The white moonlight is my vest

Time seemed to have passed for a long time, but because of the silence in the room and complicated moods, Osamu Dazai did not notice the passage of time at all.He just heard a slight noise coming from around him—it was probably the sound of a wooden door being pushed open.

Analysis has become a habit for Osamu Dazai, even more so than his independent thinking.After a while, Osamu Dazai saw a pair of shoes on the ground in front of him, but he still didn't realize what happened—until there was a voice next to his ear.

"Excuse me, are you Osamu Dazai?"

Osamu Dazai suddenly raised his head, and what caught his eyes was Tsushima Fuki's face.Osamu Dazai remembered that voice, and wondered how long Tsushima Fuki had been waiting here, with Florian and his party behind him.

Seeing Osamu Dazai finally came to his senses, Tsushima Fuki smiled reassuringly.If you didn't look closely, you might not be able to catch the panic in his eyes at all.With a gentle smile on his face, he nodded: "It seems that I did not admit the wrong person."

This is quite different from the scene that Osamu Dazai imagined.

Before entering each copy, Osamu Dazai had imagined what he would do if he saw the young Tsushima Fuki.But no matter how many careful plans he had made in his mind, or how clear goals he had set up, everything was shattered the moment he saw the real person.He stood where he was, opened his mouth, and didn't even know how to answer Tsushima Fuki's question.

... He was actually not surprised that Wenshu Tsushima knew who he belonged to.

"Yes," Osamu Dazai heard himself say.Two pairs of similar kite-colored eyes spanned time, space, mountains and seas, and when they met at this moment, he could clearly see himself in Tsushima Fuki's eyes, pretending to hold up a barely passable smile, "I am Osamu Dazai. "

They all know each other's identities, and they all know that "Dazai Osamu" and Tsushima Shuji are basically the same person.

But the strange thing is that Tsushima Fuki didn't point out the relationship between them, as if Osamu Dazai was just a passer-by in his life, and he saw Osamu Dazai for the first time today.

"Nice to meet you, Dazai-kun."

Fusuki Tsushima frowned, and stretched out his hand to Osamu Dazai who stood up slowly.His fingers were long and slender, and under the pale skin, blue blood vessels were clearly visible.

"I'm Tsushima Fuki." He said, "Maybe you have something to tell me?"

Dazai was startled.

After a long time, he said slowly, "Yes."

Osamu Dazai is familiar with every corner of Tsushima's house.There was no other reason than that as a child he liked to play hide-and-seek, enjoying the feeling that no one in the family could catch him - but at the same time feeling inexplicably lonely.Tsushima Wenshu is very busy and has to deal with a lot of affairs every day. After all, their father is just a decoration.Only after he finished his work would he be free to look for his brother.

Shuji Tsushima was a child after all, hiding in a corner with nothing to eat, drink or do, all he could do was wait, and often fell asleep leaning against a wall.He often wakes up in the arms of his elder brother, those thin and weak arms supporting his weight.Tsushima Fusuki is a very stubborn person, even if he has no strength, he will not give Tsushima Shuji to others to hug.

"Shuji used to like to hide here, he always liked these dark and humid places," Tsushima Onuki bent down, and tapped a stone lightly with his fingers, "Probably he didn't even know it himself, there is still a rule for catching him." Follow it?"

Osamu Dazai said softly: "...It seems that he can't make you worry much."

"Worry?" Tsushima Fuki smiled and shook his head, as if Osamu Dazai said something that made people laugh, "You can't ask a child to make you worry, it's too much. He He is still young, so he should not be urged to grow up by anyone, nor should he be forced to move forward, let alone be forced to become a "good boy" in the eyes of adults. I will patiently wait for him to grow up, until he can be a People move forward."

Osamu Dazai closed his eyes: "But he is not an ordinary child at all."

"So what if he is smart?" Tsushima Fuki said gently, "His identity and age should not be denied because of his aptitude. Being born in this family is something he cannot choose, but I want to give He created an opportunity to choose. After all, there are always too many last resorts, and too many choices that cannot be made." Tsushima Onuki raised his head and looked at the cherry blossom tree by the lake. "It is a happy thing to be able to choose. "

The Tsushima family has an artificial lake, and a cherry blossom forest is planted beside the lake.The breeze blew past, scattered the petals, and messed up Osamu Dazai's curly hair.He realized something and opened his eyes wide: "Wait a minute, is this—"

He didn't finish his sentence, because Tsushima Fuki nodded calmly.

… No wonder Tsushima Onuki’s room contained no remains of his body, not even a single bone.

Because that room was not at all the place Tsushima Wenshu prepared for himself.

Only then did Osamu Dazai realize that at some point, Tsushima Fuki had arrived at the lakeside.With his back facing the sky-blue lake, he looked at the cherry blossom trees not far away. Now as long as someone pushes him lightly, or he takes a step back, he will fall into the water.

"I liked cherry blossoms very much when I was a child, and I wanted to stay in a place with cherry blossom trees all the time. It took a lot of effort to plant these cherry blossom trees. After all, this land was originally a place where my father used to enjoy himself," Tsushima Onuki said. It's already been decided."

"...Why is that?"

Osamu Dazai raised his eyes with difficulty, and subconsciously stretched out his hand to grab Tsushima Fusuki, as if if he didn't reach out, Tsushima Fusuki would really fall like this——

"You are willing to do so much for him, and you have already done so much for him," Osamu Dazai found it difficult to speak, "Then you can do a little more, it doesn't matter, you clearly know that without you, he meeting--"

Dazai paused.

"Isn't it good to bury the past?"

Tsushima Fuki avoided the hand extended by Osamu Dazai: "Yes, it sounds like this is a very good start. But unfortunately, my ability is limited, and I can't do everything well. At this point No. I would often have a nightmare where I would see my mother crying and I would ask her why she was crying, I have set you free and she would say, "

"'My son, your existence means that I am not free'." Tsushima Onuki looked down at his hands, "So I often wonder if it would be better if I didn't come to this world. The person 'Tsushima Onuki' is made up of these pasts to stand in front of you, and he has long been unable to get rid of it."

"But you met someone you care about, someone worthy of your care." Osamu Dazai hesitated, but the courage he didn't know came from prompted him to ask the next words, "...then do you regret meeting him?" Is it? Maybe without him, you can usher in liberation earlier."

Tsushima Fuki could have ended all of this long ago.

...Maybe Tsushima Onuki would be better off without Shuji Tsushima.

"I don't think I need to say the answer to this question," Fusuki Tsushima sighed, "What do you want me to say? The answer is in your heart, you already know it, you just don't want to admit it to yourself—you don't want to be The source of my pain."

"But you never were."

Tsushima Fuki told him firmly.

"I have never regretted meeting Shuji Tsushima." Up to now, Fuzuki Tsushima has uncovered Osamu Dazai's turtle shell for the first time, not giving him another chance to escape. "Maybe he is not a very good person for others." Maybe he's caused a lot of trouble for others, maybe he's done something wrong himself...but it doesn't matter."

"I should thank him, he let me see maybe I have another possibility, thank him for allowing me to entrust my dreams, otherwise my life will only be dark. To tell you the truth, without him, It is difficult for me to go through so many days alone, after all, I am not a very strong person. I should be satisfied with this, not resentful, the world has been very good to me."

The wind blew up the hem of the young white kimono, Tsushima Onuki's eyebrows fell in the sunlight.

"However," he changed the topic, "I should also say sorry to him."

"When I was a child, I saw my mother...Ms. Fujiwara died in front of me. Even though she was unwilling to admit my identity and hated me deeply before that, she was the only relative I recognized. Even if she wanted to kill me with her own hands at that time, she thought of many ways and did it, but she didn't continue in the end... I think that's enough."

"It's just that when she died, I realized what it was like when the whole world suddenly went dark... I knew exactly what it would be like, and I knew how painful it would be to lose someone important to me, but I still did it for myself. , let him bear it."

He said softly, "I'm really sorry...I just can't take it anymore, I'm so useless."

Osamu Dazai sat on the grass.

"You know he can't accept your death."

Tsushima Fuki: "He will always think of a way, he is a very powerful person."

"What about you now?" Dazai Osamu's voice suddenly became sharper, "Even if you see that your suicide plan will fail in the end, you will still return to the human world and cannot die. Do you still choose to die?"

The strange thing is that with Osamu Dazai's attitude, Fusuki Tsushima's eyebrows and eyes became gentler - it can't be said to be gentle.Before, he looked at Osamu Dazai with the eyes of a stranger, but now, he is looking at Shuji Tsushima.

"I watched him grow up, and I know him very well." Tsushima Fuki said, "In fact, he is a super selfish little bastard. The Tsushima Fuki of his world has chosen to die, chose to leave him— —If Tsushima Fusuki of this world stays, it would be too unfair to him.”

Osamu Dazai's pupils narrowed sharply.

"So this time, I still have to leave." Tsushima Fuki sighed, "Otherwise, if there is such a world, even if it is just a hypothesis, it is also a possibility—after returning to his own world, he will feel very Painful? Because he has the possibility to rescue Tsushima Fusuki, there is a dream that Tsushima Fusuki will not leave Tsushima Shuji."

"But that was just a dream after all."

"Dreams are for waking up, Xiuzhi."

He told Dazai so.

Tsushima Fuki took a step back slowly, with a smile on the corner of his mouth.When Osamu Dazai was around, he always had a warm smile on his face.He blinked slyly, as if he was just playing a prank.

Tsushima Fuki relaxed his body and fell back calmly.

He fell into the lake.

The author has something to say:

I have been really diligent these two days x

I said a long time ago that Wen Shu is actually a little bit like a monk... I probably said (?) I should be talking?

They are very stubborn x

Here's a follow-up to yesterday's lyrics:

雪(ゆき)が夜(よる)に麻(と)けて那(かがや)く

Silvery snowflakes blend quietly into the night

Wind(かぜ)がいま旅立(たびだ)ちを引(いざな)いゆく

The gentle wind is urging me to set off

blessing

The wind of blessing resounds on the land of the journey

smile (ほほえ) みゆけるよう

This smile will be my eternal treasure