bad derailment

I have never experienced such a strange feeling, clamoring in my heart to tear my body apart.

Not when he saw Du Yuchen appearing at Gu Mingsheng's house, nor when he was rejected by Jiang Qiushi.But when I saw Chen Feng taking the coffee from that girl's hand, I suddenly felt an urge to go forward and tell everything.

They walked into the office side by side, so close they were within arm's reach.

Just like last time, Chen Feng only left behind a back without warmth.

The coffee in my throat was already cold, I looked down at the messed up magazine, and then thought of smoothing it out with my hands, but no matter what I did, it was futile, just like the relationship between me and Feng Chen that could never be repaired.

In fact, I didn't think about the reason for coming here at all, maybe I just wanted to take another look at Chen Feng and gain some hope.

Now that the goal has been achieved, and I have seen him, I no longer expect that bit of hope.

On the way back, I bought a dozen beers.

When I was queuing to check out, I suddenly realized that I walked back to the freezer and put everything in the basket back.

I always habitually take two servings of ingredients in my hand, but when my mind wanders, the old habit takes over again, and I can't even correct it.

I thought a lot about that girl with dimples when she smiled, her thoughts on Chen Feng, and Chen Feng's thoughts on her.

Chen Feng seemed to be doing well, just as Ren Han said.

All his embarrassment was cleaned up before the breakup, and he completely let go of this bad past with me and stepped into a new life.

I threw the used bowls and chopsticks into the sink, and the beer I bought in the morning was a little cold.I took a sip, endured the discomfort and continued to pour it down my throat. It was stinging, but it didn't hurt as I imagined.

I don't like alcohol, but only when I'm drunk can I temporarily forget those ironic fragments.

The phone on the coffee table rang suddenly, and I reached out to grab it, but it fell unsteadily on the carpet.After a few seconds of sluggishness, I bent down to pick it up.

The light on the screen dazzled the eyes, and every word on it was very clear, but it couldn't be organized into a complete sentence.

I tried to read it a few times, lost my patience, held down the voice and asked, "What's the matter?"

There was no reply, but a call came after a while. I struggled to find the green sign and pressed it.

"......Hey?"

Gu Mingsheng's voice came from next to his ear: "Xiao Yao, are you drunk?"

I identified for a few seconds, and asked in a low voice, "What are you calling for?"

"Do you remember who messaged you just now?"

"Whose?" I thought for a while, then slowly laughed, "Is it yours?"

Gu Mingsheng's voice was slightly helpless, "Well, I want to ask you about Lin Nuo's exam situation, but it's okay, I'll ask you again when you wake up."

I interrupted him dissatisfied and emphasized: "I'm very sober now."

"You always say that when you're drunk." Gu Mingsheng seemed to be a little noisy, and he smiled lightly, "Why did you suddenly drink?"

I leaned on the sofa, and slowly relaxed my stiff body. Something ran out along the empty soul, hitting my chest in the quiet night.

"I saw Chen Feng today."

He quieted down, maybe he didn't think of a suitable answer, but it doesn't matter, I have a lot of time to wait now.So I didn't speak either, his heavy breathing rang in my ear, and for a moment it seemed to be close to my side, exhaling trembling hot air.

"What did you guys talk about?" Gu Mingsheng's voice couldn't hear the emotion clearly, and he waved slightly along the microphone, "It doesn't matter if you don't want to say it."

I couldn't help laughing, and covered my eyes with the back of my hand, "No chat, he didn't see me, I saw him next to him. He is doing well now, working in the company, and there are young female colleagues who buy him coffee ...When did you say he started drinking coffee? I don't even know."

Gu Mingsheng didn't answer, and it took a long time before the sound came slowly: "Xiao Yao, I'll come to you after work is over at night."

"No need," I hesitated for a few seconds, and said slowly, covering my forehead, "No need to come here, are you going back to work? I have nothing to do and I'll hang up first."

"Is it really not necessary?" He asked again.

I said, "No need."

Gu Mingsheng didn't say 'good', nor did he say 'bad'.Someone on the other end should have told him to go back, he covered the receiver and said 'immediately', then came back to leave a word of concern, and hung up the phone hastily.

The world became very quiet, and I lay down on the sofa, thinking belatedly, why did I reject him just now?

Can't remember, but I kind of regret it.

Maybe it was because of drinking too much wine, the body began to gradually become hot from the stomach, flowing along the blood to the limbs, accompanied by bursts of spasms that were extremely uncomfortable.

I couldn't sleep on the narrow sofa at all, and suddenly there was a tingling pain in the back of my head. I lifted my heavy eyelids, and I didn't know when I lay down on the carpet.

"Xiao Yao, are you in there?"

The knock on the door was urgent, and a voice from outside could be heard vaguely.Pressing my temple that was so painful that it was about to burst, I struggled to get up from the ground, and went to open the door.

Gu Mingsheng's nervous face broke into his eyes, but it was still blurry and did not affect recognition.I couldn't stand stably, so I could only hold on to the door frame. I was caught off guard by his arms, and I didn't know whether to keep holding my hand in mid-air or slowly put it down.

"Are you trying to scare me to death?"

His breath spilled over his ears, a little heavier than usual.I felt that I might still be in a dream, so I blurted out two words: "No."

The voice turned into a low laugh, a little helpless and full of arrogance.He let me go and closed the door, still frowning and staring at my face, as if trying to find other traces.

I blinked my eyes and asked bluntly, "Why are you here, didn't you say you don't need it?"

"You say you don't need it, so you don't need it?" Gu Mingsheng's eyes were tired, but he still looked at me tenderly, "I'm worried about you, Xiao Yao."

I should still be drunk, otherwise I wouldn't have this illusion that my whole body is burning.Especially the chest area, bulging and throbbing.

"...Thank you." I murmured.

There was a bewitching warmth in his eyes, and he smiled slightly, "What can you tell me to thank you?"

I was inexplicably flustered, rubbed the spot where I was bumped after waking up just now, and changed the subject: "What time is it?"

"I finished work at one o'clock in the morning, and it took me half an hour to come here on the road. It should be almost two o'clock now." Gu Mingsheng put down the mask and sunglasses on his hands, and looked down at the screen.

"You..." I opened my eyes wide, "It's already early in the morning, what are you doing here?"

"Because I'm worried about you," he repeated again, raising his eyes as if filled with endless affection, "I originally planned to come back tomorrow morning, but when I remembered you said no, I hesitated for two seconds, and I felt that you probably hoped that I could Come here right now."

I looked at him dumbly, but Gu Mingsheng didn't care. He raised his hand and straightened my messy hair, "Go back to sleep, I'll clean up the table, next time don't drink alone at home, it's not safe."

I felt my eye sockets a little astringent, and after a while, I slowly nodded, "Then I'll send you a message before drinking, and you can call 120 for me if someone runs out of drinks."

He twitched the corner of his lips lightly, but didn't smile much, "Don't say such unlucky words, everything will pass after you wake up."

This sentence floated in my ears, giving instructions to my brain with a certain meaning.I raised my eyes and asked in a strange way: "Is there a good night kiss?"

Gu Mingsheng's eyes seemed to darken for a moment, he slowly lowered his head, and pecked on my lips.

"Good night, go to sleep."

It was a comfortable and gentle kiss, which dissipated a bit of the pungent smell of alcohol and caught the smell of Gu Mingsheng's body.

Accompanied by sleepiness, I dragged my precarious body into the bedroom and buried myself in the bed.

Chen Feng had a good time.

He is doing better than I imagined, and there are new people around him.

Everything is moving in a good direction, and it's time for me to give up and let go like him.

I pulled the quilt over my head and listened to my dull heartbeat in the silence.

When I opened my eyes in the morning, there was a heavy weight on my body and eyelids.

I tried to raise my arms, but it was very difficult.

The clips from last night's drunkenness came back in pieces, each frame is very blurry, and I can only vaguely remember... Gu Mingsheng seems to have been here.

"Gu..."

I covered my throat, stood up and coughed a few times, but my voice was still hoarse.

"Xiao Yao, are you awake?"

Gu Mingsheng pushed open the door from the outside, stared at me for a moment, then strode over and sat beside my bed, stretched out his hand to his forehead, and showed a worried expression after a few seconds.

"You have a fever."

My throat was so dry that I couldn't speak, Gu Mingsheng went out and poured a glass of water almost without any reminder.I swallowed a few mouthfuls with his hand, and only slightly relieved the symptoms.

"It's okay, I'll just get up and take some medicine later." I put down the water glass and smiled weakly, "I didn't expect that this time I really have to ask for sick leave."

Gu Mingsheng pursed the corners of his blunt lips, looking not in a good mood, but still said as gently as possible: "It's still early, tell me what you want to eat, I'm going out to buy it now, I have a fever, I want to eat something lighter .”

I don't have much appetite, and I still feel nauseated in my stomach, leaning against the head of the bed and shaking my head weakly, "It's okay, there are instant noodles at home."

He seemed a little helpless with the answer, and got up with a cup, "I'll go buy you porridge, you wait for me at home for a few minutes."

"It really doesn't need to be so troublesome." I grabbed Gu Mingsheng's clothes, my throat hurt, and I could only say briefly, "You have been tossing around with me all night, if you don't let me go, your manager will kill you later. Come and train you."

"Your body is the most important thing."

Gu Mingsheng looked at me and answered without any hesitation.I met his determined gaze, and my heart trembled, but it was no longer the unstoppable throbbing it used to be, with some astringent sourness.

"Actually, you don't need to do this." Although I was still feverish, my mind was extremely clear, "I'm not as fragile as you think, I just lost my relationship, drank some wine, and I'll be fine in two days. You go back to work, don't be delayed because of me."

I think every word I say is true, and every word is extremely serious.But the smile on Gu Mingsheng's face gradually lost, and there was a strong shaking emotion in the amber eyes, and he looked uncomfortable.

"Xiao Yao, do you think I only have work left now?"

I subconsciously asked, "Isn't it?"

Gu Mingsheng's expression became a little more serious, as if since the day he broke up with Chen Feng, it's not just me who's wrong, but also him.

But in just a few seconds, he put away these wrong emotions, sat next to me and slowed down his voice: "Sorry Xiaoyao, I know I don't have time to accompany you recently due to work reasons, but I promise, when the shooting at hand is over I will spare time, and I will accompany you wherever you want to go, okay?"

He looks affectionate, and every word sounds is wrapped in strong true feelings.

What I want is not an illusory promise, let alone a promise that came out of his mouth, but I still nodded after the silence and said 'yes' in a calm manner.

This should be the answer Gu Mingsheng wanted to hear.

Gu Mingsheng went downstairs to buy porridge and packed a few dishes so that I could eat it hot for lunch.His agent quickly called, and at the same time, Xiao Nan also sent a WeChat message, asking me where Gu Mingsheng was, and the time agreed with the brand was coming soon.

He explained a few words helplessly to the other end of the phone, then put down the phone and told me to finish taking the medicine. It looked the same as usual, suppressing the exhaustion from staying up in the middle of the night.

I agreed and urged him to leave quickly. He seemed a little unhappy, but he still lowered his head and kissed me on the lips.

"Don't drink anymore, it's not an example."

Before saying the word 'drink', Gu Mingsheng paused, as if he had some deep meaning.

I think he might want to say 'stop drinking for Chen Feng', but he still thought of me a little too weakly, although what I did last night was really irrational.

I have forgotten a lot of things, and I can't remember when I was drunk, and how Gu Mingsheng got here, but I haven't forgotten the thoughts that popped up at the last moment before I woke up.

I will completely forget about Chen Feng and start a new life without him.