not brilliant

The arm was still pulled by He Pingyi, Jing Can stared at He Pingyi in a daze, moved her mouth, but couldn't speak.

"Xiao Can, isn't it?"

The picture of that night clearly appeared in front of Jing Can's eyes again.The boy in the black shirt held the basketball in one hand and said to him, "Playing basketball is not difficult, I will teach you."

The face in the picture is infinitely close to the face in front of him, until finally they overlap completely.

"I don't know his name."

They only met twice, once when he rescued him, and once when he taught him how to play basketball.But no matter what time, Jing Can forgot to ask his name.

Even, for a long time, he didn't know whether such a person really existed, or if this was another illusion created by him.

"He Pingyi..." He can always remember the things he cares about very firmly. Those two nights, no matter whether it was true or false, have been sealed in the depths of his memory forever.Jing Can called softly, and showed his last courage outside the basketball court that only he seemed to remember.

"What if I say... I think you taught me?"

I think you taught it, I think I met you.

He Pingyi was stunned by this question. For a split second, the remnants of that summer seemed to rush in front of him, and there was a strange connection with the inexplicable familiarity with this basketball court that appeared before.He Pingyi struggled to pick out the only few clear fragments from that very vague memory. Jing Can's figure did not appear on the fragments, but there was indeed a basketball that fell through the basket at night.

But who is standing on the basketball court?Where is the basketball court?He couldn't remember anything.

Jing Can held back for so long, but suddenly couldn't hold back anymore.He opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally making a sound with difficulty.

"Have you...haven't been to Beijing?"

The question is familiar.He Ping wanted to capture a scene in the chaos, it was in the kitchen, Jing Can stood by the window and asked him, "Have you ever been to Beijing?"

Regret surged up at this moment.

He lied.

He actually lied then.

A few hours ago, he was still watching Jing Zaixing's annoyance and remorse, but he never expected that it would be his turn now.

The hand that was holding Jing Can suddenly lost strength, He Pingyi turned around on the spot in vain, and then turned back again.

Jing Can was still looking at him, waiting for his answer.As they stared at each other silently, both of them had red eyes.

"Come here." He Pingyi said.

He has been to Beijing, but as he told Dr. Wen two years ago, he would rather never have been here in his life. At that time, he even swore viciously that he would never come again.

Because his brother died here.

They returned to Huihe River and returned to Tiantai.On top of the sunflowers, they took an uneasy nap together.He Pingyi had another dream. In the dream, he heard the bad news and rushed to Beijing alone.In the pale and cold corridor of the hospital, he heard Lu Qiu's mournful cry: "Dead!"

From the beginning to the end, his mother yelled these two words.

The shrill voice made his scalp go numb, and he grabbed He Li's arm in a daze, gritted his teeth and asked, "Who's dead?"

When he woke up, He Pingyi was already covered in cold sweat.The sky seemed to be pressed down so impenetrably. He opened his mouth to inhale oxygen, and finally opened a gap for survival under the heavy pressure.

A warm hand shook his fingers, he lowered his head, and saw Jing Can facing him, sitting with her knees tucked next to his legs.

"Did you have a nightmare?" Jing Can asked softly.

He Pingyi looked at him and nodded.

"Did you dream about... your brother?"

"Well, I dreamed about what happened when he died." Seeing Jing Can looking at him with red eyes, He Pingyi raised his hand and gently tugged at his arm, "Come on."

Jing Can moved her body slowly, following He Pingyi's strength, she lay on top of him like a koala.

After staying so quietly for a while, Jing Can leaned against He Pingyi's chest and asked, "Can you tell me about him again?"

In fact, after learning about He Pingyi's brother while watching the fireworks, Jing Can has been curious for a long time.He really wanted to know more about the person He Pingyi had been missing. He also wanted to visit him with He Pingyi, and he wanted to comfort He Pingyi when He Pingyi was sad.But He Pingyi has always behaved normally, he doesn't seem to need to talk about it, and Jing Can never asks again.Until now, seeing those repressed emotions gushing out, he dared to be cautious and wanted to help him heal that old but stubborn wound.

"As I said before, he is a very good brother. He can help me solve any problems I encounter." He Pingyi said in a low voice, "But I don't treat him well at all, I don't know He was suffering from depression, and I found out after asking his doctor that he had been taking medicine for three years."

I took medicine for three years.

Jing Can frowned all of a sudden, because of that person she had never met.

"Xiao Can, you know, how does it feel to be a living person, a person whom I admire so much in my heart and who looks so sunny, suddenly lying beside me so quietly?"

Jing Can didn't know that although he had seen death, it was never death itself that frightened him.It's the unknown road that leads to death.

After holding her breath and thinking about it, Jing Can replied, "Sad."

Who can lose a loved one without heart-piercing pain.

He Pingyi shook his head: "It's a conflict."

It is resistance, non-acceptance, and an attempt to correct the facts that have occurred with one's own will.

"I refused to accept it, and I refused to leave Beijing. I desperately wanted to find out the reason for his pain. I wanted to know why. But I asked almost all his teachers, classmates, and friends, and they all told me Said, my brother is a very warm person. But I really don't understand, if my brother is what everyone thinks, then who is that person lying lifeless in front of me? "

For some reason, Jing Can did not suffer from the same mental illness as He Pingxing, and he had never even met He Pingxing, but he seemed to be able to know how painful he was before he died.It must have been a very desperate mood, a choice I had to make because I was dominated by emotions even though I didn't want to.

"Brother must have his own reasons. He must be in too much pain and couldn't bear it anymore. Otherwise, he is such a good person, he wouldn't be willing to leave you guys behind." Jing Can said.

People who are kind to others are soft-hearted. If it is not really the end of the road, how can they be willing to make the one they love sad.

"En." He Pingyi said in a low voice on top of Jing Can's head, "I understand now."

"Do you understand the reason?" Jing Can asked.

"No," He Pingyi shook his head.

Jing Can raised her head, looked into He Pingyi's eyes, and waited for his answer.

"I understand... If I can understand his feelings so easily, then his death is not worth it."

There are so many sufferings, and they will never be equally distributed to everyone. Everyone has their own world, and no one else can really empathize with all the experiences and emotions.Not even family members and lovers.

He couldn't truly understand Jing Can's pain, nor could he understand He Pingxing's.

"So, I accepted his choice."

When He Pingyi said this, he stopped for a long time. He covered his forehead with one arm, and rubbed it left and right twice to drive away the soreness in his eyes before continuing to speak.He hugged Jing Can and apologized: "I'm sorry, I have been to Beijing, but I really can't remember what happened during that time. Being willing to accept the facts makes my memory seem to be chaotic every day. My clearer memory is only when I saw the death notice... and after that. It’s like a walking dead, and I don’t know what I’m doing.”

Hearing He Pingyi's words, Jing Can was stunned at first, and then heartbroken.He didn't know how much a person had to torture himself to make his memory function go wrong, but he knew better than anyone else the feeling of the spiritual world falling apart.

As He Pingyi always liked to do to him, he raised his hand and patted He Pingyi's head.

"And then?" he asked. "How are you?"

"Later, my parents found out that I was not in the right condition, so they forced me to see a doctor. It's okay, at least it's not that painful, because... I can't remember clearly."

The clouds in the sky were pulled into the shape of silk, entangled and entwined, facing the distance.

He Pingyi seemed to have returned to two years ago, back to the days when he could not sleep peacefully for a night.

"The doctor couldn't explain how I had such a severe reaction, but I knew it."

It was a past event that he never mentioned to anyone. He Li didn't know it, Lu Qiu didn't know it, and Doctor Wen didn't know it either.He didn't tell anyone, because he couldn't tell anyone.He originally planned to take this story to the grave just like this, and when he saw He Pingxing again, he would hug him and cry and say "I'm sorry" to him.

"Do you want to listen?" He Pingyi asked Jing Can softly.

Jing Can vaguely sensed some heavier emotion, he hugged He Pingyi tightly, without any hesitation: "Listen."

"He... seems to have asked me for help."

Or, in fact, my brother gave him a hint.

Jing Can opened her eyes wide, digesting these words in her mind.

"That time before he went back to school, he suddenly opened the door of my room and said, 'Pingyi, I'm leaving, take care of my parents'. I was playing games at the time, and without looking back, I said, 'Yes, you are on the way Pay attention to safety'. My brother didn't leave after I finished speaking, and I felt that he was standing at the door." He Pingyi paused, and let out a laugh, but it was choked up, "I thought he had something else I took a moment to look back at him and asked him, 'What's the matter'. My brother said, 'It's okay, brat, I'm leaving.'”

"I remember his expression very clearly at that time, but I was really overwhelmed at that time. I obviously felt a little strange, but I didn't even think about it. I turned my head and continued playing games. I thought later that he was standing at the door. At that short moment, are you reluctant to part with us? If I could say at that time, brother, don’t go, play a game with me, or tell him, I can’t take care of my parents, so you have to come, he is Wouldn't you kill yourself?"

He thought it was just a very ordinary day, a very ordinary routine, a very ordinary sentence, "I'm leaving".

It never occurred to him that it would be a farewell.

Later, he also thought, if at that time he was not a brat who didn't care about feeling other people's emotions, but like now, he could sensitively perceive other people's joy or sorrow, and be able to observe the emotions buried deep in others, That's great.

People are always like this, even if they know that it is useless to regret, they will still think about self-torture again and again, if at that time.Thinking of the end, the emotions of regret and self-blame cast a spell, trapping people in the cage of missing.

Seeing He Pingyi crying, the corners of Jing Can's mouth also rolled down, he rubbed his hands forward, helped He Pingyi wipe away the tears from his eyes, and said, "Don't cry."

He Pingyi embraced him, and buried his head in his shoulder like that time on the rooftop.Jing Can heard He Pingyi ask: "You said, didn't you?"

Is it his fault?Could it be that he was being too mean to his brother.

"No," Jing Can patted He Pingyi's head and said softly again, "Really not."

Every creature has the instinct of self-help. He believes that He Pingyi's elder brother was nostalgic for the world because of the one he loved, just like he took the initiative to find Dr. Zhao. The medicine for those three years was He Pingxing's self-help.My brother must have actively sought medical treatment and worked hard to correct it.

It's just a pity that it didn't work.

Jing Can also knew that no matter what answer he gave, He Pingyi would never let go of this scene.It will be like a thorn, piercing into He Pingyi's flesh and blood, and he may recall it every day in the future.He will always remember, and time will always go on, that he must walk on with this thorn, along with regret and remorse.

It's a pity that I didn't feel the parting, and I regret that I didn't say it to stay.