forced to whitewash [rebirth]

Some people know how to get along with others from birth, while others take many years to make themselves look normal, Mo Dingxuan belongs to the latter.

But even if you put in all your effort to look normal, it doesn't mean you're really normal.

Mo Dingxuan has always understood very well.

A warm hug will create a firm dependence, and it seems that all the defenses will collapse almost instantly. Mo Dingxuan is a little confused for a while. He has the urge to say something, but he can't say it when it comes to his mouth. He could only hug the person who was holding him even harder, and after a long time:

"...Don't you want to ask something?"

"I won't force you to do anything."

"..."

Bai Yu thought for a while: "I wanted to hear you say it again and again, but I just wanted to tell you that I am always by your side. If you don't want to say it, then just let me hug you."

"..." Mo Dingxuan buried his head in his arms, Bai Yu was not sure about his mood, but Mo Dingxuan's mood seemed to have stabilized, which made him feel relieved and at the same time a little irritable. He is really good at controlling Own.

After a while, the man whispered:

"What kind of person do you think... I am?"

Bai Yu was a little surprised, he felt that Mo Dingxuan should be hard to let go of what happened to Andrews, but he didn't expect him to talk about something else: "Why do you ask this?"

"..."

Well... Bai Yu stroked the end of the person's hair and pondered for a long time: "Only in my impression of you, you are too strong."

The person in his arms didn't respond, and Bai Yu sighed: "I don't want to repeat what I said. Anyway, my purpose is to make you happy. If you think this is more acceptable to you, I have no objection."

He himself is not a person who is easy to compromise, and he will not wrong himself to go against his own will, but... some things are different from some people, he has been changed by Mo Dingxuan, and it is his own choice Change.

Mo Dingxuan still didn't say anything, just when Bai Yu thought he wouldn't speak, the other party clenched the corner of his clothes and pressed his forehead against his shoulder:

"...I'm not a strong person."

His voice was low and hoarse, as if he was trying his best to say every word:

"I'm just... extremely weak."

Mo Dingxuan has been staying in the orphanage since he could remember. The aunts in the orphanage said he was a good boy, but he was too withdrawn to play with others, but those who were healthy enough to play with him in the orphanage were adopted early After leaving, the people outside the orphanage would only laugh at him and call him nobody wanted him, and the older ones would bully him because he didn't have parents to protect him. Why did he have to join in?

There was nothing wrong with being alone, since no one wanted him anyway.

Sometimes he was puzzled why no one was willing to adopt him. People often came to the orphanage, and healthy and lovely children were always quickly adopted. At that time, he stood far away and watched the childless couple with The selected children left happily as if they were a family.

But he is also very healthy, and is often praised as cute and obedient, why not choose him?

He was once so upset that he wanted to ask directly, but there were people who couldn't hide his words more than he did. He was scolded when he asked a wronged question and said that he couldn't be jealous of others as a bad boy. After hearing this, he became more and more reticent.

After all, only bad kids would be jealous of other people having happy families, and no one would like bad kids.

However, year after year, the companion who was reprimanded for being a bad boy who was jealous of others was also happily adopted away, but he still stayed here alone.

The aunt in the orphanage comforted him not that he was not cute, but that the other party liked other children more. Yes, so many years have passed, but no one has ever liked him.

No matter what he tries to make himself into, hoping to be loved by others, no one is willing to take him away, no one likes him.

Mo Dingxuan would occasionally think about what would happen if he didn't meet Ya Sijia at this time, but this question was meaningless, he might have died early if he hadn't met Ya Sijia.

At that time, six-year-old Ya Sijia was abandoned to the orphanage, but she came to approach him without any frustration, and said to him with a smile, "My name is Ya Sijia, and I will live here from now on. Let's be friends."

He didn't want to talk to him at first, because the other party was too familiar and in good health, it was impossible to stay here for too long. In fact, someone really took a fancy to him very quickly, but the request was the most resolute rejection, Ya Si Jia didn't want to be adopted and asked to stay in the orphanage. He watched coldly, but couldn't understand the ending.

"...A lot of things are not as good as you think. I am so old and I am not a little baby who doesn't understand anything." Ya Sijia may be too precocious, "They have to get used to me and I have to get used to them, maybe It took many years to really integrate into a family, and I was not their biological child after all, and there was always a gap."

"What's more..." The other party glanced at him and sighed, "I can't leave you alone either."

What he said really didn't look like a six-year-old child, and besides, they had just met, he was taken aback when he heard it, and it took him a long time to come back to his senses, and he answered vaguely at the beginning.

Indeed, Ya Sijia never left, and his personality finally changed from withdrawn to cheerful day by day. At that time, the young Mo Dingxuan thought that life would continue like this, and he was already normal. Although he still had longing for his parents, But it didn't affect his life. He had Ya Sijia by his side. Although he didn't have other good friends, others were not important.

But the other party didn't seem to think so. When he graduated from compulsory education at the age of 13 and was still thinking about what kind of job he should find with him, Ya Sijia had already made up his mind and informed him calmly:

"I decided to leave this planet and go out and have a look."

At that time, he was stunned for a moment: "Oh...then where are we going?" Did he think that Scarlett wanted to go out of town?They have just graduated and don't have much savings. Is it safer to work for a few years and save some money before going out to make a living?

"I want to go to the frontier," said Aska. "I'm alone."

"..." He didn't understand the other party's meaning, Mu Linsen, he couldn't understand such a simple sentence and such simple words when put together.

After being watched silently by him for a long time, Ascaria sighed, just like when she said she couldn't leave him alone when she was a child.

"Xuan," said the other party, "you have your life, and I have mine. No matter what kind of relationship it is, it is impossible for people to have only one other person."

Ya Sijia is too precocious, and he is too sober. Over the years, he has been implying that even brothers need distance. A little personal space.

In fact, he has always listened to what Ya Sijia said, and he never said anything when the other party wanted to make other friends, and he had to distance himself. He just unilaterally thought that two people were enough and he didn't need a private space. He thought that Ya Sijia acquiesced, But it seems that he may not be able to accept it.

He thought about what to say, but felt that he had nothing to say. After a long time, he reluctantly responded without any comments.

So what if you have an opinion... Ya Sijia was right, he was doing it for his own good, and he didn't want to see him being stubborn again. People have their own lives, and no one lives only for one person.

At least Ya Sijia never lived for him alone, and the meaning of Ya Sijia's life was not to be dependent on the two of him. He once said that he could not leave him alone, but this was just the tenderness of the other party, like It is as gentle as facing a puppy with nowhere to go.

But there are too many puppies with nowhere to go in the world, and Ya Sijia also has countless people to save. His nature is like this, whether it is for him, for Chu Xinyue, or for someone who has never lived. Whether it is a stranger in my life, who may be so miserable and pitiful that it requires all his tenderness to treat each other, but no one is the only one.

Later, he really drove Chu Xinyue crazy. Mo Dingxuan watched them entangle and torment each other for decades, only thinking that when he and Ya Sijia separated, he was only twelve or thirteen years old, the age of a pre-developed child He didn't have any other thoughts yet, otherwise he might not be able to let himself go easily.

After all, even if he had no other feelings for Ya Sijia at the beginning, he still suffered from depression and pain for many years.

"For many, many years... I was afraid of contacting others, and I couldn't establish even the most ordinary interpersonal relationship." Mo Dingxuan buried in Bai Yu's arms and spoke dryly. Bai Yu was slightly startled, and stroked his hair. All paused.

"Because there are many people who don't like me, I don't know why they hate me, they hit me with things, and called my parents all kinds of shameful professions," the man in his arms hugged him tightly, as if to Merging with him, "Sometimes I want to wait until I have parents, but no one wants to adopt me. They like every child in the orphanage, but no one likes me."

"Later, I felt that maybe I was not liked by others. No matter how hard I tried, I was just hated."

"..." Bai Yu was silent, but the movements of hugging each other became more gentle.

"Later Scarlett came...he was very kind to me, stayed there with me all the time, he would fight with people who bullied me, and the other party couldn't scold him or beat him...then he stopped coming," the man said. The tone softened for a moment, "I thought we would always be together...but in the end he left again."

"When he was entangled with Chu Xinyue, he told me about them. He didn't understand why Chu Xinyue was so paranoid about him. He said that even if a dog encountered everything that Chu Xinyue encountered, he would give everything to help it. "Mo Dingxuan took a deep breath, "...I am just a dog that I have met with him for so many years. There is nothing special about it. People will leave."

Bai Yu kissed his hair, the man seemed to be comforted, and his stiff tone eased a bit:

"Actually, I should thank Chu Xinyue...His appearance finally let me know that Scarlett is such a person...Before that, I thought about it for many years and still couldn't understand why he suddenly left alone. I think...it was What I did not do well made him unbearable, I am still not liked by others, Scarlett endured it for many years and finally couldn't bear it... In short, it's something like that."

It wasn't until Ya Sijia left Mo Dingxuan that he realized that he had never become normal. He had a morbid attachment to people, and it was difficult to draw a reasonable boundary, let alone the so-called private space and proper distance.

But this is just his unilateral dislike of distance, and he doesn't ask for anything from the other party. More importantly, he is too easy to devote himself to the other party, just like he is with Ya Sijia, and everything he considers is from the other party's point of view. Angle and interests, plan for the other party wholeheartedly, and don't care about yourself or anyone else, as if the world only revolves around that one person.

But now that Ya Sijia is gone, the security environment of the stubborn structure is forcibly broken, and he is forced to face the complicated interpersonal relationships that make him very disturbed by the outside world.

He is single again.

Choosing to join the army may be the most correct decision in his life. The interpersonal relationship in the military academy is much simpler than that in society. Everyone also has a lot of training every day. They are too tired to think about messy things. Such an environment is very suitable for learning and establishing normal relationships. At least it was the first time that Mo Dingxuan gained friendship from other than Ya Sijia from the military academy.

"Joining the army is really good. Although I don't know how to get along with others, I get the best results in training every day, and the instructors will like me and say that I am very good-it turns out that it is so easy to be loved by others, classmate He will also admire me and be friendly, and will take the initiative to come and play with me," Mo Dingxuan's tone softened a bit, rubbing Bai Yu's hand stroking his hair, "Even if I still don't know how to be likable and how to get along with others , but as long as I do my best, someone will definitely like me, which can be regarded as a life-changing cognition.”

"Perhaps it was because Scarlett left that I observed people other than him, and realized that there are quite a lot of people who like me and want to be friends with me, but I always feel that Scarlett is enough," Mo Dingxuan paused, "I observed students who were not good enough but popular, learned their ways of doing things, and finally became a little more normal... I am very grateful to them so far. When I was at a loss at the beginning, they I don’t hate me for saying that masters are taciturn, and when I try to improve, I am very friendly and say that I am really more and more considerate, and almost no one has any malice towards me.”

Bai Yu thought that Mo Dingxuan was not a bad person in the first place. Although he didn't know how to communicate with people back then, he was not bad-hearted and had no unbearable problems. He is still very good and is learning to improve. No matter how you think about it, it is unlikely that anyone will hate him too much. , as he himself said, he just didn't care about it before.

I don't know if the appearance of Ya Sijia was a good thing for him.

"In short... I finally became more normal when I was in the junior military school, and I could form normal friendships with people. Later, I went to the higher military school Arman Military Academy. It's nice that someone doesn't like me, and that's their problem, not mine."

The four years in the junior military academy were the eternal tenderness in Mo Dingxuan's heart, where he met a group of the kindest people in the world, even though he didn't know how to communicate normally and was afraid of them, the classmates still had kindness and kindness towards him. He played together, Mo Dingxuan learned the normal way of getting along with friends and made normal friends there, and finally got rid of his dependence on Ya Sijia and started to do his own things and have his own hobbies. After graduating at the age of 17, he went to Yarman Military Academy continued to study. As the strongest military academy in the south, Arman was full of nobles, and he, a civilian, was too conspicuous and out of place.

Mo Dingxuan habitually does his best, this is his best way of communicating, and indeed he has found friendly friends for him in the Yarman Military Academy, but there are still many people who hate him even more because of this, If it was the 13-year-old Mo Dingxuan, he might be autistic again, but the 17-year-old Mo Dingxuan has learned to make friends. His friends told him that it was not his fault or something was wrong, but that this group of people were stupid .Forcing.

He still remembers this sentence to this day, it seems that the light given by the gods has illuminated his past years. It is not that Ascaria has never said something similar, but Ascaria never swears and her tone is not so exciting , Mo Dingxuan was too autistic back then and only took him as comfort.

Now he finally knows that this is not a consolation for him, this is the truth, he is worthy of being liked by others, and it is not his fault that some people hate him for no reason.

Sometimes relief may only take a moment. After that, Mo Dingxuan finally stopped caring too much about what others think of him as before. He has strong ability and good personality, so he is naturally popular. This is like a kind of positive feedback. When he graduated, Mo Dingxuan had completely returned to normal and became a man of the school.

At least he thought so.