Rebirth of Debut

"I feel very tired and don't want to do anything. If I do it all over again and it still fails, why should I do it all over again?" I would think wildly, and the more I thought about it, the less I dared to contact people, and the cycle continued like this.”

"Well, I understand."

"What should I do……"

"No one can help you with this. If you make it through, you will get better. If you can't make it, who knows what will happen. But Yuancheng, if you don't like yourself, how can I like you? Do you still remember that I admire you? Where are you?"

Xiao Yuancheng shook his head.

"I like your extraordinary self-confidence and perseverance. The Yuancheng in Hengdian was so shining that I couldn't look away. The Yuancheng in front of me is not the Yuancheng I like." Lin Guangwei let go of his hand, "You should think for yourself, If you get depressed like this, not only will you not be able to act well, but you will also lose me."

Lin Guangwei's words were absolute, and he didn't mean to be nostalgic.

"I don't have time to accompany you to be sad here, so if you figure it out, call me. If you are still like this, you'd better not look for me, so as not to destroy the image of Yuancheng in my heart."

"Aren't you going to accompany me?" Xiao Yuancheng realized that Boss Lin was going to leave him alone, and reflexively grabbed Boss Lin's sleeve, "Didn't you say that you will live forever..."

"The one who agreed for the rest of my life is the little guy who can stand side by side with me, not you, who looks decadent now. I'm very picky." Lin Guangwei took Xiao Yuancheng's hand away, and reached out to touch his head tenderly, "You Come on."

Then I went downstairs and left.

Xiao Yuancheng couldn't believe it.

Boss Lin would be so cold-blooded! ! !

Because he is fat now, not as good-looking as before, not as cute as before, and not as cheerful as before, is Boss Lin going to give up on him?

People like good things. This is true. He can't do it. He was defeated in the last life. Will he still lose in this life?

At that time, when he was training his muscles, he was full of unwillingness. He also wanted to be the leading role, and he also wanted to be supported by many people, playing a positive and handsome role. Unfortunately, he was not. In the process, in order to find a feeling, he kept substituting himself into the moment when he was killed by *, and felt the unwillingness and anger at that time. The deeper he substituted, the better the acting would be. He knew it, but then he realized that he couldn't help it. Control himself, when he doesn't want to be substituted, those pictures will come out automatically when he doesn't want to recall.He began to feel that there was something wrong with the room he lived in, and he heard someone talking in the room, saying, sign this agreement.

When people are scared, they will pretend that they don’t care, they pretend to be tough, he likes to read those lines in the middle of the night, because his character is a person who is very strong until death, and that character doesn’t know that he is finished until the moment he dies, without struggling, Only disbelief and reconciliation, too much like him.

He will definitely play that scene very well, no one can play it better than him, he is not acting, that is his experience.

Besides, he had really touched drugs, in his last life.

It was a kind of torture when he was on the set. He never wanted to see those white powders in his life. He could understand the plot of drug-damaged people breaking up and selling their children and daughters in the movie.

But he was acting as a drug dealer, the evil side, the harming side, and even after filming, he couldn't bear to talk to people, he felt that he was a bad person.

The combination of reality and fantasy, the combination of movie plots and previous life experiences, made him start to think that he was a bad person who was hurt and went to hurt others.

Is he?

who is he?

Is it Xiao Yuancheng?

But who is Xiao Yuancheng...

Xiao Yuancheng is a cute, serious, hardworking and lively person, isn't he?

Would such a person be addicted to alcohol and stimulants, have sex with others, be raped, be thrown from a tall building and die?

Would Boss Lin take a look at such a man?

No, no, even Uncle Ren gave up on him.

He really wants to maintain the beautiful image of Xiao Yuancheng that he has painstakingly cultivated, so he wants to act, he must protect this image, and prevent anyone from discovering his disgusting past.

However, these pasts have been written off. They are things that do not exist in this life. As long as he doesn't say anything, no one will know. As long as he deliberately forgets that he is such a person and then pretends to be innocent and continues to deceive the people around him. .

But even if a prostitute married a good man and was praised as a chaste and strong woman, wouldn't she feel uneasy when she dreamed back at midnight?

I'm afraid the more praise you have, the more uneasy you feel inside.

He thinks he is like this now, if he doesn’t bring up such memories, he won’t keep denying himself like an obsessive-compulsive disorder, if he can forget it cleanly, or give himself an excuse to face the past, he will feel much better inside .

Xiao Yuancheng had a headache thinking about it, he habitually reached out to get the wine, only to find that this was his and Boss Lin's home.

Boss Lin...

I really like him.

Xiao Yuancheng fell into a drowsy sleep.

When I woke up again, I don’t know if it was afternoon or night, and there was no one in the house, so Xiao Yuancheng looked at his phone with a glimmer of hope. Sure enough, Boss Lin didn’t send him any message, but Uncle Ren sent a text message asking him if he would like to come out for dinner at night. He simply said no, then fell off the bed top-heavy, and staggered to the kitchen downstairs to look for food.

There is nothing to eat at home. In the past, Boss Lin would buy snacks and ingredients and wait for him at home before he came back. After he came back, he enjoyed Boss Lin's care with peace of mind, but now he feels that is far away.

Xiao Yuancheng was wronged, he subconsciously relied on Boss Lin as his father, at this time he needed Boss Lin the most, but Boss Lin obviously had a similar experience and had a solution, but he left him alone, re-elected uncle Worse, Uncle Ren is always watching him.

People are really realistic!

beep - beep -

Xiao Yuancheng couldn't help but call Boss Lin.

"Little guy, did you figure it out so quickly?" Lin Guangwei sounded very happy.

"No... I just miss you." Xiao Yuancheng couldn't help sobbing when he heard Boss Lin's voice, "Are you coming back tonight?"

Pop, beep—beep——

Lin Guangwei hung up the phone.

Xiao Yuancheng fell to the ground with his mobile phone in his arms, unable to cry, only howling dryly.

Their community is all villas, and the two families are far apart. Xiao Yuancheng gradually howled loudly, clenched his hands into fists and hammered fiercely on the ground, hitting his chest, making a loud bang.

His heart seemed to be blocked by cement, and he couldn't even jump. He felt like vomiting, and more and more negative emotions flooded him. He was so desperate that he couldn't breathe, and he fainted It used to be like a sudden death.

……

I don't know how long it took, when Xiao Yuancheng regained consciousness, he found that it was already dark. He found his phone and turned on the fluorescent screen to see that it was two o'clock in the night.

Xiao Yuancheng had a thousand things to say in his heart, he didn't dare to call Boss Lin again, for fear of being disappointed again, he called Uncle Ren, Uncle Ren answered his call quickly, he said Uncle Ren, I am very tired and sad now, Uncle Ren was silent for three seconds, and told him, if it really doesn't work, we won't be an actor anymore, and we can do whatever we want, as long as you're okay, uncle can rest assured, and we'll rest when we're tired, don't force yourself.

Uncle Ren advised him to give up.

Xiao Yuancheng was afraid that he would really be persuaded by Uncle Ren to give up, so he obviously called by himself, and after a few perfunctory words, he hung up on his own initiative.

Give up now?

If you give up, you can really rest. You don't have to work hard, don't care about other people's opinions, and your life will be easier.

But giving up, doesn't it also mean that the previous efforts are in vain?

Can no longer stand in the spotlight, can not enjoy others' appreciation for him, isn't that, shrink back?

Boss Lin will definitely not like his cowardly appearance, because Boss Lin once said that he appreciates his self-confidence... Yes, if he is not confident, how can he live in this circle.

There is no one else who can save him except himself, and he has to stand up on his own.

He is a young eagle, not a rabbit, he has already flown up, how can he be easily intimidated by the fear of flying.

Only by getting used to this fear can you keep flying.

Sad and desperate to the extreme, but there is a feeling of relief.

Even if he didn't want to be an actor, he didn't want to lose Boss Lin as his lover, and if he didn't pull himself together, he would soon let Boss Lin down on him with his own hands.

If He Fan played with him, and Boss Lin gave up on him, he would be really terrible.

Xiao Yuancheng stood up from the ground, his feet were weak, and there were gold stars in front of his eyes, but he didn't stop, he walked to the bathroom step by step, turned on the ceiling light in the bathroom, and looked at the person in the mirror.

It's scary. Ordinary people would feel horrible when they look in the mirror at two o'clock in the middle of the night, let alone someone like him who questioned himself.

The person in the mirror is very strange, his expression and facial features are different from the self in his impression, his hair is only a few centimeters short, his face has uneven sunburn marks, his chin is covered with stubble, and his neck has become thicker , the ribs are barely visible, and the muscles in the arms bulge the clothes.

Xiao Yuancheng wanted to escape, he kept forcing himself to look in the mirror.

The mirror is the best evidence to objectively reflect the changes in a person's body. No problem can escape the eyes of the mirror. Some things just don't happen if you just pretend you can't see them.

Xiao Yuancheng stretched out his hand and gently touched the person in the mirror, the touch was cold, he opened his mouth and smiled at the mirror, the person in the mirror was also smiling, the smile was so ugly.

Xiao Yuancheng suddenly threw up on the sink.

After vomiting, he was sleepy again. He slept next to the filth he vomited, woke up again, looked in the mirror again, felt nauseous again, and fell asleep again.

When he fell asleep, there were always many things in the past, many beautiful or ugly illusions. He kept thinking in his sleep, not knowing how long it had passed, until he woke up again and suddenly felt that the bathroom smelled bad and dirty. After cleaning it, he felt that he was beginning to recover.

Xiao Yuancheng closed the bathroom door, took off his clothes and took the water hose to flush the floor inside the bathroom. In the bathtub, put cold water and soak yourself in it.

The cold water made it impossible for him to sleep like this. His mind was always awake, and his body was paralyzed. He was shivering from the cold, but he couldn't direct his body to turn on the hot water. He could only soak in it until he started sneezing. The water overflowed the bathtub, and he turned over and escaped from the water. After turning off the shower, he ran to the guest room on the first floor, shivering under the quilt.

Then he fell asleep again, this time in a comforting sleep, without those hallucinations, only a drowsiness deep in his bones.

Until he woke up from hunger, he thought that he needed to eat and drink, and all his thoughts were overwhelmed by the physical demands. He went to the kitchen and found that there was no real thing. When he found the mobile phone in the living room, he found that it was out of power and turned off automatically. Seeing Uncle Ren's dozen or so missed text messages, and seeing the WeChat messages sent by Sanhua and Su Yi, he didn't reply, so he called Boss Lin with trembling hands.

"What's the matter?" Boss Lin's voice was still so gentle and calm.

"I'm hungry, I want to eat a big meal." Xiao Yuancheng blocked his nose, not wanting to cry so hopelessly.

"Big meal... Ah Bao, see if there is any space in Hongfu, um, I want a box." Lin Guangwei picked up the internal phone and called Ah Bao, and briefly ordered, "Wait a while, if there is a space, I will I'll pick you up later."

"Okay." Xiao Yuancheng quickly hung up the phone.

As if nothing happened, Boss Lin seemed to have no idea of ​​his struggles and experiences these days.

That's fine, the pain is all his own, Boss Lin really doesn't need to be responsible for his despair, Boss Lin has never brought negative emotions to him, and he naturally has no right to vent negative emotions to Boss Lin.Messing around for no reason is a child's thing, and he's grown up.

He looked at his phone and found that two and a half days had passed unknowingly when he was groggy, which means he hadn't eaten for the past two days. Xiao Yuancheng thought his face must be ugly, so he got up and went to find suitable clothes Match them together, and then use cosmetics to lay a little foundation and draw eyeliner to make yourself more energetic.

I don't know if it's because he hasn't eaten for two days and is dehydrated. He doesn't think he's as bad as he imagined, but the muscles on his shoulders and the back of his neck are unacceptable to him. There must be a way to cut them off.

When Lin Guangwei came by car, he found that although Xiao Yuancheng was weak, he was in good spirits and well-groomed, and he seemed to have recovered.

Lin Guangwei didn't point it out, and he just asked Xiao Yuancheng what he did at home, because he probably knew it all.

There are cameras in the entrance of this house and the stairs on the second floor, and occasionally you can see the video of Xiao Yuancheng walking in the house. It used to be used to monitor the cleaning of the cleaners and notice whether there are thieves entering, but now it is used for another purpose.

It's not that he doesn't worry about Xiao Yuancheng, he just doesn't want to interfere with Xiao Yuancheng too much.Xiao Yuancheng should rely on himself to go on, not anyone else.

He wants to put more pressure on Xiao Yuancheng, forcing him to have a nervous breakdown. He is very optimistic about this child. He bet that Xiao Yuancheng will be reassembled after the collapse, and will be stronger than before.

It turns out he won again.

After arriving at the restaurant, Xiao Yuancheng didn't have time to talk, and concentrated on eating, he was really hungry.

The author has something to say: every rebirth will be stronger than before~

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The author hopes that he can also become strong, and stop giving himself excuses for being weak.