Difficult to return

[He is transgender, man trans woman, he thinks he is a woman, I didn't know that until a while ago.I don't know how to face it, and I don't know why he suddenly became like this.After watching your performance, I have a feeling of grasping something. 】

Seeing what the man said, Song Shuhua felt that everything could be explained.

Why did the other party show affection to him, insist on adding him as a friend, want to talk to him, but have no further plans.He is not interested in himself at all, but catches the shadow of his lover from him.

At the same time, he felt a little sad again.Those enthusiastic expressions towards him were not for him after all.Although I had thought of it a long time ago, my heart still felt slightly sour when I heard people say it so clearly.

【You must love him very much. 】

[Yes, but now I don't know if I should continue to love, if he is a woman. 】

[Although I am not a transgender person, some of the actors in QUEEN are.According to them, it feels like the soul has been put into the wrong container, which is very painful and painful.For example, you now have a woman's body, this sense of dislocation. 】

Song Shuhua sensed his helplessness.

What people talk about most is the pain and helplessness of the minority group itself. In fact, the family members and lovers of the minority group will also be squeezed by their own psychological and social evaluations.These pressures are what he saw from Song Shuhua's parents when they tried their best to correct him, and even tortured and persecuted him.

Now, he also saw the same loss, helplessness and pain from this man.

【If you love yourself, he will definitely want to undergo gender reassignment surgery to make all the misplacements return to the correct one. This is the pursuit of almost all gender inversions.If you really love him and wish him well, you should support him in this matter. 】

[Perhaps you will not be able to continue to be lovers because of this.But isn’t all true love about giving and sacrificing? To overcome the nature of selfishness and selfishness, we must also do good things for the other party. 】

[This is what you think true love looks like? 】

[It should be said that it is the appearance of ideal love. In reality, emotions are always mixed with many other things. They are not so pure, and they cannot be completely self-interested. 】

【What if you were asked to give up QUEEN's stage for the one you love? 】

Song Shuhua frowned, but after a moment of serious thinking, he replied——

[I think I will. 】

【How about you give up women's clothing for him? 】

【I can do it too. 】

But then he said--

[It's just that if the other party knows my love for women's clothing and the stage, but still wants me to give up for him, then he probably doesn't like me that much.Love is mutual, if only I love him, it must be meaningless. 】

It takes courage to take the initiative to love someone, especially unrequited love. Song Shuhua knows that he doesn't have that kind of courage, and he doesn't dare.For him, life is a balance beam on the wire rope of lies. If he is not careful, he will be lost forever. Being able to maintain the current state is already the best he can do.

The other party typed for a while, but finally nothing was sent.

Song Shuhua thought about it, and then comforted him.

[If there are some irreconcilable conflicts, my opinion is that instead of being tied together to torture each other, it is better for everyone to take a step back, maybe it would be better to be friends. 】

【You think so? 】

Song Shuhua bit the corner of his mouth, considering every word he said.He sympathized with the other party's experience. It was the first time he enlightened others, although it may not be useful, but he also wanted to be at ease for the other party.

[Only in theory, in reality, everyone has too much to do. 】

【What is your last resort? 】

【I? 】

[Men wearing women's clothing should be regarded as transvestites, which is different from transgender people, which is also an abnormal psychology in psychology.If a person has an abnormal psychology, I think he should have some abnormal experiences.Is it related to the school violence you mentioned earlier? 】

Seeing this sentence, Song Shuhua's soft expression instantly disappeared, his complexion sank, his fingers hung above the phone screen, and he didn't reply for a long time.

The other party quickly added another sentence——

【I searched for transgender people, and talked about the difference between transgender people and transvestites. At that time, I took the last chance, he just liked women's clothing. 】

Seeing this sentence, Song Shuhua put away the barb that was about to explode just now.This person is different from others he has encountered in his life, and he feels more and more like this.

To say it's completely different is not accurate.When I first met him, he was the same, with the same prejudice and self-righteousness, but the difference is that in this short period of time, he has continued to understand and learn the world beyond his cognition, and constantly correct himself.It can also be seen that he is careful to choose some neutral, non-insulting and discriminatory words to describe all this, although this makes his language look not smooth, even a bit weird.

Compared with those who are stubborn and think that their cognition is the whole world, this is so rare.

Song Shuhua clearly knows how difficult it is to change a person's deep-rooted thoughts and ways of thinking.For a person to make such a self-change is equivalent to destroying part of one's cognition and rebuilding it. This is not only difficult, but also requires great courage.

Is such an attempt all due to his feelings for his lover?Song Shuhua was almost jealous of that strange transgender person.

[My transvestism may be related to my childhood experience, but I think it has more to do with my family. 】

[My parents are the most traditional type of parents. My father is serious, unsmiling and very strong. He has a strong desire to control his children, and my mother obeys his father.Probably since I was born, every step of my life must be on the path that my father set for me, just like those bonsai that are concaved into various shapes, they look good, but for plants, they are in a deformed state . 】

【Expecting that a plant that has been planted in a flowerpot for a long time, with its branches pruned and twisted at will, can grow vigorously in the sun like a wild plant, I think it is impossible. 】

Song Shuhua didn't expect that he would say this to a stranger. It took him many years to figure out the truth and fully accept himself.

The other party entered for a while and asked questions——

[Since you know that you are not "sunshine and strong", why don't you try to find a "plant doctor" to break back the twisted branches. 】

Song Shuhua smiled when he saw "Sunshine Thrive" and "Plant Doctor".

This person is actually gentle in his heart, but he seems a little reckless.He treats strangers with such care, how will he treat his lover?

The caution and taboo of others will actually make you bold.

【You want to tell me to see a psychiatrist? 】

[At least you can try. 】

[I've seen it for many years, it's useless.The plant goes to the doctor, but what's the use of hands that keep holding the scissors and giving it the shape of a tree. 】

[Besides, I don't want to watch it either.This is the last bit of freedom and happiness in my life, and it has been supporting me to live. 】【If a person has no happiness and freedom at all, I think he must not have the courage to face this world. 】

Song Shuhua said these sad, even somewhat desperate words, but unexpectedly, his heart suddenly relaxed a lot.Those things that pressed him layer by layer were uncovered layer by layer with this disclosure, and wisps of sunlight came in.

But the other party did not speak for a long time.

[Sorry, shouldn't I have said this? 】

The other party suddenly became incoherent——

[No, it's okay, it's okay, you can say whatever you want, you can say anything. 】

Song Shuhua smiled softly, and there was a little light in his pupils covered by long eyelashes.

[It's nothing, I'm done. 】

【In any case, don't lose your courage to face the world.When a person is alive, everything can be pursued, and there are infinite hopes and possibilities.And those who love you deeply, if you have something, what will he do? 】

People who love themselves deeply.Song Shuhua wanted to say that not everyone is as lucky as your lover.

But he quickly became active again. Although he doesn't have such a close and intimate lover, it is already his best life now.

Even if he doesn't like each other, his husband is his most reliable safe haven, which makes him grateful from the bottom of his heart.And he also knew that her husband had many dissatisfaction with their marriage, and was also dissatisfied with him not going to work. Even so, he didn't demand anything from him, and he never treated him harshly in his life.So once he thinks about it, guilt will torture him badly.

[Don't worry, the most difficult part has long passed. I'm fine now, and I won't have that time again. 】【Thank you! 】