bad derailment

"Xiao Yao, why don't you turn on the light?"

Gu Mingsheng closed the door behind him to block the incoming cold air. I didn't realize that the sky had darkened until the moment he spoke.

He didn't continue to dwell on this, and took off his mask to show a natural smile.Hang the coat I took off on the hanger at the door, take out the slippers and change them on, I am already more familiar with this house than I am.

I watched him finish all this, and tried to keep my voice as soft as possible so that he wouldn't notice the difference, "Aren't you busy today?"

"The matter has been dealt with," Gu Mingsheng raised his head, his eyes were full of softness, "I was going to tell you later, but I didn't expect you to preempt it."

Unexplained restlessness surged in my heart, and I didn't answer the words.

You have to take a step forward and rub Gu Mingsheng's trouser leg in the past, in time to stop the silence that is about to spread.

Some time ago, Gu Mingsheng came over often, and the kitten became familiar with his breath while getting along, and made a little dependent call.

"Miss me?"

Gu Mingsheng bent down to pick him up, scratched the kitten's furry chin, sat down on the sofa with a gentle smile on his lips, "I won't be so busy for a while, what can you do... ..”

"I already know it all."

I didn't listen to Gu Mingsheng's words and interrupted him. I couldn't tell if I was afraid of being soft-hearted, or just to hit the point directly.Seen from this angle, the smile on Gu Mingsheng's face froze a little, faded a little, and disappeared in a flash.

"Know what?" he asked.

I watched Gu Mingsheng who continued to play dumb, and the hand on my lap tightened unconsciously.Glancing at all the unnecessary details, "Du Yuchen came to see me today."

The warmth on Gu Mingsheng's face peeled off in an instant, as if the clean shell was torn off, revealing the messy inside.The curvature of the corners of his mouth remained the same, only his eyes were covered with a layer of frost, suddenly revealing a message very clearly, a kind of solemnity.

The last sliver of luck in my heart dissipated.

"What did he say to you?"

This sentence was clearly a question, but Gu Mingsheng did not use a questioning tone, but was extremely calm.

When this calmness turned into invisible pressure and melted into the air and fell on my heart, I couldn't help but smile, and met his flickering expression, "Gu Mingsheng, why don't you tell me the truth? Can others know everything about you?"

The muscles on Gu Mingsheng's face twitched uncontrollably. This question seemed too sharp for him. He flattened the corners of his mouth in silence and repeated stiffly: "Xiao Yao, what did he tell you?"

There was an inexplicable anger in my chest, which spread to my internal organs, and I ran around headlessly, "He told you all the things you kept from me, too many to count, do you want me to repeat them to you one by one? "

I don't know where this anger comes from.

Gu Mingsheng's blood faded, his lips moved slightly, but he didn't say anything.It was the first time I saw him show such a blank expression, like a collapsed tall building on the ground, a trapped beast that lost its direction, and after approaching me, he knelt down on one knee in front of me, trying to meet my gaze as I tried to avoid it.

"Xiao Yao, no matter what Du Yuchen said to you, don't believe it. When the incident happened, you hadn't dealt with Jiang Qiushi's relationship well. I didn't want you to worry any more, so I chose to hide it. Now that the turmoil has passed, I originally I planned to tell you tonight, but I didn't know he would go to find you." He looked at me deeply, and clearly said every word, "Xiao Yao, I'm sorry."

"Actually, you didn't intend to tell me at all, did you?" I suppressed the astringency welling up in my throat, and smiled sarcastically, "Gu Mingsheng, I know that with our current relationship, I don't have the right to ask you this, but I don't Understand what you want, and what is the result of your bet?"

"I thought you understood."

Gu Mingsheng's voice was full of forbearance, deepness, relief, these complex emotions.

"When I went to look for you that night, I thought you understood."

I couldn't help laughing, feeling a little sad for no reason, "You don't say anything, what can I understand?"

His face is very close to me, and I can clearly see the slender eyelashes trembling with his breath, and those penetrating eyes that reflect the shadow, surging with indescribable emotion, painted with a rich and familiar stroke in the amber color.

"Lin Yao, you told me a long time ago, live the life you want, and don't give up what you really value in your heart because of reality."

Gu Mingsheng let out my name from his lips, a complete, distant moan.

"At that time, I thought you were too naive, this choice was too extravagant, and it would never happen to me. But I don't remember when I started, I often questioned myself, is this kind of life really what I want?"

"I used to be able to say 'yes' for sure, but now I can't be sure. It's more difficult than I imagined to push you away from me, to expose your loved ones to abuse, and to expose your every move to extreme praise and slander. It's going to be difficult."

Gu Mingsheng tried his best to suppress the ups and downs, but he still couldn't hide the slightest tremor.

"Xiao Yao, I am not a saint, I will also waver, hesitate, greedy and fantasy. When I get applause, I will think of the night when I was walking with you, and during the time when I was maliciously slandered, I dare not answer the phone I heard my mother's concern. I swore in my heart that I would give her a better and happier life, but now all the harm she has suffered comes from me."

My heart was tightly gripped by a big hand, kneaded into various shapes that were difficult to breathe, "Aunt Gu won't blame you, this matter is beyond your control."

"I'm blaming myself."

The muscles at the corners of Gu Mingsheng's mouth pulled upwards into a nondescript, failed smile, "The first time I regretted it was the night you left, and the second time was when I received a screen full of abuse. They don't care about the truth of the matter at all, There is no reason, maybe it’s just that I encountered dissatisfaction in real life, and just because I happened to see me, I vented all the negative emotions through the Internet. I thought I had the ability to protect the people around me, but in the real face For a moment, I couldn't even utter a single rebuttal."

When those remarks came into view through the screen, I couldn't even imagine Gu Mingsheng's mood when he saw all this.

Even in front of me, he doesn't bring up the subject lightly.It was a taboo, a scar in my heart, a hatred that could never be extinguished.

But because of malice and some ridiculous reasons, this scar was torn open, and it was placed under the eyes of thousands of people and shone with strong light.Anyone can pass by, anyone can take a look, or stop and stay, or pick up a knife and draw a horizontal line on it, and discuss it with the companions around you.

Gu Mingsheng lowered his eyelashes to block the flashing wet and dark color, and his deep voice was accompanied by the vibration of his chest.

"Xiao Yao, I once made a very failed decision. You are right. I don't like acting, I don't like smirking at everyone, and I don't like this job and this kind of life. The way I am, until I see you again, I don’t feel that I am living in reality.”

I bit my lip tightly, wanting to say comforting words, but scratching all the words in my mind was too pale for Gu Mingsheng.

"I made a hypothesis before, you may not remember," Gu Mingsheng said to me, "If I am willing to give up everything now, quit the entertainment industry and become an ordinary person. We are together as before, not friends, Don't be lovers, and be together seriously, would you like to?"

He knelt in front of him on one knee, his palm sunk into the cushion of the sofa. His amber pupils were like the most expensive gems in the world. When he stared at me, he reflected a light that surpassed everything else, coming from layers upon layers of surges in the long years.

I dare not look at Gu Mingsheng, for fear of being stabbed by the sharp edge.Straightening up his body, he tried to open his lips and close them again, repeated several times, but he couldn't make any sound.

"Gu Mingsheng..."

Calling out his name is the best answer I can do at this moment.

He said: "Xiao Yao, this is the result of my bet. I have already made a decision, and I will officially quit the entertainment circle when I finish my work. You don't have to blame yourself, this decision is not only because of you, but also for myself .”

A sentence suddenly appeared in the chaotic mind, 'he has the opportunity to fly to a wider place'.With a bang, I was so overwhelmed by the overwhelming pain that I couldn't breathe, "Have you really made a decision? Stay in the entertainment industry and get better development. Isn't this the future you wanted from the beginning?"

Gu Mingsheng raised his hand to touch my cheek, and the temperature from his fingertips was transmitted, melting the cold and stagnant.Rubbing lightly with his fingertips, he let out a sigh from his trembling chest, "But such a future without you."

I heard a deafening heartbeat, as if I met Gu Mingsheng for the first time, and saw his real inner struggle and decision-making.The scale tilted repeatedly at both ends, and finally stayed in the direction pointed by the heart, completely motionless.

"Gu Mingsheng, I don't know," I said, "I can't give you an answer."

Or, I dare not give him the answer.

No matter what I say at the moment, Gu Mingsheng's eyes are full of unchanging tenderness, "Xiao Yao, I won't force you, as long as you know that no matter what happens, I will be here. Everyone may leave, only I will not .”

This sentence with a certain meaning pierced straight to the bottom of my heart. I looked at him in a daze, and I didn't find my thoughts for a long time.Gu Mingsheng propped himself up unconsciously, carrying a wisp of familiar woody fragrance, lingering around his side, and imprinted a soft kiss on my forehead.

As always, always affectionate.

"I will take care of everything and wait for you to make a decision. I hope that next time, I can hear your affirmative answer."