forced to whitewash [rebirth]

Bai Yu felt that everything was developing for the better, what exactly did Mo Dingxuan want to tell him?At least it was a good time for him to meet Andrews after graduation.

And he didn't feel that Mo Dingxuan was weak, it was obviously a normal psychology, a weak person would not grit his teeth and try to change himself.

"After graduation, I was manipulated and assigned to the border, but I was prepared, and I met a lot of like-minded partners there. To be honest... I never believed that one day I would think about these things. , When I was young, I always felt that my heart was very small and I didn't want to care about other people's affairs," Mo Dingxuan laughed at himself twice, "After that... I met Andrews."

He seemed to have a lot to say, but he couldn't say it for a while, and was silent for a long time: "I don't know what to say about him, and I have told you enough before."

"Maybe I shouldn't have met him...I never felt that way before today," Mo Dingxuan buried in Bai Yu's arms, "If I hadn't met him, I might really have become a normal person, but meeting him Then things started to go back to how they were before, and I never noticed it."

Bai Yu was taken aback, what does it mean to go back to the past?

"There are very few people who are so kind to me... the last one was Scarlett, other people are friendly to me within the normal limit, I thought I could have a normal and reasonable relationship with people... when I met Andrews Only then did I realize that it still doesn’t work,” the man’s voice was filled with pain, “I’m still uncontrollable… and put all my heart into the other party. The other party is the only purpose for me to do anything. I can give everything in order to fulfill Andrews’ ideal. There's nothing else to pay attention to."

"I have worked so hard for this for so many years, but I was so easily broken down. In essence, it is just that I am flawed."

After Mo Dingxuan graduated, he was assigned to the border. At that time, he was able to deal with interpersonal communication normally, including the reunion with Ya Sijia later. The other party also said that he was really different. Mo Dingxuan had already seen him. Open, although they don't have the almost morbid attachment when they were young, they are still friends like brothers. After more than ten years of peace, Carris attacked the border, and the war started, and he met another person who changed his life too much. people.

Andrews has always been the perfect father in Mo Dingxuan's heart. Although he was only in awe and longing at the beginning, he was flattered by the other party's trust and appreciation. After getting closer, the other party's kindness and gentleness made people addicted. So perfectly in line with the father figure in his childhood fantasy.

He fantasized about it for so many years, when he was bullied by ignorant children, when he got good grades, in short, the father he fantasized about all the time, this is what he looks like.

And... the other party is willing to be his father.

If there are a hundred ways to manipulate people's hearts in the world, Andrews is definitely one of them that can drive people crazy to death directly through words.

This kind of deliberate emotional control finally made Mo Dingxuan realize that he still hadn't become normal. Even if he accepted the kindness of many, many people, even if he was relieved of the person who was once paranoid, he faced such a special and strong meeting of his needs again. He still has no way to deal with it rationally when he is in a relationship. Perhaps in his bones, he has a strong need to be attached to someone or some existence to satisfy the sense of security that he thinks is normal.

Once again, he was immersed in emotional dependence on one person, living with the other person as the center of the world, desperately, and not caring about everything else.

"He...he is too perfect, far more perfect than Scarlett's role back then. Now that I think about it, he is deliberately using this emotion to control me, but I never thought about it at the time," Mo Dingxuan clenched Bai Yu's hand Clothes, "I started to be devoted to him and only think about doing things for him. I lost my life again, and I just couldn't become normal. Once such an existence occurs, I will lose myself. I can easily only be for the other person. Do everything, only for the other person."

Bai Yu suddenly understood something, but now is not a good time to think, he patted the opponent's back, and the opponent gradually relaxed from the tension, Mo Dingxuan seemed a little frustrated:

"You should also know what I want to say, and now the object is you."

Bai Yu: "..."

"There's nothing wrong with that. Anyway, this kind of feeling... I can't control it anymore. I already know this kind of person." He probably gave up on himself, "But maybe it was my feeling for you before. It's not deep enough, I haven't let go of Andrews, I have to complete his career for the other party...and then I can..."

"Now Simon told me this... I don't know what to say," he was silent for a while, "it's nothing else, I've killed Jerian for the rest of his life."

"What happened to him is not your fault. Even if you didn't send him away, Andrews would have made him a spy," Bai Yu comforted him, thinking about it and probing, "Then what are you going to do next... Sample?"

"I don't know. Actually, I'm not sad or angry about it. He's already dead. Being killed by Biles is considered retribution," Mo Dingxuan still refused to look up, "I just think I'm a waste. Being controlled so easily you don't even notice it."

"..." Bai Yu felt that his current mood was so calm that it was abnormal, "Then let's...leave now? Leave Arance?"

The man in his arms was silent for a long time without responding, Bai Yu was uncertain about his thoughts, and struggled for a long time: "This is human nature, you are normal, it's just a childhood trauma."

Mo Dingxuan still didn't speak, and after a long time, he suddenly bit his lip and said:

"Then what do you think of this look...?"

Bai Yu was stunned for a moment, and suddenly understood what he meant: "You...why do you ask such a question?"

"Because in this world, no one likes such a person who has no self at all," Mo Dingxuan said calmly, but turned his head to avoid Bai Yu's gaze, "...you just didn't notice it before."

Bai Yu was different from the beginning, Mo Dingxuan didn't know why the other party was interested in him, but he knew very well what the other party's appearance meant to him.

Bai Yu is his little mermaid, he met him in the wind and snow, like a fate he didn't believe in at all, in fact, Mo Dingxuan is very surprised when he thinks about it now, when he was obviously still deeply in love with Andrews Staying in Alans recklessly in obsession to fulfill the other party's ideal, at that time he should not care about everything else——

But he became interested in Bai Yu, diverted his attention, and even developed special feelings, which is inconceivable for his character flaws, and Bai Yu would not know that such feelings actually made him from Andrews Miraculously, he slowly came out of his control, so that he actually only felt a little regretful when he heard all the truth today.

But Bai Yu was also covered with scars, he needed someone to comfort him, he needed someone to guide him, he needed someone to give him the best of everything, Mo Dingxuan hadn't wavered about this before, but then the situation went out of his control one after another - this What made him very uneasy was his own ability, and it was also because he finally realized how important Bai Yu was to him.

And the defect that there is still no cure after he transfers the object.

The mermaid abandoned his freedom and came to the shore, but is the person who made him pay so much really worth it?

How can an abnormal person make another normal?

...What's more, his mermaid may regret paying so much for him after understanding his essence.

No one would like such a person.

After a long silence, Bai Yu forcibly pulled Mo Dingxuan out of his arms regardless of the other party's resistance. The corners of the other party's eyes were red and avoided his gaze, Bai Yu was annoyed:

"Mo Dingxuan—are you scolding me?!"

Mo Dingxuan was stunned for a moment, then subconsciously turned his head to look at him, Bai Yu was so angry: "What did you say about losing yourself?! Are you talking about me?!"

He pressed the other party onto the sofa and looked directly at the other party's stunned black eyes: "You figure it out for me! Am I the one who will wrong myself! Am I the one who will consider the other party's mood and prioritize myself! I will Promise yourself to another person whom you have only known for a few days!!"

"I've done this for you! I admit to myself that I've changed! I'll tell you what I say to others. Everything I do is for you and I'm always around you every day!"

He was so angry that he couldn't do anything to the people under him,

"I just lost myself! Stop talking nonsense, I'm just doing what I want to do more."

He insisted on making a conclusion, as if he insisted on saying that he fell in love with him at first sight when they first met, and it seemed that when they met again, he insisted on coming to him to dance and ask for reunion:

"You are just doing what you want to do, what's wrong with doing what you want to do!"

Sometimes Mo Dingxuan can't understand Bai Yu, the other party is very similar and completely different from him, but the other party fascinates him too much, from the first sight, from the second sight, from the third sight, every time he meets Bai Yu When the other party is together, his fascination with this person is even deeper, surpassing the dependence on Ascaria and the respect and love for Andrews, Bai Yu is the most special, so special that he will lose the other party just thinking about it They all feel...the point where there is no way to start over if they can't survive.

Sometimes he is afraid of this overly morbid feeling, and he doesn't even dare to show his possessive desire. Obviously, he was only attached to each other with Ascaria and Andrews before, but he had no possessive desire in Bai Yu. Lust is almost equal to attachment, perhaps the nature of his affection for Bai Yu was completely different from the former two from the very beginning.

That's right, Bai Yu was originally different.

He loved this man, and the more he loved, the more he felt uneasy.

Bai Yu... What if I meet someone better and more suitable?Just like what Biles said at the time... There are actually many differences between them.

"...but that's not what I want to do," Mo Dingxuan was silent for a while, "I don't want to rely too much on Ya Sijia or Andrews, it's wrong."

"Then aren't you awake now? Do it when you want to, and it's over when you don't want to?" Bai Yu looked at him.

"..." Mo Dingxuan turned his head, "No, I'm not awake yet."

"I shouldn't have such a pathological attachment to you..."

Bai Yu felt that sooner or later he would be mad by Mo Dingxuan, he felt that what he said was obvious enough and Mo Dingxuan was still talking to himself here:

"Why not?! I also have a so-called morbid crush on you! I also want to be around you and only you!"

"Because I love you, Mo Dingxuan," he bowed his head and paused, "It's really normal for people who love each other to only have each other in their eyes!"

"Because I love you, I love you Mo Dingxuan."