Spring is coming

When the train passed through the tunnel, the glass windows reflected the pale and swollen faces of people.

Wipe off the black soot with a wet paper towel, revealing a bruised purple bruise underneath. Xue Li dipped some ointment on his fingertips and spread it lightly.

"It will be fine, the skin will not be broken, and there will be no scars."

Any injury will heal, time will take everything away.

Grandma Chunxin is still ill, so she can't make trouble in front of the house, and what can she do if she makes trouble, if she continues to stay here, she will suffer.

Yin Yuanxin said a word correctly, she shouldn't come back, the Yin family has long since lost her place.

If it was the last time to see grandma, then now that I have seen her, I can go.

I remember that when I just left home, Chun Xin told her that although life outside was hard, she was not afraid at all.

No one would suddenly lift the quilt and pour water on her body, no one would be beaten and punished to kneel down for a small mistake, and no one would hear vicious cursing and taunting... Even breathing was free.

People are really strange. Strangers who obviously meet by chance are willing to show great tolerance and patience, but family members who get along day and night are like unequal enemies.

She would rather be a stray dog ​​and get a ham sausage if she meets a kind-hearted person while walking, instead of being chained to the house and being beaten to death one day.

Xueli raised her chin, Chunxin closed his eyes and let her play with her, his lips and nose were red from crying.

Everywhere on her body hurts, and her scalp hurts too, but this little injury is nothing to her, she has long been used to it.

The train drove out of the tunnel and saw the light again. Chunxin opened his eyes, and outside the car window was the unique scenery of the mountainous area. It was a mountain that she couldn't get out of, a rock that couldn't be broken, and a cliff that could be smashed to pieces.

It took four hours to drive from Rong County to Nanzhou City. In the afternoon, they didn't delay for a minute. Xueli bought a ticket on his mobile phone and left immediately.

Arriving at Nanzhou at eight in the evening, Xueli led her out of the station, took a taxi and went straight home.

After taking a shower, Xueli checked her body and wanted to apply medicine to her, so she shrugged her shoulders and hid in the closet.

Xueli straightened her waist, her temper was a little bit up, she looked down and saw her standing barefoot on the carpet, sitting in the closet, half of her face was covered by her hair, only a pointy red nose leaked out, and there were still tears hanging from her eyelashes, she couldn't bear it loose the temper.

"Then you apply it yourself, it has to be applied." Xueli handed the ointment over and stood by.

It's been like this since childhood. Children who are loved by no one don't know how to cherish themselves, and they never care about being hurt.

Once she was mischievous and cut her hand with an iron tool. Xueli went around in class to lend her money to pay for the medical expenses of the clinic. When she returned home, she used a plastic bag to cover her hands and washed the dishes. Adults didn't care if they saw it.

Xueli has a scarred physique, and her mother told her not to mess around or get hurt since she was a child.A child in her family couldn't figure out how there could be parents like Chun Xin's family.

There are too many things in this world that I can't understand.

Chun Xin hid in the closet by himself and came out after wiping the medicine. He sat by the bed, his back bent like a child, his limbs drooping, and he grabbed a doll on the head of the bed and hugged him, pressing the doll's face against his.

Xueli was looking for clothes in the closet. She had grown taller in the past few years, and many of her clothes were shortened after not wearing them a few times. They were all kept for Chun Xin, including that beige sweater, Chun Xin's favorite.

After finding the pajamas, Xueli went to touch her head again. There was a scar on her head where no hair grew, and a small piece of hair was torn off.

"I'm so angry." Recalling the scene at that time, Xueli squeezed her fists, really wanting to beat Yin Yuanxin violently.

The fist loosened and tightened, tightened and loosened again, and sat down on the edge of the bed. Chun Xin stuck to her and hugged her, crying softly, "Don't be angry."

Xueli stretched her neck, but she didn't push it away.

After half an hour, Xueli's mother asked them to go out for dinner.

On the train in the afternoon, Xueli called her mother and told her about it. Xueli's mother had a dinner in the evening, thinking that she just brought the two girls with her to have something to eat and change her mood.

Chun Xin didn't want to go, she was afraid that it would be too bad, Xue Li repeatedly promised, "I will always hold you by my hand, no one will let you go, come with us."

Xueli's mother also advised, "Go, go to KTV to sing, your young people's favorite, and meet some new friends along the way."

She was too timid, she didn't want to be separated from Xueli, and she was afraid of embarrassing Xueli, so she tugged on Xueli's sleeve and mumbled, "Then my eyes are swollen."

"It's okay, just say it's an allergy." Xueli's mother said.

"Yes, yes, allergies."

Speaking of allergies, another thing came to mind in the snow in the car, "When you were a child, you were allergic to sumac once, and you had red bumps all over your body. Your grandfather cut a lot of leeks for you. You came to my house with leeks. I squeezed them The juicer broke the medicine for you, and I was not allowed to apply the medicine just now."

Thinking of this, Chun Xin also pursed his lips and smiled, Yuli turned his head to look at her, the warm orange light facing the street shone on her face, her curly hair made her face small, like a doll in a shop window.

His eyes fell on that round and small lip, and Xueli remembered that kiss on a rainy night in the park. The two people's eyes met, and they moved their eyes out of the car window tacitly.

It happened that Xueli's mother answered the phone, and the topic did not continue.

When he was about to reach the place, when Xueli's mother was parking the car, Chun Xin suddenly leaned over, "Then what you said before, does it still count?"

This child was very clingy, relying on her tall height, Xueli pulled her into her arms with one arm, and her whole body was pressed against her.

"It counts, of course it counts."

Afterwards, wherever she really walked, Chunxin seemed to be huddled behind her as a little quail, and Xueli greeted her mother's friends generously and deftly.

During the meal, Chunxin finally understood what Xueli's mother meant by bringing them out.

Soon two more boys entered the box. They were tall and thin, and sat down at the table with a helpless expression. They put their hands in their pockets, tilted their heads, and took out their mobile phones to look at them from time to time.

Chun Xin sat down while eating, and heard the parents ask their children to introduce each other. Maybe she has a temperament that is really out of place, or Xueli's mother has told her that smart people have a tacit understanding and choose to ignore her, leaving her a breathing room.

She shrank in her own small world, couldn't hold back the tears that fell into the soup bowl, and swallowed whole.

The boy sitting next to him flicked his fingers out, and the tissue fell to the ground. The boy bent over and glanced at him, and said to her, "Can you please pick it up for me..."

The second half of the sentence was very soft, "... Is the snot delicious?"

As soon as Chunxin's butt slipped out, he went down, squatting under the table, crying and laughing, not daring to wipe his nose too loudly, it took half a pack of paper to wipe it off.

After this incident, Chun Xin's tension eased a lot when he went to KTV after dinner, and the boy handed her water from time to time and talked to her.

He said that he and Xueli were from the same school, and that he and Xueli had known each other for a long time.

Chun Xin only looked at Xueli once when he said a word, as if he had done something wrong, Xueli deliberately stayed away from her, and his eyes swept over normally.

Chunxin seized the opportunity and ran over to sit next to her, but Xueli quickly left with an excuse, Chunxin was at a loss, the boy came to her again, she didn't know what she had imagined, and screamed amid the deafening music.

"I won't help you!"

"Help me what?" the boy replied loudly.

After the song, before she could reply, the boy's clear and smiling voice sounded out in the brief silence.

"Can't I just want to talk to you?"

Chun Xin suddenly turned his head and looked at Xueli.

She lowered her head to adjust the microphone, imitating her to pretend to be deaf.

At the end of the song, people parted, and it was already dawn.

In the thin golden sunlight, the morning mist was hazy, Chun Xin stood at the street corner and asked softly: "Didn't you say that you have been holding me by your side?"

Xueli didn't look back, she stopped and stretched her hands back, as if nothing happened before.

Chun Xin clutched the inner pocket with his fingers in his clothes pocket, struggled for two seconds, but couldn't help handing it over.

Rubbing the soft skin on the back of her hand with her thumb, Yuli turned her head, "What do you think of that boy? He is a classmate of mine, and he wants your contact information. He said you were cold, and I said you were just shy... that boy Not bad, entrusting you to him, I am also relieved."

Chun Xin forced a smile, and struggled to withdraw his hand.

"I, I have to go. I can't go home with you. I have to find Brother Tang. Brother Tang is my master."

Xueli has never explicitly expressed her refusal, but there are some things that need not be said so clearly.

In fact, she has a clear attitude. What she doesn't want to lose is the friendship of so many years, and what she doesn't want to accept is the feelings beyond friendship.

When the flowers were in bloom, Xueli took her to the school to relax. The cherry blossom trees were in full bloom, and the trees were covered with pink and white flowers. They asked the passing students to take a few photos under the tree.

Later, there was a photo taken by Chun Xin alone, and it was pasted on the tombstone as her posthumous photo. In the photo, she was smiling, and she couldn't see how miserable her life was, nor could she imagine how decomposed the body was.

Sometimes Xueli couldn't figure out why she still wanted to be with Chunxin, hinting again and again that she couldn't.

When she finally figured it out, there was no chance.

On the school football field and on the grass, Xueli once said: "I hope we can always be like this."

Chun Xin did not answer.

People will always grow up, not when they were young, how could they always be the same.

Xueli knew that she couldn't refuse, they were always so good, and Chunxin couldn't do without her.

She relied on her that she couldn't leave her, tied her by her side, and drank poison to quench her thirst.She was never free, just fled from one place to another.

About Chunxin, ten years later, Xueli still remembers it clearly.

After Qingming in April, she was kicked out of her home by Yin Yuanxin. After that, she said that she would learn technology from her master. In fact, she had lost her contact information. She couldn't find it, and she didn't want to look for it again.

She rented a house behind Nantah University and painted all day without going out.

At the end of September, Grandma Yin passed away from stomach cancer.

She didn't go back, she came out to meet and left again.

During the period, there were phone calls, but they couldn't say a few words.

The last phone call on Christmas Eve, in March of the following year, was the news of her death.

Mother said: "Everyone in Yin's family spared their lives. Grandma Yin thought it was troublesome to go to the hospital, she suffered, and she didn't want to be treated, so she died. Chunxin was young, and she escaped at first, and she will be fine in the future. Why? ? Can’t you come to us if you have any difficulties?”

Why exactly.

It was she who pushed her away.

In fact, she is optimistic by nature, and she is best at having fun while suffering, but there is really nothing to be happy about in this day.

The Yin family did not spare their lives. Chunxin's father was drunk and died in the snow, and her grandmother's cancer was dragged to an advanced stage. Her most frequent saying is "there is no hope in life, and death will bring you down."

It's been ten years.

Yin Chunxin has been dead for ten years.

Xueli never forgot her for a day, she missed her more and more, thinking about her like crazy.

When a person reaches this age, he can almost see the end of the second half of his life at a glance.

A person works, eats, rests... so the cycle is boring.Without Chunxin, there would be no one to talk about all the joys, sorrows, sorrows and joys in life.

It's really hopeless to live.

She finally knew what hopelessness was.

I took a cold shower in the rental house, put on my clothes shivering in the snow, took away the paintings and teddy bears in the cabinet, and went home.

In the car, her mind was not clear, and when she got home, she kicked her shoes and threw her bag and started talking nonsense.

"I bought my house in full. You see, the balcony is so big. You have never lived in it."

"There is floor heating, it's not cold at all in winter, the ground is hot, you know?"

"In the bathroom, there is a bathtub, you can take a bath..."

"I'm rich, so I take you with me every day, go out to restaurants, and eat endless delicious food."

"Yin Chunxin, you fucking, you're dead, you can't enjoy anything..."

She walked up and down between the room and the living room, opened and closed the door, scratched her head nervously, "Where are you?"

The photo with Chun Xin in the bedroom was turned upside down on the desktop, Xue Li grabbed it, touched the photo and lay on the bed and began to cry.

The sky in the city was red at night, and she had a high fever in the snow. Her mother was worried, and she couldn't get through the phone. She drove here all night, and immediately gave her antipyretics and wiped her body with alcohol.

She was burning in a daze, her face and neck were red, she stretched out her hand in vain looking at the ceiling, weeping and shouting——

"Sorry, I missed you."

"Chunxin, I was wrong, I miss you, I like you..."

"...I have always liked you, come back."