bad derailment

I think it seems like everything is a little bit late.

Whether it was Jiang Qiushi, Gu Mingsheng, or Chen Feng, they all unknowingly deviated from the established track and went to another wrong path that forks and twists.

There can be no choice between both worlds, and the rules will not favor one person in particular.

Once obtained the joy and love that did not belong to me, I will eventually take it back at some point in the future.

Jiang Qiushi was observed in the hospital for three weeks after the operation, and all indicators gradually stabilized.

The doctor advised him to stay and receive chemotherapy, but Jiang Qiushi was firm and did not agree.The doctor can only prescribe a few anti-cancer and pain-relieving medicines, and let him go home and pay more attention to the changes in his body. If something uncontrollable happens, he will come to the doctor again.

In fact, they all understand that medicine is just a dose of psychological comfort.

It can only make the front of death longer and slower, but it cannot escape after all.

On the day Jiang Qiushi was discharged from the hospital, Shao Qin did not come.

I don't know how far they have communicated, and who is willing to make compromises. No matter what the situation is, it has nothing to do with me.

Even Jiang Qiushi and I blurred the boundaries in the layers of changes. It seemed like an end and another new beginning.

When the real parting comes, no matter how complicated the heart is, it can become simple and pure.

On the day when I accompanied him back to the apartment, the key opened the door, and the place I hadn't stepped in for a whole month floated faint dust under the light, and rushed into the nostrils head-on.

I couldn't help tilting my head and coughing a few times, when I heard Jiang Qiu beside me whisper softly: "I'm home."

My heart skipped a beat for no apparent reason.

Gu Mingsheng got busy again, he didn't tell me what happened specifically, he still sent messages, inquiries or concerns as usual.

Across the screen, I couldn't figure out his true mood, so I could only reply along the lines of the message, maintaining a superficial peace.

Or maybe, he and I both understand each other's exhaustion and powerlessness.

When I realized that I hadn't thought of Chen Feng for a long time, it was the day I received his text message.

This news came so suddenly that it interrupted my thoughts, and only a short sentence was displayed on the opened screen: Lin Yao, this is really the last time.

There is no beginning and no end, without any hints and explanations.

I could almost hear Feng Chen's familiar tone, and I couldn't tell what kind of weightlessness I was surrounded by.Typed an inquiry, pressed send, and in an instant, a red exclamation mark pierced his eyes.

'The other party has enabled friend verification, and you are not his friend yet, please send a verification request first. '

In an instant, cardiac arrest.

It took me a long time to react to what I saw, an endless blank space in my mind.I opened the address book with my fingers, and found out Chen Feng's number. After dialing, a cold mechanical female voice came: "Hello, the phone you dialed has been turned off..."

The microphone was stuck to his ear, and his arm was sore from raising it.The female voice went from Chinese to English, and then hung up automatically at the end. I looked at the blacked-out screen and wanted to laugh, but I couldn't.

Everything is out of control, away from me, as if stepping on the top of a cloud, falling straight down from a high altitude.

Panic, confusion, total weightlessness.

In the past five years, even during the most intense quarrel and the breakup, Chen Feng has never deleted my contact information.

He always gets awkward and says some duplicity, but I know it's just his intentional way of expressing his willfulness and wanting to attract my attention.

I told myself that maybe this was just a new way of trying to mess with my thoughts.

Just a not-so-funny prank.

According to the only memory in my mind, I found Chen Feng's community, and the moment I walked in, my identity seemed to be reversed absurdly.

What kind of mood did he have when he walked into the corridor again and again and waited for me to go home alone?

Haunting this unanswered question in my heart, I knocked on the door, and the two "dong dong" sounded like a heartbeat buzzing in my ears.

With a 'click', the lock was opened.

"List......"

The sound stuck in my throat, I stared blankly at the strange man who appeared behind the door, my brain was short-circuited there.

He looked at me strangely, "Is there something wrong?"

I came back to my senses, took a few steps back, saw a corner of a completely unfamiliar house through behind the man, and calmed down my panic.

"Sorry, I found the wrong floor."

The man nodded and was about to close the door when he suddenly thought of something, let go of his hand and slapped his head, pointed at me and said, "You...is your surname Lin?"

I was blank for two seconds, "... how do you know?"

"The surname is Lin, just wait for me."

The man quickly took out a kraft paper envelope from the house, and handed it to me who was stunned, "This is something left by the previous owner. He said that if a man surnamed Lin came here, he would hand over this letter to me." To the other party, it's you, right?"

The cowhide-colored envelope pierced into my eyes, I blinked my sore eyes, and the moment I reached out to take it, it seemed that something spread to my hand along the rough texture of the envelope, and my body, pressed against my shoulders, was heavy and out of breath. Come.

"......it's me."

The man in front of him seemed to have misunderstood something, and quickly waved his hand and said, "Don't worry, I haven't opened it to see it. The owner of the house is nice, and he was very straightforward when handing over the house. He probably wanted to go abroad or something, and he sold it to me at a low price. Small busyness is easy."

The cold temperature invaded my whole body along my fingers. After a long time, I remembered to say to the man, "Thank you."

The other party's voice, word by word, has never been so clearly transmitted to my ears, sweeping my heart.

I seemed to be in a ridiculous dream.

When I got home, when I heard the noise, I was about to run out and jump on the sofa, lying next to me as usual, wagging my tail lazily.

I turned over the envelope silently, and there were three words written in black pen forcefully on it, 'To Lin Yao'.

Carefully tore open the seal with both hands, took out the two pieces of letter paper folded in half inside, opened it gently, and densely packed writing flooded into the eyes.

It's Chen Feng's word.

'Xiao Yao, when you read this letter, I have already boarded the plane to England.I remember you said before that you would like to visit here if you have a chance, but unfortunately I was the only one left.

When staying in Yancheng, I will always think of you.The doctor said that it is appropriate to contact new people, new things, or start a new life.I have tried many times, but all failed. I seem to be stuck in the same place by the memory, and I can't feel the passage of time. When I open and close my eyes, my mind is full of you.

Night is the hardest, sleeping in the same room, lying on the same bed, but when you wake up, there is no you by your side.

I often think about what you are doing now, who you are with, and don't you feel relieved without me being around to bother you?

I will miss the picture of you and Gu Mingsheng when you are together. You have known each other for so many years, and you are very close. I can't get in any of the things you talk about or do.Sometimes I really want to ask you, have you ever cared about me?But if I did ask, your answer would definitely be 'yes'.From this point of view, I also know you very well, you are always lying to me.

Xiao Yao, I told myself that if you could choose me between Jiang Qiushi and me, I would not leave.This is the last chance and you chose the former.

Xiao Yao, I really never thought of lying to you. Every time I say "the last time", all I think about is "the last time".It was me who was too disappointing, couldn't help being soft-hearted, and regretted it.

I wanted to write this letter in a heartless way, but what I wrote down was still some memories and thoughts.Forget it, anyway, you already know that I can't say cruel words to you, maybe you have already laughed at me in your heart, and you are still hypocritical here at such an adult.

Xiaoyao, I didn't want to hide it from you, but thinking about how many times you have lied to me, I also want to try to be a villain again, so please forgive me this time.

Xiaoyao, what you said is not wrong, I have paid so much, but in the end I am the only one who is touched.I want to give you all the best, forgetting that you don't like to be restrained, I hope you can be happy, but in the end it backfired.Maybe only when I leave, you will be really happy for a while.

Xiao Yao, there is one thing I didn’t tell you. I wrote you a letter when I was in college, but after I finished writing it, I read it myself and felt too nasty, so I didn’t give it to you.

Xiao Yao, are you still with Jiang Qiushi?Is he nice to you?

Xiao Yao, I am not reconciled.As I write this, thinking back on everything that happened in the past five years, I still can't hate you.The only bad thing about you is that you will never have a place for me in your heart.

Lin Yao, Xiao Yao, forgive me for choosing the most cowardly way to leave.I can't live in the same city and breathe the same air as you. I think of you all the time. I can only go far away and forget you in this way.

Xiao Yao, every night for five years, I wondered if our relationship would have become more pure if I hadn't saved you.Will your feelings for me turn into liking as you get along day and night?Apart from this beginning of guilt and compensation, would you really be able to fall in love with me?

I don't know, because without this if, no matter how many times I do it again, I can't be indifferent when others hurt you.

Xiao Yao, I have only loved you for five years, but it seems that I have used up my whole life.

Chen Feng'

The room was very dark, and the lights were not turned on. With the last bit of light outside the window, I read the last line of writing.

My vision was completely blurred, and tears fell from my eyes unconsciously, one drop, two drops, falling on the letter paper, blurring the black handwriting.

Yao Yao, who was lying beside me, grabbed my arm with his claws, and the thin letter paper fluttered to the ground without picking it up.

Chen Feng, Chen Feng...

This name fills my mind clearly stroke by stroke, and engraves it on my heart with full enthusiasm. Every beat in the future is wrapped in his temperature, penetrating my soul and body bit by bit.

I leaned on the sofa, covered my face full of tears with my hands, and couldn't breathe. At this moment, I lost consciousness for a long time, and my perception was full of the shadow of Chen Feng.

Every day with him, every year, is not forgotten by me.Those memories are locked in the corner of memory, locked in a dusty lock, afraid to open, remember, afraid to be shaken by it.

I care about Chen Feng, and it is because I care that I hesitate and shrink back again and again, and finally hurt him.

It was me who was wrong, and he was the one who apologized.Just like in every previous quarrel, he will always be the first to bow his head until the last time.

I know that I have lost the person who loves me the most in the world.

He was forced away by me.