a setting sun

Although Xu Xin agreed to Shen Sihan's request, she regretted it the next day.

Oh, no, it should be said that she regretted it that night.

Outside the window is a somewhat bright night under the reflection of neon lights.And she was standing in front of the window, behind her was a thick curtain blocking the gap between her and Shen Sihan who was sleeping deeply in the room, thick and cold.

The city and the scenery in front of him have never been able to impress Xu Xin.Her mind was on the peacefully asleep man in the room behind her.She took out her mobile phone, plugged in her earphones, and played a song casually.

Unexpectedly, the melody that sounded in the earphones turned out to be Guo Xu's "Don't Look For It".

i sit in the corner

look at the neon lights

This city is as lonely as ever

i know my world

no you

The man's depressed voice seemed to be expressing Xu Xin's inner voice.Her tears poured out like water from flood gates...

How is it now?Big data monitors know that she broke up, have you advised her not to look for her?

Yes, people like me are probably really not suitable to be with others.It is said that we came to this world to find the only other half in our world, but why have I waited so long, tried so many times, and my heart is broken, but I still haven't found that person?

Do you want to tell me that I am the only exception in that world?

Pulling Shen Sihan out of his heart is like tearing apart the normal organs that already existed in his own body.The pain was so painful that Xu Xin couldn't stand at all, the tears on his face were like the unstoppable rain, and the pain in his heart was like the background music accompanied by tears.

She fell to the cold ground and gradually shrunk herself into a small ball.Both hands clutched the clothes on the arms on both sides, shaking so tightly, the fingertips lost their color due to the force.She buried her head in her arms, not wanting the people sleeping outside to hear her almost desperate sobbing. She cried, but in her heart she scolded herself who couldn't get love with the most vicious words.

She despises herself and hates herself.

Abandoned again.Probably because no one in the world loves me.I'm not outstanding, I'm not outstanding, I'm not rich, I'm not talented, I'm capable.And most importantly, I am not a man.

Because of my gender, I was rejected by my biological father, betrayed by the person I liked, and poked in the back and made irresponsible remarks.

Oh, forget it.To put it bluntly, even if it wasn't because of my gender, I might not be able to achieve happiness. How can a useless person like me have the right to be loved wholeheartedly by another person?Why?So why do people like me live?Um?

Xu Xin once again fell into the mood of self-loathing. It seemed that all the trivial things were the reason, but in fact, only Xu Xin knew that there was only one main reason - her heart was still in the dark place. In the pit, where she was completely separated from the world, she lay there and let her soul rot.

She wiped the tears off her face, stood up, gently opened a window, and stretched out her hand.The night wrapped her hands, and the night wind blew between her fingers. She held on to the window frame below and took a step forward, leaning her body against it, half of her body was exposed outside, the wind engulfed the hot and humid air and blew it into disorder. With a few strands of hair on top of her head, she quietly looked down at the open space downstairs.

Why should I live?

Jumping from here, is it all over?

Countless thoughts intertwined into a mess in her head.She stopped there, looking at everything in front of her in a daze, not knowing what she was doing, what she wanted to do next, and when the damn pain in her heart would stop.

"Oh, don't... woo woo..." Suddenly, someone's raving came from the silent space behind him, which was originally only the sound of breathing, as if he was having some kind of nightmare.

Xu Xin seemed to wake up suddenly, she withdrew her body, and slowly closed the window.Then he opened the heavy curtains and walked back to the bed.The whole room was in a hazy darkness, and after the eyes gradually adapted to the complete darkness, what appeared before him was Shen Sihan who was not sleeping peacefully on the bed.I don't know what kind of nightmare I had, and I kept humming some unknown words in my mouth.

She bent down, leaned beside Shen Sihan, and lightly pressed her hand on Shen Sihan's shoulder.

After a while, Shen Sihan's expression relaxed.It's like getting inexplicable support and not being afraid of nightmares.

Just as the corners of Xu Xin's mouth were about to rise, tears dripped onto the bed first.

She suddenly realized that she would never have the chance to do this kind of thing for Shen Sihan again, she froze and retracted her hands.Walking to the other side of the bed, she lay down with her back facing Shen Sihan.Tears kept falling on the pillow one after another, seeping into the pillow cover.

Shen Sihan, what should I do?I haven't left yet, and I'm already starting to miss it.

Xu Xin didn't know how she survived those seven days. In the first few days, except for the time when she fell asleep, Xu Xin's tears would not stop falling. She tried her best not to lose control in front of Shen Sihan, But after Shen Sihan left for work, she cried so loudly in the room that she almost lost her voice.

She sat on the ground and cried, cried on the bed, cried while covering the quilt, and cried while looking at her mobile phone. She felt that her eyes were going to cry out.

But it seems that thanks to these tears, her mood has really stabilized slowly.

She tried her best to adjust her position in the past few days. When she was just a guest staying at Shen Sihan's place, she packed up her things and took care of her hygiene. Talk normally, just like real roommates.

Even in the last two days, when Shen Sihan asked her how she should further express her liking to the person she likes so that he would know, she actually acted as Shen Sihan's love advisor without changing her face.

Xu Xin, who was eating the supper brought back by Shen Sihan, thought for a while and said: "You just have nothing to do and just watch him smile, watch him secretly and smile, and if you are discovered, you have to stare at him and laugh. If the other party When you ask, you just say that you don't know why. After many times, he will naturally ask you to confess. If he likes you too."

"When you said that, I remembered that I often saw him smiling at me. At the beginning, I beat him a few times because of this. I thought he was laughing at me on purpose."

"Based on what you say, you two are 90.00% good, come on." Xu Xin lowered his eyes, not looking at Shen Sihan's radiant face, and knew that the other party must not be able to restrain his excitement at this time , very excited.

After we agreed that we would only be friends, my heart, just treat yourself as deaf and blind without feeling anything, please.Xu Xin locked all his feelings and shouted to himself from the bottom of his heart.

Although he promised Shen Sihan that he would not break off the relationship, Xu Xin knew exactly what his decision was.

After leaving, we will not see each other again.Don't meet again in this life, Shen Sihan.

Xu Xin said this from the bottom of his heart while looking at Shen Sihan in front of him.

……

Seven days is not short, enough for Xu Xin to hide all his emotions after venting completely, and leave Shenzhen alone.

Seven days was not long, and in a blink of an eye, it was the day when Xu Xin left.

Because Shen Sihan had a job that day, he couldn't send Xu Xin away, but this just happened to suit Xu Xin's wishes.

Xu Xin didn't want to share everything, and in the end he had a tearful farewell. If she wanted to leave, she would do so thoroughly and without delay.

Besides, she didn't want to see Shen Sihan anymore.In this way, some emotional thoughts that should not come out in the bottom of my heart will be buried forever.

Starting today, she will embark on the journey of a person's life again.Just like four years ago.No longer affected by anyone's actions, she wants to be herself completely.

Even if you are a waste, you should also be a waste of unrestrained happiness.From today onwards, no one will be able to walk into Xu Xin's inner world to find out.

From today on, Xu Xin's world is filled with others except himself.She no longer belongs to anyone, nor does she want anyone to be hers.

Let's all live as we please, anyway, the timid cannot die.

Xu Xin was walking on the deep and wide passage of Shenzhen Baoan Airport. On both sides of the road were brand stores one after another, and beside him were the stream of people walking towards the terminal hall.She set off so early that she didn't even have breakfast, but at this time, the hamburger shop and noodle shop on the second floor were not open, so she pulled a suitcase, carried a backpack and followed the crowd all the way in, passing a Starbucks in the middle, Xu Xin looked left and right There is nothing to buy for breakfast, so I can only order a cup of coffee and a croissant at Starbucks.

It was still early before the boarding time, so she sat on the empty waiting seat next to her. The air conditioner in the airport was fully turned on, and Xu Xin's fingers were cold. Fortunately, the coffee she just bought was hot. I took out a coffee cup from the paper bag and held it with both hands. When I turned my head and looked out through the spliced ​​windows, I saw a blue-white sky, just like the sky I saw for the first time when I first arrived here two years ago.

Shenzhen is very good, but she may never come here again in her life.

After returning to her hometown, Xu Xin spent two years adapting to the family environment. Between working part-time and opening her own shop, she chose the latter.The family's economic conditions have gradually improved, and she no longer needs to subsidize the family out of her own pocket.With only more than 1 yuan in her hand, she exchanged a storefront with an unafraid of death. She took out a loan of 10,000+ to pay the store's money and rent. The money in hand was slowly turning over. I have accumulated bit by bit, although there are still debts that have not been paid off, but as the store gradually gets on track, it is only a matter of time before the debt is paid off.

Another year later, Shen Sihan contacted Xu Xin on the mobile phone, and heard that her love life was already on the right track, and the two of them would have a wedding at the end of the year.Xu Xin naturally expressed his congratulations.

"I'll go back to my hometown to see my mother in a few days. Are you... free to meet me?"

"..." Xu Xinxin moved, but she still gritted her teeth and replied cruelly: "The store is busy, so I can't leave..."

After thinking about it, this is just an excuse.The current relationship between her and Shen Sihan no longer needs to use any reason to cover up anything, what's the use of her talking about it?It's better to be more straightforward.Let Shen Sihan understand what she left for Xu Xin.

"We... don't want to meet again." Xu Xin deleted the reason above and typed directly.

The opposite party was silent for a while, and replied with the word 'oh'.

Xu Xin put down his phone, sighed, and turned on the computer in the store.

She was good at writing when she was in high school, and she started trying to write articles at that time. After two years of accumulation, she signed a contract with an online novel website after she went to college, but because of the influence of her studies and love, she wrote After a period of time, she put it on hold. Later, after working, she moved around and didn’t have much free time. The author’s responsibilities lasted for [-] years. Until this time, everything had stabilized. She thought of I lost my enthusiasm for taking up the pen to write novels.

It seems that it is time to give an explanation to 'my' dream.This time, she decided not to follow in the footsteps of others, not to let another person dominate her life.

She wants to decide for herself how to live without any interference.Thinking of the little things she had with Shen Sihan in those four years, she knew that what she wanted to do was not to forget, but to be calm.

So she clicked on the document, tapped her fingers on the keyboard, and typed out a name.

——"A Touch of Setting Sun"

(Finish)

--------------------

The author has something to say:

Haha, here are the children's shoes of the unemployed.

This is the first time I have written an emotional essay that is not an HE ending.

(Of course, the other book Reaper Is Coming has an HE ending because of the setting.)

So, good or bad, this journey, we are here.

As for the protagonist and the plot, it is up to the readers to experience it themselves.

Thank you for your perseverance and companionship and support in the past two months, I love you.

Special thanks to the little cuties who irrigate and throw mines, I will remember you as we go.

(End of the book)