Temperament

Shen Qinglan was doing what she was supposed to do calmly and peacefully on the surface, but the struggle in her heart was far beyond description.He felt like a tireless ant, crawling back and forth between the two swords that were getting tighter and tighter, but he still couldn't crawl out a way out.

No doubt he wanted to go.Missing is like an unforgettable knife, engraving marks in my heart day by day, and I don't know when it will wear out my whole heart.He needs real feelings to make the knife cut lightly and slowly.

But if he went there and really saw Meng Huaiyuan, he didn't know what else to say.Not only did he dare not ask about Meng Huaiyuan and Jiang Moyan, he was even afraid of seeing Jiang Moyan.Maybe Jiang Moyan would have collapsed as long as he showed Meng Huaiyuan that smile in front of Luoying Villa in front of him.

There is also his relationship with Zhuo Tianyi, if he goes, in front of Meng Huaiyuan, with Zhuo Tianyi's temperament, he must expose this relationship to demonstrate to him.Even if Meng Huaiyuan didn't know about his deep love for him for so many years, and he committed himself for Meng Huaiyuan, he still didn't dare to face the reality of letting Meng Huaiyuan know.

In this situation, as long as I think about it, I feel like there are thousands of ants gnawing on my heart, which is extremely painful.He used to think so wholeheartedly about dedicating his perfect and clean self to Meng Huaiyuan.

After all, it's not that he doesn't want to see him now, but that he's afraid to see her.

The reality is too cruel, but in just five months, the world has turned into a world. How can a heart-piercing person describe this feeling of right and wrong?

On the way back to the east chamber, Shen Qinglan walked along the corridor, watching the scenery of the pond all the way.The sun was sinking to the west, and the setting sun cast a layer of hazy light and shadow on the pond in the fields of lotus leaves. Looking at it, it felt unreal, just like his state of mind at this time.

In retrospect, the day when I formed an alliance three years ago seemed to be a watershed in my life.That day divided his life into two halves, one half was bright and the other half was miserable.Being in the misery, he got used to it after a long time, but once he had the opportunity to re-examine the bright and beautiful in the misery, and when that bright and beautiful was out of reach, he really couldn't bear the pain of being cut apart.

He deviated from the direction of the corridor, walked along the path by the pond for a while, sat down on the stone railing in the shade of the corridor, and quietly looked at the lotus pond in front of him.When I looked up, I saw the moon in the sky. When the sun had not set, the moon was pale, like a thin shadow.

Shen Qinglan suddenly thought of the phrase "On the willow's head on the moon, people make appointments after dusk", and also remembered the scene of going to the street to buy sugar and watch the flower market after leaving the Meng's School with Meng Huaiyuan.At that time, Meng Huaiyuan said to him these two lines of words newly written by a famous literati.He always thought that these two words described a happy scene, just like what he felt when he and Meng Huaiyuan were swimming in the market that day.

A few years later, in the small courtyard in the west wing of Zhuo’s house, when I was looking through the latest Ci book, I realized that these two sentences in the whole poem are just a fragment at all, a happy fragment, and the whole poem What the words describe is a frustrated story of reminiscing about past happiness.

I can't help but think of the two "Phoenix Hairpins" that were widely circulated in the south of the Yangtze River in the past few years. I have admired them with Meng Huaiyuan. It is said that one of them is inscribed on the screen wall of Shanyin Shenyuan, and it was written by a famous poet in this dynasty. , and the other is by his divorced ex-wife, telling their own tragic stories.

Shen Qinglan has never been to Shanyin, let alone Shen Yuan, but her surname is Shen, so she has a good impression of Shen Yuan preconceived.When I read those two poems, apart from feeling that the poems are excellent and expressive, I don't feel much.

Facing the pond full of lotus at this moment, these two poems flowed out of memory naturally.Shen Qinglan couldn't help saying softly, "Red crispy hands, yellow Teng wine. The city is full of willows on the palace walls. The east wind is evil, and the joy is weak. I am sad, and I have been away for a few years. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Spring is as old, People are empty and thin. Tears are stained with red silk. Peach blossoms fall, and there is a pavilion in Xianchi. Although the mountain alliance is here, brocade books are hard to entrust. Mo, Mo, Mo!

The world is pure and thin, human feelings are evil, and the flowers are easy to fall when the rain is sent at dusk.Xiaofeng is dry, and tears are left.If you want to write about your thoughts, you can talk alone.Difficult, difficult, difficult!People become different, today is not yesterday, sick souls are often like swings.The sound of the horn is cold, and the night is fading.Afraid of being asked questions, swallowing tears and pretending to be happy.Hide, hide, hide. "

After reading it out, the one with more feelings in my heart is the second one, the one that the sad woman sang.He recited that poem several times in his mouth, and tears finally came out of his eyes. He bent down, buried his face in his arms, and sobbed softly.

The suppressed crying was muffled in the sleeves, as if it was still blocked in the chest cavity, with low tremors and dull pain.

At this moment, he is hiding by the pond, a place where few people come, chewing other people's words, tasting his own thoughts, and shedding his own tears.

For a few moments, Shen Qinglan felt that she was possessed by that woman, and truly experienced her heart-piercing pain, and the deep-seated regret that this night is not the same thing as yesterday.

Shen Qinglan didn't know, as a weak woman who was powerless to resist, when she took over the paper of divorce, did she have any complaints about her ex-husband in that deep love like mountains and seas, but at this moment, he was in her own heart. I tasted a little bit of the peculiar smell mixed with bitterness and pain in my heart.

But it was only for a moment, and the peculiar smell was diluted in the bitterness and disappeared.If that woman can still complain, it is because of the beautiful years she and her ex-husband had when they were in love with each other, which will never be forgotten and erased in their entire lives.

And he had a secret love for Meng Huaiyuan from the beginning to the end that was too late to express.Those beauties only exist in imagination, and before they have time to become reality, they have already lost the possibility of becoming reality.

That being the case, that bit of peculiar smell is like a rootless duckweed, with nothing to rely on and nowhere to rely on.

You can only blame good fortune for tricking people, and you can only blame the impermanence of life.

So much love and longing only existed in his own heart, Meng Huaiyuan didn't know it.The regrets of the two people may be in his heart only in the end, and the two heart-piercing pains can only be borne by him alone, and no one can bear the slightest for him.

There is nothing crueler than this.

He chanted the two poems of the hairpin phoenix repeatedly in his heart, and he slumped and sat on the stone slab by the bank, covering his chest with his hands, and bent down, feeling the pain in his heart and lungs.

I really wish to be like that woman, after writing down the dripping thoughts of blood, she will die away, use death to completely wash away the dust, and start the next reincarnation again full of hatred.

But for him, even this has become an impossible wish.

I can only continue to bear it.

It's just that the originally clear and firm heart is now cut into pieces by this scene that has not yet become a reality, and turned into a mess. How to continue to carry on has become a difficult problem.

He has lost all strength.

After an unknown amount of time, footsteps sounded from the bushes beside him. After a while, a pair of hands passed through his armpits from behind and helped him up from the ground.

Shen Qinglan felt weak all over, following the strength of those hands, she leaned into a strong embrace.

He closed his eyes, completely unwilling to pay attention to the world outside him.

Zhuo Tianyi carried Shen Qinglan into the gate of the courtyard, Zhuo Shi'an brought a group of servants to catch up, saw Shen Qinglan in his arms, he was relieved, and was about to say something, Zhuo Tianyi said, "The young master found it, all back down Bar."

After Zhuo Shi'an said "yes", he led the crowd away.Zhuo Tianyi put Shen Qinglan on the chair, twisted a cloth towel to wipe his face, and then sat down on one side.

"Let's eat." He pushed the bowl and chopsticks in front of Shen Qinglan.

Shen Qinglan was as ignorant and unresponsive as when he wiped his face just now.

Zhuo Tianyi sighed, "Then I feed you?"

Shen Qinglan was noncommittal, Zhuo Tianyi picked up the spoon, scooped up a mouthful of food, and handed it to his mouth, "Open your mouth."

Shen Qinglan opened her mouth dumbly, and swallowed the mouthful of rice.Zhuo Tianyi was a little surprised. Shen Qinglan in front of him had red and swollen eyes and a lonely expression. When he found him, his face was covered with tears.He naturally knew that his tears were not shed for himself, but at this moment he could accept such a behavior of his own. One can imagine how much he was hurt at this moment.

Zhuo Tianyi had mixed feelings in his heart, both soreness and loss, but also gratification, and some indescribable feelings, like distressed, or something else.

He fed him the rice in the bowl one bite at a time. Shen Qinglan remained silent the whole time, staring at the table, not knowing what she was thinking, but silently cooperating.

After feeding a bowl of rice, Zhuo Tianyi put the bowl back on the table.Shen Qinglan remained silent throughout, as if she had turned into a puppet, dull and powerless.

Zhuo Tianyi got up and picked him up, walked into the inner room, and put him down after reaching the screen, "Go and take a bath."

Shen Qinglan didn't move, Zhuo Tianyi paused, stretched out his hand to untie his clothes, took off his clothes one by one, then carried him into the bathroom and put them into the bathtub.

Shen Qinglan leaned against the wall of the bucket, Zhuo Tianyi stood behind him, pulled out the hairpin on his head, let his hair loose, scooped up a ladle of water with a bath spoon, got wet, painted with pigtails, and gently rubbed it with his hands rub.

Looking down from the back and above, Shen Qinglan's expression could not be seen clearly, only his side face with a few drops of water hanging down.Zhuo Tianyi considered how to speak.

In the past two or three days, his heart was not as uneasy as he showed.In fact, he may be more concerned about whether Shen Qinglan will go or not than Shen Qinglan herself.

In his heart, he didn't want Shen Qinglan to go at all.Shen Qinglan's heart has always been on Meng Huaiyuan, and seeing Meng Huaiyuan in this situation, I'm afraid it will be even more unforgettable.But what Gu Qingyang said also makes sense, between Shen Qinglan and Meng Huaiyuan, there is him and Jiang Moyan, and the two families who are like a moat in the sky, it is a hundred times more difficult to be together than the meeting of the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl on the Magpie Bridge.

It's just that because of his strong coercion before, Shen Qinglan focused all his attention on confronting him, which invisibly weakened his understanding of other barriers between him and Meng Huaiyuan, resulting in his passive situation.

Therefore, the risky move of the army this time can be regarded as a gamble, and the risk taken is not small.If Shen Qinglan readily expressed his willingness to go, he didn't know if he would break his merits on the spot and force him to stay.If that was the case, then in this battle for the initiative, he would lose again, and the bandit's hat would be tightened on his head again.

Fortunately, Shen Qinglan was infatuated with Meng Huaiyuan enough, and it was because of her infatuation that she willingly came back to Zhuo's family to suffer, and falling into his hands made it even more difficult to face the current situation of right and wrong.He was able to turn things around and save himself from being passive.

Xiao He loses, and Xiao He succeeds.

Under such circumstances, even if Shen Qinglan still said that he would go, there was nothing to worry about. His current appearance has fully demonstrated his inner fear and struggle with the facts.

Zhuo Tianyi stretched out his hand to coil up the washed hair, then scooped up the saponin from the porcelain pot, mixed it with water, and applied it to Shen Qinglan's back, rubbing it lightly.

No matter what, Zhuo Tianyi has already won this fight.However, whether to declare victory or accept surrender is still open to question.

Zhuo Tianyi thought slowly in his heart, it was not uncommon at this time, according to his own temperament, he had already declared victory for the first time, and it was only natural to plunder the loser, without the slightest hesitation.

But now, in front of this person who has exhausted all his energy from the intense inner struggle, in front of his silent pain and sadness, he suddenly felt that the victory did not come with much joy, and even in the relief of relief, he still felt a sense of relief. I felt a little bit of heartache, which was an experience I had never experienced before.

From the time he waited until dark and didn't see that thin and lonely figure come back, to the time he ordered his men to look for it, and finally found his kneeling figure under the stone railing of the lotus pond where few people go, he felt a certain place in his chest. He was quietly feeling a feeling that he hadn't felt clearly until now. That feeling was called heartache.

It's just that whether this heartache is pity for him or because of his own loss, it's still unclear whether it's because of the fog.

Zhuo Tianyi pulled out the cork at the bottom of the tub, scooped water from the barrel on one side with a wooden spoon, poured a spoonful of water on Shen Qinglan's body, rinsed it off, then helped him up, and wiped his hair and body with a cloth towel.

When he wiped his face, he saw his lips move, and a low voice came out, "Luoying Villa, I don't want to go."

Zhuo Tianyi glanced at him, Shen Qinglan lowered her face, her drooping eyelashes covered all the emotions in her eyes.

"Okay." He replied, heaved a sigh of relief, raised his hand and continued to wipe him.

When he dried him off, carried him to the bed and was about to leave, he heard a soft question: "Do you want it?"

The author has something to say: PS: This article is martial arts, with an empty background (well, about 1000 years ago, the Northern Song Dynasty), so don’t worry about how Lu You’s hairpin phoenix in the Southern Song Dynasty and Ouyang Xiu’s Zhazi in the Northern Song Dynasty Appear together ha.

It is said that I tortured myself terribly when I wrote this chapter. Every time I read Chaitoufeng, I will be tortured by the love tragedy between Lu You and Tang Wan.Mao Weitao and Chen Huiling's Shaoxing opera "Lu You and Tang Wan" I don't know if there is anyone who likes to watch it. This is my favorite Yueju opera, but I dare not watch it too much. It is too beautiful and too cruel.

Boss Meng and Shen Mi are almost in the same situation.So everyone, don't blame Shen Mi for being ruthless towards Mr. Zhuo. It is Meng Luyou who is the most precious, and Shen Tangwan is extremely unforgettable. Moreover, Shen Tangwan is completely in love with Meng Luyou, and has never experienced marriage. In his eyes, it is full of advantages and no disadvantages. ; and Zhuo Shicheng appeared completely in the image of a villain at the beginning, and the two entered marriage directly without falling in love. Comparing the two, in Shen Tangwan's eyes, Meng Luyou is naturally Wushan Yun in the sea.

Alas, I don't know if I can abuse you, anyway, I was abused myself.run away.

Collection, collection, you abused me more than Lu You and Tang Wan...