lonely patient

People seem to grow old in an instant.

I was stagnant at the age of 23 for six years, and suddenly after this time, I became 29 overnight.

The years have not left traces on my body, it has been silently accumulating, and at this moment, it finally threw all the dust of the past to me without reservation.

I am no longer young.

The next morning I received a message from Wen Luming, asking if I was feeling better.

After a whole night of calm after a breakdown, seeing his name, I had lost any joy or sadness, and typed dumbly: "It's okay. Thank you."

The "The other party is typing" at the top of the dialog box flickered on and off several times, but finally no more messages came.I put down my phone, wrapped myself in the blanket, and fell into a chaotic sleep.

I'm so tired.

It was Qin Bei's call that woke me up.

I almost forgot that there is an important bidding tomorrow, and I was supposed to go to the company for a meeting this afternoon.Qin Bei asked me where I was, and I lied casually and said, "I have a cold, so I'm going to sleep at home."

"Cold again? What's the matter with you?"

"The temperature has dropped recently, and I have a little cold."

I had a very nasal voice, and he seemed uneasy. He asked, "Then can you still come to the company? If not, go to the hospital."

I sat up from the bed, woke up for a few seconds, and said, "It's okay, I'll be right there."

"Then it will work..." Qin Bei thought of something again, and asked, "Hey, do you still like the gift I gave you?"

Thinking of the sports car key I received yesterday, I smiled slightly: "I like it. Thank you."

"As long as you like it, making you happy is harder than climbing to the sky." Qin Bei said, "Then I'll hang up, come here earlier."

"Oh, I see."

Putting down the phone, I got out of bed and looked in the mirror, only to find that my eyes and nose were still red, but my face was as white as a lack of oxygen, and I looked sickly.

I thought bitterly, I should go to Wen Luming now, maybe I can win some sympathy.

Then I shook my head again, and said to myself in the mirror: "Children only pretend to be pitiful. How old are you, don't be ashamed."

Because of lying and getting sick, no one suspects wearing glasses and masks.On the contrary, the brown sunglasses I wore today were praised by the sister at the front desk for their good looks.

"Mr. Yan is getting younger and younger," the receptionist said.

I smiled helplessly: "It's almost thirty."

The receptionist smiled sweetly and said sweetly, "I didn't see it, I thought you just graduated from college."

After going upstairs to finish the meeting and signing a few documents, it was still early, so Qin Bei asked me if I wanted to have dinner together.

"No, no appetite." I said.

"How was the talk yesterday?" He asked, touching my shoulder, "I know you're busy with business, and none of the brothers dare to disturb you."

I smiled wryly and said, "It's not that good. Teacher Wen doesn't want to talk to me very much."

Qin Bei sighed: "Take it easy, I've been chasing my girlfriend for half a year."

"One of you is affectionate and the other is interested. Pulling each other is called fun." I said, "I am different. I chased a snow in the desert."

——Maybe before I catch it, I'm already dead.

Now Qin Bei had nothing to say, he patted my back for a while, sighed and said, "I knew I wouldn't let you pick up Xiao Nan that day. It's fate."

Fate... I shook my head: "There is a saying that sometimes there must be fate in fate, and there is no time in fate. Don't force it. But what if I have to force it?"

Qin Bei choked for a moment, then jokingly said, "This is not easy, brothers and sisters will tie you up right now."

I glanced at him and couldn't hold back a chuckle: "Society ruled by law, don't make trouble."

Seeing me laughing, Qin Bei felt relieved, stroked my hair and said, "Be happy and smile more. You are Yan Qiao, how could Yan Qiao be hurt?"

I also hope that I am as free and easy as he said, but in fact, I still can't resist the loss and depression. In the spring when everything is full of vitality, I become increasingly lethargic and silent.

Every night before I go home, I go downstairs to Wen Luming’s house, sit in the car and stare at the familiar window for a while, then go upstairs and put the flowers I brought at the door, and then leave alone .

I carefully write down my miss on the card every day, and put it in the freshest pink eustoma bouquet I hand-picked.

——"I went out today and saw the cherry blossoms on the side of the road. I miss you very much."

——"I watched a movie, and there was a line in it that said 'only attempted love can be romantic.' If this is the case, then I don't want romance, I want to be consummated with you."

——"When I was in school, I always didn't listen to the lectures. It turns out that Nietzsche said long ago, 'I want to have you alone and absolutely, not only to love alone, but also to be loved alone. Love is a great selfishness.' Now I'm getting selfish too. I want to have you."

……

I miss saying it many times, it seems that it doesn't matter whether I can get an echo or not.I don't know how long he loved me silently, but if it required me to give the same amount of time, I think I would.

But I still didn't dare to knock on his door. My birthday left me with too many sad memories, and I didn't have the courage to meet him again until the scars were healed.

The day was unsatisfactory. Today I was about to put down the flowers and leave as usual. The door suddenly opened from the inside. I was caught off guard by Wen Luming who was wearing pajamas. His bent posture froze in place. Putting down the flowers in my hand was no, no. Put is not.

"Yan Qiao." His voice was calm, as if he had expected it.

I stood up slowly holding the flower, took a step back, lowered my head and said, "Professor Wen."

Wen Luming didn't say anything, just glanced at me indifferently, then moved his eyes down to the flowers in my arms, raised his hand and took away the card inside.

I was short of breath, watching him nervously and ashamedly open the card, with a look of complexity in his eyes.

Fortunately, I didn't transcribe any nasty love words today, but only wrote a short sentence: "It's raining, I miss you very much."

"Why didn't you knock on the door?" Wen Luming asked.

"I'm afraid you don't want to see me..." I murmured, "I'm sorry."

"Meow——" a fluffy white figure appeared behind Wen Luming, stuck its head out and meowed at me.

My eyes lit up: "Belle."

Bell walked around Wen Luming's legs on a catwalk. I put down the flower, squatted down and opened my hands to catch it, hugged it and patted its head.

"You're fat again." I lowered my head and rubbed its nose with the tip of my nose, "Do you miss me?"

Belle meowed again, sticking out her tongue to lick my chin affectionately.

Wen Luming looked at us, without expression, and said, "Come in." After speaking, he picked up the flowers on the ground.

I went in with Belle in my arms, belatedly feeling uneasy, thinking of what happened here last time, a slight sourness surged in my heart.Until I saw Wen Luming take out my slippers from the bottom of the shoe rack, I was stunned and asked in a low voice, "Did you not throw them away..."

"Forgot." He said flatly.

"Oh..." I put on my slippers, went in and sat on the sofa properly.Belle has always been very good, nestling in my arms, motionless.

Wen Luming warmed up a glass of milk for me and asked, "Is it cold outside?"

I picked up the milk glass and said, "It's not very cold."

The first rain in spring came fiercely. I was dressed thinly, and I was fine sitting in the car. When I came out, I shivered from the cold, but I didn’t want him to worry, and I didn’t want him to think I was pretending to be pitiful.

"Go back early after drinking, the road is slippery in rainy days, it's too late and it's not safe." Wen Luming's tone was still flat.

I pinched the cup and said, "Oh."

Now I don't dare to disobey Wen Luming at all, and I don't dare to make any excessive demands. I try my best to make myself mature and sensible, instead of blindly messing around like I used to.

"And don't send flowers every day," he said.

I raised my eyes to look at him, slightly startled, and didn't hide my grievance well: "... Got it."

However, he went on to say: "Eustoma can last for three or four days, and there is nowhere to put it at home."

My brain became very sluggish, and it took me a long time to react, and I said, "Then can I deliver it every two days, or send it to home today, and send it to school tomorrow..."

As I spoke, I gradually lowered my head, feeling a little too brazen.

Will he bother me, will he feel that I am like a piece of dog skin plaster that cannot be shaken off?

Suddenly a white light flashed outside the window, a spring thunder pierced the night sky, and with a bang, Belle jumped up in fright.I hurriedly put down the cup to appease it, touched its back and said: "It's just raining, don't be afraid, it's okay."

Belle gradually calmed down, retracted into my arms and arched my hand.

I looked out the window, and the big raindrops hit the glass, making a crackling sound.It was also a rainy night like the last rear-end collision. I felt scared and couldn't help but clenched my palms.

"You..." Wen Luming opened his mouth.

I came back to my senses and didn't make things difficult for him, so I took the initiative to say, "It's okay, I'll ask the driver to pick me up."

He nodded, "Yeah."

During the 10-[-] minutes of waiting for the driver, Wen Luming and I were relatively silent, like a divorced couple who had exhausted their enthusiasm, and couldn't even arouse the interest in polite greetings.

I don't know why, but I'm just down and depressed and afraid of revealing my emotions when I speak.

Before leaving, Belle followed me reluctantly. She couldn't bite my clothes like a puppy, so she could only use her paws to poke at my trouser legs, making anxious meowing sounds as if she knew I was gone. Will be back for the same.

Wen Luming picked it up and said, "Be good."

I looked at one person and one cat, and I didn't know who was more reluctant for a while. After hesitating for a long time, I asked, "Can I still come to see Belle?"

Wen Luming didn't refuse, it seemed that he acquiesced.

"Tell drivers to drive carefully," he said.

I hummed and tried to squeeze out a smile, "Then I'm leaving. Goodbye."