fall in love with ex-husband

Seeing that my hair fell out more and more, and my face turned sallow, I could only force a smile in the mirror, which turned out to be uglier than crying.How does this not upset me?

The price of losing my temper is that when I am sane, I have to face the mess on the floor and the distressed mother at the door.

Less than two days after my last seizure, I had another seizure.Even the doctor said that it can't be delayed any longer, and if I don't rush to operate, my complications will only get worse.But I still can't make up my mind.It just caused my parents to ask for leave and stay at home just to watch over me, fearing that I would have a seizure and no one would take care of me.

Their inseparable care made me almost breathless, but now seeing my mother, who was so emaciated by my torture, I was so guilty that I couldn't lift my head, so I could only kneel on the ground. Stop kowtowing and repeat the apology over and over again.

"Mom, I'm sorry...I don't know...I don't know what's wrong with me..." I held my mother's hand firmly with my blood-stained hand, and lowered my head like a criminal A child who made a mistake and begged for forgiveness, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you hit me, scold me, I'm sorry, I got into trouble again..."

My wrong deeds will not lead to beatings and scolding from my parents, but they will only make them blame themselves, thinking that it is their negligence that caused me to get hurt again.While holding me, my mother instructed my dad to clean up the excess glass shards.

"It's okay, it's okay..."

It’s not a day or two for me to suddenly lose my temper and smash things like this, or even self-mutilate. Every time I wake up and see the back of my parents taking care of me, I wish I could die immediately.What kind of crime did they commit in their previous life that they will have such an unlucky son like me in this life.

But no matter how disgusted I am with myself, they are still unwilling to give up on me.

Seeing that I was anxious because of looking in the mirror, my mother immediately asked my father to put away all the reflective things in the house, and continued to appease my restless emotions.

"Mom, I'm sorry, I got glass all over the place."

My mother patted the back of my hand, motioned for me to let go of the glass shards I was holding, and said, holding back tears, "Let my mother see where I got scratched, and I will deal with it for you."

In order to take into account my pathetic self-esteem, my parents fired the family nanny, and now they have to clean up and down the house themselves.Thinking of this, I felt that I was a burden even more, "I'm sorry, I also spilled blood on the ground, which made the ground dirty."

When I was trapped in negative emotions and couldn't get out, I couldn't hear any good words at all, and I couldn't feel the pain. I just wanted to prove that I was still alive by hurting myself.

My mother couldn't take it off, and I held on tightly, using the self-harming glass. Tears were almost overflowing, but she still pretended to be strong, not wanting to give her poor son any psychological burden, and coaxed: "Your mother still You are young, and cleaning is not troublesome, just drag it twice. You didn't mean it. The mirror should have been replaced, but who knew it would be broken suddenly. Be good, don't think about it, give the trash to mom first .Let your dad buy a stronger mirror back."

I stared numbly at the familiar yet unfamiliar woman in front of me, tears pouring out uncontrollably.Married far away from home, she was originally a woman with such a fiery personality, she had the absolute right to speak at home, and said what she said. When I was a child, it was difficult for me to hear half a word of soft words from her mouth. My dad often chased me with a feather duster When I was beating, I thought it wasn’t hard enough, so I needed more firewood to heal my thick skin, but now I have lost my temper because of my illness, and I am worried all day long, afraid that I will leave her eyes for half a second.

These days I feel unwell, and I can’t sleep well. Every time I wake up in the middle of the night, I can always hear my mother downstairs complaining to my father, scolding God for being unfair, saying that she is only a son like me, and she wants to take it away from her. Let's go, and let my dad reflect with him, whether he did something evil when he was young, so the fruit was all on me.The couple had shed all the tears of their lives on me. When they heard the sound of my footsteps waking up, they immediately stopped crying and went upstairs to check if I was feeling unwell.

Because of my illness, my life has become a mess, and even my relationship with Meng Xizhi has dropped to freezing point.

Since that day, Meng Xi was only pissed off by me, and we haven't spoken to each other again.Even if Meng Xi came to visit me, he was just chatting with my parents, he didn't want to talk to me at all, and he still seemed angry with me.

I knew I was wrong, so I deliberately picked a sunny day. When I was in a better mood, I went to his house to squat with him.

He didn't want to see me at first, but he couldn't stand me staying at the door, worried that my health couldn't bear it, so he had no choice but to go out.

"You're not resting at home, what are you doing here with me?" He crossed his arms and crossed his chest, pretending to be fierce and said.

My legs were a little numb from squatting, and I got up slowly.

He noticed that I wasn't wearing a hat, put down his hand, licked his lips, and asked nervously, "Where's your hat?"

Because I don't want anyone to see my ugly appearance, I always wear a hat even at home, and the hat has become my fig leaf now.Today I came to his house without a hat on purpose, anyway, he lives next door to me, and no one else will see me like this.

In front of Meng Xizhi, I picked up my pitifully short hair to show him, and asked, "Am I ugly now?"

"Don't talk nonsense. It's not ugly at all." He hastily retorted.

Who can look good when sick?I knew he was lying to me, but I couldn't help laughing.

"It's to look better than you."

It's been a long time since Meng Xi saw me laughing. The big man about 1.8 meters, his eyes were red from the wind, "Yes, Xixi has been prettier than me since she was a child, I admit it."

As long as one party is willing to bow its head, we will be reconciled.

Meng Xi only took me into the house, and I took out the electric push knife I brought from home from my bag and handed it to him, saying, "Shave my head, I want to keep a cut like yours."

I bought this electric push knife temporarily from the Internet.I figured it out, instead of being sad because of hair loss every day, it's better to flatten it out of sight.

"Are you serious?" Meng Xi's hand that was only holding the electric push knife was shaking.We grew up together, and he knows best how much I care about my hair.Now I let him shave my hair, and he knows what I mean. "Have you figured it out?"

"Yeah." I found a stool, sat in front of him, closed my eyes, and said without hesitation, "Shave."

With my eyes closed, I couldn't see how far he had shaved. I could only feel the scalpel moving in my hair, accompanied by the buzzing sound, which gave me the illusion that the scalpel was cutting my scalp.

My body tensed unconsciously, and Meng Xi chatted about our childhood fun just to ease my emotions.

He was very fat when he was a child, and he didn't like to move. He would lie on the bed and take a nap after eating.When I was a child, even in the dog days, I could not be shaken and wanted to go out to play.And I'm just his good playmate. If he takes a nap, no one will make trouble with me.So every day I would go to Meng Xizhi's house to quarrel with him, and drag him out of bed with me.

Once he slept soundly, and I couldn't wake him up no matter how much I shouted.I also had the experience of deliberately pretending to sleep to avoid doing homework, so I subconsciously thought that Meng Xi only took a nap to hide from me and deliberately didn't want to accompany me.

In order to punish him for his betrayal, I used his scissors while he was asleep, and cut him an extremely ugly hairstyle.

At the beginning, I just wanted to cut it symbolically, but the result became shorter and shorter, and there was no room for redemption. Meng Xi was so angry that he just woke up and cried out of anger, and then rolled on the ground, asking me to be responsible for him. That day my dad almost hung me from a tree and beat me.

Even so, he was not relieved, until I also cut a hairstyle like his, and he reluctantly forgave me.

My memories of my childhood are already a bit blurred, and I was a little ashamed when I heard this past from Meng Xizhi, "Was I so messed up when I was young?"

"Why don't the children in our yard dare to play with you." Meng Xi said bluntly, "But they are cowards and don't deserve to play with you."

Hearing that Meng Xi only praised himself in disguise, I couldn't help laughing and said: "Yes, you are not cowardly, you just know how to roll around and cry and make me responsible for you."

"Aren't you also responsible in the end?" Meng Xi said only with resentment.

As we talked, we both laughed, no one spared the other, and called each other stupid.

He scolded me that I was an idiot for falling in love with Zhang Kaiji, that weak chicken that he could pick up with one hand, so I replied to him, that idiot secretly liked me back then, and pretended to be a deep scholar and smoked.

Meng Xi and I only know how important each other is to each other, so even though he half-jokingly said that he liked me, we didn't take this episode too seriously. After all, in our hearts, each other is not only a friend, It is also a relative who has been with me for many years.

It's been a long time since we sat down and had a good chat, and the chat with Meng Xizhi brought me back to the feeling of life and vitality before.

I didn't return to reality until I heard the sound of the electric push knife stop.

"Isn't it ugly?" I frowned and didn't dare to open my eyes. I couldn't imagine my head turning into a kiwi fruit.

"After we finish the operation, the hair will grow back." Meng Xi only comforted me.

Yeah, I'm going to have surgery, and when I'm done, everything will be back.

"Ah."

I opened my eyes carefully, and looked nervously at my shaved head through the blurred reflection of the TV screen.

Meng Xi only left about 1cm, short, close to the scalp, after shaving short, it looks like the head is a circle smaller.

"It doesn't seem as scary as I imagined?" I didn't know if I was talking about shaving my hair or having an operation, but when I touched my hair, I didn't feel scared, it just felt numb and numb, which was quite fun.

Seeing me smiling, Meng Xi finally breathed a sigh of relief.

"If you want to shave your hair in the future, you are welcome at any time."

I imitated the monk Yixiu in the cartoon, touched my head, grinned at Meng Xi and said, "OK!"

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Sorry for the late arrival.