old man feeding rules

hate you……

hatred.

Jiang Juan, who has always been gentle and approachable, actually said "Brother Jiang", "Senior Brother Jiang", and "Senior Jiang" who in the eyes of outsiders are not good enough for him, an irritable bastard. The word "hate".

Jiang Xun was stunned, but Jiang Juan didn't want to meet his gaze, turned his eyes away, and looked at a more distant place.

"In the first few years when I took the initiative to transfer to Changning, I hated you so much that I wanted to kill you. What I couldn't accept more than hatred was that I loved you deeply. But I found that you are the one I have been looking for," Jiang Juan said with a wry smile, "If I don't leave you, maybe when I wake up in the morning when I share the same bed, I will find you lying beside me cold and stiff, and I have ended my relationship with you in that gentle, enjoyable and gentle way."

He helped Jiang Xun back to the hospital bed, reconnected the oxygen tube for him, unwrapped the packing bag slowly, took a new hanging needle and stuck it on the back of his hand, with such force that Jiang Xun's hand trembled from the pain.

"Emotions are mutual, so when one of them dies, it will end, but I love you regardless of rewards and consequences. I am willing to make you the eternity in my heart, but I am reluctant, Xiao Xun, I know you can feel that This kind of deep-rooted love, in fact, both you and I have given our best in this relationship, you and I are the same."

Jiang Xun was speechless, he had never seen such a gloomy and deep Jiang Juan, and an inexplicable fear welled up in his bones.

He was not afraid that Jiang Juan would do something unreasonable to him, he was just worried that that person would turn into a strange appearance he had never seen before.

"Why don't you ask me why I hate you?"

"Your feelings will not be without reason, whether you like it or hate it."

"You are still the same as before, as long as you think, you can be very understanding, but Xiao Xun, I have changed, I almost killed you, don't have feelings for me anymore, since you can't go back, just Don't give me any more hope."

When he said this, the last spark in Jiang Juan's eyes went out, and he crushed all the remaining warmth with his own hands.

"It was only after my brother died that I got the evidence he hid for two years, and I realized that as early as the day I brought you home and came out to him, he actually wanted to tell me who killed our father. Yes, the reason why he couldn't say it wasn't just because he just found out that his brother was a... gay."

Speaking of this, no matter how slow he was, Jiang Xun should have heard the deep meaning hidden in his words.

"No way……"

It is said that the eldest brother is like a father. Since childhood, Jiang Juan was almost spoiled by Jiang Zhu. As long as he is willing, even the stars and moons in the sky will be given to him by Jiang Juan. Will compromise for Jiang Juan.

Unless their father-killing enemy is related to Jiang Xun.

And there are only a handful of people who can be related to Jiang Xun, except for his deceased mother and young sister at that time...

"The person who killed my father was Jiang Yu." Jiang Juan's every word was clearly audible, and his abnormal calmness was also shocking, "Jiang Yu...he is your father."

The moment he heard these words, it was as if a heavy hammer fell on Jiang Xun's heart. His ears were so ringing that he could barely hear Jiang Juan's next words. He just looked at him blankly, and subconsciously found an excuse in his heart.

He should say that Jiang Yu's death was very sudden. I am afraid that even he himself did not expect the sudden accident. He couldn't find any flaws in the accounts, and once made him think that Jiang Yu was just a scumbag who simply liked to play with women, at least he still had his duty in business.

But he seems to be wrong... Some things just didn't happen to him, but it didn't happen, just like he never knew his father.

"I know better than anyone alive how much you hate him and resent him, but as long as I think of the same blood as his flowing in your bones, I can't completely exclude you from this grievance. Before the accident happened, if I was willing to give up hating Jiang Yu for love and for you, then after my brother's death, all of this will cease to exist."

In other words, Jiang Zhu chose to keep this secret for the sake of Jiang Xun, so that the delay in closing the network made his sacrifice not too much. In the final analysis, Jiang Xun was the one who killed Jiang Zhu.

The ending that has never been imagined is like a dream, unbelievably illusory.

When Jiang Juan talked about these things, his expression and tone were so calm that he seemed to be relieved, "I hid in Changning, mostly to hide from you, and the other reason was that my brother left clues before he died and thought it was troublesome. In fact, I was in Changning. I told Cao Ju that I wanted to go to Jingjing and let you be quiet, but my mental state at that time did not allow me to carry out any activities. Cao Ju saw that he was about to be transferred to Changning. For my own sake, he took me there together."

Having said that, he smiled self-deprecatingly, "You must not have imagined that during the days when my brother died, I couldn't accept the reality and I would think about everything while pretending to be him: If it was my brother, would he How to do it? If it was my brother, how would he choose? He lost his heart very quickly. I often couldn’t tell whether I was Jiang Zhu or Jiang Juan. I almost lost my life in the second mission, and had to rely on the help of a psychiatrist... You never know how hopeless it is, and I hope you will never know."

Under the double blow of body and mind, Jiang Juan broke down for a while. It wasn't that he didn't want to infiltrate the gang and continue undercover in place of his brother, but he couldn't do it at all. It was impossible for Director Cao to let him die in vain.

"But I found that the situation in Changning is not as simple as I thought. When I was transferred, Huang Zhe was still the deputy team of the anti-drug department. After so many years, he has repeatedly solved major and important cases, but he was only promoted to the team leader. This is actually a very strange thing, that is, it made me start to suspect that this person who can get accurate reports every time and catch one right is likely to be a nail."

"Huang Zhe?"

"It was the commander who ordered you to be killed in this intrusion operation. My suspicion of him has already attracted his attention, so in an operation a year ago, he also wounded me in a similar way." Jiang Juan took a photo. He patted his chest and pointed to the same position on his back where he was injured, "Since the young man surnamed Song can see the clues of your old injury, he must also be able to see what my injury is when he first saw it."

"What did you find in Changning, why did he attack you?"

Jiang Juan frowned and smiled bitterly at him, with a helpless expression on his face, "I'm not the only one they killed, I escaped by luck, and those brothers who died in vain can't rest in peace under Jiuquan, so before killing them , I absolutely cannot die."

He got up and walked to the bed, opened the curtains, let the sun shine in unreservedly, then sat on the window sill looking at the empty pasture downstairs, bit his lip and lit a cigarette.

Jiang Xun sighed, "You never smoked before."

"I used to control you and didn't let you smoke, and I used to...don't hate you. Little boy, I beg you, don't let me have any illusions that you are still nostalgic for the past, you will make me ignite It's easy to suppress hope, I'm really afraid that I can't help but do something unforgivable to you again."

He slowly exhaled a puff of smoke, staring at the ground far away from him in a daze, with such an unlovable expression on his face, as if he might jump off at any time, and Jiang Xun was ready to jump at him as soon as he moved. Go up and hold him ready.

Jiang Juan is very sure that he still has himself in his heart. If he goes through the test of life and death again, he will still risk his life to protect himself. Prove that he loves him deeply.

He shouldn't be angry at Song Yuzhi, shouldn't think that Jiang Xun's departure was caused by someone else, and try to excuse himself.In fact, all of this was caused by himself. If he had made the opposite choice at the beginning, maybe now...

It's a pity that there has never been any possibility in this world. The current situation is already the best result they have tried their best to achieve.

Seeing Jiang Xun's worry, Jiang Juan smiled lightly, put out the cigarette butt, closed the window, and continued to sit where he was looking at him, as if he felt that familiar gaze would give him too many extra thoughts, within a few seconds He pretended to look out the window again.

"If I tell you, you will definitely worry and cause me a lot of unnecessary trouble. From my point of view, I shouldn't tell you."

"But you will tell me." Jiang Xun said firmly.

"Yeah, who told me to pet you? Although our love is over, the past relationship is still there. At that moment, I figured it out, Jiang Xun. I don't want to love you, and I don't want to hate you anymore." You are gone, let's go back to the past, back to the days when we first met, knowing each other and cherishing each other, and it will stop at knowing and cherishing each other."

Jiang Xun was stunned. He had never thought that Jiang Juan was a fickle person, but in this short half hour, he made countless contradictory decisions while struggling, which is enough to prove that a long period of time before that Every day, he was in a state of self-torture, and all the superficial words that seemed to come out of his mouth were the result of his deliberation.

Jiang Juan's mental state is indeed worrying, but his feelings for him have not deteriorated.

Jiang Xun didn't know where the strength came from, pulled out all the tubes in his body, endured the pain and sat up, his two weak legs were hanging by the bed, as if he was about to get out of bed.

Jiang Juan's expression changed, and he came forward to help him back, but when he stretched out his hand, his wrist was pinned down. The man forcibly tore off his shirt, not caring what he would do to the half-covered man after the buttons snapped open. Get out of this door.

He subconsciously wanted to stop him, but suddenly remembered that he had nothing to hide in front of Jiang Xun. Everything about him was thoroughly understood during the years of living together, and he offered himself without reservation, even though that man He always respected his own wishes and couldn't bear to possess them, but they already knew the bottom line.

What else has he not seen...

Jiang Xun pulled away Jiang Juan's hand covering his chest. At that moment, all the truth became clear. He finally burst into tears and hugged the person he owed.

The burns in the center of the man's chest of varying shades were traces left by the electrode pads, and he had obviously suffered more than one electric shock. Judging from the depth and color of the scars, the intensity of each electric shock could be fatal.

Why does he treat himself like this, what does he want to do, clear memory, numb pain, or withdraw emotion?

Physical pain is often inescapable from inner suffering, and pain will only make people more desperate.

He ran his fingers over the penetrating wound on the man's shoulder.

"...Does it still hurt?"

"It hurts."

"You're not taking revenge on me, are you?"

Jiang Juan tilted his head, no longer resisting, and closed his eyes resignedly.

The author has something to say: Thank you for reading the text, the little cute duck~