I was on the clouds

The atmosphere in the waiting room is not very good.

Ye Xi sat in the waiting room with a registration form in his hand.

Several patients patiently comforted the family members of the patients in pain and panic, talking about their medical history and treatment experience.

Ye Xi listened quietly.

A couple brought a boy to Ye Xi's side. The boy seemed to be only fourteen or fifteen years old. He moved slowly and needed the support of his parents to move with difficulty. His expression was numb and his head was lowered all the time. The corners of the mouth were white, and the eyeballs were covered by a faint white film, the eyes could no longer see through, and they were cloudy.

Ye Xi suddenly thought of the dementors in "Harry Potter" that can suck people's souls away. Those who lost their souls are like a mass of flesh with only skeletons left. Where did this boy's soul go? Can't go back to his body, maybe he's just temporarily trapped in a thick hood and can't perceive anything outside.

This is depressive stupor.

Ye Xi stood up to give them a seat, the boy's mother thanked her hoarsely, his father supported his son without saying a word, and kept looking at him.

LV presbyopia bag, GUCII's charming Mulan eau de toilette, Chanel's suit, at least for middle-class families.

Ye Xi stood aside, waiting silently.

The mother suddenly asked: "Excuse me, I want to ask, are you also depressed, little girl?".

Ye Xi hated others prying into her privacy, but when she saw the woman's bloodshot eyes, she couldn't bear to answer her.

So she nodded reluctantly, then turned around and went to stand in the back row.

She heard the woman muttering in a low voice: "It's amazing to have this disease, who will you show your face to?".

The man ignored him, put his hands on his son's shoulders, and kept his eyes on his son.

Seeing that he didn't answer, the woman complained and said: "Everyone is living well, why do they get this disease? They eat and drink offerings, and they are dying every day. I don't know what they are dissatisfied with. Next year I'm going to take the high school entrance exam, forcing him to learn his virtue, for whom to show it, I really don't know what crimes I did in my previous life", as he spoke, he began to cry again.

This time, no one around the patient comforted her, but a male family member beside him sighed and said: "Life is better now, the diseases of this generation of children are all diseases of wealth, such as anxiety and depression, my children I’m going to review it inside, I’ve been taking medicine all the time, you have to recognize the child as a parent, don’t be so sad, just take some medicine and you’ll be relieved.”

It can't be slowed down, Ye Xi said silently in his heart.

Those medications for depression have serious side effects. She remembers that on the first day she took the medication, she thought she would soon be redeemed. In fact, she felt unstoppable drowsiness, uncontrollable vomiting, unstoppable diarrhea, and needles in her head. The same pain caused her to fall into another kind of pain.

Due to the side effects of the medicine, she slept for [-] hours after taking the medicine that day, and began to vomit again after waking up. At that time, she could not vomit anything but bitter bile.

It turns out that children who are tortured by depression are just unreasonable troubles in their parents' hearts?

They are devoured by this disease, and their brains are so tortured that they can't think. They deny their self-worth every day, doubt the meaning of their existence, and struggle in the choice between life and death.

But this is not the most painful, the most painful is that their pain is not understood.

People standing on the shore laughed at those who fell into the swamp why they didn't climb up, and those in the swamp cursed those on the shore why they didn't fall down.

Ye Xi seldom suffers from what happened to others. Ye Sheng said that the dam she built in her heart was too high, and any unnecessary emotions were blocked by her, so very few sorrows and joys could reach her heart directly. In her heart of stainless steel.

But this time, the dam in Ye Xi's heart was completely destroyed. For the first time, she wanted to cry for a stranger. Tears swirled in her eyes, and she tried hard not to let them fall.

The tall boy wearing glasses next to her handed her a piece of facial tissue and said softly: "Cry when you get emotional, you can't help it with willpower."

Ye Xi's tears fell down, and he took the facial tissue and pressed it to his face in embarrassment.

The boy next to me was right. Tears cannot be held back by willpower when emotions come up. This is a pathological reaction of patients with depression.

Ye Xi wiped away tears in a trance, until the electronic voice called her name, she took a breath and walked in with big strides.

She pulled out a past case from her bag and talked about her severe drug reaction.

The middle-aged male doctor pushed the gold-rimmed glasses on the bridge of his nose, and smiled kindly: "Switch to sertraline, which is more suitable for women, and the side effects are relatively small. Take it with lithium carbonate for half a month for a follow-up visit." , If the physical discomfort is very strong, come back for a re-examination, and remember to re-examine once a week to test the lithium concentration in the blood, do not stop taking medicine in the middle, exercise properly and pay attention to diet.”

After he finished speaking in a gentle tone, he smiled at Ye Xi, handed her a pack of tissues from the drawer of the table, and said with concern: "Little girl, don't be depressed, you are young and beautiful, and you have passed this wonderful time." It's waiting for you right in front."

Ye Xi thanked her, went to the pharmacy to grab the medicine, and then swayed back home. She repeated what the doctor said in her heart. Since she got depression, her memory has declined very badly. It was about to disappear, and the memory palace built in my mind for many years suddenly collapsed, and all the memories became a smoky ruin.

With a long sigh, she leaned on the railing of the subway and took two pills with mineral water. At this time, she didn't really want to go home, and she always felt that when she returned home, she would face a more serious problem than depression.

Compared with the current residence, Ye Xi wants to live in the dilapidated little house back then. When he returns home, he opens the door to a small living room with a tea-colored glass coffee table and a smoke-gray fabric sofa. Gray sofa cushions with raw edges, her mother stood in front of the window watering the flowers, or cooking in the kitchen full of oily fumes.

The smoking machine didn't work well, and it made a lot of noise. At that time, Ye Xi would close the door tightly as soon as he heard this sound, and then put on earplugs to do homework.

Now she has not heard the sound of the smoking machine for a long time. When she and her father are at home, no one cooks. If you're bored, order takeout.

Ye Desheng's law firm is very busy with business, and it is around [-] o'clock in the evening when he returns home. Most of the time, he sleeps in the lounge or a nearby hotel. If he catches up with him on a business trip, it is not uncommon to see no one for ten days and a half months. For some things, at this time Ye Xi could only sit in a daze on the steps of the door facing the empty house.

In fact, Ye Xi rarely goes home. Most of the time, she lives on campus. When Ye Desheng picks her up on weekends, she is bored in the room reciting English and doing competition questions. She will only do it when Ye Desheng calls her to eat go downstairs.

Thinking about the past, Ye Xi lost control of her emotions again. When she realized that her tears were about to burst again, she quickly pulled up her mask. When the subway stopped, she hurriedly got off the subway. People were coming and going at the subway entrance. They were in a hurry, but Ye Xi stood there blankly with tears streaming down his face, not knowing which crowd to follow.

Unknowingly, she came to the shopping mall with two girls laughing and laughing. At this time, her tears had stopped, but her feelings and body were separated by something. She could think, a kind of emotionless think.

She mechanically moved her legs and followed the two girls into the fairy water counter. The two girls were chattering and discussing. The lady in the suit came to her and asked her what she needed with a smile.

She heard her say, "Both".

The cabinet sister was stunned for a moment, and asked: "Do I need one of each product? Or skin care products or make-up?".

Ye Xi glanced at the cabinet sister, and heard herself say numbly: "Everything".

The lady at the counter rushed to get the products. Ye Xi swiped the card at the checkout counter, a total of more than 3 yuan, and gave away a bunch of samples.

She walked into the mobile phone store with a bag in her hand. Her 6S was used very well, and she didn't need to change her mobile phone, but she was a little out of control now. When the clerk asked her which color she wanted, her rigid head and vocal cords could only move. Will say 'both'.

When I went out, I had two extra iPhoneXs in my hand, and it was a bit heavy to carry with the cosmetic bag. When I passed by a window, the electronic screen in the store was playing a promotional video of a male star. She walked in, and then there were more Picked up a red Xiaomi 6X.

Computer mouse, lipstick, earphones, clothes, more and more things in her hands, and it became more and more difficult to carry, so she had to buy a big suitcase.

When she lugged her suitcase home, her father was sitting on the sofa waiting for her.

Ye Desheng put down the white paper in his hand, and said casually: "My mobile phone's message alert has been ringing all day, 28 160:[-], do you think our family is a billionaire, Ye Xi you What the hell did you buy?"

Ye Xi knew that he was really angry at this moment.

She sat on the ground without saying a word and opened the suitcase, took out the two mobile phones from a pile of messy things, handed him the crumpled bag, and said stiffly: "You bought a mobile phone, you should change your 5S up".

Ye Desheng deflated like a leaking balloon.

After being stunned for two seconds, he took the bag, and said with a smirk: "Ye Xi, you bought nearly 30 things, but only brought me back a mobile phone worth about 1 yuan. You are really calculating." ".

Ye Xi raised his eyelids and glanced at him, then said faintly: "It's too hypocritical, Dad, just laugh if you want to."