that bastard i love

After that incident, I never thought about being a "hero" or saving others.

When fantasy is crushed by reality, life becomes boring.

I put away all my favorite Marvel comic books and figurines when I was a child, and put them in the bottom of the box. Maybe I won’t open them again for a long, long time.

After all, there is another sense of growth.

Chen Yao became more and more silent, probably because he was still mired in the quagmire of "guilt". Although he still felt very uncomfortable every time he thought about it, he still hoped that Chen Yao could let go of this matter.

My two fathers didn't say anything to me, maybe they were afraid that I would feel guilty too, especially Father Wen, who always came in when I was studying alone in the study and carefully asked how I was doing.

I actually had a lot of things in my heart, but when I opened my mouth, nothing came out.

I don't know how to say it, and I am also afraid and uneasy, afraid that they will not understand my thoughts.

I don't know if this is the so-called "rebellion".

In the first semester of the third year of high school, Zhang’s father took me for surgery. My left eye could be seen, but the picture was still blurry, and the swelling of the eyelids also subsided. I looked in the mirror for a long time when the stitches were removed. , suddenly felt a little dazed, as if the disability of the left eye had never happened, as if everything in the past had never happened, abandoned, discriminated against...

It seems like nothing happened.

But the memory in my brain keeps reminding me that everything is true.

I suddenly wondered, if this hadn't happened to my body, wouldn't my former parents have abandoned me, and if I hadn't been abandoned, would I have lived another life.

But there are no ifs in life, and I don't hate the current life.

It was soon the college entrance examination, and I stood at the gate of the crowded school, holding my schoolbag tightly, as if there were millions of strong soldiers in front of me, but when I turned around, there was no one behind me.

No, there are people behind me, and there are Dad Zhang and Dad Wen behind me. No matter what the outcome of this battle is, they will support me.

I walked into the examination room with this mentality.

…………

After the exam, Zhang's father sent me a message to tell me something was wrong and he couldn't come to pick me up, so he asked me to take a taxi back. I stood by the road and saw Chen Yao, whom I hadn't seen for a long time.

In the third year of high school, Chen Yao didn't come to school anymore, as if he hired a private teacher at home.

At the beginning we still kept in touch on QQ, but later on we talked less and less, and in the end we didn't talk at all.

Chen Yao was sitting on the seat at the bus stop, bent over, and he didn't look very good. I walked over and patted him on the shoulder. He raised his head, and what he saw was a pair of red eyes.

I sat down next to him, leaned against him, and didn't speak.

I don't know what to say, and I also feel that it is better not to speak.

We were just like this, leaning on each other, without saying anything, with people coming and going, as if we were the only ones who were still.

But I know that the youth of the two teenagers is over.

In regret, guilt, and confusion, it's over.

When we parted at the end, I wanted to ask him how he would like to arrange his vacation, where he would like to apply for university, or... if he hasn't let go of that matter yet.

But I still didn't ask, I don't know why, but I still didn't open my mouth.

I can't recall much more about him, but one thing I'm sure of.

That is, for a long, long time in the future, we will never meet again, and we will never contact again. The words I want to say will never be said again in this life.

When I got home, I threw away all the tutoring books and textbooks on the table.

I felt a lot easier all of a sudden.

When I was packing my things, I suddenly remembered that I wrote a diary in the last semester of the third year of high school, and it was filled with what I wanted to say to Chen Yao. idea.

At that time, I wanted to give it to him when he went back to school, but I gradually forgot about it.

But... I won't meet again in the future. At this moment, I still want to give him the diary that carries my heart.

I rummaged through the boxes and cabinets for a long time, and finally found the diary from under the box.

Holding the diary, I took a deep breath and ran out of the house.

Anyway, I still want to give him this diary.

When I went out, the sun had already set. When I ran to the side of the road to take a taxi, I suddenly saw a boy next to him playing guitar and singing on the street. I didn't pay attention to him...but his singing was really ugly...

I couldn't help but rolled my eyes.

Just come out to sell art.

He seemed to see my expression, put away the guitar, and walked towards me.

My heart skipped a beat.

It's not here to ask for trouble...

The result is true.

He walked over and looked at me with his nostrils upturned, his tone full of pride: "Hey, do you think my singing is not good? Let me tell you, I am going to be a big star in the future!"

I burst out laughing.

I thought there would be some physical conflict, but it turned out to be such a declaration.

The kid saw me laughing, his face darkened, he was about to scold something but was interrupted by the paper I handed over.

I tore off the blank page of the diary, handed it over, and said with a smile: "Then the future big star, please sign for me, otherwise I might have to spend money to queue up if I want to ask for your autograph in the future. "

His face turned red all of a sudden, and he stammered: "Who, who wants to sign for you, I don't want to sign for you."

He said no with his mouth, but his hands were extremely honest.

I took back the paper, said goodbye to him with a smile, and got into a taxi.

In the car, I opened the paper, only to see three large characters written on the paper flying like dragons and phoenixes: Ji Chen Xiao.

I looked at this piece of paper, and the smile on my mouth gradually became stronger.

What a young man like the sun.

Hope to see you again in the future.

.........

When I arrived at Chen Yao's house, I found out that it was too late and they had already moved out.

The old lady next to me was still talking to me about what happened to Chen Yao's house, but I couldn't listen anymore.

Still haven't given him the diary.

There is no chance anymore.

After thinking about it, I casually threw the diary into the trash can next to it.

I don't know what I'm thinking or feeling right now.

But it's just uncomfortable.

On the way home, it started to rain heavily, and it soon soaked me completely.

But I still didn't speed up the pace of going home, I still moved forward slowly.

Near the door of the house, I saw Dad Zhang holding an umbrella, with a half-burned cigarette in his mouth, looking at me quietly there.

I walked over slowly and raised my head to give Dad Zhang a smile to reassure him, but I couldn't smile no matter what, and in the end the whole face became a little distorted.

"Don't laugh if you don't want to laugh." That's what Zhang's father said.

I sighed.

When I was almost at the door of the house, I raised my head and asked Dad Zhang, and I said, "Dad, have you ever had any regrets?"

Dad Zhang glanced at me and said, "Everyone has regrets, this is something we all have to go through."

"Then how did you, Dad, do it?"

He didn't speak, just stopped, handed me the umbrella, and stood in the rain by himself, I heard him say: "There are many regrettable things, I did wrong things I shouldn't do, and I missed the things I shouldn't do." People who should be missed, but if they are wrong, they are wrong. If you miss it, you will not come back. You only have two choices, look back or move forward.”

I was silent for a long time, and took the umbrella from Dad Zhang.

At that moment, I seemed to see Dad Zhang smiling, but before he saw it clearly, he had already walked into the house, maybe he wanted to save me some face, after all, it is not a big boy crying in the rain with tears streaming down his face What a glorious thing.