Difficult to return

Waking up early in the morning by the smell of food, Song Shuhua opened his eyes, it was already dawn.

Spring has really come, and through the cracks in the curtains, I also know that the sun outside is very good.He got up and opened the curtains, the clear sunlight flooded the floor, the birds were chirping, and the spring breeze was blowing.He took a deep breath, facing the world outside, as if he had regained some courage in his chest.

Following the scent, he found Lu Mingchen who was making breakfast in the kitchen.After last night, no matter what Lu Mingchen did, he would never be surprised again.

"Are you up? I made miscellaneous sauce noodles, washed my face and got ready for breakfast." Lu Mingchen said without turning his head while he was busy.

"Aren't you going to the company today?"

"There is nothing important today, and it's okay to take a day off."

Not long after, Lu Mingchen put a piece of miscellaneous sauce noodles in front of Song Shuhua.It's the second time I ate the mixed sauce noodles made by my husband, and I could already smell the aroma of the sauce before I tasted it.

Lu Mingchen ate it first, and after tasting it, he urged him again: "Eat quickly, today's taste is good, don't eat noodles again."

Song Shuhua took a bite, and the taste has indeed improved a lot.Presumably my husband practiced it by himself when he was alone.In order not to waste it, he also ate it.

Neither of the two at the dinner table spoke, only the sound of eating, as if they had had breakfast together in countless ordinary mornings in the past.

"Mom just called me and asked if we could go back during the Ching Ming Festival."

Song Shuhua paused with his chopsticks, wondering what Lu Mingchen meant.If he wanted to go back, he should go back and tell his parents that they planned to divorce.Does he mean it?

Seeing that he didn't answer, Lu Mingchen said again: "If you don't want to go back, I'll call Mom later to tell Mom I have something to do, and I won't go back."

"Mingchen..."

"Let's eat first. After eating, you can prepare. The weather is very good today. Let's go for an outing in the outskirts of the city."

The husband talked about these ordinary things casually, as if nothing happened, as if the thoughts and words they each revealed last night did not exist.

But it's impossible. Once many things are said, they can't be restored to the original.I don't know how far Lu Mingchen wants to deceive himself and others, but Song Shuhua can't do that.

He put down his chopsticks, looked at his husband, and solemnly proposed again: "Mingchen, what do you think about the divorce that you mentioned last night?"

Lu Mingchen didn't seem to hear what her husband said, just buried his head, stuffed noodles into his mouth, chewed them in big mouthfuls, and then swallowed, as if he was extremely hungry.

Song Shuhua kept looking at him, his eyes no longer dodged, and he waited quietly for his answer.

Until Lu Mingchen ate up a bowl of noodles, and even poured the soup into his mouth with chopsticks.He put down the bowl and chopsticks, wiped the corners of his mouth, and then looked at Song Shuhua with helpless and annoyed eyes, as if his ignorant lover was having a fight.

"Didn't you already say it last night? We won't divorce. I can solve the problems in our marriage. Don't say such things in the future. It hurts feelings."

"You know you can't fix it."

Lu Mingchen looked at her husband helplessly and sadly: "As long as you are willing, all problems can be solved."

Song Shuhua pursed his lips and lowered his eyelids: "I'm sorry, I can't do it."

"You won't even try?"

"..."

It's not that he doesn't want to, it's that he really can't do it.

Zeng stopped liking her husband at the beginning of his heartbeat, not because he could control his feelings, but because he couldn't.So much so that in the countless days after marriage, he convinced himself countless times that Lu Mingchen's thoughts and actions were not wrong. He should accept the difference between his husband and himself, and then fall in love with him, because this is the best solution, it is his ultimate solution. happy choice.

But the greatest tragedy of beings like humans is that they are still unable to make the right choice even though they know what is right.

After a while of silence, he looked at Lu Mingchen again, and began to talk about his plan.

"Mingchen, I don't want anything for our divorce. The house, car, family savings...all of these are earned by you, and should belong to you. The company, how to do it, you can discuss it with my dad then. I don't want a share of the company either."

This is really going out of the house, exchanging everything he already has for the freedom he never got.Song Shuhua imagined that scene, when he left this house, he should only need a suitcase to hold his books and black tape.

Hearing her husband say such unfeeling words so calmly, Lu Mingchen's eyes, which were full of various emotions just now, suddenly turned cold.The expression on his face also gradually settled down, the corners of his mouth curled down, indifferent and hard, like a rock that has been traumatized by the years but will never collapse.

"Have you ever thought about what you will face after divorce?"

Song Shuhua was not afraid of the angry Lu Mingchen, but his expression at this moment made him fearful.

He swallowed his saliva, and nodded quickly: "Life will not be as comfortable as it is now, I have to find a regular job..." These are not what Song Shuhua is most worried about, even if he has already made a decision, he still can't help His voice trembled, "It will make my parents very angry...very disappointed..." He took a breath and looked at Lu Mingchen again, "I will tell them that I initiated the divorce, and try not to let you cooperate with the Song family. affected."

Lu Mingchen pinched the armrest of the chair hard, his knuckles turned white, and his palms ached.

"Is this the kind of person I am in your heart? Let you leave the house without worrying about affecting the cooperation with your family?"

"No, that's not the case." Song Shuhua immediately retorted, "No. I know that you have treated me very well, and I am very grateful for your protection over the years. Then it will cause more harm to the Song family and you."

"If you don't get divorced, there will be no such harm." Lu Mingchen looked at him, and finally couldn't help but get excited, "You still live the same life, you can do whatever you want, you like dresses and jewelry, I'll buy them for you, how many do you want? There are as many as you want, you can perform as you want, no one will stop you, you can act boldly. You can have everything openly, and you don’t need to be sneaky anymore, isn’t that okay?”

Song Shuhua also showed a painful look: "Mingchen, it has nothing to do with these things."

"What does that have to do with it? Is it only with me? Because my existence hinders you..."

Song Shuhua raised his voice: "Mingchen, you know that's not what I'm talking about. It has nothing to do with you. It's my own problem... I'm going to be 33 soon, and I don't want to go on like this." Face, try to suppress all emotions, today he can't break down like last night, otherwise he will fall short again, he knows that it will not be easy to persuade her husband to divorce.

Lu Mingchen pulled Song Shuhua's hand away, and he was completely defeated.He looked into her husband's eyes and almost begged: "Ah Hua, you know that I have feelings for you. As long as you tell me what I did badly before, I will change it. This year is already the ninth year of our marriage, don't It's easy to give up like this, okay? For the sake of these years of affection, give us a chance."

"……sorry……"

"Let's try again..."

"..."

Song Shuhua broke away from his hand, got up suddenly and went back to the room.

Looking at the figure of her husband leaving, Lu Mingchen felt something breaking in his heart, and he felt an unprecedented sense of powerlessness.

Soon Song Shuhua came back, put a flannel bag on the table, and pushed it to the opposite side.

Lu Mingchen untied the tie and took out the contents, a Hermes bracelet.He frowned, and moved his shocked gaze from the bracelet to Song Shuhua's face.

The other party didn't show any unnecessary expressions because he was so frightened. It could be seen that Song Shuhua tried his best to suppress the unnecessary emotions and try to be as calm as possible.

"About a year ago, a very young boy stopped me downstairs and gave me this bracelet. He said he had been your lover for half a year because you dumped the bracelet. I asked him for the bracelet. What is my purpose? He thought for a while, then shook his head and said it was nothing, he just felt unwilling and asked me to return this bracelet to you. "

Lu Mingchen gritted his teeth, the veins on his forehead swelled, his face flushed, never had such a moment of embarrassment and indignation in his life.

"You want to divorce me because of this?" Lu Mingchen put his hands on the table, stood up, eager to explain something across the table, "I admit that I have had other people before, but they have already been broken , besides..."

"I'm not here to accuse you, I know you have had several lovers," Song Shuhua interrupted him, lowered his eyelashes, and whispered, "I always knew..."

"Ha...hahahaha, you always knew..." Lu Mingchen suddenly grinned a few times, then grabbed the bracelet and threw it fiercely.The bracelet passed Song Shuhua's face, and flew straight towards the TV in the living room. After a few bangs, it fell to the ground, and the TV screen cracked, "You just wait for this day, grab me and force me to agree to divorce ?”

He had cheated, and he had regretted, ashamed, and reflected on this incident. He was willing to use everything to make up for her husband, but he couldn't accept that her husband grabbed his mistake and forced him to divorce.How can he be so cruel?

"No, I didn't intend to accuse you of betraying anything. I completely understand, or it is the days when you cheated that relieved my stress and guilt." Song Shuhua looked up at Lu Mingchen, and showed him that he had never felt anything before. Sincerely, "Mingchen, in fact, this marriage is not only painful for me, but also for you. I know it, and I know your struggles these years, so let it end."

"Painful?" Lu Mingchen suddenly crossed the table and grabbed Song Shuhua's clothes, "Since you know everything, you should also know how much I fucking love you..."

He pulled her husband up, across a table, but their faces were facing each other, very close at hand.Lu Mingchen stared at him with bloodshot eyes, and asked angrily: "Song Shuhua, what about you, have you ever loved me?"

Song Shuhua just opened his eyes and closed his lips tightly.

"Song Shuhua, look at me, you feel like you want to get a divorce, but you dare not answer my question?"

"Song Shuhua..."

"No." Song Shuhua turned his head to look at him, with tears welling up in his despairing eyes, and answered his question with despair, "I've never been in love before."

……

"I agreed to marry you because of pressure from my parents. I'm sorry, I have my own reasons..."

……

Lu Mingchen let go of his hand suddenly, and slumped back on the chair with a blank expression, as if his soul had been withdrawn.

Song Shuhua didn't know if he had done too much, he had never seen a man like this, so he reached out and touched his shoulder: "Lu Mingchen..."

Lu Mingchen swung his hand away violently, stood up and left quickly, slamming the door hard.

He suddenly remembered the question that a certain lover asked him when he proposed to break up——

Is loving someone a punishment?

Today he had the answer——

Yes, if the other person has never loved you.