straight to heaven

From a legal point of view, when a mentally ill person commits a crime when he cannot control himself, he cannot bear criminal responsibility because he does not have the capacity for responsibility, so he can only be transferred to compulsory medical treatment, which is one of the reasons for preventing responsibility.In past cases, there were not a small number of criminals who attempted to pretend to be mental patients who were out of control.

I used to be unable to understand the specific state of losing my mind, and there was a thick spiritual barrier between me and the minority, but at this moment, I think I can finally empathize with it.

The left brain seemed to stop functioning, my limbs were completely dominated by instinct, and my hands were still trembling continuously. I picked up the coins stiffly, and put them back one by one.

I was just about to put the box on his desk when I heard Pei Yan come to speak.

"Don't give it to me, you keep it yourself."

The sound woke me up from my confusion.

I curled up my fingers and subconsciously clenched the box: "I keep it myself, what do you mean?"

Pei Yanlai smiled: "It's literally."

I still find it absurd, and I really suspect that I am in an illogical illusion: "Is this considered to be returned to the original owner?"

Pei Yanlai tilted her head, but did not answer.

The corners of the box are engraved with coin-sized patterns, but I am sure that no extra decoration was made when the wooden box was made.I stroked the irregular depression with my fingertips: "What's the pattern on it?"

Unexpectedly, after hearing this, Pei Yanlai had a strange expression on his face.

He stopped leaning against the window, walked to the sofa a few steps, and poured the remaining tea into the trash can.Not knowing what to think of, he smiled faintly: "...Your Excellency forgets things too much."

He is rarely so eccentric.

I snapped my fingers, and the sudden premonition spread from my fingertips.Reluctantly, I raised the box to my eyes, and saw the rough lines in the clear moonlight.

This is a children's drawing.

The strokes are immature and scribbled.

Semi-finished products.

like hi...

...Magpies?

The moment the thought arises, my memory is brought back to that dull afternoon.

With the curtains drawn, documentaries in pure English, and four-lined paper on the workbook, I saw the almond trees and birds in the back mountain through the gaps in the heavy curtains.

Before Pei Yanlai appeared, I was punished by the teacher to stand because I couldn’t answer the questions. She took away the sketches I drew when I was distracted. I have never seen that page again for more than ten years.

Then this semi-finished product, now, appeared on the box that Pei Yan came to, or I had long forgotten.

Too many past events passed before my eyes like flipping pages.

Begging on rainy nights, drumming at the shooting range, New Year’s dumplings, and umbrellas arranged in advance, suicide notes that only I can see, and palms that cover my eyes when the wind blows by.

... I am indeed a sensitive person. Everything before was not an illusion. I should have thought of it long ago.Why can't I think of it?

crazy.

Really going crazy.

I have never trembled like this, Fan Jin from Zhongju has become a brother I have never met.

The heart is about to jump out of the throat.I clearly saw my fingers trembling as if being shocked by an electric shock. I could barely hold the box, but I still refused to let go until my arms started to cramp.

"...how do you?" I changed the question: "you engraved the magpie, what's the special meaning?"

Pei Yanlai sat down on the sofa. He was against the light and couldn't see his expression clearly. After a while, he asked, "Magpie?"

The tone is subtle.

"Ah." I was blessed in my heart: "You don't think what I drew is..."

"Lin Xiaoshan." Pei Yanlai suddenly and lightly stopped.

Is a red flag, I obediently stop talking.

I still have a lot of doubts, but those are nothing compared to the other problems that need to be solved tonight.

I took a few steps to the sofa.Pei Yanlai's legs were spread apart, I was stared at by him, and then I half-kneeled in front of him like this.At such a close distance, the face that was already familiar to him was so novel as if it was the first time he had seen it.

"Aren't you going to ask me what I want to do?" I asked.

Pei Yanlai's face was calm and kind, "What do you want to do?"

"I'm very sober now, Pei Yanlai, if I kiss you..." I held his face with both hands, tears streaming down my face, I tasted it, and the second half of the sentence gradually became blurred: "...What will happen? Sample?"

I rushed over to kiss him, but before I touched his lips, he pressed one hand to my forehead, so hard that it was hard for me to move forward.

"You can try." He frowned at me.

It's just that lust is like lard, and even a calm person will make mistakes if he is confused.

I just want to kiss him right now.I have to kiss him.

…and then I punched him.

The restraint was released instantly, and he was inertially downward because of dodging, and finally fell on his back on the sofa.The worst things have been done, and I have nothing to worry about now.

Like a beast that hasn't eaten for a long time, I straddle him and pounce on him to kiss him. I'm not good at showing my sharp teeth, so I pushed open his teeth in a random way, but he counterattacked, pinned the back of my head, and invaded. All the spaces in my mouth.

It was too close, and I couldn't breathe. The faint, familiar scent of perfume that accompanied me almost throughout my youth made me dizzy and tinnitus.

When the brain started to lack oxygen, I clearly felt the same changes in Pei Yanlai and me.Out of instinct, I did bad things recklessly.

Pei Yanlai's breathing became heavy instantly.When I was stunned, he pinched my cheeks and pressed him under my body, and the situation changed in a blink of an eye.

The corners of my mouth were still drooling, my heart was beating extremely fast, and I was struggling to breathe while grabbing his hand, "Loosen, loose...I don't, no..."

Pei Yanlai chuckled a few times, "Aren't you afraid? You are so courageous."

"Pei, no..."

"Little gay? It's quite perverted." The fingers of his other hand poked my lips heavily, but his tone was calm: "Say sorry, now."

The psychogenic dyspnea and pain made me terribly nervous, trembling even in the blink of an eye, but the instinct of the body made me not really want to shake his hand.

Fortunately, Pei Yanlai realized my difficult situation in time.He let go of me, and instead clasped the wrists of both of my hands, pressing them on top of my head.

I was finally able to open my mouth, and oxygen was poured into my mouth suddenly, and I couldn't help coughing a few times.

"Apologize."

Pei Yan came to look down at me, half of his face that was not illuminated by the moonlight was so handsome that he was affectionate and gloomy.

With a hoarse voice and tears in my eyes, I just looked at him like this, not knowing why: "...I'm sorry."

It was like chanting a spell that would make the princess on the tower let down her long hair. The moment I said it, Pei Yanlai suddenly let go of all the restraints on me.

Maybe it's an illusion—the tyrant I've served for many years had a gentle look in his eyes for a moment.For half a second, I seemed to peel away his skin and soft tissue, and glimpsed a corner of his incredible sincerity.

"I'm sorry." If he wanted to hear it, I could say it a thousand times: "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"Enough." Pei Yanlai got up from the sofa, picked up the suit jacket, and covered the folds: "That's enough."

I coughed twice, and when I climbed down, my legs were so weak that I almost sat on the ground.

"where did you go."

Pei Yan came to turn off the light: "Go home."

"Xiaomi should have informed you that your car is still in the repair center."

"Ok, I know."

I wondered: "Then how did you go home?"

"..." Pei Yan glanced at me and seemed a little speechless, but he opened the door and left without explaining.

Grass, this is too disrespectful.

I hurriedly followed, and when I got downstairs, I realized that there was another means of transportation called a taxi.

Pei Yanlai was already sitting in the back seat, and the car hadn't left yet, so I wasn't sure if he was waiting for me.But this is not the time to fight left and right. I was afraid that the car would run away, so I quickly opened the passenger door.

Pei Yanlai was originally closing his eyes to rest his mind, but when the car door was closed, he glanced at me from the built-in rearview mirror, which meant nothing.

I thought I guessed my intentions for him, so instead of sitting in the same row as him, I said to the driver: "Master, Mingzhu Accord."

"Hey, hey, I know I know."

When the car started, I looked back at Pei Yanlai, but he closed his eyes again and refused to talk to me.

The weather forecast said it would be sunny today, but halfway through the drive, it started to rain.When we got out of the car, there was lightning, thunder, and rain that was almost pouring. Because of the thin clothes, Pei Yanlai and I were inevitably drenched through.

He didn't invite me, but the door was wide open, which I understood as a signal of tacit approval, so I changed my shoes wetly and walked in.

The sound of water gradually rose.It was Pei Yan who came to take a shower. There was only one bathroom in the whole room, which was built into his bedroom.

In his home, I didn't dare to be presumptuous, so I could only stand in the hallway and look around. The 170-square-meter flat floor is almost exactly the same as the one in Ling City, and the furniture decoration is so nostalgic.

Apart from……

Except for the small vase on the small table in the living room.

The flowering period of the rose has passed, but the flowers sealed in the vacuum are still red and dark - I bought a bunch of nineteen Mr. Lincoln that night, and now each one has been pressed into a specimen to achieve a certain sense eternal life.

I froze for a while, and just about to take one, the bathroom door was opened before I touched the edge of the capsule.

I hurriedly withdrew my hand, pretending that nothing happened.

"There are new underwear and towels on the shelf." Pei Yanlai was wearing a bathrobe, drying her hair, looked at me, and paused before saying, "The pajamas are in the closet."

I froze for a moment: "What?"

"Aren't you going to take a shower?"

"Oh, oh." I woke up like a dream: "I'll go right away."

After taking two steps, I stopped again.

That's probably what the flash of inspiration meant.

Guessing is born in an instant, and it quickly grows vigorously.My heart was beating fast, I turned around abruptly, stared at him for a long time before opening my mouth: "The cleaning plan to steal the box, didn't you guess at all before he acted? Is there really nothing clearly captured in the surveillance?"

I paused, and asked again like a cannonball.

"Did Sun Tingzhou take part in Xia Sang's child's full moon wine?"

"I don't know him very well. Is it really just because of conscience that he suddenly told me that?"

"Or……"

Or, someone was using his mouth to tell me part of the truth about that year.

Pei Yanlai moved slowly and did not answer.

In fact, I don't necessarily want to get the answer, so the conversation changed: "The flowers are the ones in the office last time, so why do you still keep them?"

"You want me to throw it?" Pei Yanlai asked back,

I didn't leave my name when I sent the flowers, so at this moment, I mumbled: "You know I sent them?"

He closed his eyes and wiped his hair, "Well, you're just as vulgar as you are."

"..."

Pei Yanlai's clothes are bigger than mine, and the waistbands of his trousers hang loosely on his hips.I don't have a bathrobe after I take a shower, and I always worry that I won't be fully clothed after walking a few steps.

The lights in his bedroom were not turned on, and the blackout curtains were drawn. The moment I stepped from the well-lit bathroom into the dark, I became blind in the dark.

Before entering the bathroom, I observed that his bedroom is very large, with the bed in the center and a row of wardrobes just five steps away from the bathroom door.I fumbled carefully, and smoothly pushed open the sliding rail of the cabinet door, trying to find a shirt or short-sleeved emergency.

The door of the single cabinet was half open, and I reached out to grab it, but unexpectedly found nothing.

empty?

I froze for a few seconds.

But there was no time for me to react—

"drop."

The sound of the remote control suddenly sounded, and with the slight hum of the machine, the curtains behind him were slowly pulled open.

The rain stopped.

The strong wind blows away the dark clouds, and the moonlight at one o'clock in the morning is extraordinarily bright.

So much so that I could see clearly what was in this private space in the blink of an eye.

There were no clothes in the closet at all.

The profile is frontal, happy and depressed, from young to well-dressed... The one posted in the middle is who is wearing a bachelor's uniform. He cuts out all the other people in the group photo, leaving only one person standing alone with Qingtian.

It's not a natural smile, you can see it every day in the mirror, it's all too familiar.

——The candid photos plastered all over the wall are my face.

"Does it look good?"

Pei Yanlai didn't know when he was standing by the window, or maybe he was there all the time.He was playing with a small butterfly knife in his hand, and the blade flew away, but he was unharmed.

I accidentally dropped the towel on the floor.

He looked so charming, but I was worried that he was going to use my blood to cut the knife, so I stood there and didn't move.

Perhaps seeing my hesitation, Pei Yanlai skillfully retracted the blade.

He nodded, meaning to let me go: "I have something to say."

When I walked in front of him, it seemed similar to being naked: "Those photos just now..."

"I asked someone to take a picture."

For a split second, I didn't even know who I really was.

Is the person in the photo really me?Am I really Lin Xiaoshan?Am I dreaming, or a victim of a brain-in-a-vat experiment?

After a while, I finally asked dryly and with difficulty: "For so many years, have you been photographing me?"

Nine years is almost astronomical for a person like Pei Yanlai who has very little patience, but I don't know anything about it.

"Do you have to get to the bottom of it?...Okay." Pei Yanlai gave me the answer: "It is every year, every month, every week... three thousand four hundred and thirty five days."

"It was you who pushed me away, but I couldn't help being mean."

"You smell my perfume, I'm looking at your picture, it's kind of fair, right?"

Grass.

Right?right what right?what's wrong?

slutty?

Who?

Pei Yan coming?

I was stupid, because my body temperature was rising due to the stimulation.His lips opened and closed, but it was difficult to say anything.

The word "vile" shouldn't come out of his mouth. This man's majestic self-esteem is willing to be crushed into powder for me.

It's just like bullshit.

But he didn't lie to me, I'm so sure.

"Why did you return to China suddenly? Why did you respond to Lao Hu's invitation at that exact time?" Obviously it was not like this five years ago.My Adam's apple rolled, and I was almost incoherent. After forming an outrageous speculation, I couldn't ignore it: "I have been on a blind date with Zhou Xiaopei for Geng in September last year..."

But before he could finish his sentence, it was cut off abruptly.

"I'm sorry." Pei Yanlai said suddenly.

Not exaggerating, almost immediately my ears rang for a few seconds.

I was so stimulated tonight that I was a few beats behind realizing the three words he said to me.

I'm sorry, three words that are so simple and so difficult to understand, it's like a huge strange talk.

Pei Yan coming?

He's apologizing to me?

I couldn't believe it, my brain was overloaded immediately: "What did you say?"

Pei Yanlai pushed my chin with his thumb, I watched him turn his face to approach, then his fingers slipped down, and his Adam's apple was held against by the blade he popped out.The cold touch is like a tongue of fire spreading on the nerves.

After a short pain, he announced the sentencing result in my ear.

The breath is warm, and I can't dodge it.

"sorry."

He looked down at me with a calm expression, but I don't know if it was an illusion. His eyes clearly seemed to be coated with a thin layer of mercury, but it disappeared without a trace in the blink of an eye.