Specific gravity

"I'm sorry." Xuan Zhao repeated.

".Why are you?" Cen Baiyan's throat was extremely dry, and every word seemed to be forced out of his throat, "I have to say I'm sorry."

Xuan Zhao raised his head slowly, his face was too pale: "Have you seen it all?"

Cen Baiyan nodded: "Yes."

Xuan Zhao raised his hands, covered his face with his palms and rubbed them twice, as if this could warm up his hypothermic body temperature.

After a while, he put down his hand, revealing a pair of red eye circles, lowered his eyes and smiled wryly: "I should lock it up."

The self-mockery and helplessness in his eyes were not well hidden, like a sharp dagger, it pierced Cen Baiyan's heart hard.

Cen Baiyan asked almost stubbornly: "Xuan Zhao, why did you say sorry?"

".I lied to you." Xuan Zhao stared quietly at Cen Baiyan for a long time, then smiled wearily, and said, "Didn't you see it all, I never really regarded you as an ordinary friend."

He pursed his lips, as if he still wanted to say something, but his eyes slowly fell on the diary, and finally he didn't say anything.

Cen Baiyan's veins bulged on the back of his hand clutching the diary, and he tried his best to suppress some kind of impulse surging in his body.

Xuan Zhao's eyes mixed with helplessness and pain fell into his pupils, like a piece of red-hot iron, imprinted on his chest, stirring up a piece of bloody soft flesh.

What he held in his hand was Xuan Zhao's most secret thoughts, Xuan Zhao's extremely cherished sincerity and love, but he revealed it in a reckless way.

At this moment, Cen Baiyan even felt his breathing was heavy, and he understood what Xuan Zhao hadn't said.

——Sorry, I lied to you, I lied to you that we are just friends, let you continue to treat me well, take care of me, protect me, I am selfish and greedy, I am sorry.

Cen Baiyan wanted to respond to Xuanzhao, telling Xuanzhao that you did not apologize to me, because you were not wrong at all.

He stared at Xuan Zhao's red eye circles, and for a moment his sanity was faltering, Cen Baiyan almost blurted out - I don't know why, I just want to take care of you, I just want to treat you well, I know I feel bad when you are sick , when you relied on me, I was so excited that I could walk like a float, but if you didn't talk to me for two days, my heart was empty.

His throat rolled heavily, and his lips moved. Xuan Zhao raised a palm, facing Cen Baiyan—a gesture of rejection.

All the strength in Xuan Zhao's body was drained, and he could barely stand up straight by supporting the stove with one hand. He tried his best to control his facial expression, the corners of his lips slightly raised, and he gave a wry smile: "Bo Yan, you can... Don't talk yet, give me a little more time, a little bit is enough."

——I know you will reject me, give me a little more time, let me prepare again, let me think about how I face such an embarrassing situation.

None of them said a word, each of them stood in a corner of this small house of only a dozen square meters, and an old round watch was hung on the wall. I don't know how many times the second hand jumped, maybe it was only a short moment, but it was elongated by the silence at the moment There seems to be no end.

"Bo Yan." Finally, Xuan Zhao looked at Cen Baiyan with a slow and gentle voice.

At that moment, countless scenes flashed through Cen Baiyan's mind, what would Xuan Zhao say?Will you confess to him?Can you say "Bo Yan, let's be together"?

In the end, the picture freezes in the toilet of Jinglei Bar. Xuan Zhao is not so conscious under the dual effects of high fever and alcohol. When he tugged at the corner of his clothes and asked him "Is that Bai Yan?" It's really like that little stray dog ​​in the alley. It's hard to catch a little warmth in the ice and snow, and it wants to catch it desperately.

"Yeah." Cen Baiyan looked back at Xuan Zhao, his shoulders and back muscles tensed.

How should I respond to him?Cen Baiyan's heart was beating violently.

He instinctively resisted this kind of emotion between men, but as if his brain had lost control, he shouted that it was Xuan Zhao, this person was Xuan Zhao!However, the remaining rationality is watching coldly, and warning him, so what if it is Xuan Zhao, Xuan Zhao is also a man.

Cen Baiyan is almost paranoid about the concept of "family". His biological father is not as good as a beast, and his adoptive father has been reluctant to give them a complete "family" in the true sense for some reason.In Cen Baiyan's fantasy since he was a child, his future "family" will be happy, he will have a gentle wife and a naughty child, he will not quarrel with his family, and he will not use violence against them. Carry your marriage certificate and household registration book with you, and you will not keep your family secret in front of outsiders.

But... But Xuan Zhao is a man.

Cen Baiyan was being torn repeatedly by a pair of invisible hands, and Xuan Zhao's gentle but tired voice sounded immediately: "Put it back, Baiyan."

Cen Baiyan's expression changed slightly, his nails sank deeply into his palm.

"Xuan Zhao, you don't want to hear what I think?"

"It's not necessary," Xuan Zhao shook his head, and said slowly, "You don't have to lie to yourself, and you don't have to worry about how to avoid hurting me, Bai Yan, I'm not that vulnerable."

"...You are so sure," Cen Boyan paused, looking deeply at Xuan Zhao, "I will reject you?"

His eyes regained their composure, and if it wasn't for the remaining light red around Xuan Zhao's eye circles, Cen Baiyan would almost have thought that the fragile Xuan Zhao just now was just his illusion.

The great thing about Xuanzhao is that no matter how embarrassing and embarrassing the situation is, he can restrain negative emotions such as sadness, helplessness, pain and so on.Even now, the sensitivity and fragility he hides in this diary has been brutally dug out by Cen Baiyan himself, but he can still straighten his shoulders and maintain his self-esteem and decency.

"Bo Yan, I admit that I like you." Xuan Zhao smiled.

A white light exploded in Cen Baiyan's mind with a "boom"——

"My family relationship is weak, I have very few friends, I have never been in love, and my emotional appeal is very low. But I met you, and I realized that I can also have very. Fiery feelings."

Xuan Zhao looked at Cen Baiyan calmly, and narrated it as if telling a touching story.

Cen Baiyan looked back at him, breathing a little short of breath.

Xuan Zhao sighed lightly: "You treat me very well, and sometimes I feel that maybe you have some illusions about me at certain moments."

Cen Baiyan's eyebrows twitched suddenly, subconsciously denying: "No."

How is it an illusion?

It turns out that the throbbing of their eyes facing each other and the warm feeling of their skin touching are all just illusions?

"Bo Yan, let me put it this way." Xuan Zhao lowered his brows and couldn't see what his expression was. "Would you like to be with me? We are two men, and your friends might hate you because of it. Your family may alienate you, your current life may be destroyed because of this, are you still willing?"

"I." Cen Baiyan's throat choked up, and he couldn't say anything for a moment.

——Why am I so unfrank and upright?

——Or I rejected him decisively, telling him that I don't like men as firmly as I did at the beginning, why can't I even do this now?

"You can't respond to my feelings at all," Xuan Zhao took a deep breath, "You can't simply reject me, and you can't simply accept me. I'm sorry, Bo Yan, it's me who put you in such a dilemma. "

The rain beat on the window panes, and the air seemed to freeze inch by inch.

Xuan Zhao tried his best to maintain a steady tone: "You put it back, I will take care of it. It's raining, have you brought an umbrella?"

Cen Baiyan looked at his slightly trembling arm, thinking that he was driving me away.

Is he going to draw a line with me completely?

Unspeakable anger and panic welled up in his heart, Cen Baiyan didn't know how the scene turned into this, it was clear that Xuan Zhao couldn't love him, but now it seemed like he couldn't do without Xuan Zhao.

Xuanzhao's strength had already been exhausted by these words, he turned his head to the side, fearing that if he looked at Cen Baiyan one more time, he would reveal something.

"I boiled water just now," Xuan Zhao was eager to find something else to do to distract himself, and picked up the kettle at hand, "The water seems to be boiling."

"Xuan Zhao," Cen Baiyan tensed his arm muscles, raised the diary in his hand, stared at Xuan Zhao's silhouette, and said in an almost rough tone, "What are you going to do with it? Burn it? Or find a place to bury it?" ? Don't deceive yourself, do you think you can dislike me if you ruin it?"

boom--

With a flick of Xuan Zhao's wrist, the kettle fell to the ground, and the scalding hot water splashed down, wet Xuan Zhao's long trousers.He didn't know how to hide, he was like a puppet whose soul had been taken out, frozen in place.

Cen Baiyan closed his eyes heavily, and let out a low roar in his throat: "Are you fucking stupid?!"

He strode forward, squatted down, and carefully rolled up Xuan Zhao's trouser legs, his white ankles were hot red.

Cen Baiyan looked at the glaring burns, and said "fuck" in a low voice, dug out two cubes of ice from the freezer in the refrigerator, and found a dishcloth to wrap Xuan Zhao's ice, just turned around. froze—

Xuan Zhao slid down the cupboard on his back, squatting weakly on the ground, covering his face with his hands.

There was a thunderous "boom", and the torrential rain poured down.

In the dim sky, Xuanzhao's fingertips were so pale that they were almost transparent, and then the sound of thunder and rain covered him up, and he was finally able to reveal a little less dignified and less breezy emotion.

"Bo Yan, let's go, you really don't come near me anymore," Xuan Zhao whimpered and licked his wound like a wounded little animal, "I feel bad, and seeing you makes me feel bad. "

I don't know how long it was quiet, the cloth wrapped with ice cubes was gently placed at the foot, and the sound of closing the door sounded.

There was lightning and thunder outside the house, and the house was bright and dark again.

Xuanzhao slid on the ground, with no waves in his eyes, raised his head and took a deep breath.

Originally, he didn't want Cen Baiyan to see the diary so early, but Xuan Zhao was annoyed by the actions of Wan Qianshan and Cen Jingxiang, so he had to take a gamble.

He is the best at manipulating people's hearts. Every movement, expression, and sigh of Cen Baiyan shows that he won the bet and Cen Baiyan fell in love with him.

There is only one last move left on Xuanzhao's chessboard, and there is still one last move, he will not force Cen Baiyan, he wants Cen Baiyan to admit it himself, it must be him.

The dishcloth wrapped with ice cubes lay funny at his feet, Xuan Zhao looked down at it, his eyes flickered.

Then, he turned his head and looked out the window. The rain was getting heavier and heavier, and the raindrops were beating on the window glass one after another, forming streams of water.

Xuan Zhao's hands and feet were cold, and the first thought that popped into his mind was——

Did Cen Baiyan bring an umbrella?

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Love progress 90%!

It’s almost the last fire~ (today is also a day to call starfish)

The next chapter that is locked is posted by mistake. I have applied for deletion. Just pretend that nothing happened.