not brilliant

He Pingyi went home and dug up all the records related to that period of time. He brought the few words he wrote down to Jing Can's house and read them page by page in the middle of the night.He tried to use this to help him restore that chaotic memory, but with little success, he hardly remembered anything more.

He Pingyi became depressed, Jing Can couldn't bear it, and locked all the things he brought into the drawer, not allowing him to look at them again.

"Don't you want me to remember?" He Pingyi asked.

Jing Can shook her head and sat beside him.

There were several four-wheel drive vehicles beside the bed, besides the one He Pingyi gave him, there was an extra large one.It was specially given to him by Jing Zaixing.

When she learned the truth about the night of her eighth birthday, Jing Can didn't have the expected emotional ups and downs.He thought it was good, as if a knot in his life had finally been untied.But he didn't seem to feel relieved by the untwisting of this knot.He would still have the same nightmare, he would still dream of the empty head of the bed after waking up, and he would still dream of Jing Zaixing looking at him calmly while holding the coffee after running down the stairs.

It was only when he was awakened from a nightmare again that he realized that the fear that had accompanied him for so many years had long been deeply rooted in his heart, and it had grown into lush trees that were not so easy to pull out.

"I don't want it," Jing Can lay on the bed, stretched her arms, and put her finger on the four-wheel drive vehicle, "Since I don't remember it because of pain, then I hope you never remember it. I don't want you It’s painful, and I don’t want you to have nightmares again. I want to get better with you.”

He Pingyi also leaned over and lay on Jing Can's back.He put his hand on Jing Can's neck and rubbed it lightly twice.Jing Can closed her eyes under this gentle soothing.

"But I want to see you back then."

At that time he...

He Pingyi couldn't remember, but Jing Can remembered it clearly.

At that time, he was a person who often talked to himself in the eyes of others, a person who was mentally abnormal and needed to stay away to ensure his own safety.He endured the targeting and teasing without telling the teacher or his parents.Those days were not easy, and he was on the verge of collapse every day.But for Jing Can, the night when her body hurt the most was not close to happiness.

Because He Pingyi was like a warrior who broke into his nightmare, splitting the darkness and letting him see that the moon in the sky is so round and so bright.

The darkness that can usher in the dawn does not make people despair.

He always remembered that bright moon, and he always remembered He Pingyi walking towards him.

"No more," Jing Cana shook her head, and said, "Just treat the time in the stairwell as the first time we met, and it would be fine."

"Why?" He Pingyi asked.

Jing Can retracted her hand and placed it under her chin.He still remembered last summer, the encounter he had been preparing for for a long time.

"Because... I was too embarrassed before." Jing Can said softly, "I don't want you to see me in a mess, I hope you will think back to the first time you met me, and the thought that came to your mind was that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. "

Their real first meeting is indeed a memory worth remembering for Jing Can.But on the other hand, for He Pingyi, he was probably just a troubled and embarrassed little boy that He Pingyi met during those painful days.

He wanted to be a cool boy in He Pingyi's heart, someone who could make his heart beat at the first sight, not an embarrassed little boy.

"Embarrassed?"

Jing Can only wore a pair of shorts, He Pingyi remembered the story he told before the birthday candles, and reached out to touch the scar on his leg.

"How embarrassing? Did you ever say that the person who saved you was me?"

"Yeah." I wasn't sure about my 17th birthday, but now I'm sure, Jing Can said, "It was you, you saved me."

"Then tell me, what did I do? What happened to us?" He Pingyi was afraid that he would not like it, so he added, "You can beautify your image."

Hearing this, Kuzai cheered up.Jing Can put her arm on He Pingyi's chest, motioning him to get up.

"Like what I told you, when I was locked in the toilet by others, I didn't dare to go home after I came out, but I met them again on the road. They surrounded me and wanted to beat me. Suddenly a basketball flew over , With a 'boom', the head of the person in front of me was knocked askew."

He Pingyi was stunned: "I threw it away?"

"Yes," Jing Can sat cross-legged and nodded.

"Hey," He Pingyi didn't expect that he would do such a thing before, "I'm so handsome?"

Jing Can remained silent for a few seconds, then said with certainty: "Super handsome."

He Pingyi patted his head, and asked again: "And then?"

"Then you came down the alley, wearing a black shirt and a cap, walking very slowly. I remember you saying, 'What are you doing? Bullying kids?' And then you got into a fight with those guys , You are really super powerful, and you knocked them down in a few hits. You were injured, right on the brow bone, and I gave you a bandage. But you were different then and now, and your temper was not very good. " Jing Can glanced at him, and picked out a word that had once commented on him, "Vicious."

"Hey," He Pingyi understood, "I said, I said why are you hesitating to me in the hospital."

Jing Can snorted.

"I murdered you?"

"After you pulled me away from there, you told me that I was seriously injured and told me to go to the hospital. I said I didn't want to go to the hospital, and you said, 'Why don't you go to the hospital? Play basketball?' '"

He Pingyi couldn't hold back, and burst out laughing, he could imagine how irritable his former self was when he said this.

"And then? How did you say that?"

"I didn't know what to do at the time, but I really didn't want to go to the hospital, so I said, 'Yes'. Then you didn't say anything for half a minute," Jing Can felt guilty, "Maybe I was mad at you. Later, you... forcibly carried me to the hospital, but you left me at the hospital gate and left."

After Jing Can finished speaking, she felt that she had used the wrong words, and quickly corrected: "Oh, it's not throwing, it's letting me go. When you let me down, you moved very lightly."

"What about basketball?"

"Basketball is the second time we met. I want to see you again. The day you rescued me, you held the basketball. I thought you might come to the court next to my house to play basketball. So during that time, I spent every day in the bedroom. The window was guarded. Finally one night, when you came, I ran down to find you. You probably saw that I was watching you, so you asked me if I wanted to call. I said I would not, and you said,' Basketball is easy, I'll teach you'. I practiced the moves you taught me many times, and you can see that I practiced very well. I wanted to show you a show, but after that day, you never came again. I waited, waited, waited and waited every day, and suddenly I became uncertain..."

"what?"

Jing Can shook her body left and right before saying, "I'm not sure, are you just someone I imagined."

Could it be that he imagined a warrior for himself since no one rescued him?Maybe no one taught him basketball, but he realized a dream for himself.

He Pingyi immediately understood many things.

Why Jing Can was wary of him when he was running, and why Jing Can said under the billboard, "I don't remember."

He actually remembered it all the time, but he just couldn't believe himself.

"So, when you saw me at school, did you think I was hallucinating?"

"Ah."

After a long silence, Jing Can suddenly raised his head, looked at him and said, "He Pingyi, I've been looking for you. I've been looking for you in two worlds."

This was a notification similar to a confession, and He Pingyi was stunned.

For some reason, he suddenly remembered what Song Yinan said in the kitchen that day: "If you are a fake, it seems that Xiao Can will really stay in the world with you."

He Pingyi raised his hand, touched Jing Can's face, and called him.

"Xiao Can."

"Ok?"

"If, I mean, if, I am not a real person in this world, what will happen to you?"

Jing Can actually thought about this question when he met He Pingyi again.

Jing Can blinked, without hesitation: "I will stay by your side."

In fact, there is never an if.

No one would know that in Huihe, when he saw He Pingyi on the street through the window, he still thought that He Pingyi was just an illusion created by him.

But he stayed.

"Did you like me at that time?" On the night of the confession, the sentence "I liked you first" that Jing Can argued with him seemed to have an answer suddenly, and He Pingyi asked, "It was when I saved you." , do you like me?"

Jing Can was silent for a long time this time, and finally, he shook his head.

He said: "I don't know if it counts or not, probably... right."

In fact, during such a long time of searching, Jing Can really didn't think about whether she likes it or not.At that time, he had no concept of this word, and he didn't know what kind of feeling this word should bring to people. Is it worrying?Is it heartbreaking?There are so many classic lines about "I like you" in novels and movies, and they are very different. Jing Can has read, watched, and was moved by them, but only after experiencing them herself can she know that the descriptions of those words are not accurate enough. .

For Jing Can, liking is not a momentary thing, not a sudden surging emotion, but after that brief encounter, in the blank days that pass day by day, regrets and longings pile up like ashes, bit by bit. A ten thousand zhang high wall made of centimeters.

Other people's liking is wishing to break through the south wall, but he is not.He just sat on the high wall and looked at the vast world outside the wall.He didn't want to love him, didn't try to like him, he just had a thought in his heart that was bigger than this world - he wanted to see him again, and he wanted to simply say, my name is Jing Can, your name is what name?

What Jing Can said made He Pingyi's annoyance deepen. He looked into Jing Can's eyes and asked, "Why didn't you ask me directly? Why didn't you tell me directly, we have met before."

How much he wished that Jing Can could tell him, "I've seen you" a long time ago.That way, perhaps they could move closer to each other more quickly.He can learn about Jing Can's past in advance, and he can prevent Jing Can from experiencing the helplessness later.Then there would be no English test, no Jing Can's leg covered in blood.

why?

Jing Can thought about it carefully and found that silence seemed to be a natural decision he had made all along.After that temptation in the kitchen, he never even thought of confronting He Pingyi about this matter.Why is this?

After a while, Jing Can understood.

"Because I never thought that this kind of thing would be someone else's fault."

There will always be mistakes in his world, but not in others.

So, even though I don't understand why He Pingyi had imagined someone exactly the same before meeting him since He Pingyi had never been to Beijing, why He Pingyi had the same scar on his brow bone as that person, he never I suspected that He Ping was trying to lie.