Shiva

[Avidya].

I lay powerless on the bed for a whole day, and Shen Xu also stayed with me for a day, my head was awake occasionally, and those things that I thought I had forgotten were suddenly dug out from a certain corner, and every movement and every look was so clear Everything is there.

Most of the curtains were closed, Shen Xu put up a pillow and leaned against me, "...So, your boyfriend became cold after he started working."

I nodded and shook my head in confusion, or maybe I was too nervous to detect any clues from the omens of the grass snake gray line in the early years.

"Xiao Jin, I want to confess something to you." Shen Xu's expression suddenly became apologetic, "You fell asleep holding your phone yesterday, it was my fault, I peeked at your conversation... .It seems that he is very neglectful of your feelings."

"He's not like that." I retorted, but paled in front of those chat records, "It wasn't before."

Yes, I speak for my boyfriend, but I can't forgive him.Because once a person has tasted the taste of honey, he will no longer want to taste the bitter medicine, not to mention that the giver of the honey and the bitter medicine is the same person, and this gap is really depressing.

In fact, when I was in high school, I should have realized that he liked me too. When other classmates asked him questions, he gave them in a few concise sentences. Turned around, put the notebook on my desk to explain, the speech was slow, and the numbers written backhand were very beautiful.

When the students in the class use the touch-screen mobile phone, he is still using the buttons. I find it very troublesome to type, especially for some relatively long formulas, but he will write very detailed every time impatiently, without missing Lose even one punctuation mark.I said Didai, why don't you research whether this mobile phone can send pictures, or it will be a waste of your time to type such a long formula.

[fine. ]He said.

[Then save up the questions I don’t know, and ask you together on Monday morning. ]

He didn't reply. At eleven o'clock on Saturday night, when I finished my homework, finished my drawing materials, washed up, and the phone screen was dark, I turned off the light and lay down on the bed with my phone flat on my chest. I didn't wait for a reply, nor did I feel sleepy. , simply got up and looked through the textbook.

My eagerness to learn is really not pretending. Every time we take the monthly exam, the seats are arranged according to the ranking. The land agent is always in the first class. I couldn't keep up when I came back, so I pestered me to explain the questions for a month before I was promoted back.

"Chidai, let me tell you that our exam room is messed up." After the bell rang, I left the classroom with my pencil case and books in my arms, and found Jidai's figure, "The guy in front looked back at my answer."

"A lot of people cheat?"

"I think it's quite a lot, and the movement is not small." I touched my nose with lingering fear, "I don't know if the teacher sees him copying my answers, will he be accused of cheating together?"

"No...you're so timid, haven't you cheated?" Di Dai asked me.

"No." I answered honestly.

"there has never been?"

I nodded, "Really not, if you know it, you will, if you don't, you won't. The copied things are meaningless, and you have to worry about being caught. It's not worth it."

"Quite enlightened." Jidai walked upstairs with me. He was empty-handed, and he put a black pen in his pocket after the exam.

"Everyone understands this truth, but maybe because they don't do well in the exam, they will be beaten by their parents when they go home, so they keep cheating."

"Well, yes." When turning the corner, Ji Dai suddenly asked seriously, "Xiao Jin, do you think you are a very safe person?"

"Yes." I admitted it boldly, so I was just ashamed for a while when I got a fraction in the math test of 150 last time. , It is always right to work hard a little bit, and one must be down-to-earth.

"Wait, Didn't you take the exam in class one? How did you get downstairs?" I reacted.

"Go to the bathroom." Ji Dai said casually, "There are too many people upstairs."

"Oh." I also felt that I was really stupid, and I had to ask stupidly about such an easy guess, and I thought vaguely, even if Jidai really liked boys, he would definitely not be my type Yes, chatting all day is exhausting.

His patience with me is more like the sympathy of the god of learning to the common people, and he rarely talks about topics that have nothing to do with learning.

But once during the National Day holiday, when I was sitting on the bullet train bound for the studio, I received a voice from him, which started with the sound of wind and cars.

"Xiao Jin, I changed my phone, uh, I'm walking now..."

He didn't seem to know what to say. After the noise, a voice stopped in the tenth second. I was so excited that I almost kicked to the front seat and listened back and forth many times with my phone in my hand.When you like someone, you will involuntarily put countless layers of filters on him, and you will think how can his voice be so beautiful, how can the timing of the pause be so just right, why can even a trivial thing like sharing walking can easily touch the heartstrings?

I cleared my throat, "Is it easy to use? Is your family finally letting go?"

"My mother doesn't know about the mobile phone I'm using now." He chuckled, "It will be confiscated."

"She's so strict with you," I said.

After a few seconds, [speaking] becomes [typing]

[Well, she has a bad temper. ]

I glanced at the text and didn't take it seriously. My mother has a bad temper too. I thought that all parents in the world have a bad temper, so I changed the subject and said that I was on the train and passing a field.

"Okay, if you have questions you don't understand over there, you can ask me at any time." He said, "I will write it down and take a photo for you."

After a few seconds, he typed again, [Paddy field? ]

[It's a wheat field. ]

We chatted from three o'clock in the afternoon until midnight that day. When I got to the studio, I unlocked my phone to watch every few strokes. The teacher stared at me dissatisfied, and was baffled by the joy on my face.

"—Didn't you feel that he liked you too?" Shen Xu supported his head with one hand and listened to me.

"I didn't dare to think about it at the time." I told the truth, "I felt a little bit later."

"It seems a little bit." Shen Xu repeated me with a half-smile, "But this way is hard to be noticed. There is such a kind of person who has never been loved and doesn't know how to love someone better. That's why I made some clumsy moves, hoping that the other party would understand my intentions."

"As expected of a teacher, you have insight." I looked at him half lying down, Shen Xu was not very close to me, he only had his upper body leaning on the bed to accompany me.It's this polite alienation again, as if as soon as I show a little discomfort, he will immediately evacuate to a social distance that everyone is satisfied with, and it is too cautious to be too cautious.

I don't mind this, I feel very comfortable getting along with people who have a sense of proportion, but Shen Xu seems to be too kind to me. I was sick in bed, which delayed him a lot of time, but he still Accompany me without complaint.The water in the glass will never cool down. At noon, he brought a bowl of rice and bean porridge, saying that it was made in the hotel kitchen. It was the lightest and cleanest dish. I ate it mouthful and looked out the window guiltily. Shen Xuman said nonchalantly that today will reach the highest temperature of the month, so it is better not to go out and rest in the hotel for a day.

When he was talking, his eyes kept looking at me, he couldn't tell what kind of emotion he was holding, and he always looked away before I was about to meet his eyes.

In the afternoon, Shen Xu went back to his bed to take a nap. After taking care of me for so long, he must be very tired, and the way he hugged the quilt had a sense of vulnerability and silence that is not usually noticeable.He fell asleep, but my spirits improved. I dug out a blank book from under the suitcase, went back to bed and laid it flat on my knees, and used my memory to reconstruct yesterday's palm hut.

Length, width and height, the depth of the stage, and the number of seats, I was trapped in the semi-curved softness formed by the pillows and mattresses, without exerting any strength on my waist and shoulders, I just drew one after another, deep and shallow The shallow baseline is like a black and white forest, and a pair of eyes covered with green colors always flash into the mind uncontrollably, as refined and fast as a stroke of a stroke, but also possesses a profound attraction.

"Shen Xu, Shen Xu." Those eyes told me.

So I put down the pen and pressed the eye sockets with the heel of my palm, "Shen Xu..."

Feeling exhausted, I thought of that rotten little mouse. When it was still alive, it must have grown up watching "Mahabharata". When it was hungry, it would steal lentils and curry. Fleeing between.So can it understand, about greed and beauty, about "time confiscates all living beings..."?

Looking up from the palm of my hand, a vivid little mouse jumped onto the paper. I stared at the image for a while, and then drew Shen Xu's eyes next to it. The whole process was smooth and smooth, as if it had been engraved in my mind. I took out the phone photo album and planned to compare it with one of my pictures, but unexpectedly, the moment the photo album popped up, it was blank. I quit and opened it, opened and quit, and got lost in the snow again.

"Shen Xu." I narrowed my eyes in confusion, looking at his sleeping face, "Have we known each other for a long time?"

It was getting dark, I was thinking about things, and the more I thought about it, the more confused I became, so I simply got into the quilt and slept for a while. When I woke up, it was past six in the evening. Shen Xu woke up earlier than me, sitting on the edge of the bed, half lifted. Eyelids looked at me, "Are you hungry?"

"Hungry." I heard my stomach growling.

"Rice bean porridge?"

"No, no, no." I still don't give up on heavy Indian food, "Shall we go out to eat?"

Shen Xu asked worriedly: "Is your stomach feeling better?"

"It's much better. If you don't eat that kind of roadside stall, you should be fine." I got up and changed my shirt, "And you can take medicine first."

"It's three-point medicine." Shen Xu threw me a box of things, "Chew Jianweixiaoshi tablets, it's useless."

I put the medicine in my pocket, and by the way, I mentioned to Shen Xu the strange things that happened on my mobile phone, saying that the photo album and address book were suddenly formatted, and even the newly taken photos would disappear, which is really strange.Shen Xu thought for a while, took out a digital Leica from his backpack, loosened the strap and hung it around his neck, "Let me help you take pictures."

"It's just that you took pictures for me, how embarrassing." I looked at my phone worriedly.

"I like taking pictures of others, but I don't like being photographed myself." Shen Xu lowered his head to adjust the parameters, "I feel a little uncomfortable."

I was silent, which is quite similar to someone. When the high school graduation photos were developed, he was the only one who didn't look at the camera - he was looking at me.