Spring is coming

Baby Dongdong has been in a bad mood recently, shaking his face at every turn, and pointing at the door to let people "crawl".

Chun Xin really didn't understand her, "Why are you taking your anger out on me?"

"Isn't it all your fault? You don't have any points in your heart?"

Chun Xin was completely puzzled, "Didn't I go online to study, I also want to help you, you don't want it yourself."

Xueli asked her, "Then why don't I?"

Chun Xin: "Who knows about you."

Xueli reads and ignores her, there are two big dark circles under her glasses, Chun Xin wants to hug her, but she raises her arm to separate her.Going to hug her again, she was still separated, Chunxin was weak, he couldn't squeeze her no matter what, and got angry, he threw her book away, "What do you want?"

Xueli inhaled heavily, exhaled, and took off her glasses, "What do you want, why you never listen to me, how many times have you told you, you still don't have a long memory."

"Why should I have a long memory? I didn't do anything wrong? I want to kiss you and hug you. Am I wrong?"

"You are wrong, what should not happen to you now."

"Then when can I?"

"grow up."

"I've grown up enough." Chun Xin said, "If I died tomorrow, would you still not allow me this or that?"

"What did you say?" Xueli looked at her in disbelief.

"you are always like this."

"What am I always? Have you ever really understood me?"

"I understand you, of course I understand you, do you think I don't understand anything? We will be together in the future, and those things will be experienced sooner or later..."

The emotion came suddenly, she rolled her throat forcefully, and tears fell without warning, "Are you afraid? Are you afraid that I will depend on you? Do you think you really like me, or are you just guilty, thinking that you are afraid of me?" Kill me, sorry for me, just make up for me?"

Xueli couldn't believe it, maybe it was only a few seconds, but the shock and confusion took a long time, there was a buzzing sound in her mind, and it took a long time before she heard her own voice:

"Do you think I'm just guilty of you? Didn't I hold you? Didn't I hug you? Would I do this to others?"

"You didn't feel guilty towards others either," Chun Xin said.

Xueli couldn't help but feel a dull pain in her heart, "So you've been looking at me like this, and I'm just guilty of being nice to you."

Chun Xin just looked at her quietly, looking at this familiar yet unfamiliar face, no matter what, he couldn't see clearly what was going on in her heart, or did she not even understand herself?

For a long time, the gloomy emotions hidden under the smiling face welled up with tears of disappointment. Chun Xin said: "I am not a fool. I can still feel whether you like me or not. At least I can be sure that you have never liked me before." Pass me, otherwise you won't do that to me again and again..."

She is still avoiding using harsh words like "hurt" to accuse her, because she loves her, she will blame her, and she wants her unreserved, frank love.

Chunxin wiped his eyes vigorously, "So it's really hard for me not to think about whether you feel guilty towards me, whether being close to me is just a habit, after all, we have lived together for so many years, what do I have to do? Before I even knew it, I already liked you so much. If I knew it from the beginning, I might..."

"You will hide away, won't you?" Xueli continued for her.

Chun Xin didn't answer, but the result was obvious.

This is something Xueli never thought of, but these problems do exist.

There are still sharp thorns in the healed wound, which are buried so deep that you can hardly feel them at ordinary times. They are hidden in unconscious touches, and when they prick you suddenly, they will bring you deep pain.Do you have to bloodyly cut open the flesh and pull it out again to completely open the locked door between them?

"So you don't want to tell me what happened on Christmas Eve. You think I'm just guilty of you, and you don't want to deepen this guilt. But why do you look at me like that? Just guessing?" Xueli asked her, "Don't you Do you think this is unfair to me?"

"I'm sorry." She apologized, her chest heaving violently due to the turbulent tears, "Sometimes I also think about it and don't care about it, don't think about it, but do you know what it feels like waiting to die. I went to find you, and I stayed at your school At the door, your classmate sent you back, you are very lively, you are talking and laughing... But obviously I am the one who grew up with you, I can only watch you from a distance, you go farther and farther, and you have never done anything for you. I turned my head once, I can't catch up with you at all, I can't help it."

"Chunxin..." Xueli wanted to hold her, but she quickly took two steps back and bumped against the back of the chair. The wooden chair made a sharp rubbing sound against the ground, as if she had stopped her loudly, refusing her approach.

Xueli lowered her arms, she wanted to defend herself, and narrated her testimony confidently like in court, but searching the past, rummaging on the beach of memories, she really couldn't find any evidence of loving her.

Is it really like what she said, in the past, Xueli really didn't like Chunxin, and now she just feels guilty?

She heard the exhaustion in her own voice, "So you've been blaming me all this time."

"Yes." Chun Xin raised his eyes and looked directly into her eyes, "I always blame you, unless I don't like you anymore."

Even at this time, she still reserves her words, tell her, I like you very much, I love you very much, and I will blame you just because you are so important to me.

"Can you understand?"

--I see.

Chunxin left the room, Xueli backed away, her knees leaned against the edge of the bed, the breath was suppressed in her chest, and the tears that she had been suppressing surged out. She slid on the floor with the edge of the bed, remembering Chunxin's understatement, "You Do you know what it's like to die," she knew now.

Judgment comes and death is pronounced.

The winter days are always gloomy, the lights are not turned on, the indoor light is dim, without Chunxin chattering in her ears, it seems that the long ten years have returned in the snow, the room is a cage that traps her, she sits on the ground with her knees hugged, The chill invaded the limbs from the soles of the feet.

It was extremely quiet everywhere, only the ticking of the clock in the living room was faintly heard. After a long heaving of the chest, Yuli stood up on the bed, sat on the bed and slowly waited for the numb limbs to recover.

She hadn't thought of an answer yet, but the silence was too much for her, and she was desperate to see her.

In my imagination, Chun Xin should be sitting on the sofa in the living room, maybe eating potato chips or peeling oranges.She has recently started to learn to slow down her eating speed. Her stomach is not very good. If she eats too fast, there will be a hard and uncomfortable stomach. Every time she acts like a baby and asks someone to rub it for her.

Xueli thought, she can rub her stomach, or squeeze her wrists, she always said that her hands are sore.

She bent down to look at herself on the black computer screen, wiped away her tears, and combed her hair twice with her fingers to make herself look not so bad.Feeling almost done, he patted his face again, took a deep breath and walked out of the room.

However, there was no one around, Chun Xin was not in the living room, not on the balcony, the bathroom door was open, and the door of the guest bedroom was also open, including the parents' room, but there was nothing there.

Like a barb on a finger being torn off by a long one, and then the skin was peeled off along that cut, her wound continued to expand.

Obviously a few hours ago, they were still so nice, so intimate, talking and laughing, playing recklessly, wishing they could knock down the roof of the house.

This was the first time Chun Xin left home alone, she didn't even go back to her room to get a coat, she had no home for a long time, where else could she go.

Chun Xin already regretted that he didn't take his coat when he went out. He only put on a white sweater over his thermal clothes, grabbed the key shoes on the shoe cabinet, put them on, and left. Fortunately, the bus card was hung in the key ring, otherwise he would not know it with just two legs. When to go.

The old campus of Nantah University is located close to the city center, and there are many self-built private houses behind the school, so even during holidays, pedestrians will not be blocked except for entering and exiting vehicles.

To enter the school, you have to climb a big steep slope. Both sides of the road are covered with dead leaves. On one side are gray low-rise buildings from the last century, and on the other side is a half-slope pine forest. It looks particularly gloomy and deep at dusk when it is about to rain.

The sky was unseemly yellow, a rare time of year, especially in winter.Chun Xin tried to explain this strange phenomenon with her poor physics knowledge, what is called coarse particle scattering and molecular scattering...

In short, it was yellow and rainy, and she had to speed up her pace.

Walking uphill for a while, it seems that it is not so cold. The school is a few years old, and the trees grow very tall. Even in the sluggish winter, I can imagine their lush appearance in summer.

There is a cherry blossom avenue under the second canteen, where Xueli once asked passers-by to help take a photo, which was the only photo they had together.

It's good to go out alone to relax. On Christmas Day, Xueli went to the place where she used to work and live. Everyone agreed that they didn't mention the self-built rental house behind Nantah University.

Chun Xin didn't know if she knew where it was, and it was best not to know, lest she would cry again.

—Oh, how kind of me I am.

She shook her head, covered her frozen nose with her palms, and was so moved by her thoughtfulness and kindness, "Why am I so good?"

Passing the No. [-] canteen, Chun Xin walked up the steps, stood in front of the grooming mirror at the door, rubbed his face with his palms, smiled at the mirror, and shrugged his shoulders pretendingly briskly.

There was an aunt standing by the door, staring into the distance in a daze, Chun Xinshe was furious, "Why put a mirror at the entrance of the cafeteria, for fear that the students would eat too much and gain weight and look ugly."

The auntie looked at her in surprise, not knowing how to answer, "Maybe." Then she really started to think about this question, turned her head and thought for a while and said, "It should be placed at the door of the dormitory for boys and girls."

Chun Xin curiously asked why, and the aunt said, "Take photos when you go out on a date."

Chun Xin nodded, "It makes sense."

Continuing to move forward, her pace became much lighter. Chun Xin thought that she would be able to go to college soon.

听说大学可好玩，还可以谈恋爱，她也要谈恋爱，如果那时候雪里还不准，就揍她一顿，把她揍老实。

Walking out of the back door of the school, the road on the small street outside the school is not very good. Many snack shops on both sides of the road are not open during the holidays. It is a bit deserted. Follow the route in memory and stop in front of a five-story self-built house. The door below was open, a couple was moving house, Chun Xin took the opportunity to sneak in.

Coincidentally, the couple lived in the same room as hers, and everything was pretty much tidied up, and they were moving downstairs one by one.

The girl asked her, "Did you come to see the house?"

Chun Xin nodded, "Can I go in?"

"Go."

The layout of the room is still the same as before. On the right side of the door is a large wooden bed against the wall. Next to the bed is a single small wardrobe and a simple assembled wardrobe. These things are familiar to Chun Xin, and they were left by the previous tenants. .

The head of the bed is surrounded by cartoon wallpaper, the wall above the desk is covered with star posters, and there is a sunny doll hanging by the window, which should be left by the tenants who are about to leave.

When everyone left, they would leave something to enrich this small, empty shelter. Chun Xin thought, what did she leave behind?

When she was alive, she didn't care about her affairs, she didn't think about what she would leave behind, but now she thinks, she was too dishonest, she dirty this room.

It has changed from a cozy little room to a deadly room.The landlord may clean up the place, and after two or three years, when the students graduate, no one knows what happened here, and the 'dead house' will naturally disappear.

Chun Xin went to the bathroom, took off the shower and pointed it at the corner. The girl poked her head in and whispered, "It's broken a long time ago. If you want to rent it, the landlord should fix it for you."

Chun Xin nodded, and the girl pursed her lips, "We asked her to repair it, and she always said to buy the materials right away. If you want to rent it, you must ask her to repair it for you."

After she finished speaking, she picked up the last thing and left. Chun Xin put down the shower and followed out. The girl stood at the door and turned around and told her that if she didn't move today, remember to close the door when she left.

Chun Xin nodded yes.

She wanted to take a look at this room again, but when she turned around, she caught a glimpse of a familiar figure out of the corner of her eye.

She is like a straight fir tree drenched by rain, her loose black hair is slightly messy, and the lenses are covered with a light layer of white mist due to her rapid breathing. She took off her glasses, revealing wet and red eyes, frowning quickly She lowered her eyebrows, as if trying to identify the person she was looking for in the room.

Chun Xin was slightly surprised, and was immediately wrapped into her arms by the long black down jacket that looked like a big quilt.

Chun Xin was forced to raise his chin, his face stuck to the cold hair with a little fragrance in the snow, but his body was warm, like soaking in hot spring water, all the strength in his body was relieved comfortably, and he entrusted himself with a sense of security. give her.

So warm.

They hugged each other tightly and calmed down their breathing. Then it rained under the yellow sky, and Chun Xin, who had been living in a high-rise building, rarely heard such a clear sound of rain. She remembered that when she was a child, there was such a heavy rain, so yellow God, which life is it?She couldn't tell the difference, the only thing she could be sure of was that Xueli was by her side.

"How do you know this place?" Chun Xin asked.

Xueli let go of her embrace, and held her cheeks with both hands. Her hands were also cold and could not warm her, so she lowered her hands in frustration, and knelt down to zip up the down jacket for her.

This dress was made of Xueli, very big and loose, and the length reached Chunxin's ankles. She put her hands into the sleeves in the clothes, patted her playfully, and Xueli pulled her to sit down on the wooden bed without mattress.

She lowered her head to wipe the lens, her tone was so flat that it was almost indifferent, "I come here every year, and I rented it for ten years."

Chun Xin tucked his chin into the collar of his down jacket and didn't answer. He heard Xueli continue to say, "I came here in March, a few days before and after your birthday."

She put on her glasses again, looked back at the crude wooden bed, and her eyes fell on a certain place in nothingness, "Do you know what I looked like when I saw you? You know what it's like to be dead for two or three months ."

She moved her eyes slowly and landed on this vivid and beautiful face, "I've never seen you like that."

"You can't even imagine it," Sherry said.

Tears welled up, the constant dull pain hit the heart one after another, and the glasses that had just been wiped were dirty again.

"You asked me if I only have guilt towards you. Of course I have guilt, but it's not just guilt." The too straightforward analysis made it difficult for her to follow. She struggled for two seconds, closed her eyes, and was already in a posture of fighting .

"You asked me if I ever liked you before. Frankly speaking, maybe... I don't like you."

The moment the words came out, she saw the light in Chun Xin's eyes suddenly go out.

But these words she had to say.

"I'm guilty, I'm regretful, after you left... But in that world, you are no longer there, and I can't prove to anyone that I like you as a lover or as a friend."

"I can't say that when we met again, I liked you right away. That's ridiculous. You're still a child."

"Perhaps, unconsciously, in getting along day after day, it is indeed not vigorous at all. This is what I like, what I like now."

Her eyes were blurred by unstoppable tears, and she used a humble gesture and begging tone like many times before, "Will you accept my liking?"