviously, the two of them grew up together and were very close. He shared Tao Zhi's countless secrets, and secretly thought he had Tao Zhi and other People have different memories, but now he is asked to admit that he will no longer be special to Tao Zhi.

The role he plays in Tao Zhi's world can only remain as "brother" forever and ever.

At this moment, Yan Shu looked at Tao Zhi's slightly nervous face, feeling mixed feelings in his heart, and the scene that just happened on the embankment came to mind.

Standing by the river embankment, the night wind was stronger, with damp and cold water vapor, Wang Siyu's forehead bangs were blown into a mess, revealing a smooth forehead, he casually leaned on the embankment pillar, and slightly raised it to Yan Shu Chin, "I'm going to study in country D next year, with Tao Zhi."

Wang Siyu was still wearing a winter school uniform under his down jacket. The night wind blew his shirt collar up and slapped it on Wang Siyu's chin. He had the recklessness unique to this age group on his face, and his expression was not serious, but what he said But it is the most unbreakable promise, "I will take good care of him, and you don't have to worry about him anymore."

"Tao Zhi doesn't know, but I know that you look at him the same way I look at him. If it's possible, you won't be together now. You actually understand it. Let's give up."

The weather was too cold, Wang Siyu spit out a puff of white air when he spoke, Yan Shu wrestled with Wang Siyu almost out of anger and impulsively, he was thinking why.

Why would Wang Siyu say such casual and hasty words? He and Tao Zhi have only known each other for less than a year. This brat may not have studied it thoroughly for a long time, so he will be expelled from Tao Zhi's world to replace him. his position.

The more than ten years he and Tao Zhi really spent became illusory at this moment. Yan Shu had an illusion that he couldn't grasp it. In the ten years that can't be false for a second, Tao Zhi has already been his blood and flesh and blood, if he is torn off, he will be dripping with blood.

But why did the other party care about it? He proudly declared this matter with a victorious attitude, and this matter was confirmed by Tao Zhi from the side. Yan said that it was bitter and unspeakable, and he almost lost the ability to speak. When he had never encountered such a setback before, he wanted to ask Tao Zhi if he liked Wang Siyu, and he probably did. Children of this age like bright and bright things, and Wang Siyu and his pheromones match, which is enough to make Yan Shu It's down.

Yan Shu's pheromones are not attractive to Tao Zhi, he has no ability to reverse this, pheromones are innate, in other words, they are destined by nature.

And Yan Shu's ten years have been like a silent river, silent in the years. Maybe he and Tao Zhi will have the next ten years, the next 20 years, but they are not the ten years he wants. 20 years.

"...Why?" Yan Shu couldn't help asking Tao Zhi, and he found out the vows he and Tao Zhi had made, "Didn't you say you wanted to take the college entrance examination? Didn't you say that you were reluctant to leave your brother?"

Now he overturned the promise he made with him, and made a new promise with Wang Siyu instead.

Tao Zhi opened his mouth, he was powerless to refute, he was indeed wrong this time, but he had no choice, he didn't have enough ability to pursue what he wanted, he couldn't show his strong perseverance and enough achievements to show Parents prove that they can take responsibility for their own future.

"I'm sorry..." Tao Zhi felt extremely sour in his heart. At first, he just wanted to hide this matter for a longer time, but after a long time, Tao Zhi got used to the ease of escaping and ignored the seriousness of the problem, "Brother, I don't want to hide it from you, I have no choice, I really have no choice."

When he applied for volunteering, Yan Shu did not apply to schools outside the province, nor did he choose to go abroad for further study. He knew what his selfishness was, and he never revealed it to anyone. He was able to stay for Tao Zhi, but now he Tao Zhi cannot be blamed for not staying for him.

Yan Shu also knew that Tao Zhi had no choice, Tao Zhi was not him, Tao Zhi didn't have so many choices, he couldn't resist going abroad to study, not to mention the current situation, going abroad to study was indeed more suitable for Tao Zhi.

Now the transportation is convenient, even if Tao Zhi has gone abroad, Yan Shu can still fly over to see him, this matter is not so serious, but what Yan Shu wants is not only these, what he really wants cannot be said, everything All reasonable, he could only cowardly and incompetent rage.

A skit was being performed on the stage, and loud laughter burst out from the stands from time to time, but in their small corner, the atmosphere was always gloomy. Tao Zhi carefully rested his head on Yan Shu's shoulder, comforting him anxiously: "Brother , I will come back often, I just go out to study and come back soon."

Yan Shu's hand was covered by Tao Zhi in his arms, but it didn't get too hot. Tao Zhi felt his fingertips were still cold, and Tao Zhi suddenly felt sad. Very good, but Tao Zhi was still cautious, living his life with his tail between his legs, for fear that he would be sent back to the orphanage. During countless sleepless nights, it was Yan Shu who held his hand and accompanied him to sleep.

"I'm sorry, I'm so useless..." Tao Zhi whispered, with some crying in his voice, Yan Shu was silent for a while, and slowly hugged Tao Zhi into his arms, they were like a pair of small animals that are afraid of the cold They leaned together to keep warm, and there were countless such hugs between them. From Tao Zhi's seven years old to the present 17 years old, these hugs, comfort and warmth, now Yan Shu would cruelly share with another person.

"I don't blame you, it's my brother who is too useless." Yan Shu wanted to touch Tao Zhi's head, but he put his hand down again thinking of Wang Siyu's words.

He wondered, in ten years, 650 days and nights, was there a moment when Tao Zhi fell in love with him.

There may be, but it's not the right time. They are obviously standing opposite, and they are so close, but they miss it.

Yan Shu wanted to confide to Tao Zhi the love that had been silent and restrained in the years, wanted Tao Zhi to stay regardless of his love as a threat, kidnapped him with ten years of affection, made a pitiful appearance, and let him stay. By his side, let the embrace, comfort and warmth belong to him alone.

He restrained his impulse, and bit the bloody smell on the flesh of his mouth and cheeks. It was precisely because of such deep feelings that he couldn't let himself do selfish things. He didn't want Tao Zhi to be imprisoned by him. Tao Zhi should have In a wider world, meet more people, instead of being trapped in this small place, and regard Yan Shu's good as the only good in the world.

If Tao Zhi has already made a choice, he can only cooperate with Tao Zhi, keep silent and keep silent.

The author says:

Silence is my speechless confession