winter suicide plan

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It's snowing, and it's snowing heavily.

Chen Shuning's feet are healed. Ever since I started preparing the piano songs for the school's New Year's Eve party on behalf of Class 1 Songhe, Chen Shuning rarely communicated with me and disappeared from time to time. When I couldn't get in touch with him, he would always text me back in the middle of the night .

He didn't sleep at two o'clock in the morning, so I reminded him to take sleeping pills if he couldn't fall asleep.

He said he would.

But I heard from people in his dormitory that he didn't sleep all night, but he was very energetic all day long. He had to ask the teacher for some questions from time to time after a day of review.

I talked to Chen Shuning about this matter, but he said he was fine, he had always taken his medicine on time, it was fine, and then he found an excuse and slipped away.

When I was resting after practice, I saw him, and for a second, he seemed to be passing through this classroom.Sometimes Wu Huawen would come to me and ask me for information.

He was carrying the milk tea, saying that he ran into Chen Shuning and invited him, and when he heard that I was looking for you, he also bought it for him.

I took a look at the label on the milk tea, it was the flavor I asked Chen Shuning to drink after watching "Frozen" last time.

Can I secretly think this way, Chen Shuning wanted to buy it for me, but he was too embarrassed to buy it for me alone, so he bought Wu Huawen's as well.

I can only guess like this, maybe it's just my imagination.

Chen Shuning said he likes me, I was ecstatic, and I was thinking about it for several nights, but now he will obediently take medicine and his mood is stable, but he just doesn't want to see me.

In the evening, the snow is very thick, and there will be a footprint pit when you step on it.I went back to the classroom. Chen Shuning was wearing earphones and a simple mp3 player on the desk. He was writing something all the time. I approached him. He glanced at me, smiled and brought me a hand cream. He said he heard girls He said that this hand cream is more moisturizing, and it won't always crack when applied frequently, so he returned the gloves I gave him.

I took it to apply on my hands. I always thought that men don't need care, but Chen Shuning gave it to me, so I must use it.

I asked him what he heard on the mp3, and he immediately covered his ears and said it was nothing, just some songs.At that moment, I was a little sad, and smiled and said that I didn't want to hear it, so I don't need to be so defensive.He looked at me for a few seconds, as if about to say something.

The phone rang, and there was no contact name, only a string of numbers.

He hurriedly unplugged the earphones, rolled up the mp3 and earphone cables, packed his schoolbag and said he had to leave beforehand.I nodded, it seems that there is not even 10 minutes of communication time today.I also put on my headphones and listened to the tunes to be played at the New Year's Eve party over and over again.Picking up a pen and preparing to write a topic, thinking about where to work after graduation.

Thinking of this, I had a lot of thoughts. I started to think about Chen Shuning, and wanted to see if he was gone.

The blood-orange sunset outside looks like an oil painting by Monet when viewed from the window. Chen Shuning stands in front of the window and looks at me through the glass.

Is he looking at me?

I tilted my head and smiled at him. Chen Shuning was wearing a camel-colored thick coat and a scarf under the sunset. His hair and face were dyed the warm color of candy. His hair was a little messy. I wanted to smooth it out for him and take the opportunity to touch his soft hair.

My ears warmed up, and I unconsciously wanted to kiss him.

Song just heard that line *"Iwilltryforyourlove."*

I rolled my Adam's apple.

My mind was racing and I couldn't help but wonder - did I really get him?

When he saw that I found him, he waved his hand, exhaled white breath and said with his mouth: "Let's go." He shook the phone, "Call me if there is anything to do." film.

I shook my head and watched the sunset gradually disappear.

Back in the dormitory, Li Jingyuan said viciously, "I think Chen Shuning is in love."

I was so scared that I spit out a mouthful of milk, choking me to death.

A bunch of people came over to listen to the gossip, and said that there was nothing to say about it. Chen Shuning's face would fall in love sooner or later, and getting out of the singles was not a matter of every minute.

"That's not true, you all know this person."

"Who?"

I grabbed the milk box tightly and watched Li Jingyuan prepare to speak: "That..."

"That's the one, the girl from class 1 in the junior year, named Li Yi, that girl with long black hair, the girl who performed the sexy dance at school last time. She's usually quiet and quiet. Damn, she's the tallest when she dances. Well done. It's really pretty, but I've got company."

"How do you know?" I swallowed back what I just said, so scared that I almost came out on the spot.

"Didn't you see the two of them sitting in the library every day and eating together? Last time I saw Chen Shuning get out of her family's car. This is to see her parents. They will get married before they graduate from senior year and invite us to a wedding banquet." Bar……"

Li Jingyuan bumped into me: "Hey, you know Chen Shuning very well recently, have you told me?"

I shook my head and said, "Where he is familiar, I took care of him."

"I'm not familiar with you yet. The last time you rushed out of the dormitory in the middle of the night, what did you think you were doing? You have to keep staring at your phone, otherwise no one will see the messages on your phone. Last time Chen Shuning was too scary. Now, besides his pale face, But being handsome is really not something to brag about. However, we, Xiaofeng, are still handsome."

I pushed his hand away, and Wu Huawen ran over again: "It's not true that you don't even talk about a relationship, just graduate like this, you don't have such a face, you haven't talked to a girl?"

"It's not that I'm the only one who doesn't have a girlfriend, Li Jingyuan doesn't have one either."

"Brother, if I have half of your face, can I find none of it?"

Wu Huawen teased Li Jingyuan: "You are also surnamed Li, why does he have so much hair, you only have these few hairs."

"Damn it, I can stop this. How do you tell me to change the things engraved in my DNA? What's wrong with my natural hair loss? This means I'm 'extremely smart'" Li Jingyuan pushed Wu Huawen away violently.

Ever since I heard the name "Li Yi", I remembered that after drinking in the bar that day, when Chen Shuning said the type of girl he liked, he was pointing at Li Yi.

Because of that dance, the whole school knew this girl.There are also discussions about the two of them on the anonymous wall.

I seem to post a comment, Chen Shuning didn't fall in love with Li Yi, it was me!

But I can't send it out.

Like an underground lover.

I'm suffocated to death.

Sure enough, I tasted some sweetness and wanted to have it all.Humans are greedy and greedy.

I sent a message to Chen Shuning, asking if I want to have dinner together, but Chen Shuning replied to me, but said that next time, he has something to do now, so don't wait for him.

I didn't go to the dining hall, I went to the library, I wasn't there, I was looking for Chen Shuning.

I found it, and sat face to face with Li Yi, watching from a distance.Chen Shuning smiled as if he was very happy. I don't know when the topics written in law became so interesting.

Why did he smile so happily at other girls.

So Chen Shuning doesn't like me, he just thinks that I take care of him, he just wants to show his return.Did I bother him too much? He was too embarrassed to say it, so he said he didn't like girls just to please me.

But I dare not say it, I dare not say it, you don't have to feel sorry for me, you like whoever you like, and you don't have to cooperate with me just because I take care of you.

Am I tmd the reincarnation of some Bodhisattva?

I can say a P.Where am I willing to let go.

Oh shit.I dare not even ask.

Just in case, if you ask, even being friends feels awkward.

So from the very beginning, let me stay by Chen Shuning's side as a friend.You can always care about him, he will show up when he needs it, and you can ask him anything.

I was like crazy, all I wanted was to get out of this place and go to the music room and play over and over again until it was snowing so hard outside that I couldn't come back.

I don't give up.

I couldn't calm down to write my thesis, and looked at the chat records with Chen Shuning.Turned it over and over again.

Thinking of how Chen Shuning slept in my arms that day, my eyes blurred.

Ahhhhh, no, I won't let it.

Looking at the hand cream Chen Shuning bought for me, I originally thought about going to a movie with him for Christmas, but now the tickets are all bought.

I tapped the keyboard repeatedly to come up with all the appropriate words, and it took me only a few words back and forth. I typed for 15 minutes.

Me: [Are you free for Christmas? ]

Chen Shuning replied to me in seconds, which made me jump for joy.

Chen Shuning: [Is there something wrong? ]

Me: [No, I’ll just ask. ]

Chen Shuning: [Available. ]

Me: [Then can I invite you to a movie? ]

Me: [It doesn’t matter if you really don’t have time. ]

Chen Shuning: [Available, what time? ]

Me: [Six o'clock in the evening.If the time conflicts with you, you can change it once. ]

Chen Shuning: [I said I'm free, so I'll see you at six o'clock tomorrow afternoon. ]

Movie!Let's watch a movie together!Very good!

Is this a date?First date with Chen Shuning?

I'm alive again!

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Tang Fengxing's perspective (I don't write a secret love diary because the secret love is over, it's a normal perspective.)