[Comprehensive] Light and Shadow

【Everyone will become another person's memory place】

The first time I saw Kise Ryota, my impression was bright and dazzling.

It is not like the performance of every patient I have seen before, so when I first saw Kise Ryota, I felt very strange.

Why did this person come to consult a psychiatrist? I think it might be some kind of prank by a high school student. The curiosity of youth rebellion may also drive this kind of teenager to explore the profession of a psychiatrist.

I still remember that the boy threw his schoolbag away and threw it on the ground, then sat on the seat unceremoniously, with a bright smile on the corner of his mouth, and said something briskly——

"Doctor, I'm broken in love."

Sure enough, he's here to make trouble, isn't he the happy expression he said even if he was broken in love?

"I am in love with a child."

When I heard Kise Ryota say this, I thought, if this kid didn't come here to play a prank on purpose, he must be crazy.However, when I looked at Huang Seliang's serious gaze, I paused again and didn't interrupt his words, or rather, I vaguely felt that this child seemed to want to continue talking.

"He is really cute."

"I always like to hang around me, hold my hand and refuse to let go. When I'm free, I like to jump in the pond and go out to bask in the sun; when I'm drunk, I shake my head, clap my hands and sing; when watching TV dramas, I hold tissues Passed them to me one by one seriously; another time, she was wearing a little cow's pajamas and stripping in front of me..."

"However, that's also extremely cute."

I would definitely say that for a teenager in love.Looking at Kise Ryota's sweet expression, it was obvious that too many hormones were released.But, didn't you say you were broken in love?Is such a rippling satisfied expression really okay?

"However, since it's a small flower, it has to leave after the blooming period. That's why I'm broken in love now."

There was still a bright smile on Huang Lai's face, and he casually grabbed a pen in the pen holder with his right hand and began to spin it. This kind of atmosphere was a bit casual and light, not at all like the atmosphere that a psychiatrist should have when consulting.

"I, now, I think about him every day. No matter what I'm doing, I'm thinking about him."

"Well, how should I put it? In short, in the morning, I lost a little guy in my arms; when I was eating, I bought delicious food and didn't know who to give it to; I can't see the shining purple eyes of adoration; when I go home, I'm the only one in the house, without that child's voice..."

I picked up the freshly brewed coffee from the table and blew lightly. The hot and humid mist filled the air with the aroma of the coffee. I aimed at Ryota Kise who was smiling and talking about the sweet past with her little lover. But it can't arouse too much interest.In fact, most patients come here hoping that a stranger can listen to their stories from the perspective of a bystander, and then give a path that they all know but hope others can point out.

"I, I'm really not used to it now, I can't hear his voice every day, it's like - I'm dreaming. But, I don't know if everything with him before was a dream, or, I'm dreaming now But, it’s best that I’m dreaming right now.” The boy sighed, and lazily rested his chin.

When everyone wants to escape, they hope that they are dreaming, but they subconsciously know that this is not a dream.I suddenly felt that this young man might really have come to see a doctor.

"Even if you pretend to be fine, even if it's like what he said, he was reincarnated into his womb, and I live my own life. Now I can't handle it at all."

I froze for a moment, listening to Kise Ryota's gradually low and hoarse voice, I put the coffee cup in my hand on the table a little stiffly.Then his heart trembled, and he looked at the blond boy sitting opposite, with a bright smile still on his face, but tears poured out of his eyes, dripping down his cheeks, with sadness and helplessness in his light golden pupils.

Kise Ryota reached out and touched his cheek, looking at the crystal tears on his fingers, the arc of the corner of his mouth slowly disappeared.

"And, no one will cry for me anymore."

【The right to deposit my heart and wait for the humble happiness】

When he came today, he carried a big bag in his hand and said it was for me.

After I took it and looked at it, I found that there were all kinds of snacks inside. I couldn't figure out whether these snacks eaten by children were really given away?Even if it's a gift, it doesn't need such a huge amount.

"These are all his favorite food."

What Kise Ryota said about him, without thinking, knew that he was talking about that illusory plant flower.Let's not mention whether the existence of this little flower is true or not, but Kise Ryota clearly knows that the person, the person he likes is no longer there, so why buy these things.

"I, originally wanted to buy some daily necessities to go back. However, when I went to the cash register to check out, I suddenly found that I only bought a little food in the shopping cart, but...these things are full of shopping carts."

Some people, even if you don't think about him, he still exists in your subconscious and cannot be forgotten.

At that moment, I don't know what to say, I think I should sigh.

"Actually, things like this happen too often."

Kise Ryota said with a smile, and then slumped down on the seat lazily, feeling frivolous and reckless. The warm and splendid atmosphere emanating from the young man always makes people's eyes unconsciously attracted to him .

"A lot, a lot, I always thought he was still with me. Every day I searched the house, thinking maybe he was just hiding in a corner and watching me secretly?"

I just listened quietly to his words, and when he finished speaking, his life was infiltrated by the existence of that child a little bit, so after the sudden withdrawal, those infiltrating habits still existed, and even made him more dependent.

I asked him, do you really want to get rid of these?

Huang Lailiang was too stunned, then slightly lowered his head and looked at the lines on his palm, as if he didn't know how to answer.

In fact, the answer is already obvious.

He didn't want to change it, forget it, and didn't want that child to leave his world completely.

"I think everyone should have the right to a little happiness."

Kise Ryota slowly raised his head, then tilted his head slightly, stretched out his right index finger and gently placed it on his lips.

"Let me, secretly, think he's still there."

[Elaborately crafted dreams, and humans who fall into dreams]

"I dreamed about him."

Kise Ryota, who was sitting in front of him, still had a warm smile on his mouth, and casually rubbed his dazzling soft blond hair with his right hand. Whether it was the easygoing and warm feeling emanating from the young man, or the casual and natural behavior of the young man, it made people feel Not comfortable.

"I dreamed that I was sitting on the couch watching a basketball game and he fell asleep on my lap."

Kise Ryota narrowed his eyes slightly, like a cat that has only been stroked by its owner, with a look of enjoyment.

"I just grabbed his hand like that, interlocking my fingers, hoping that we can be together forever."

Kise Ryota stretched out his right hand, and his eyes fell on his broad palm.

"do you know?"

Kise Ryota looked at his hand softly, then raised his head sadly and looked at me, and I clearly saw the trembling in the boy's eyes.

"I, at that moment, how much I want time to freeze like that."

At that moment, the boy withdrew his hand and put both hands on the table.

Kise Ryota lowered his head slightly, his golden pupils silently stared at his hands, against the backdrop of the sunlight, those radiant eyes seemed to emit some kind of soft brilliance, it seemed that from those eyes one could see To the dazzling memories in their world.

"Let him fall asleep in my arms, and then I wake up, that's fine."

The corner of the boy's mouth was slightly curved, and that kind of curvature seemed to raise his heart, which was unbelievably warm.

I looked at Kise Ryota quietly, maybe such a wish is a trivial matter for all ordinary couples, or even something that they don’t care much about, but in the eyes of young people, it has reached the most irreplaceable luxury wishes.

However, this is just a dream, just a simple dream.

It is like a dream that cannot be woken up, a dream that does not want to wake up, but a dream that must be woken up.

After waking up from the dream - everything will continue.

This is what everyone must understand, and it is what everyone already knows, including Kise Ryota.

The stronger the sense of happiness in the dream, the greater the gap in waking up. If it is such a dream that is shattered as soon as you reach out, it is better to have a quiet night without dreams.In this way, at least it will not be so sad anymore.

However, the boy sitting in front of him said with a smile on his face:

"That's great. I dreamed about him last night. I'm afraid I won't even have the chance to disturb him."

【The shining person, and the wish that is doomed not to shine】

"don't want……"

When I made a suggestion that Kise Ryota could invest in a new relationship, Kise Ryota squinted his eyes, and rejected my suggestion with a drawn-out voice, and shook his head vigorously.

"I like children. Now you make me uncomfortable looking for a girlfriend! And in that book, the method of pedophilia treatment is too strange, I will never try it!"

Suddenly I felt a little ridiculous. Is Ryota Kise still planning to wait for that child for the rest of his life?

Indeed, I asked the same question, and the answer could not be two.

If he said wait, I think I would laugh at him for being young and frivolous. There is no emotion that time can't take away, and no memory that time can't erase.

Some people say that falling out of love is like a wound.

When the wound was first scratched, it was very painful and frightening, and I didn't dare to stay on the blood-stained wound;

A day later, the pain became even worse, and I dared not soak the wound in water, even fearing that the pain would last forever;

A week later, the wound began to scar, and I couldn't stop caring, couldn't help scratching it, but didn't dare to bear the pain anymore;

Half a month later, the scabs began to fall off, and it was only after looking at the light red marks on the skin that the pain was no longer there;

One month later, the wound has healed, and I occasionally glance at the light scars on the skin;

A year later, I have long forgotten that there was such a hideous wound, it turned out to be so painful...

Even if Kise Ryota says to wait now, he will forget that feeling of liking in the future.Just remembering, just remembering, my mood will not fluctuate with his name, maybe I can't even imagine the unforgettable emotions in the memory.

If Ryota Kise said not to wait, then maybe he didn't need to come to me, a psychiatrist, in the first place.

"Before he left, he was singing."

I froze for a moment, and didn't understand the connection between my question and his sudden words, but seeing Kise Ryota's lonely expression in the memory at this time, I also felt a little empathetic and uncomfortable.

"We didn't say goodbye. I'm afraid that after we say goodbye, we really won't see each other again. But if he didn't say anything, at least he will try his best to come back."

"Because you still owe me a farewell, don't you?"

"Maybe, as he said, we may never meet again in this life."

"Maybe I won't wait for him any longer."

At that moment, I seemed to feel that the air was condensed, and the repressed male voice contained helplessness and sadness that penetrated into the soul.

"But, don't look at me like this, but I'm really a very stubborn person. So—" Ryota Kise said, his eyes trembling, the corners of his mouth still had a slight curvature, and there was a slight moisture However, his pupils were gradually covered, and his hands slowly grabbed the clothes on his chest, as if they were pulling his heart.

"I think, no matter how long it takes, no matter who I am, I will still like Xiao An."

[Compatible hearts, but two worlds that cannot be compatible]

After meeting Kise Ryota five times, he didn't come to me for a while, maybe he had already told the story about him and the child named Xiao An.

Whether the story is true or not doesn't really matter.If it is true, it is true; if it is false, Kise Ryota will also think it is true.

I was wondering why he had to see a psychiatrist since he believed that the person was real.Thinking of his bright smile, I think maybe he just wants someone to talk to.

It's not to prove to me whether he is sick or not, but to prove to me the existence of that child.

It was raining, and I stretched out my hand. It felt strange that such damp and cool raindrops fell on the palm of my hand, and I couldn't help but think of that boy.Obviously it would be perfect to compare Kise Ryota to the warm sun, but at this moment, he could vaguely see the boy's figure in the raindrops on the palm of his hand.

— soft, transparent, and fragile.

Then, I saw Kise Ryota.

Too coincidental, I saw that boy standing on the street opposite me.That boy, even if he didn't speak or move, people's eyes seemed to be involuntarily focused on him.

At this time, he just stood still, looking up at the rain in the sky, and then stretched out his hand, letting the crystal rainwater scatter on the palm of his hand and then flow quietly through his fingertips, while the water ripples on the umbrella , seems to have annihilated the entire world.

It was a strange feeling that even though the teenager had shut himself off from the world, the world couldn't help but pay attention to him.

I saw him standing opposite, and then he turned his head suddenly.I knew he wasn't looking at me, because following his gaze, I just saw a toy store next door.

I was thinking, what the hell is he looking at?

Is it the store, is it the glass, is it him reflected in the glass, or is it another person seen through the glass.

I suddenly believed that the person he said should exist.

Maybe, one day they will really run into each other on the street suddenly.

From afar, he was looking at him, and he knew he was looking at him.

It just so happens that they are not in the same world.

【That flower is about to bloom】

In winter, Kise Ryota, who was preparing for the winter competition, came to me for some reason, holding a flower pot in his hand.

The green leaves are flat and slender, and there is a small flower bud shyly hidden in the tender green. It seems that it will bloom soon. Will it really bloom in winter?

Huang Lai's cell phone rang suddenly, it was a strange song, the child's cute and immature voice had no melody.

"La la la~ I am a little flower~Little Anhua, thrive~"

"Little flowers are blooming ~ la la la ~ cute little purple flowers ~ I want to grow big little flowers ~"

"La~ I'm a cute little Hana~ just Ryota's little Hana~"

Kise Ryota didn't pick up, just listened quietly, and didn't pick up until the last word of the song began to loop, as if deliberately wanting to finish listening to the ringtone.The boy left after answering the phone, cheerfully just inviting me to watch the basketball game without saying anything.

I stood at the window and watched the scene of the young man leaving with the flowerpot carefully in his arms. In a daze, I saw a purple-haired child in a delicate kimono following the young man. Lightly diverging, the child quietly followed Huang Sete with a bright smile on his lips.

I laughed slowly, presumably it will be a quiet and strong little flower, the bud in the winter snow, even when it blooms in the face of the distinct cold, it will not flinch to cover it up.

It was a little purple flower that only belonged to Ryota and wanted to grow up.