beautiful him

Hirao was putting on his shoes at the entrance when he heard his mother's voice from the kitchen.

"Xiaocheng, what do you want to have for dinner tonight?"

"I don't know what I want to eat in the morning. I'll call you later"

"I say that every time, but I don't fight every time"

Mother poked her head out of the kitchen.Looked angry.Twice in the last week she made dinner for nothing.

"It's okay to hang out with friends, but let me know."

Hirao hurriedly said "Understood, I'm sorry" and left the house as if fleeing.

As he walked towards the station, Hirara thought that his mother had really changed.

In high school, whether it was going home late or not having dinner at home, my mother would forgive me as long as I said I was going to play with friends.However, it has been two months since he went to university, and as Hirashi returned home late more and more days, his mother began to complain like an ordinary parent.

This is also evidence that Hirao has started a good university life.Compared with the high school days when I was forced to be stuffed into small boxes called classes, I basically only need to get along with people I like in college.As long as you feel that you can't get along with someone, or don't like a place, there are ways to keep a distance from it.Therefore, there is no more ridicule and contempt around Pingliang.

He was also very lucky to find a club that suited him.Ping Liang, who has been alone for many years, never thought of joining any clubs, but because he brought a camera on the first day of school and wanted to take pictures of the opening ceremony, he received a lot of invitations from photography clubs.

Some clubs are too friendly and make Hirashi flinch a little. At this time, a simple man wearing glasses handed over a leaflet and said, "Please take a look." Hirara simply joined the club.

At the beginning of the self-introduction, Hirao stuttered slightly because of nervousness.Everyone was taken aback.Just when Pingliang felt desperate.

"Do you have a stutter?"

When the first-year boy sitting diagonally opposite asked, Hirao nodded in affirmation in shock.

"This is not easy. My brother also stuttered when he was young."

As the boy spoke, he began to explain what stuttering was to other people who didn't understand.

"...I see. I didn't even know there was such a disease."

"We will try our best to understand. If there is anything we need to do, just talk about it."

Letting other people bother makes Hirao a little embarrassed and uncomfortable, but the sense of reassurance of being accepted by everyone is even stronger.Being able to think this way, I have indeed undergone a subtle change from when I was in high school.

Who are these changes?Just thinking about it makes Hirao feel heartache——.

In the small club of about fifteen people, there were five freshmen including Hirara, and all of them were boys.One day Pingliang went to the club activity room and found that everyone was wearing plaid shirts and slacks. The dress of "If you don't know how to dress up, let's wear it like this first" caused everyone to laugh in unison. Taking this as an opportunity, Pingliang gradually opened up to everyone. open heart.This is the first time Hirao can feel so comfortable in a place other than home.

Whenever you go to the club room, there is always someone there, and everyone will chat about the camera and chat about games and comics.A theme photography conference will be held once a month, and the rest of the time is casual, you can play poker or shogi to pass the time, and it suits Hirao's personality.

Hirashi and Koyama, who had helped him on the first day, became familiar with each other.Xiaoshan has an elder brother who is three years older than him, and once also suffered from stuttering.Fortunately, I have hardly committed any crimes since I became an adult, and now I am working in the company while helping out in a small theater troupe of my acquaintances.

"Stuttering is really hard. Because many people don't know it is a disease"

"Well, and I always find it difficult to explain to others."

"My brother said the same thing. It feels like trying to gain sympathy, so I don't want to explain it to others"

While eating lunch in the cafeteria, Hirara nodded in agreement.Stuttering is the root of Pingliang's deep-rooted inferiority complex. He never thought that one day he would be able to talk about stuttering with others like this, Pingliang thought it was incredible.

"By the way, Hirara, are you free on the weekend? I want you to go out with me"

"Are you going to shoot something?"

"Well, let's shoot koi"

Woohoo.With an unbelievable expression on Hirara's face, Koyama explained, "My family please ask me."

"The teacher in the English conversation class my mother attended, please. That teacher seems to be obsessed with koi recently. It is said that a certain garden in Setagaya recently received a batch of very rare koi. He wants photos of those koi."

"Ah, so it is"

"It's fine if you're not interested. Hirao doesn't take pictures of living things in the first place."

"No such thing"

"That's the way it is. I will never forget the shock when I saw the photo you took for the first time."

Sometimes in the club, we will come to each other to appreciate the photos of the members.When Hirao took out his urban photos that erased human beings with the awareness that everyone would feel terrible, he was unexpectedly well received.

"I can't help it. I had to take pictures of koi by myself."

"It's okay, I'll go with you."

"Aren't you trying to force yourself?"

"Not forcing"

Pingliang is not interested in koi, but is very happy when he is with Koyama.Of course, Hirara didn't say these words, and the straightforward Koyama said with a smile on his face: "That's great."

"I still can't stand taking pictures of koi by myself. Ah, speaking of which, I haven't dated Heliang alone yet. How about having a drink together at night after taking pictures of koi?"

"Well, okay"

Hirao looked at the menu to hide his embarrassment.Even with friends who can open up their hearts, Taira still gets nervous when faced with other people's kindness.

"Drink at an izakaya? Or come to my house? I'm alone so you can come to my house"

"It's all right"

"Ah, this kind of statement! It's really annoying to make it seem like I'm the only one looking forward to it."

Koyama pouted.

"Yes, I'm sorry. That's not the case. I also had fun playing with Koyama"

Facing the bewildered Pingliang, Xiao Shan smiled and said, "I'm just kidding, you lied to me."

After that, the two used their mobile phones to check how the koi was photographed.Whether it is people or animals or things that move, it is the most difficult.Especially taking pictures of koi in the water requires certain skills.After finalizing how to shoot, Xiao Shan suddenly asked.

"Pirara, haven't you ever photographed people?"

"photographed"

Obviously he asked the question by himself, but Xiao Shan was surprised, "I did!"

"Family doesn't count?"

"photographed"

"Could it be...girlfriend?"

"Hey, why do you ask that?"

Pingliang didn't expect the other party to ask so many questions.

"A person like Hirara, if he wasn't someone with deep feelings, he wouldn't have filmed it."

Faced with Koyama's sharp evaluation, Hirao was taken aback.After a moment of silence, he replied in the affirmative.

"But not my girlfriend"

"Secret love?"

"...I don't know. People who can't classify like this."

Saying so, the figure of that person appeared in Hirao's mind.

Love it to death, pain to death.

His simple sentence made Ping Liang feel so sad and happy that he died.

As long as he thought of Kiyoju, Hirao would easily think of the word death.Very superficial.But I, who is not good at words, can't find other words to describe it.He likes Qingju so much.

"Have you met that person?"

"It's not someone I see often, and I don't know the contact information of the other party."

On the day of the graduation ceremony, the phone fell into a puddle and all the data was lost.When the after-sales staff told him that the data could not be repaired, Pingliang felt a wonderful sense of peace in his heart.Among the missing data is Kiyoi's phone number and email address, ah, this will be the end of it.

Hirao knew Kiyoi's university, and if he asked his high school classmates, he should also be able to know Kiyoi's contact information.Qingju is probably still working as a model, so you can find out about Qingju's current situation just by checking the Internet.But Hirao didn't do that.He can't do that.

——Then, goodbye.

Farewell words that seemed to push her away, kisses that seemed to sympathize with herself.

At that time, Hirao felt that Kiyoi was telling him, "Don't catch up again."

Even though it was enough to get a new mobile phone, Hirao resignedly changed the number as well.Hearing the enthusiastic introduction of the clerk, "This is a good deal", Hirao believed it.It's a good deal, it's a good deal, it doesn't matter what the deal is, Hirao just wants to let the emotions in his heart that have nowhere to be released have an outlet, so he chooses to trust the introduction of the clerk.This is good, this is a good deal.It will definitely not be a disadvantage.

is it really like this.

Two months after the graduation ceremony, he made friends and attended club receptions like ordinary college students, and his mother would complain about him when he came home late.Compared with the lonely high school, life now is so relaxed and bright.

However, the afterimage of Qingju refused to disappear no matter what.When I think of Kiyoi Hirayoshi, I can only think of the expression "death". I like it to death, and it hurts me to death. I can only repeat it like this.

Looking at the silent Hirara, Koyama seemed to want to say something.

“I didn’t expect the koi carp to be really good”

In the crowded izakaya on the weekend, Koyama said while checking the photos in the camera.

"It's a bit of a shame to realize that koi are so good after being praised by foreigners. Ah, it's hard work."

When the Lijiu wine was served, two people picked it up and toasted.In fact, after seeing the koi, I found that it is much more beautiful than imagined.Glittering platinum streamlines, elegant black and vermilion ornamentation.There are also golden koi all over the body.The eye-catching bright colors made Hirao, who was not interested at first, take out his camera and start taking pictures.

"I'll show you this tomorrow"

Xiao Shan said.Is it a work of confidence?Pingliang poked his head to look, but it turned out that he was taking a picture of himself with a koi.

"'Hirara is shooting a koi carp', it's very powerful"

Facing Hirara who didn't know why, Koyama smiled and said, "Didn't you notice?"

"Pirara's photos deliberately took pictures of people, and then erased people. Wouldn't it be better to just take pictures of people in the first place, but that also has a unique effect. Although the empty space is used The scenery is filled in, but it still cannot be perfectly reproduced. There is always a subtle distortion somewhere. How should I put it—it makes people feel uneasy. Although everyone thinks your photos are amazing, they are also very worried about you. So I I want to show everyone this photo, so that everyone can rest assured.”

Feeling like a patient suffering from incurable chuunibyou, Hirao's face flushed red.Pingliang bowed his head and said sorry, Xiaoshan asked back: "Why do you want to apologize?"

"Worry is lying to you, ah, I'm really worried about you. But anyway, everyone thinks that Hirashi's photo is very good. I also think it's very handsome."

"Sorry, really, please forgive me"

Ping Liang's ears were hot.Sensing Koyama's gaze, Hirao was too ashamed to raise his head.

"Hirara, will you participate in the photo conference next month?"

Koyama changed the subject and Hirao raised his head.

"Next month's theme is portrait photography, right?"

"Well, several universities hold it together, and it is said that professional models will be invited to come"

"I'll forget it. I'm not good at taking pictures of people"

"Didn't you already take pictures of koi, you can definitely take good pictures of people"

"If you shoot, you can shoot, but I don't want to shoot"

"But, haven't you taken pictures of people before? That 'people who can't be categorized like this'"

"That was a special case"

"I want to see"

"Eh?"

"Show me that picture."

"Sorry, that wasn't for others to see"

Kiyoi's photo is a treasure of Hirara.It was a miraculous time spent together.Hirao seemed to remember the past for a moment, Koyama snorted softly and stared at Hirao.

"On the contrary, I want to see it even more. What is the only photo of a person that Hirao has taken so far. Or, I am curious about the kind of person who asked Hirara to take a photo?"

“A very nice person”

After saying that, Xiao Shan looked surprised.

"what happened?"

"Ah, it's nothing. I just think it's amazing. I can say it with such certainty."

Ah... After realizing this, Hirara's face became hot for a while.

"That, no, ah, but it's true that she is very beautiful. Well, not only is her face very beautiful, but her head is also very small, her hands and feet are straight and slender, and even wearing the same school uniform is completely different from others. I don't seem to care much about it. , but even girls from other schools will come to see him specially.”

"Eh, boy?"

It was too late when I realized it was over.

"Pira is also that kind of person?"

My mind was in turmoil.If he could find an excuse to fool around at such a time, Junior High School Hirao wouldn't be at the bottom of the class.Hirao kept his mouth shut and bowed his head in silence.

"I'm sorry, I was too stupid to ask the question just now."

Xiao Shan quickly apologized.

"Ah, I just didn't expect Hirato to be gay, so I was taken aback. I don't know what to do anymore. Can I just give up?"

Hirao blinked, not quite understanding Koyama's words.

"Give up? What do you mean?"

This time it was Koyama's turn to blush.

"I...to you..."

"I?"

Koyama's face was flushed like never before, and he was as slow as Hirao, and he finally understood.

"…………what"

Hirara's face became hot.Facing the unexpected development of the situation, Pingliang was at a loss and could only freeze there.Xiao Shan let out a long sigh of relief, then stretched his waist and sat down again.

"When we met for the first time, I was very concerned when I knew that Hirao had a stutter. Because my brother also suffered a lot from stuttering when he was a child... Maybe it's because of this. Later, I saw Hirao's photo for the first time. At that time, I felt really powerful, and after that..."

The corners of Xiao Shan's eyes became more and more red, and he slowly lowered his head.Koyama looks very stable, but he always expresses his opinions very straightforwardly, Hirao has never seen Koyama like this.

To be honest, Hirao felt very troubled.It was the first time that he was liked by someone as a love object, and he had never looked at Xiao Shan with that kind of eyes.Kiyoi was the only one who stole Ping's conscience, and if that impact was used as a benchmark, he probably wouldn't be able to fall in love with anyone in his life.

At the same time, Ping Liang also felt lost.After knowing Xiao Shan's intentions, they can't communicate like before.What about the community?At a time like this, one of them should quit the club.Although Hirara likes the laid-back atmosphere of the club--.

"I'm sorry to scare you by saying this all of a sudden."

After a long silence, Koyama raised his head and said.

"Ah, I didn't notice... I will quit the club"

Eh?Koyama widened his eyes.

"Why? Do you think I'm disgusting? Then I'll quit the club."

"not like this"

This must be made clear.

"I'm very happy with Koyama's kindness. But I..."

For the first time, Pingliang knew that it was so difficult to say the words of refusal.

"You have someone you like, right? The one who took the photo"

Xiaoshan spoke first.

"I know. It's okay. I just like you, and I don't want to have a relationship with you"

Ah, but it would be even happier if we could date, Koyama added as a joke.

"For people like us, even if we have someone we like, the biggest problem is whether we are within the scope of the other person's love object. I used to be broken up before confessing. I know that Hirara and I are the same kind of people. I am very happy”

Xiaoshan deliberately pretended not to care, which made Pingliang feel very uncomfortable.But he couldn't comfort the other party, he didn't know what to do.If he could, he would have apologized and turned away.It would be easier that way.But the other party told himself so frankly, if you don't seriously reply to the other party, it won't work.

"……I"

Hirao summoned up his courage and said.

"I don't know if I and Xiaoshan are the same kind of people. It just so happens that that person is a boy, even if the other person is a girl, I should still like her. Although the other person doesn't take me seriously at all"

"But didn't he let you take a photo, you two are friends, right?"

"It was just a coincidence, I'm not friends with him"

"Is it not a friend to let you take a photo by accident?"

"It's not that we don't know each other at all, it's probably just helping him run errands during lunch break or after school."

"Hey, isn't this too much?"

Koyama frowned, and Hirao became anxious.

"These parts of him are also full of charm. There is no such thing as good or bad, he has his own benchmark, and he only acts according to his own benchmark. Although he is often self-willed, how should I put it—"

Ping Liang hated himself for not being good at expressing himself.He desperately searched for more appropriate words in his mind.

"Do you really like that person?"

Koyama said... well, Hirara nodded.Ah, wait.At this time, even if you are lying, you should say 'it's not the case'.Just when Hirao didn't know what to do, Koyama smiled wryly.

"Sure enough, I still like Hirara."

"What's so good about a person like me..."

Really can't understand.Koyama tilted his head thinking.

"If you say that, I'm actually not very clear. Maybe it's temperament, and clumsiness, very dedicated. Isn't that what liking is like?"

Indeed.There is no reason to like it.So I can't help myself to control it.I can't escape even if I want to escape, like gravity, I am attracted involuntarily.

This is exactly the feeling for Qingju.

While drinking the Rikyu wine that had become room temperature, Koyama picked up the menu and asked: What should I order next?There is also mango-flavored Rikyu wine, and Kishu plum wine seems to be delicious too.In the end, I ordered the grape-flavored riku that is available everywhere.

"Then, let's toast again."

Xiao Shan raised his wine glass.

"Why cheers?"

"Do you want to ask?"

"Ah, sorry"

It's okay, Xiaoshan smiled.

"Then, even if it is, I will take care of you from now on."

Please take care of me, Koyama saluted jokingly.Pingliang also quickly returned the gift, and then toasted.

Words like 'temporary truce' came to Pingliang's mind.Xiao Shan's confession, how to get along with him in the future, these practical issues are put aside first, and the two of them drank a lot that night.