[Comprehensive] Light and Shadow

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

It's the beginning of the new month again, and every time it's the beginning of the month, I feel a subtle feeling in my mood.

It seems to be rejoicing, you see, I have lived another month.It's just that no matter how lucky I am, I feel that my time is getting shorter and shorter.After having such an idea, I don’t know why I especially want to record it, so my time will pass slower.

It would be great if I could keep my time at the moment I recorded.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I'm already used to watching Kirigaya Kazuto from behind.

I often tell myself that I should be satisfied if I have met Kiritani Kazuto, but the more I say it silently in my heart, I still feel that it is not enough.I'm running out of time, I've always wanted to see him, but after seeing him, I'm insatiable and want to do more.

I'm greedy to the core, and you must be too.But if you hadn't been conniving, how could I be so greedy.

Sure enough, I still hate you as much as I did at the beginning.

After thinking about it for so many years, I don't know how to say goodbye to you when I really leave, how to keep myself from crying, how to keep myself from looking too sad, how to pretend that I have no regrets and leave happily.

I think, even if I am not the main character in the story, I can have a less sad ending.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

Kirito came to the shop, and I finally saw him face to face again.

He asked me what my name was.Actually, I told him before, but he didn't remember me.

Maybe he knew, it must be very strange.For so many years, I was just a passer-by for him, but I will remember him for so many years, and even planned for such a long time for a chance encounter.

He doesn't know, I want to see him.

Especially when I learned that for this brief period of time, I have always wanted to see him.

When I took his hand, I wanted to say a lot, I wanted to tell him my name, I wanted to tell him about me, I wanted to say many things, but in the end I couldn't say anything.

I already, can't hold any more memories, otherwise I won't know how to leave.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

In just a few days, I found that the time I was in a daze was getting longer and longer.

I remember when I was a child, I always quarreled with you. If I didn't see you mad with anger every day, I wouldn't go to sleep in peace.I'm so tossing around every day, just thinking about driving you crazy and not being able to make you smile so gently.

You always call me a little brat, you are obviously impatient but you are forced to take care of me patiently; and I always yell at you by name, overturn your job and refuse to eat, deliberately mess up your desk, I smashed the collections at home and tore up the documents. I just want you to speak your mind. You must hate me in your heart.

You hate me, I know, when I see the way you look at me, I know, you hate my existence as much as my father, I don't have anything to look forward to when I survive without being expected by anyone.

I hate you too. You obviously hate me but pretend to be gentle and take care of me. This kind of gentle person is the most terrifying.

It's just that you said that day, "I promise to take good care of you, no matter how old you are, I will always take care of you." I believed it, I really believed it, cried out excitedly and curled up in your arms, maybe even at that time I I am also relying on you, but I am always afraid that you will leave me, so I have been clumsily provoking you.

But even so, I really, really miss that time.

I want to bluff and do bad things and see your expression of patience despite being irritable and helpless; I want to cry freely because of a little thing, and let you hold me in your arms and coax me dotingly Sleep; I want to quarrel with you every day, carefree and only care about being with you, and listen to your doting and telling me to be good...

So, Akihiko Kayaba, can I do it all over again?I really... don't want to die like this.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I feel like my time is getting shorter and shorter.I want to compress this life desperately into a few months, as if I can leave without regret.However, the faster time passed, the more regretful I became. My heart seemed to be full. There were so many things I wanted to do, so many people I wanted to meet, and so many things I wanted to say in the future. Can speak out.

It's just that I can't say these words out of my mouth.

When I saw Kirito crying on the snow because of the death of those partners, I was at a loss. I wondered if you would be so sad after I died?

I don't want to, and I don't know, but as soon as I think of this possibility, I suddenly want to live one more day, live longer, live longer, and spend more time with you.

"I want to live."

When I said these words softly in that small place, I felt my heart hurt so hard to breathe.

Just such a sentence, I can't say it in front of anyone, not even in front of myself, as if if I say a few more words, my body will immediately break down.

When I turned around, I saw you standing behind me, you also heard my words, and stood there staring at me blankly.Then you laughed, still smiling gently, but sadly as if you were about to cry, and then hugged me, but your body was shaking.

At that moment, I understood again.

I am not qualified to say those six words, my life is as sad as a joke.

If I didn't want to live so much, you wouldn't laugh so forcedly because of me.

I thought, I'm not going to say that sentence again.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

You said, "Kirito seems to have more and more friends, and Asuna seems to like Kirito very much."

I don't know why, but you have mentioned Kirito more and more recently.It was so deliberate that I even noticed it.But, I'm really happy, Kirito is not as depressed as before, and he seems to like Asuna, Asuna is also very beautiful...

You say, "Want to meet Asuna?"

I shook my head, I don't want to know her.I don't know when it started, I'm already obsessed with not wanting to know anyone.

Every meeting is for the next parting.So, I don't want to meet more people, because I don't want to say goodbye.

Goodbye, see you again.

lie.

If I leave, we will never meet again.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

You said to me, "Kirito and the others are about to conquer the [-]th floor."

I didn't say anything, but I just felt something wrong when you mentioned Kirito's name, obviously you are the leader of the strongest guild in the strategy group, aren't you?If you let other people know your true identity, it would be a good show.

You held out your hands to me, as always.Every time I see your smile, I don't know what to do. I seem to be trapped by you since I was a child, and I can only walk towards you.

"Hey, sleep for a while, I will watch over you." You hugged me on your lap, kissed my forehead and said softly to me.

I used to sleep peacefully, but today I don't know why, but I feel a little uncomfortable.I don't know when I've been used to such intimacy, but I'm afraid that if you don't have me in the future, how can you forget these intimacy.

I see the red string on your wrist.

It was the first and last thing I made with my own hands.

Six years ago, I thought, if I can't move anymore, I must do something while I can move, and then I made two red ropes.I thought, one for you and one for Kiritani Kazuto.

It's ridiculous to say that my whole world is empty and there are only two people left, and this is empty, but it has been empty for many years, until I die, there will probably be only the two of you.

Kiritani Kazuto was the first person to enter my world;

And you are the only one who stays in my world all the time.

You don't know, when I was weaving this red rope, I kept making wishes, and I recited those two wishes in my heart countless times.

When I gave you the red rope, you smiled in surprise.

I still remember to this day, when you looked at the red rope, rubbed my hair and said with a smile, "Xiao An, remember to tie it tight."

I must have cried at that time, and you must still hold me in your arms helplessly.I tied that red rope very tightly. I don't expect to be inseparable from you all the time. I just want to put all my prayers and happiness on your hands.

I think, I have no right to be happy, so at least I have the right to pray for others to be happy.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

"Sleep, you'll be home when you wake up."

When I woke up, I realized that I was too gullible in your words before going to bed.

When you talk about home, you don't come to my home, but Kirito's.As for the reason why you did this, I also know, but I think that time has passed for too long, and I am not used to the person who is not by your side when I wake up.

"Well, since you can come out, do you want to go out and have a look?"

Kirito grabbed my wrist and asked me this sentence. I turned my head to look at him. His face was a bit stiff, and there was tension and expectation in his eyes.At that moment, I seemed to have to use all my strength to have the courage to keep my eyes on him.

I have been watching him in the shadows, and I have only allowed myself to give unilaterally, but I got a response unexpectedly. Such words are like falling into a trap defenseless.Seeing that look, I'm afraid I won't even refuse.

I think I have been waiting for this sentence for a long time.I nodded, Kirito smiled.

Sometime, it would be great if I could smile in front of you like Kirito, then you will be very happy.

Afterwards we went to the mountain behind the mirror, my body couldn't hold on to that journey anymore, but I still walked with difficulty step by step, and I was thinking, maybe you will show up halfway and take me home.

However, you still didn't come, but Kirito turned his back on me, just like before.

Kirito didn't know what I was thinking when I was lying on his back, actually I didn't know, my mind was blank, I seemed to recall many memories of the dusty past.

You said, does Kirito remember that he once carried a naughty crybaby like this?I think he will probably remember, but that child will not be me.

I am a crybaby, I forgot how to cry, why does he still remember me?

It's just that at that moment, I felt that time seemed to go back, back to the past, I hooked his neck like that, leaned on his shoulder, and called his name.

Today, I called his name and listened to your words, and thanked Kirito with a smile.

I heard someone say that life is a journey. I have been to many places, met many people, done many things, stopped and stopped, and just passed my whole life.But I didn't expect that my life has been stopped at that year and has not changed.

I have been afraid that I will not be able to say thank you when I leave this world, and I will always stay where I am.

But, okay.

Akihiko Kayaba, look——I finally took such a small step.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

There was an accident at sea. I didn't expect that you would let an NPC pretend to be a drowning woman to strangle Kirito's neck desperately. I also didn't expect that you would really bring Kirito's pain to a real level.

Obviously, this is all your plan, and I still don't know exactly what you're trying to do.

It's just that at that moment, I stretched out the hand that I wanted to reach out to Kirito, and I think it's probably time to say goodbye.Just like that, wouldn't it be better to pretend I'm drowning?

It's just that I didn't expect that when I sank into the water, Kiritani Kazuto still chased after me, grabbed my hand like that desperately, and then hugged me tightly in his arms and sank into the water.

I think it is probably because of this that I have never forgotten him in so many years.

Because in the beginning, he was the one who held my hand tightly like this.Perhaps, people are always impressed by the first part of their memories. I still remember ten years ago, how the thin man fell and cried on his back. I walked slowly through the path step by step, like walking through the boundless darkness. The space is the same, it's just that, but I have been remembering it until now.

However, if I had known that I would always let go, I would not have reached out so easily, so that until now, I am reluctant to let go.It's just that some people, even if they hold hands and go to the same place, they will eventually return to two worlds.

But even so, I still thank him for having existed in my world.

It's just that you still haven't appeared in front of my eyes, I want to see you.You know, I'm running out of time.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I didn't want to appear in front of Kirito, but when I saw Kirito kneeling on the ground trembling, as if he was suffering from some great pain, I still walked out.

He hugged me tightly and cried out trembling all over. I never thought that Kirito could shed tears for me who he couldn't even remember.It's just that I don't hate it, he's like shedding tears for me that I couldn't shed.

I promised myself not to cry, if you cry Kayaba Akihiko, you will definitely hear it, and then you will be more sad than me, so I can't cry.I just thought about it like this, but I didn't expect that I, who couldn't move and lay on the hospital bed, really didn't have the right to cry anymore.

When I came out of the cave, I seemed to know what you wanted to do.

Snow White fairy tale, do you really want to create this?

Forest, hunter, cabin, princess...

When I saw Kirito wearing Snow White's clothes, I really laughed out. He looked exactly like the princess I had dreamed of countless times. I finally saw the princess of the dwarves.

I remember that at that time, I asked Kirito to tell me a story, and it must be a story with a happy ending.He told me about Snow White, and I asked him to tell it over and over again, and he just talked about it many times.

Sometimes, you can't choose to stay or leave, but memory is a lifetime.

I don't want to hear other stories, I just remember this one, a story with a happy ending is enough.

It is enough for the princess and the prince to live happily together.

Just, what exactly do you want to do?

After letting Kirito know my identity, but making him lose his memory, why do you refuse to appear in front of me.

However, it would be great if you could erase my memory before I die.Let me pack up all the good memories, put them in boxes one by one, and return all those good memories to you.

Let me die in vain like that, so I won't be afraid and sad about death until now.

If I say so, you will definitely agree.

It's a pity, I don't want to part with it, otherwise it would really be a waste of time to come to this world.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I seem to have been waiting for this day - the day of dwarves and princesses.

When I walked into the kitchen, I found that the meal was ready, and there was an extra basket full of food. You must have prepared this, but you never appeared in front of me.

I handed the curry rice to Kirito to eat, and he really asked to go out, and when I took out the basket and handed it to him, his expression when he saw the food in the basket really made me want to laugh.

In fact, you still want to fulfill my wish.I have clearly made up my mind not to ask for more, but you still give me those beautiful things with such connivance.

Many years ago, I said that I was a dwarf; many years later, the dwarf finally met the princess.

But even so, I still want to see you.Maybe I was hallucinating at that time. I seemed to see you in the woods. I immediately stood up and wanted to run towards you, but I passed out. In real life, my body is too weak to support the movement of my body.

At that moment, I thought I was going to die.

Even after waking up, I was so terrified that I couldn't help myself. I was terribly afraid that I would die so suddenly, not seeing you die, not saying goodbye to you, not being able to die by your side.

Ten years ago, you drew a circle for me, and I just stayed in it.

I think I have already regarded this circle as the whole of my life, but there is only you in this circle.

You can't get out of that circle before I die.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

Kirito planted the seeds in the cup yesterday, I don't understand why you gave me a seed.

But even so, I started looking forward to it again.

Every time I have expectations, I will think that it will be good to die later, praying silently in my heart again and again, this time I am praying again, let me see this seed bloom before I die.

That's a strange thing to say, after all, who spends his life waiting for a flower to bloom?

Asuna appeared, and I was back in the labyrinth, and at that moment I knew that this fairy tale was still going on.When Asuna took out the flower behind the mirror and asked me to open the door, I thought it was probably fate.

The flower in front of the mirror is a flower of doom, which will wither as long as it is touched; the flower behind the mirror is a flower of hope, which can bloom again even if the barrenness is touched.Kirito was the first to touch the flower in front of the mirror, and Asuna plucked the flower behind the mirror.

Perhaps, I just want to prove that there is hope after the end, and happiness will come again.

It's just the city of mirror images, everything is reversed. For me, I'm afraid that happiness will come again, and then it will be my end.

I put Kirito's hand on Asuna's, as if I had finally completed my mission.I looked at the red rope tied to Kirito's hand, and my first wish was to deliver the princess to the prince with my own hands and see the best ending before I die.

Now, it has finally come true.

It's just that the ending of the story is so beautiful, but I still feel so uncomfortable?

Watching Kirito and Asuna leave step by step, I looked at it seriously, but felt that with just such a glance, my life was about to pass.

In fact, after the lucky death, Kirito really didn't need to work so hard to find the resurrection props, just to hear her last words.

Because, until this moment, I didn't really understand.

When we finally parted, my mind went blank, I saw him turn around, I thought I must say goodbye to him, but there was only one sentence that could be said.

—Thank you, goodbye.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I'm finally with you again, I've been dreading it for so many days and it's only today that I finally feel at ease.

Yesterday, when I saw you wearing red knight armor, I almost wanted to rush over and hug you tightly.

It wasn't until that moment that I understood why Kirito hugged me excitedly and even cried when he saw me again in the cave.When I saw you, I couldn't hide the joy and excitement in my heart. It seemed that seeing you was like seeing the whole world.

I finally believed in that sentence - parting is for the next meeting.

But, I'm afraid there won't be a next time.

Until now, I am still afraid of doomed death. That kind of fear spreads from the atrium to every inch of bone and blood in my body. There is a kind of despair. I am a person with no future, but even so, you are still saving me. But I can't do anything, I can only die with the memory of you.

I look at the red rope in your hand, that is my last wish - after my death, Akihiko Kayaba's wandering life can find a place to stay.

Everyone is working hard to live for the real tomorrow, but I can only stay here and regard this world as all I have.All kinds of life and death in this world, come and go, like the tide, they believe that there will be no tomorrow that cannot be reached, but I live in the tomorrow that cannot be reached.

Though I kept praying in my heart, I heard a voice, whispering in my tired heart, over and over again

——You and I have been like this for several years, but in the end we can only be separated like this.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

My body is getting worse and worse. I can often feel that my consciousness is suddenly blurred, and my body falls down uncontrollably.

When I wake up, you are always sitting next to me, still smiling gently and kissing my forehead, you don’t say anything, you don’t say anything, you always make me think that my time is still very long, I can still live with you for a long, long time.

That flower finally bloomed, a small white flower, delicate and transparent but very beautiful.

Just by living, sad things seem to accumulate.Obviously the things in front of me are beautiful and warm, but in the next moment, I can't restrain my sadness.

For the whole ten years, we have walked together, but when I recall it now, I feel it was just a moment, and in the next second, I may suddenly be unable to survive. I spend every minute and every second with fear, just afraid of watching like that You look at it and it becomes the last look.

You don't know... what mood I was in when I wrote these words.

Your life is still very long, but mine is coming to an end.

I just hope that when I die, you can live better, better, and be happy forever.

【XNUM X Year X NUM X Month X NUM X Day】

I'm not sure I can keep time for a few days, this is probably the last time I keep a record.

Although I can't say that this is a happy ending, it probably isn't a bad ending either.It's just that I won't let you see these records. I don't want to leave you with any more memories of me. Let these memories disappear with me after I die.

I have already met the person I want to meet the most, and the most beautiful fairy tale you created for me, and you will spend the last short time with me, I think, I probably can’t leave with a smile, But at least I won't cry this time.

I have one last wish.

May I have good health in my next life, and you can still be by my side.

I won't tell you because I don't want to hear your answer, you must agree.

Because, I have given you all the rights to happiness in this life, and you must continue to stay in my world in the next life.

FROM. Uncle Kayaba’s little ghost—Ann

The author has something to say:

This volume of Sword Art Online is sloppy, the author understands it, and I ask readers, little angels, not to abandon the author TAT

Because the writing is sloppy, I will add another volume of Fanwai, and Fanwai will be placed in the free chapter of the previous Ann's Fanwaikeng...

In addition, happy Mid-Autumn Festival, thank you~ [By the way, write a comment to get points or something, the author will give it to you!