beautiful him

—That guy and me, who do you really like?After asking this question.

--what?

I can't forget Hirashi's expression at that time.

Silly open-mouthed look, translated as "huh?" of "what the hell are you talking about?".A sense of shame and anger welled up in his heart like sparks flying, so he kicked Hirao hard.

Actually waiting for such a man to contact him, Qingju couldn't help getting angry with himself.Whether it was before or now, Qingju couldn't figure out what that man was thinking.

The first time I saw Pingliang was the first day of shifting in the second year of high school.

"Ping, Ping, Ping, Ping, Ping" Seeing Ping Liang blushing and stammering, Kiyoju judged this guy as worthless in a second.

As a slave, it is quite easy to handle.Going to run errands honestly, and even looked happy.But the eyes hidden under the bangs are always staring at him, which is very disgusting.

But also, it feels very good.

From the very beginning, Hirao only looked at himself.

The intensity of the nausea simply makes people feel comfortable.

After the parents divorced, Qingju became a child with a key [referring to a child whose parents are not at home and need to carry keys to and from school].My mother went out to work, and it was very boring when I returned to the home where there was no one. Qingju always played with friends until late.But when it was time for dinner, everyone went back.The happier you are while playing, the more lonely you will be on the way home.He took out the key from the small pocket of his schoolbag, and entered the house without saying hello.

In the apartment of 2DK, there is also a family of three living next door, and the mother's angry voice and the voice of the child can be heard through the wall.

Turn on the TV in order to cover up these Qingju.Once it's on it never turns off.There is a plate wrapped in plastic wrap on the kitchen table. Every night, it is heated in the microwave and eaten while watching TV.Turn up the volume on the TV while showering.Because if it is very quiet when washing hair, he will be afraid.

Kiyoi likes TV.There are many, many people in that little box, and everyone is smiling.It looks so happy, it would be great if I could join in.

Depending on the working time, the mother's off-duty time is also uncertain, but if she is on night shift, the first thing she does when she gets home is to turn off the TV.The sudden silence made Qingju wake up from his dream.While rubbing his sleepy eyes, he said "I'm back" and walked towards the kitchen.The mother will respond in a low voice: "I'm back".

"Mom, do you want to eat?"

"It's okay, mom can do it by herself."

"No, I'll serve you dinner"

Mother only eats dinner in the middle of the night, and it is Qingju's job to serve her mother.Although sleepy, Qingju wanted to spend more time with his mother.

When Qingju was in the third grade of elementary school, his mother remarried.The new dad was very gentle.They also moved out of the apartment into a large detached house where mother was there every day.As long as I say I'm back, my mother will say I'm back to greet me.Qingju no longer plays late with friends and spends less time watching TV.Compared with these, it is much more fun to chat with mom and dad about what happened that day while having dinner.

But it didn't take long for the mother and the new father to have a younger brother, and the mother always took care of the younger brother.Although the father is very gentle, there are still subtle differences in his attitude towards Qingju and his own child.The younger sister was born in the second year, and although the family has increased, Qingju has become even more lonely.

——Take care of me too.

Want to say but can't say it.In the spacious living room, parents sat on the sofa and teased their younger siblings, while Qingju watched TV again.Little babies are not cute at all.Noisy again.And dirty.And monopolize the mother.If only they disappeared.

It was at that time that Qingju saw the broadcast of the idol's concert.The idol who sang and danced on TV and stretched out his arms in ecstasy as if to dedicate all the fans.His face was flushed, and he stretched out his hand desperately knowing that he couldn't reach it. Some of the female fans were even crying.

It turns out that grown-ups can cry too..., that fanaticism even makes people shrink back.

Qingju felt a little scared and at the same time felt how happy it would be to be pursued by someone like this.

A certain person is happy and sad because of a look or a movement of his own.No matter what, it will make people feel [in a good mood].Qingju thought while his parents were taking care of the bug-like baby. In the class anthology of that year, he wrote [I want to be an idol when I grow up].

Pingliang is a typical man with a fan physique, and he is also of the severe type.

Whether it was when Kiyomi ruled the class casually or when he was picked on because of boring jealousy, only Hirao remained the same.When that honest man beat Chen Tian, ​​Qingju felt that he was as scary as a guy who was obsessed with religion. The expression of the fan holding out the hand of the idol.

What he had been pursuing since he was a child was presented to him in a perfect form by Hirao.

Because of that incident, Hirao's impression in Kiyoi's mind changed.

In the music classroom and after-school classroom where there were only two people, Hirashi took pictures of himself with a DSLR.Saying that Qingju is the king and he is the last soldier protecting the king.Kiyoju couldn't help thinking that this guy had no problem with his brain. While feeling scared, he also felt a kind of pleasure when he was looked at with god-worshiping eyes.

After being promoted to the third grade class, Kiyoi felt good every time he passed by in the corridor and felt Hirara's gaze.The guy wants only himself.Watch more.look at me.Hirara's direct and intense gaze unknowingly penetrated into the depths of Kiyoju's heart.

——After graduating from high school, I can also meet you.

On the day of the graduation ceremony, I wanted to tell Pingliang so, but when Pingliang stood in front of me, he couldn't say it.Originally, Qingju's character was not good at saying such things, and he still spoke to Hirao.Why do you have to say something like this?Obviously, Hirara should come to ask for himself.

—Is there nothing you want to tell me?

I have already set up a step for him, but the other party still doesn't say anything.

Annoyed by this hesitant man, Kiyoju even kissed him with arrogance.

At that time, Qingju was startled.The fact that he kissed Hirara was enough to throw Kiyoi into a state of confusion, and it was his first kiss.Although he is not a woman and has no similar dreams, but if he recalls that his first kiss was actually given to Hirara, this fact makes Kiyoi feel desperate.That's my own... Even if I regret it, I can't take it back.

But it's time to understand if you have done this.Even if he didn't understand, Qingju would never have thought that Hirashi would stop chasing him after graduation.He firmly believed that Pingliang would stalk him like a stalker.

That's why he waited for Pingliang to contact him as a matter of course.

But there is no audio.Even though they were all in Tokyo, after a month like this, Kiyoi, who couldn't wait any longer, took the initiative to send an email to Hirara, but the email was rejected because the address was unknown.Could it be that he changed his email address?The angry Qingju took advantage of the situation to make a call, but there was a broadcast on the other end of the phone: The number you dialed is currently unused....

Qingju was overly shocked and couldn't help feeling a bit dazed.He always felt at ease that even if the other party didn't contact him, he could still get in touch as long as he called.Once he found out that all the contact methods had been cut off, Qingju couldn't help but feel anxious.The anxiety gradually turned into anger.

Obviously looking at me with that kind of eyes that I am unique.

That's why I met this kind of ignorant man.

If you ask your classmates, you may know the contact information of Hirara.But Qingju's self-esteem did not allow him to do so.It is Pingliang's responsibility to pursue himself, and he is only responsible for accepting his pursuit.So it's just a little shock, and it's not necessary to see him.

Even though he thought so, Qingju couldn't appease his anger towards Hirara.He wanted to forget Pingliang, but deep in his heart he thought that if he happened to meet him somewhere, he would definitely ignore him, no, he would definitely scold him severely.Every time Qingju walks down the street, he looks for a man like Pingliang.

Except for the Pingliang matter, Qingju's life can be said to be smooth sailing.Entering an entertainment agency while going to university, 80% of the work is modeling and 20% is TV-related.Although I no longer want to be an idol, the desire to be watched and pursued has always been entrenched in my heart.In a sense, this job is just right for me.Walking on the street can also feel the sight of others, and the most direct form is stage play.Hundreds of pairs of eyes looked at him together.That feeling obsessed him.

However, somewhere in my heart I still feel dissatisfied.Because I have long known that eager, whole-hearted, full of sacrifice-like eyes.

I feel restless about myself like this.It was Ping Liang who gave up on himself.I want to see that man again.I still don't want to see him again, and I don't understand how I want to live alone.

At this time, through an unexpected way, I learned about Hirara's recent situation.Kiyoi overheard a conversation between Sato, who wrote the script, and Koyama, the person in charge, while attending a dinner with an acquaintance's troupe.

"Hey, your brother finally got a boyfriend. Isn't it great?"

"Don't talk about boyfriends so casually. Men. Men. They're all men."

"It's not uncommon in this circle."

"That's what I said...but I still feel a little complicated when I think that it's my younger brother."