depicting time

Xu Yan pushed the door open and entered the study room. Yu Yang was arranging the documents in his hand at this time, and after a while he began to write something on the paper.

When Xu Yan sat down across from him, he smiled while writing, "Both Fu Ye and Gu Manwen came to my place to complain about each other. It seems that their cohabitation life is very lively."

Xu Yan laughed, "Where are the two of them not having fun?"

Yu Yang stopped his pen, finished sorting out the previous person's information, and focused on Xu Yan in front of him.

The psychological test questions that the previous two had done were still in his hand. When he met Xu Yan, he said, "I won't do the psychological test questions for you this time. You can guess the answer and answer completely dishonestly."

Xu Yan touched his nose in embarrassment, "I'm used to doing the questions and getting high marks."

Yu Yang expressed understanding, "I understand, Xueba's obsessive-compulsive disorder!"

He asked seemingly jokingly, "You haven't encountered any failures, have you?"

Xu Yan replied, "It's true that I haven't encountered it before."

Yu Yang nodded and thought for a while, "Then let me guess again. When facing a test, you are used to 'predicting' the answer. For example, you will never let go of any knowledge when reviewing before the exam at school. Point, only by mastering all aspects, your heart will not panic."

Xu Yan admitted, "Yes. It should be related to my own ability. I am used to an environment without unknowns. When facing an important test, I can only calm down when I am in a familiar environment."

He actually discovered this problem a long time ago, but it had little impact and was difficult to correct, so he kept ignoring it.

But Yu Yang asked, "In the space-time fragments, will you repeatedly determine the information points and analyze the answers repeatedly?"

Xu Yan showed a look of surprise, he didn't expect Yu Yang to think of this question.Honestly replied, "I did at first, because I was very afraid of failing the mission at that time... But it's much better now, because you told me that time is precious. Also, the team members trust me very much, which makes me feel more confident a little."

Yu Yang smiled slightly, "I'm glad I can help you."

He briefly recorded their conversation on a new page of the notebook, writing very quickly with his right hand.

Xu Yan's gaze shifted from his right hand where he was writing, to his left hand wearing a ring.

Knowing him for so long, I have never seen him take off his ring.

Yu Yang used his pain to make Xu Yan understand the preciousness of mission time.

And when will the person he is waiting for appear?

When he stopped writing, Xu Yan withdrew his gaze and raised his head.

Yu Yang was smiling at him, "Change the scoring method today, and let yourself rate your emotions. From 1 to 10, what score would you choose?"

Xu Yan thought for a while and replied, "8 points."

Yu Yang asked, "Why do you think you can't achieve full marks?"

Xu Yan quickly gave the answer, "Because I'm in a calm mood right now, and there's nothing particularly happy about it."

Yu Yang asked, "I just rescued the victim, doesn't it make you very happy?"

This question made Xu Yan hesitate.

"I... can only help them for a while, but not for a lifetime."

He told Yu Yang what Song Ting had said, and he was also repeating to comfort himself.

Yu Yang asked again, "Those victims in front, have you ever thought about helping them for the rest of your life?"

Xu Yan shook his head, "No." He explained, "The victims this time are different. They are high school students. Their lives haven't officially started yet. The end of high school life is a turning point for them. Things may never be undone."

Yu Yang was a little surprised, it wasn't like what Xu Yan would say, "I thought you would believe that life can start over from any moment."

Xu Yan replied, "I don't believe this sentence. Not everyone is so lucky. For ordinary people, different ages should experience different things. What should have been lost again and again when they were young. Five years later, ten years later, it is a completely different taste."

Xu Yan's eyes began to go blank, and his thoughts drifted to distant memories.

Yu Yang asked him directly, "Do you think your worry is from the perspective of a bystander?"

Xu Yan came back to his senses and knew that he had fallen into the memory of the past again.He replied, "No."

Yu Yang looked at him quietly, waiting for his attention to return to this psychological consultation.

Said, "We may have to start talking about heavy topics."

He asked, "Did you remember anything that happened in high school?" Such a question was not clear enough, so Yu Yang immediately asked, "Xu Yan, why did you put yourself into other people's stories?" ?”

Xu Yan folded his hands on the table, bowed his head and remained silent for a long time.

He hasn't talked to anyone about this yet...

He spent a long time and energy to heal the memory that had been silent for a long time.Up to now, we can only get rid of the pessimistic dilemma, but we cannot completely get rid of it.

Whenever he thinks about it, there will be a dull pain somewhere in his heart, as if there is a dark abyss hidden in his heart.Blocked by other rays of light, it cannot corrode him.

However, it is always affecting him.

a long time.

Xu Yan took a deep breath, and then exhaled slowly.Talking about the past in a soft voice, "In the third year of high school, my parents suddenly wanted to divorce."

After a pause, he finally had the courage to continue, "The two who used to talk very little suddenly became talkative that day, as if they wanted to vent all the resentment they had endured for more than ten years on that day... "

"When they were arguing, I couldn't think about it for a while... I picked up the fruit knife on the table and cut my wrist... It hurt at first, I could see the blood gushing from the wound, but the pain gradually disappeared The whole person became numb. One knife after another was cut on the arm, I don't know what to exchange for such behavior..."

Yu Yang saw his doubts. Sometimes no matter how smart a person is, he will encounter a situation where the bystanders are clear and the authorities are confused.

Yu Yang answered him in his heart, you want to use such extreme behavior to test your parents' love for you.

Xu Yan lowered his head and continued, "They had been arguing for a long time, and only when they smelled the smell of blood did they realize that I was committing suicide in the corner. I saw their eyes before they passed out, and they were caring without emotion."

Speaking of this, his heart became as empty as before. "At that time, I understood that there has never been a family relationship in this family. To my parents, I am just a superfluous responsibility."

Seeing his expression at this time, Yu Yang wrote on the paper, "The crux of depression is to see clearly the indifference of parents." '

But there was definitely a deeper blow.In Xu Yan's deleted memory, there must have been more cruel things that happened to him.

Yu Yang listened to Xu Yan's narration at the same time, "Three days after I woke up, my parents were still going through the divorce procedures when I was lying on the hospital bed. My father wanted to move to District B, and my mother wanted to move to District B." Taking custody of me...and the day they got divorced, the judge asked me, 'Do you want to live with your father or your mother?'"

"I replied that I have never had a parent, and I don't want anyone. I would rather be an orphan than live with such indifferent people."

Yu Yang's hand holding the pen stood still for a long time, the tip of the pen had pierced the paper.

He thought, Xu Yan was only 16 years old at that time.

The stories seen in the materials are completely different from Xu Yan's own experience.

Only Xu Yan himself can express his feelings at that time.

Yu Yang sighed for him, "That should be the most painful time for you."

Xu Yan showed a wry smile, "Yes, the originally stable life suddenly disappeared, and the things I had been working hard to maintain suddenly became very ridiculous. What I longed for most at that time was freedom."

"Because I never got it and I don't want to lose it again."

He clasped his hands tightly, just as he silently advised himself in the dark ward, and said firmly, "I don't want to be trapped by their side anymore, I must escape that cold family immediately."

"I can't wait. If I wait any longer, my life will be ruined by the two of them. Since they don't want to make decisions about my life, then I will make decisions myself."

Yu Yang was greatly shocked by his words, Xu Yan saw it too clearly, and hardly had any illusions about reality.

All he could say was, "You made the right choice."

He also finally fully understood why Xu Yan cared so much about these children... because they once had what he longed for.The freedom he could only have when he was young is so precious, he doesn't want anyone to lose it...

Xu Yan raised his head, his face returned to normal. "I am very grateful for my choice at that time, because everything is still too late."

Yu Yang asked, "Do you think you still have hatred for them?"

Xu Yan searched for the answer in his heart, and what he felt was, "No, I don't think about them anymore."

Although he will never be able to get rid of the influence of his parents, he is slowly letting go.He took a long breath and sighed, "Recently, I feel that my heart is slowly getting lighter, as if something is slowly leaving my heart."

Yu Yang told him the answer, "Xu Yan from the past still exists in your body, but you have become brave and can live in harmony with him."

Xu Yan agreed, "Yes."

Xu Yan and Song Ting passed by outside the study, one walked up to the second floor, and the other entered the study.

There was a faint scent of roses in the bedroom, as well as a warm and sweet smell. It was the chocolate milk that Song Ting had just soaked in the teacup.

Xu Yan took a sip, leaned against the table, and took out the gift in his pocket.Yu Yang gave him a bookmark with roses painted on one side and a sentence written on the other side, 'Hope should stay in your own hands'.

When he glanced over this line of words, a vague voice suddenly sounded in Xu Yan's mind, also saying, 'Hope should be kept in my own hands. '

He was immediately confused, in which book did he read it?

However, he seldom forgets the contents of the book...

Xu Yan looked at the bookshelf behind the desk. Song Ting helped him bring a lot of books. Maybe the answer lies in these books.

Row after row, scanning from top to bottom, there is not a single title that can be associated with this sentence.But Xu Yan's eyes froze. He walked to the bookshelf and took out an unopened book, "Thus Spoke Zarathustra".

There is something strange.

He wondered, "Why this book... I haven't opened it, but I have read it."

Where did you read it?

I read a day's thesis, woo, I'm late