Specific gravity

"Little cripple, don't you still keep your diary?" Cen Baiyan raised his voice and asked.

Xuan Zhao was turning over the cupboard, clanging and clanging, but he couldn't hear what Cen Baiyan said, so he asked with his head, "Did you find it?"

Cen Baiyan waved his hand: "No, you have so many books, who knows where you put them."

"Isn't there?" Xuan Zhao muttered, and took out a large bamboo basket for sundries from the refrigerator, and rummaged through it one by one, "I remember I kept them all."

Cen Baiyan shook the two thick pharmaceutical dictionaries perfunctorily, his eyes resting on the hard-covered notebook in the drawer without blinking.

Xuan Zhao is a meticulous person, and even has a slight obsessive-compulsive disorder. All the notebooks he uses for class records are the same - the most common A4 large white paper coil book, without a cover, except for the one in the drawer. The notebooks are different.

The cover is pure black, with a small lock on the side. The owner probably thought that no one would touch this small book, so he didn't lock it.

This little cripple, why hide a notebook with a lock?

Cen Baiyan felt itchy in his heart like a kitten's paw scratching, he stretched out his hand and then retracted it.

How about just taking a look?It should be okay to take a look, right?

Maybe his water bill is in this book?

"Why can't I find it," Xuan Zhao muttered angrily in the small kitchen, "Where did it go?"

It should be in this book.

Cen Baiyan thought to himself, picked up the notebook by accident, and opened the first page——

"I met a kid today, a reckless kid."

The handwriting is clear and beautiful, and it was written by Xuan Zhao.

Cen Baiyan's heart skipped a beat, he didn't expect that the first entry in this diary was written by him.A guess flashed through his mind, and his meager reason told him to close the diary and put it back in the drawer now, everything would be too late.

But he didn't, his heart was beating violently in his chest, and a secret, unspeakable joy crept up, Cen Baiyan pursed his lips, and continued to look down.

"The kid helped me out. We went to the police station together. The kid was different from other kids. He was taller, better looking, and seemed to be more considerate. The kid had already taken a taxi and left, but came back to ride again. Sending me back to school, the wind was cool, I didn’t sit still when I was going downhill, I almost reached out to hug him, but I finally held back. Thinking about it is a little regretful, maybe I will never see him again, he is so Looks good, why didn't I give him a hug?"

Cen Baiyan raised his head, staring at the silhouette of Xuan Zhao flipping over the bamboo basket, thinking that you are a cripple, so it turned out that you wanted to take advantage of me the first time we met.

Another page in the diary.

"Last night I dreamed of a child, but I didn't even have a nightmare. This month, I have repeatedly dreamed about the scene of a car accident. Sometimes there will be some more bizarre pictures, such as my leg being eaten by a monster, or my leg being eaten by a monster. The legs were crushed by huge gears. How could the child appear in my dream? I dreamed that he was riding a bicycle and carrying me along the coastline of Lingang. When we reached the beach, he led me and ran. My leg seems to be healed too. I woke up feeling a bit lost, and my leg hurt again. In the afternoon, the lab was talking about going to the Southwest to attend an academic forum. A teacher didn’t want me to go with me. The place I was going to was in a mountainous area. He was worried about him The students have to devote their energy to take care of me, so the final medal will naturally not have my name."

"Forget it, I am indeed a cripple who can't walk. No one will take me to ride a bicycle along the coastline, and I can't run on the beach. Children are children that only exist in dreams."

Cen Boyan's throat choked up, as if an invisible hand was holding his throat, was this cripple just letting others bully him?

"I met a kid again today. It turned out that he was the roommate of my tutor student. I suddenly felt very lucky. I almost rejected the tutor at that time. As for the kid, he seemed to be a naive kid. He was also there when I was giving lectures. Listening secretly, pretending to be studying by himself, but I know that he is not paying attention at all. I explained a question to Chen Wei three times, but Chen Wei, a silly boy, still couldn't understand, and the kid secretly rolled his eyes beside him, awkward and awkward. fun."

Cen Baiyan's cheeks burned, and he could see all his little moves and omens during that time.

Hold!What a shame!

Cen Baiyan continued to scroll down, this book recorded every bit of their relationship, with a gentle and relaxed tone, and Cen Baiyan could even imagine Xuan Zhao's appearance when he wrote these words - he must be smiling, when he wrote Cen Baiyan was childish place, and may even shake his head helplessly.

So I am so good in his eyes?

A hint of sweetness appeared on the back of Cen Baiyan's tongue, but at the same time he was at a loss for what to do.

Just seeing this, he can still convince himself that Xuan Zhao only regards him as a very special and good friend, so let's stop here and don't continue.

Cen Baiyan took a deep breath, and wanted to close the diary with both hands, but his beating heart seemed to be expressing protest, clamoring that it was not enough, it was just that the words of friends were not enough.

He pursed his dry lips, and a subtle sense of dissatisfaction gradually spread in his chest——

He is like a person trekking in the desert, Xuanzhao's diary is a spring of sweetness, and the real sweet spring is still in a more hidden depth.

Cen Baiyan slowly turned to the next page.

"I seem to have said something wrong, and the kid ignored me."

——This was the time when Xuan Zhao told him it was love at first sight in the coffee shop, and they had no contact for a while.

"The kid likes girls. I guess he must be very disgusted with people like me. Should I fail in my confession? This is not bad, because I have already fulfilled my psychological expectations, so I can't say how sad it is. After all, I just met by chance. Little friend, it’s fine not to meet again, don’t give me room to be sentimental. I discussed it with Chen Wei’s mother at night, and I won’t take him with him after Chen Wei finishes the fourth grade.”

Cen Baiyan frowned, this cripple is very sensible!

I said such specious things to him, which made him uneasy for several days, but Xuanzhao was lucky, he planned not to meet again, what kind of shit is "love at first sight", "meeting by chance" is true, right?

Cen Boyan didn't realize that Xuan Zhao's few lines of words made him emotionally excited, as if he was on a roller coaster, sometimes going straight to the sky, and suddenly swooping down.

"Mum's condition has deteriorated, she can't even recognize me. She mistook me for the driver who hit the road, cut my hand with her nails, and shouted heartbreakingly for my son. I have been used to these little things since I was a child. It hurts a little, a nurse stopped me when I was leaving the nursing home, I thought she was going to rub me some medicine, I almost fell down, I didn’t know where to put my hands and feet. In the end, I got sentimental again, She came to inform me that the balance in the card was running low."

"I think I'm a bit ridiculous. It's been more than ten years, and I still wonder if anyone will care about me."

Cen Baiyan's eyes were dark, and he could only hear the rustling of Xuan Zhao when he was rummaging through the sundries.

He had a car accident when he was seven years old, and now he is 23 years old. During the long 16 years, how many expectations and disappointments did he accumulate day after day, so that he would even feel terrified of receiving care from others?

How did he keep his back straight all the time, like a magnanimous and upright cedar, tenaciously blooming its branches and leaves in the snowy winter day?

It was as if a small thorn had pierced into the soft flesh at the tip of Cen Baiyan's heart, arousing waves of bitterness in him.

Fortunately, that day he accidentally saw the photo taken by Chen Wei, and fortunately he rushed to the bar that day.

"The little friend appeared. He bought me medicine and bandaged me. Alas, I'm so worthless. In fact, when I saw him, I wanted to cry a little, and I wanted to hug him again. It wasn't because he was good-looking, but Because he is the kid in my dream."

"If there is only one person in this world who can ride me in a car, give me medicine carefully, and take me out of recurring nightmares, that person must be him."

"I want to confess something to myself, which I will never tell him, and I will never tell anyone, as long as I know it myself."

Cen Baiyan stopped breathing, and his eyes slowly moved down. The last line on this page reads——

"I seem to really fall in love with a child. It was love at first sight, and I fell in love more and more."

boom--

A burst of white light exploded in Cen Baiyan's mind, does he really like me?Does he really like me?

The two emotions of rejection and ecstasy were tightly intertwined, Cen Baiyan's temples throbbed violently, and his breathing was a little short.

He seemed to be eager to confirm something, flipping through the diary quickly, browsing through the contents at a glance.

"The red bean paste buns are delicious, and the sweet porridge is also delicious. I was reluctant to eat them all at once, so I put a few buns in the refrigerator. It rained at night, and I suddenly wanted to see him. I had a nightmare again in the middle of the night, so I woke up and ate it." A sweet bun, suddenly it doesn't feel so uncomfortable."

"His wallet is left here. There are photos of his family of four. It is a very happy family. Should I also put something in my wallet? I have been looking for a long time, but I can't find anything , I don’t even have a decent family photo. I’m really far away from him.”

"I know the clothes are for me. I have seen the photos in his wallet. His sister is so beautiful and cute. She is not the 'neutral style' he said. I dare not accept his kindness to me, even if it is just an ordinary friend. I dare not. He has no distracting thoughts in his mind, but I am not, I am full of distracting thoughts about him that I cannot express."

"I'm learning how to only be 'ordinary friends' with him, but how can I become 'ordinary'? I want his kindness, but I don't want him to be kind to me. I seem to be too greedy, Xuanzhao Xuan Zhao, what you are best at is restraint."

On the last page, the date stays at today.

Cen Boyan's Adam's apple rolled, it should be written by the cripple while he was sleeping, very short sentence.

"If I can not like him. Forget it, I don't have to take it easy. I still want to continue to like him."

The circle of the full stop was incomplete, and there was a small opening, just like Cen Baiyan's left heart at the moment, as if a feather had slipped in through the small opening.

Every page of Xuanzhao's diary is written very briefly, without any gorgeous rhetoric. Compared with the love letters Cen Baiyan has received, it can be said that it is not worth mentioning, but every word and every punctuation is his vivid but repressed feelings.

Cen Baiyan felt that the diary in his hand weighed a thousand catties, so heavy that he couldn't even lift it.

"Bai Yan, do you have any over there?"

Xuan Zhao turned around and saw the notebook in Cen Baiyan's hand, his pupils constricted suddenly——

"Snapped!"

The bamboo basket in his hand fell to the ground, and scattered debris scattered all over the ground.

Xuan Zhao's ten fingers sank deeply into his palm, his pale face was bloodless, and panic was evident in his eyes.

After an unknown amount of time, Xuan Zhao lowered his eyes, turned sideways, and supported the stove with both hands: "I'm sorry."

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soon soon~~~