[Comprehensive] Light and Shadow

SwordArtOnlineAugust 2024, 9

This is, the child my sister bought with her life.

Every time he thinks this way, Kayaba Akihiko always feels a little regretful when he sees that child.

The older sister who suffered from progressive frostbite died after insisting on giving birth to the child. After five years of taking care of the child, the brother-in-law suddenly disappeared on the child's birthday. In the end, the custody of the child fell into the hands of Akihiko Kayaba.

Although he doesn't know how to take care of the child, he is the only relative, so he can only take the child back home from a Tonggu family who stayed for a few days, and then his life is turned upside down.

This kid is always yelling at home, knocking over appliances and destroying furniture on purpose while running around, and even if he says something, the kid never listens but just contradicts himself with disdain at the top of his voice.Everything has to be done against myself, and every time I have to provoke myself to explode, I have a smug expression.

The child never felt guilty because of what he taught him, let alone cried introspection, but he only cried loudly when he accidentally fell down and hurt him, as if he had been stimulated by some great stimulus, and then held My important documents were wiped away with tears.

Even so, he had to take care of him.

In fact, thinking about it now, he said he was taking care of him, but he didn't really put his heart into it.Otherwise, on that day, they wouldn't have passed the whole night without seeing the child making a fuss or worrying about him. Instead, they didn't go to the room to look for him until the next morning when they saw that the child still didn't show up.

At that time, the child had a high fever, and he didn't know whether it was cold or hot. He was shivering constantly and wrapped in a quilt, but his body was surprisingly hot.The child in his memory was always alive and kicking, and it was the first time he had seen the child look weak, curled up and sluggish, with his eyes closed, muttering something.

"dad……"

At that time, the villain opened his eyes and saw him in a daze, opened his mouth and called his father with a weak trembling voice. He had a fever and was so confused that he recognized the wrong person.I have never been so fragile before, with wet eyes, just looking at him without blinking like that, and then tears fell drop by drop, those two words kept yelling out of his mouth, just listening to this made me feel It seemed to be a little trembling and painful because of being grabbed by something.

The child struggled and stretched out his hands to grab the man, and approached tremblingly, as if curling himself up to find a sense of security from him, Zitong stared at him tremblingly.

"Dad, don't leave me..."

He has been crying, his voice choked with grievances, and there is a soft sadness in those purple eyes that are always full of vigor, as if he is begging desperately not to be abandoned.The child is holding a photo tightly in his hand. The photo is wrinkled, and it seems to be soaked with tears many times and has a curled arc. The photo is a wedding photo of his sister and brother-in-law six years ago, and both of them are smiling. I was extremely happy, but the child holding the photo was crying sadly.

It wasn't until then that Akihiko Kayaba realized that he had never really known this child.

"uncle."

The child looked at him, as if he finally recognized him, then shrank back vigorously and curled up into a small size on the big bed, as if he was afraid of being hurt and completely protected himself.

Kayaba Akihiko didn't like the child calling him uncle so softly. In the past, every time the child called him uncle, there was always a little water flowing from those purple eyes. It must have been done after doing something cunning. Deliberately prolonging Yin's face with a smug and proud look to tell him to clean up the mess.But at this moment, the child was weakly crying and calling him uncle, his voice trembling and weak.

"Hey, you have a fever. I'll take you to the hospital." When Kayaba Akihiko wanted to reach out to touch him, he shook his hand away tremblingly, and buried his head in the quilt with tears all over his face.Normally, Kayaba felt that the child hated me on purpose and didn't want him to touch me, but now he felt that the child was actually afraid of him.

"Leave me alone!" the child said loudly, his voice was hoarse but trembling, "Don't you hate me! Then don't be nice to me!"

Until then, Kayaba Akihiko really understood.

——It's not that the child hates me, it's that I hate that child.

The child kept doing that because he found out, as if he wanted to tear off his hypocritical mask on purpose, and didn't want him to continue pretending to be a gentle uncle, but was deliberately forcing him to say something he hated.

The child was crying, trembling all over, gasping for breath because of crying, but pressed the old photo firmly on his chest with both hands, as if it was engraved in the bottom of his heart like that, but such a small body seemed to be like that. Sadness still can't continue to carry.

"Liars, they're all liars..." the child was crying and panting, tears streaming down his cheeks, "They all hate me, dad hates me, you hate me, but you don't say anything."

"We didn't." Kayaba Akihiko could only comfort him, feeling guilty in his heart.

"You will also leave me someday." The child looked up at Kayaba with tears all over his face, his purple pupils were full of sadness.

"No." Kayaba Akihiko could only stretch out his hands to lift the child from the bed, put the trembling little body into his arms and patted it, repeating over and over again, "I promise to be good." Take care of you, no matter how old you are, I will always take care of you."

And that child just sobbed like that, crying and crying but fell asleep again, but still stretched out his hand and tightly grasped Kayaba Akihiko's sleeve, refusing to let go, as if he would be thrown away if he let go same.

Sometimes Kayaba Akihiko thinks, maybe it was at that time that he made the promise too easily.

Then he was locked up like this, stumbling and bumping, and just like this, he was tied to this child for the rest of his life.

It's just that he never thought that this child's life would be so short.

I'm afraid my sister didn't think about it either, but the child born to my sister who was suffering from gradual freezing had the same disease as her, and when the child got sick for the first time, it was only ten years old.

Kayaba Akihiko still remembers that child sitting on the ground, his legs were so stiff that he couldn't move, and he just looked at him blankly.In the end, he burst out laughing suddenly, as if he saw something funny, he lay on the ground with a smile on his stomach, but in the end he cried convulsively.

"Uncle, look, I really shouldn't have survived."

How sad is that child in his heart to say such desperate words that make people feel distressed.

In the end, the child curled up on the floor, tears dripping down the corners of his eyes and dripping onto the dark floor, but there was a piercing smile on the corner of his mouth, and the pair of star pupils that once contained radiance were hanging down weakly, empty There is nothing but silence in his eyes.

Kayaba Akihiko was terrified. Not only was he terrified that the child would become ill step by step until he could not move at all, but he was even more terrified that the child would not want to live now and chose to die.

"Uncle, you promised me to take care of me for the rest of my life, doesn't that count?" When he said this, the child was lying on the bed, his legs could no longer move, but the child was still stringing the red rope bracelet seriously with his hands , he stared intently at the man with those purple pupils.

"Yes, I will always take care of you." Kayaba Akihiko replied affirmatively, no matter what happened in the end, he would always take care of him.

"That's enough." At that time, the child's eyebrows and eyes were curved, and the light in his pretty purple pupils was dyed with sunlight, blending together.

"What?" Akihiko Kayaba didn't know what to say.

"It's not a waste of time for me to come to this world."

That's what the child said, a simple sentence, but it sounded like he took that sentence as the meaning of his whole life.

At that time, Akihiko Kayaba suddenly couldn't tell whether the child was living for himself or for him, but it probably didn't matter. The two of them have been tossing and tossing for a long time, and it's probably still impossible to tell who is from who.

First, he couldn't move his limbs, his legs, his arms, and finally his fingers. He couldn't even control the muscles that control vocal cord production and eye movement. The child just lay on the hospital bed with various medical instruments beside him.

Kayaba Akihiko watched the child weaken day by day, silently enduring the suffering of pain and numbness, the dull and empty purple pupils also dimmed, but seemed to be silently looking at the ceiling all the time, as if with the whole world They've all been isolated.

I used to be bored, but now I miss my childhood very much.That guy tosses with himself every day, yells, and always messes with himself. At that time, he always called him a brat, a brat, and he always called himself by his first name.Even if the relationship got better after that, that child still didn't bother me less, and I don't know why she likes to cry more and more. He loves to cry about big and small things. Whenever he cries, he pulls his sleeves endlessly and insists on hugging him to sleep together on the bed. It took a long time to coax.

Even so, Kayaba Akihiko wants to see that child laughing and crying again, even if he did something wrong and still smile heartlessly, even if he experiences a little setback and cries loudly, Kayaba Akihiko I just miss that kid.

How helpless should life go on?Akihiko Kayaba didn't want to know, but when the child was allowed to enter the virtual space of the game with NERvGear, Akihiko Kayaba was looking forward to it in his heart. He thought that the child would be happy and able to move again.

He is willing to completely create a world he loves in that imaginary world and pamper him to his heart's content.

It's just that it's still the same, even in the game, the child still closes himself like that, as if he is out of tune with everything.Kayaba Akihiko still chatted with him, and he still answered, laughed, and refuted, but there was always something that Kayaba Akihiko felt was wrong.

Since the child was lying on the hospital bed, he had never seen that child's sincere and wanton smile again.

But Kayaba Akihiko found out that the child had been watching a boy—Kirito.He also remembered that a week before he took the child home, Xiao An lived with the child named Kiritani Kazuto.

Kayaba Akihiko once heard about this from Xiaoan, and he once asked Xiaoan why he wanted the dwarf not to be a prince.At that time, the child replied to him, "Because, I think it's good for the princess and the prince to live happily. I shouldn't be in that happy ending."

"I just want to be a dwarf."

He just wanted to be a dwarf, a dwarf who was unknown, a dwarf who didn't care even if he disappeared.

Xiaoan looked at Kirito, Kayaba Akihiko looked at Xiaoan, the child just watched Kirito silently from behind, taking this as the only remaining daily habit every day, and Kayaba Akihiko didn't want to interfere.

However, when he saw the child lying on the snowy mountain, curled up and looking at the figures of Kirito and Asuna hiding in the white distance, Kayaba Akihiko realized that he still couldn't let the child hide.

He wants to see Kirito, wants Kirito to recognize him, wants to say goodbye to Kirito...

Kayaba Akihiko knows, he knows, but this child has always been hiding, not knowing how to speak but pretending not to speak, not knowing how to get close but just hiding in the dark all the time, not knowing how to say goodbye but just keeping Watching silently.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" In the snow, the child's voice was as fragile as a brittle snowflake, trembling and slight.What he said was like saying that he shouldn't have participated in such a beautiful place.This child's mind is too simple, but Kayaba Akihiko doesn't know why this child insists that he should be isolated from beauty since he was a child.

"Are you lost?" Picking up the child from the snow, the child narrowed his eyes slightly, stretched out his hand to hold the corner of his clothes, and then fell asleep peacefully, with such an peaceful expression as if he was immersed in some good dream. I wonder if there are fairy tales in that dream.

Dwarf, if you can't give the princess to the prince, you can't be a happy dwarf, can you?Since he lost his way on this road, as the founder of the game, Akihiko Kayaba can always turn the road back on the normal track.

Since the kid wants to see a good fairy tale, it's up to him to create it.

Let Xiao An be sent to Kirito's house, just to let the child finally have a reason to get close to Kirito, delete his ability to return to the shop, and let Kirito take him into that colorful and beautiful world once;

Let the cruise ship explode and catch fire on the water, just so that Kirito can reach out and hold the child. The child who is addicted to that closed world always needs someone other than Akihiko Kayaba to pull the child into the fairy tale he is looking forward to;

To make Kirito lose his memory is only to let the child live in the cabin in the fairy tale after killing the hunter in the forest. The life of the princess and the dwarf is probably like that;

Let Asuna appear, and let Kirito be captured by the king of monsters on the first floor, but he was captured by the queen as a princess, and he wanted the prince to appear to save the princess, so that the child could see a perfect ending...

Kayaba Akihiko sometimes didn't know if he was doing the right thing, but when he saw that child seeing Kirito wearing Snow White's clothes, he suddenly laughed, and the corners of his mouth had the familiar brilliant arc from memory, Kayaba Jing Yan felt that that was enough.

He hoped that he could see that child's bright smile again, even though it wasn't for him, it was good to see it.Even though he didn't want to say it like this, he still wanted to leave the child with the last good memory before he left.

That child's time is running out.

On the bed, the boy's face was a little pale, with purple hair brushing his forehead, even in his sleep the boy's brows were still slightly frowned.In the past few days, even if the child wakes up in the game, the time is getting shorter and shorter, his face is haggard and pale, and such a deep sleep seems to close his eyes and will not wake up again.

The man sitting next to him had light eyebrows, reached out his hand and stroked the young man's soft hair, the young man's long eyelashes trembled, and finally slowly opened those purple pupils.

"uncle."

The man called uncle nodded with a light smile, then got up and approached the boy and kissed him on the forehead.This kind of intimacy has been done for many years, and it has not changed until now.

"Do you want to get up?" The boy slowly raised his hand, rubbed his eyes, and then nodded in a daze.

"Kirito is looking for you." Kayaba Akihiko smiled and supported the boy's shoulders to let the boy sit up, then looked at the boy fixedly, "Xiao An, do you still want to see him?"

The purple-haired boy froze for a moment, then seemed a little dazed, and finally shook his head, "No need, I've already bid farewell."

"Really? Did you smile when you said goodbye?" The man in the bright red knight robe stretched out his hand and picked the boy up from the bed, and walked down the creaking stairs through the half-open wooden door.

"Who stipulates that you must smile when you say goodbye." The young man seemed to retort subconsciously, but his voice was very weak, and the young man seemed to be powerless and sluggish when he leaned his head on the man.

"You've done a good job." The man smiled and carefully placed the boy on the seat, then reached out and rubbed the boy's hair.

The purple-haired boy raised his head, his purple pupils stared fixedly at the man, and finally asked, "Akihiko Kayaba, are you so willing to throw me to Kirito for so long?"

Akihiko Kayaba was stunned.He thought that the child would ask him many questions, but he didn't expect that after so many days, he would just ask this simply in the end.

Are you willing?unwilling.But this is the child he raised since he was a child. He regards it as a treasure and takes care of it carefully. No one can take it away.

"Are you reluctant to leave me?" Kayaba Akihiko asked the boy back with a smile.

"I've been thinking about you." The boy nodded, lowering his eyes and said, "I'm afraid I'll die before I see you."

The word death was so easily uttered by the young man, such an insignificant word seemed to have no importance, just like that, it took his most precious life with him.

Obviously he said he was afraid, but he still had a calm expression on his face, as if he had already accepted it.

"Are you afraid?" Kayaba Akihiko paused, and finally squatted down to look at the boy sitting on the chair, and stretched out his hand to stroke the boy's purple hair.The man's eyes became soft and sad. Even if the child was afraid in his heart, he probably wouldn't say it.

"Scared." However, this time the boy said it out, as if it was the first time he was so frank and honest.

"Very scared, always scared." The young man slowly raised his right hand, and finally grabbed the clothes on his chest, as if his heart was hurting, with a bitter smile on the corner of his mouth, "But I'm afraid, I seem to be used to it again." gone."

"As long as I think that I may never wake up again, I am afraid to go to sleep, but even though I am so afraid, many years have passed." The boy's right hand moved to Akihiko Kayaba, and stretched out his hand. He stroked the man's face with his fingertips.

"Many years ago, I was thinking about what I should say to you before I died." The boy's voice was trembling and choked with sobs, but the boy stared at the man with wide eyes, as if he was trying his best not to cry .

"There are so many things to say, so many things to say, and when I think about it, I will hide in the bed and cry, my heart is so empty that it hurts, and then I don't want to die more and more, and I am more and more afraid, but..."

"There's always an end, isn't there?"

The boy's voice was very soft, so ethereal that it seemed to be soaked in sadness, and he dared not let others listen to it.

Even the best fairy tale will have an ending, and the boy's ending will stop here.

"Then you speak slowly, and I'll just listen, every day, and keep listening." Kayaba Akihiko smiled, grabbed the boy's right hand, then pressed the boy's back neck and leaned towards him, hugging the boy full of heart.

"I want to say..." The boy leaned against the man's ear, his voice trembling, but he didn't say anything in the end.

It seems that there is a lot to say, but there is not a word to say at this moment.

"After I die, can you... forget me?"

It wasn't until a long time later that the boy opened his mouth slowly, and his whole body shrank into the man's arms, his whole body trembling slightly.

"I promised you, I will always take care of you, how can I forget you?"

Kayaba Akihiko replied helplessly, reached out and patted the boy's back, pampering him as before.

"You said you would take care of me for the rest of your life, but..." The young man grasped the clothes on the man's chest with his hands, and slowly raised his head. The purple pupils were obviously smudged with extreme reluctance and sadness, and he just stared at him intently. Looking at Akihiko Kayaba, the ethereal and weak voice was full of sadness and confusion.

"...my life is coming to an end."

Everything stopped in silence, the boy did not speak, neither did Akihiko Kayaba.

He hugged the boy tightly like that, but the movement seemed to be holding a precious treasure carefully.

I saw the young man leaning on his shoulders, holding his waist tightly with both hands, nestling in his arms like a child, with purple hair scattered on his cheeks, half covering his face.The morning light through the window fell unsuspectingly on the two of them, as if casting a warm halo on them.

"Uncle, can I go to sleep?"

The boy's voice was weak, but he still spoke lightly, then he seemed to raise his hand with all his strength, and grabbed the clothes on the man's chest with great effort, his purple pupils stared at Akihiko Kayaba closely, almost greedily It seemed to be taking one last look.

"Sleep, I'll watch over you." The man narrowed his eyes tenderly, then reached out and stroked the boy's short purple hair as usual, lowered his head slightly, and pressed a faint kiss on the boy's forehead.

The boy was startled, his fingers bent, his eyes trembling.Then the corners of the young man's eyes were moist, he lowered his head slightly, and leaned completely on the man's chest, his hand slowly slipped down, and finally his hand gently covered the man's wrist, stroking the red rope with his fingers.

what.At this time, shouldn't you say something not to sleep?If I sleep like this, I will never wake up again, and we will not be able to see each other again.

The most annoying, this kind of gentle person - it's really terrible.Since he was a child, he has been addicted to the tenderness given by this man, and he has never been able to break free.

It's really frightening, even if you keep her in captivity until death, you still enjoy it.Even if you don't say it, you must know that I just want to stay by your side all the time.

"Don't wait for me to wake up." The young man spoke slowly, his weak voice seemed to be broken in the air as soon as he exited.

"Huh?" Kayaba Akihiko looked down at the boy.

"You said, you won't wait for me to wake up again." The young man held the man's hand tightly, with paranoid persistence and pleading in his eyes.

Kayaba Akihiko didn't speak, just continued to look at the boy.

"Promise me, okay? Don't guard me, don't wait for me anymore." The boy's voice trembled extremely, almost begging.

"...Okay, I promise you." Finally Kayaba Akihiko nodded, his eyes helpless and doting, if this is the boy's last wish, then he will agree no matter what, "I won't wait for you to wake up again .”

"That's great, you won't wait for me anymore..." The young man seemed to be relieved, and said softly, as if he was muttering to himself, and then he got closer like that, like an unconscious act of coquettishness , Just like that unreservedly wanting to shrink myself into that man's arms, never to be separated again.

The young man held Kayaba Akihiko's hand tightly, and finally looked up at Kayaba Akihiko's face without saying a word, but looked so deeply that it seemed to be a lifetime memory, and all the words that had never been spoken seemed to be hidden in those purple eyes. In his eyes, the boy finally opened his mouth, as if he wanted to say something, but in the end he still didn't say anything.

The boy just slowly opened a stiff smile, and finally closed his eyes.

Kayaba Akihiko held the boy's hand tightly, and hugged the boy completely in his arms.

That boy really worked hard, he promised Akihiko Kayaba that he would say goodbye with a smile when he said goodbye, so he didn't cry until the end.

In the end, he didn't let go, and he didn't let go.

It's just that the boy disappeared, and the fragments of life were scattered in this fairy tale world, and everything finally came to an end.

That boy's life was truly over.

Kayaba Akihiko woke up on the hospital bed, took off the instrument and looked at the young man on the big bed beside him, his face was pale and skinny, there was no trace of heart fluctuation on the electrocardiogram instrument next to him, and the piercing sound made the heart tremble to the extreme.The man's breathing was a little short, his eyes were red looking at the boy who was not breathing on the bed, and the gentle smile on his mouth disappeared.

With trembling hands, Akihiko Kayaba took off the instrument on the boy's head, and then he saw...

Seeing the tears that finally slipped from the corners of the boy's eyes.

The man's breathing was stagnant, and tears finally fell, and then he reached out tremblingly and gently wiped away the tears from the corners of the boy's eyes.

"Didn't you say you won't cry anymore?"

Really, it hasn't changed.

From childhood to adulthood, he was just a crybaby who didn't grow up.