哏儿

A group of pigeons hovered in the sky, and the pigeon whistle made a crisp sound. This is a unique scene in Sijiu City.The pigeons landed lightly and stopped in a house, the whistle stopped abruptly, and silence speaks louder than sound.

The weather in April is very good, just suitable for basking in the sun and stretching out the lazy tendons that have been bored all winter.

There were two people in the yard, a white-haired old man was lying on a rocking chair, his eyes were half closed, his palms were naturally curled up, and his fingers lightly rubbed against the emerald ring.

The tea on the low table next to it was still hot, and there was a trace of white mist.

Standing in front of him was a young man, tall and long-legged, dressed in trendy clothes, which didn't fit in with the old patterns around him.The young man lowered his head slightly, his eyes fixed on the ground, he was a little careless, and he was muttering something.

"Steamed lamb, steamed bear's paw, steamed deer's tail..." Xie Shuangchen said impatiently as soon as he raised his head, "Master, why do you have to come to "Reporting the Name of Dishes" every time?"

The rocking chair was still swaying, Xie Fangbi didn't raise his eyes, and said leisurely: "Then let's play "Opening a Congee Factory"."

Just as Xie Shuangchen was about to speak, Xie Fangbi said again: "It doesn't need to be too much, just "Nian Shanzi"."

"..." Xie Shuangchen stopped talking this time, tilted his head, and blurted out the red brocade powdered lantern flower Zangxiang, the words were extremely clear and fluent.This "Open Porridge Factory", also known as "Three Festivals", is a very difficult cross talk in Daguankou, which includes May Festival, August Festival and Chinese New Year. Speaking such a long section not only depends on the strength of the mouth, but also the strength , Eloquent and eloquent thousands of words pay attention to coherent and consistent to the end.

This is the basic skill of cross talk actors, and you can tell whether the kung fu is good or bad by listening.

This is also one of the homework that Xie Fangbi has to check every time Xie Shuangchen comes home.

After the last word fell, Xie Shuangchen let out a long breath.He has been reciting this stuff since he was a child. According to his master, he taught several senior brothers by mouth, and it took him several days to recite a piece of "Opening a Porridge Factory" before he could fully master it. , I can't help feeling proud.

With this pride, the tail naturally turned up.

Xie Fangbi was still indifferent, Xie Shuangchen took a look, thinking that Xie Fangbi was asleep, so he squatted down, slapped Xie Fangbi in front of his eyes, and asked, "Master?"

Hearing a "pop", Xie Fangbi patted Xie Shuangchen's hand, opened his eyes and said, "It's not big or small." But he was not angry, but stood up, holding his teacup and slowly entered the room.Xie Shuangchen went in behind Xie Fangbi. Xie Fangbi sat on the teacher's chair, took a sip of tea, and asked, "What are you holding back, brat?"

"Where!" Xie Shuangchen stood on one side, straightened his back and said, "I'm here to visit you, how can I hold back?"

"I don't know you yet?" Xie Fangbi laughed. "I know what shit you shit. If it's okay, you can come to see me on the weekend? Don't play games? Don't go Disco? China’s e-sports don’t need you to save it?”

"If e-sports can compete by swearing at the street, then I'm really the king of the 3800 segment." Xie Shuangchen said very seriously, "Master, you are an old artist and a famous actor in the world, how can you talk about shit like shit all day long?" How about putting vulgar words on your lips? Also, there are no disco dances during the day, and Sanlitun is not open." His accent is all on "put", as if Xie Fangbi didn't say a few vulgar words, but there is something wrong with his mouth describe something.Xie Fangbi snorted and said, "Yo, I still sprayed you in the face? Don't bury me in a trap and take advantage of it, be more tender." He lifted his chin and moved towards the seat next to him. Pointing, Xie Shuangchen dared to sit down.

As soon as he sat down, Xie Shuangchen changed his appearance immediately. Half of his body wished he could slump on the table of the Eight Immortals, fingering the table lightly, and said, "Master, I do have something to ask you..."

"What happened again?"

"No! Absolutely not!" Xie Shuangchen picked at the table again, softened, and whispered, "Master, I want to change my partner."

"What?" Xie Fangbi asked in surprise.

"Don't be too surprised, just listen to me." Xie Shuangchen said hastily, "I've been working with Mr. Liu for these years, and you've seen that we're really not suitable. Mr. Liu is indeed alive and well, but he He is an old-fashioned person, and if I say something novel, he won't be able to handle it, or he will fall to the ground for me, which makes me feel awkward. Besides, Teacher Liu is not in good health..." The name of Teacher Liu in his mouth His name is Liu Changyi, and he is considered to be of the same generation as him according to seniority, but if he is over 50 years old, Xie Shuangchen can call him uncle.But among their circle of people, regardless of seniority or age, Xie Shuangchen felt uncomfortable calling him by his first name, so he just called him "teacher".

This is Xie Shuangchen's partner who has been together since his debut, and is also Xie Fangbi's favorite actor personally chosen by Xie Shuangchen.When Xie Shuangchen was young, he didn't know much, but when he grew up, he felt that there was a generation gap between him and Liu Changyi. He was too young, and his brains were active. He occasionally made a coquettish show, and Liu Changyi didn't know how to eat chicken. He doesn't know how to meow like a cat, so it would be strange to hold him.

This made Xie Shuangchen very uncomfortable, very uncomfortable.He's rebellious and he's changing partners!

After hearing the reason, Xie Fangbi closed his eyes for a while.Xie Shuangchen carefully looked at the master's expression, the more he looked at it, the worse it became, and he felt that this matter was going to be cool.In fact, it is not a big deal to change partners. If you follow this one today, you can follow that other tomorrow.It's not that divorce has to involve the division of family property, but if the two parties talk about it, they can also break up peacefully.

After about a few minutes, Xie Shuangchen gave up all hope. Xie Fangbi opened his eyes, sighed, and asked, "Then tell me, who do you want?"

Xie Shuangchen was taken aback.

Xie Fangbi looked at him: "If you haven't thought about the last three tricks, can you come and talk to me? Is it difficult? Do you need me to come forward?"

"You are really my own master!" Xie Shuangchen slapped his thigh and almost knelt down to Xie Fangbi, "Master, I want Ye Ling from Bamboo Lotus Tea House to be my partner."

Xie Fangbi pondered for a while, then waved his hands: "I've never heard of it."

"You must have never heard of it. I haven't heard of it before." Xie Shuangchen took out his mobile phone and showed Xie Fangbi a short video. It was a simple table with two people sitting at the same table. water chestnut.Xie Fangbi took out his presbyopic glasses and put them on, squinted his eyes, and most of the time the people who were joking were "hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" most of the time.But this Ye Ling looks good, she has a bookish air, wearing a dark gray coat, she doesn't look like a cross talk talker, she is clear and cold, she looks like a scholar of the Republic of China.

He looked at Xie Shuangchen again, this disciple didn't seem to be talking about cross talk either.Xie Shuangchen's sword-like eyebrows and starry eyes, tense and heroic, relaxed and a bit ruffian, just like an idol who can make little girls fascinated.Standing on the stage with this face and talking about cross talk is like a good-looking person playing a buffoon. It is not convincing. Just looking at the face, how can you hear the burden?But Xie Shuangchen is extremely talented, he doesn't have the face of a cross talk actor, but holds the job of the patriarch in his hand, do you think the patriarch is wicked or not?

Xie Fangbi felt so sad, if he had known earlier, he might as well have asked Xie Shuangchen to sing martial arts.

The short video ended quickly, and Ye Ling, who hadn't spoken much, suddenly answered a sentence, and immediately hung up when he heard it, making the funny actor somersault, causing the audience to burst into laughter.Xie Fangbi glanced at him and said, "He looks quite gentle, but his mouth is sharp. I don't know where he came from?"

"...No teacher." Xie Shuangchen said.

"..." Xie Fangbi looked up at Xie Shuangchen, the old man was about to roll his eyes.

Xie Shuangchen said: "Why don't you accept him? He just happens to be my partner, so he has an official title."

"Huh..." Xie Fangbi directly threw Xie Shuangchen's cell phone on the table, "Young Master Fifth, don't you just promise someone a favor?"

When Xie Shuangchen heard this, he knew that Xie Fangbi was going to make trouble with him.Xie Fangbi Xingwu, known as "Fifth Master", when he arrived at Xie Shuangchen's place, he was still a Xingwu, and there were four senior brothers, so he was called "Little Fifth Master".

Little Fifth Master was wronged, very wronged.benefit?People also have to be rare!

"Master!" Xie Shuangchen's body softened and slipped directly to the ground, hugging Xie Fangbi's thigh and began to cry, "It's no good! It's no good! It's your disciple, I'm blinded by wishful thinking! You just..."

Before he finished speaking, Xie Fangbi said: "Come on, come on, don't be scolded. What is your status as my master, I came out to you just for this matter? Little Fifth Master is a little too big, right? With you Are elementary school students calling their parents or what? Promise! Besides, who can you replace? Where did this come from? There is no such person!"

Xie Shuangchen didn't do it, and he almost rolled over: "No, no! I want this! That's it!" He lowered his body and began to beat the floor.

"Hey! Are you Pan Jinlian who wants to marry Ximen Qing or Xin Yaoqin to marry an oil dealer?" Xie Fangbi kicked Xie Shuangchen, [-]% immune to the behavior of his little bastard. sock!"

Xie Shuangchen said aggrievedly, "Why am I only a tertiary industry worker?"

Xie Fangbi laughed and said, "Don't roll on the ground, all your trousers worth thousands of dollars have wiped the floor with me?" With his tone, Xie Shuangchen dared to climb along the pole, stood up, patted his face and said: "I want you to open your mouth, not to mention the trousers worth thousands of dollars, as long as your apprentice's 800 yuan wallet night face can be used for you!"

"Oh, isn't it 100 yuan for two nights? Then my string is more expensive than your face." Xie Fangbi waved his hand, "You have a thick skin, and it's not worth it to throw my string away!"

"You are an old artist with both virtue and art!" Xie Shuangchen beat his chest and stamped his feet, "Can you stop mentioning the tertiary industry all the time!"

Xie Fangbi said, "You mentioned it yourself."

"Don't 'you', I can't afford it. Master, let's stop making trouble." Xie Shuangchen hurriedly stopped, and the two of them were tossing about with each other, and they might not be able to get into business until dark. "Master, listen to me in detail." He stood up straight, adjusted his posture, and stretched forward with one hand, "Ah—"

"You don't want to express your feelings!" Xie Fangbi said helplessly.

Things have to go back to a week ago, that is, the third month that Xie Shuangchen listened to the comic dialogue at the Bamboo Lotus Teahouse.

Ye Ling was preparing backstage. He was wearing a black coat, which made him very white. He was holding a dozen thick papers and pens for corrections.His partner, Wang Zheng, stood behind him at some point and asked, "How about revising the thesis?"

"Yeah." Ye Ling nodded.

"Are you going to graduate?" Wang Zheng asked again.

Ye Ling still nodded.

Wang Zheng then asked, "What do you plan to do after graduation?"

Ye Ling shook her head and said, "I haven't thought about it."

"A talented student, do you need to think about it?" Wang Zheng joked, and then said, "Xie's fifth master is here again."

Ye Ling said intently, "I don't know."

Wang Zheng was dumbfounded.His partner usually doesn't talk much, and looks harmless to humans and animals, but if his temper comes up, his mouth is more poisonous than snakes and scorpions, and he will turn his face and deny anyone.He sighed, watching the performance of singing and commenting on the stage was about to end, so he patted Ye Ling on the shoulder: "It's on stage."

"Ah."

The two came to the stage and bowed. This is a teahouse, not an opera garden. Those who sing operas and talk about cross talk are just for the sake of listening to customers, so as not to drink tea and chat too boringly. No one comes here specially to listen to so-and-so talk about cross talk.And as far as modern people are concerned, most of them think that those who talk about cross talk are old men, and they are somewhat surprised that there are two young actors in the stands.

Young people who like old stuff?

Xie Shuangchen didn't care about these things. He had been thinking about Ye Ling ever since he saw Ye Ling's video accidentally on the Internet, and he thought that the other party was a good match for him. All very numb.

There are two things about Little Fifth Master that people dare not look directly at.

One is this face that everyone loves flowers, and the other is the style of behavior.

After listening to a few sessions, he wrapped the Cartier ring and bracelet on his hand with a silk handkerchief and threw it on the stage, holding the horns in an inhumane way, which is also old-fashioned.

This startled Wang Zheng and Ye Ling, how could they not know Xie Shuangchen's name?Even if they don't know him, don't they know who Xie Fangbi is?After the curtain call, the two went to thank Xie Shuangchen.Xie Shuangchen didn't pay much attention to Wang Zheng, but smiled and said a few words to Ye Ling. Ye Ling replied in a muffled voice, but he couldn't like this famous young master in his heart.

The slick tongue is not doing the right thing, but it's just relying on the name of the master.

After Xie Shuangchen came here a few times, he expressed his heart to Ye Ling. Ye Ling frowned and asked, "Are you alright?"

"I'm serious." Xie Shuangchen said, "You followed me."

The two are polite.

"..." Ye Ling looked at Xie Shuangchen with a foolish expression on her face.

Wang Zheng, who was drinking water next to him, spit out without taking a mouthful, and then laughed.What kind of thing is this?Xiao Wuye is really an open-minded person, he digs the wall so openly, he dares to say that in front of him.He didn't speak tactfully, he just said "you follow me", those who didn't know thought it was a bandit robbing the marriage.

Interesting, really interesting.

Wang Zheng is a big-hearted person, he doesn't care too much about these things.But Ye Ling can't, he just thinks Xie Shuangchen is sick.Afterwards, no matter what valuable things Xie Shuangchen threw on the stage, he didn't take issue with him. Xie Shuangchen also had a bit of a temper. Seeing the winking eyes thrown at the blind man, he simply yelled and teased those on the stage.

Xie Shuangchen said: "Taiping's lyrics are in two tunes, how can they still be sung?"

Wang Zheng said modestly: "I am tone deaf, and Liuhuo can't do it." Ye Ling remained silent.

Xie Shuangchen said: "You are not a burden, are you? Can you say something funny?"

Just as Wang Zheng was about to speak, Ye Ling said, "Would you like to listen to the funny pissing and see if you can do it?"

"Hey! That's what you said." Xie Shuangchen knocked on the table, "It doesn't sound good, the table is overturned!"

There weren't many customers in the store, and they were all here to drink tea. Seeing that there was a fight between the stage and the stage, they thought there was going to be a fight, so they ran away quickly, and the boss had to chase them out to let them pay the bill.

"You are so good at learning opera, and you can only learn ditties and ditties. There is nothing good at learning funny singing." Xie Shuangchen said, "Do you want to learn from brother? Brother, this is a family tradition, a time-honored brand." Wang Zheng just opened his mouth. Confused, Xie Shuangchen said again: "I didn't talk about you, I was talking to that joker!"

Ye Ling smiled and said: "Time-honored brand? Then you have to take good care of your old bones. Don't pee on your feet when you look in the mirror. It will be embarrassing. I'm afraid we won't be able to learn from it." It’s up, don’t you think so?”

He not only insulted Xie Shuangchen, but also connected with the previous sentence.Although he was scolding Xie Shuangchen, but Xie Shuangchen was not angry, he still felt that this person was okay, and wanted to applaud and say "噫" to Ye Ling.

The two of them said something to each other, making Wang Zheng dumbfounded.

Xie Shuangchen has a personality that becomes more courageous as he gets frustrated, so what's the point of encountering a little ups and downs with Ye Ling?Real money Cartier couldn't impress Ye Ling, so he thought of something else.He didn't know where he found out that Ye Ling was from Tianjin. He took the high-speed train to Tianjin Wei early in the morning, and went to Dafu to pack a portion of crispy rice and old tofu. , and slipped to the teahouse to listen to the afternoon show.

As soon as Ye Ling came on stage, Xie Shuangchen handed the bag to the stage.Ye Ling didn't make a fuss, Wang Zheng took it politely, and opened the bag to have a look.

"Hey—" Wang Zheng was a little surprised, and changed into a tone that is not too much to watch a good show, "It's okay to be hardcore."

Unexpectedly, Ye Ling next to her suddenly whispered in Tianjin dialect: "Unlucky to beat sex."

Xie Shuangchen's ears were sharp, and when he heard Ye Ling scolding him, he smiled and asked in Tianjin dialect: "Come with me, what's the deal?"

Those who talk about cross talk come from various local dialects, and a single sentence from each person is enough to make the guests next to them laugh for a long time.

Only the boss stood behind a screen bitterly, not knowing how long the brawl would last, and the guests couldn't continue their tea.

A teahouse operator from Henan shouted in his heart: Why is it so difficult to do business!

The author says:

Open a new pit!This is the first time to write a cross talk theme. Although I have done a lot of homework, I am still a layman. Please bear with me if you can't get there!

Patch 1.0: You may not read the copy, so I will add here, this article has no prototype, no prototype, no prototype!I have an explanation on Weibo Zhiding.I don't care about what some readers think in their own hearts, and I don't want to know, why don't you just come to KY in front of me?Let's have fun watching Wentu, don't make a fuss, you are unhappy and I am also unhappy in the end, and we still hold grudges against each other, is it interesting?Can I still write?

Glossary

Live: Cross talk jokes, talking about cross talk is called "making live".

Zhenghuo: The main topic of cross talk, the main part of expression.

Hanging now: improvisation.

Liu Huo: Among the cross talk works, the main content is learning to sing.

Baggage: jokes.