typhoon transit

If there is still time, I would like to talk about what happened after Chang Qiao left.

I went to Harbin to study at university, changed my major in my sophomore year, stayed there for two years after graduation, and then stayed in Shanghai as a freelance journalist.My brother has risen very fast and has now reached the level of deputy director.My father was blamed for a house collapse caused by a typhoon and fell from a high platform.But he doesn't seem to be sad about it, he said, now is his son's time.

I didn’t inform my family when I changed my major, but my father accidentally discovered it at the end of the semester. I think he decided to give up on me at that moment.Or maybe in fact, on the day I separated from Chang Qiao, when he talked with me, or even earlier, he should have understood that he can no longer decide many things about me.And in those dispensable conversations, he's just making useless efforts, and maybe looking for the last excuse for everything he's done in the past.But it doesn't matter, my father has passed the age of rage, and now there is nothing but indifference.

When I was in college, I still occasionally received postcards from Xinjiang from Changqiao, which showed Huoyanshan and Turpan, grapes and cantaloupe on it.She never wrote a return address, so I couldn't write her back.I don't know where she is, but I know that she is probably no longer in Xinjiang.I keep every postcard from her carefully, there are eleven of them, which I add in my notebook and carry with me at all times.

I have been to many places, and after Chang Qiao, I have also been in contact with many people, most of which are not long-term.Oddly enough, I felt like something was flawed in me, that some of the mechanisms for accepting a stable relationship weren't working in me.Due to work reasons, I have to travel to many places. Over the years, technology has developed rapidly, and communication and transportation have become more convenient, but even so, I am no longer willing to maintain long-distance contacts. Apart from work, I don’t often connect to the phone. I don't use social software either, I don't trust them and often feel like it's a lie.

When I was in Paris, I had the idea of ​​settling here, but I went back to my country due to visa issues.I met a guy in Paris and we got on really well, we hit it off in every way.I met her at work as a founder of a start-up company and was the subject of my interview.To this day, she is someone I admire very much. During the days with her, I have learned a lot and let me understand that there are still people who are working hard in the sun, with a sacrificial attitude, doing what they think is meaningful. meaningful things.For a long time I stopped believing in this. As a reporter, I felt that I was doing the work of observing human beings, but these observations ended up disappointing me. Later, I reflected on it and thought that these disappointments may have come from me. Disappointed with myself.

If it weren't for the reason I want to go back to China, I think I will go on with her for a long time. There is nothing in my life that makes me feel sustainable. She is the first.At Charles de Gaulle Airport, it was a night flight. I looked out the window at the pulse-like winding streets of the city. They gradually became smaller, as small as a pile of building blocks, and finally disappeared into a corner of the square window.When I landed at Hongqiao, a night fog was coming. I walked alone on the road outside the airport for a long, long time, and the steam condensed on my face. It was summer, and the night was still very cold.

I still have those childish fantasies, as if Chang Qiao would walk towards me through the endless fog.And when I see her again, will I still recognize her?It's funny, I don't have much confidence in myself, if you ask me to recall, I admit, I can't remember her face anymore.Her face and the faces of countless people I have met overlapped and scattered.I have already understood the fact that in my memory, Changqiao is more like a concept than an individual. Concepts are easy to be forgotten, and they will eventually become vague fragments.

If I could see her one more time, what would I have left to say?Is there any unfinished business that I need to do?

I once interviewed a director who had just finished a biopic about a famous designer.I asked him why he chose this topic, and he explained that the reason why a person fascinates people is not because of himself, but perhaps more because of the people around him, and what kind of person he has become because of him.At that time, I didn't understand it very well, and even felt that there were grammatical errors in his words when translating.But then I think he is right, I am obsessed with those amazing group portraits, and I sneer at the one-man show of a single protagonist, but in life I am a person who does not want to connect with others, I think his words have poked my pain point , so that I did not choose to believe in the first time.

That designer finally died, and like many legendary designers who have gone down in history, he ended his life in promiscuity and orgy.That director went on to make a biopic of Che Guevara, which I thought was a failure.

I haven't thought about Changqiao for a long time.Work takes up too much of my time, and my relationship life with other people tires me out more than I enjoy it.But the shadow of that summer still occasionally appears in my mind, and I really want to go back and experience it again. I think that in a person's long life, maybe there are only a few days, and there is no need to think about anything. In this situation, those silly fantasies also become reasonable.When I went back to my hometown for the Spring Festival, I occasionally heard gossip that she hadn't come back since that time, and I don't think she will come back again in the future.I didn't blame her, let alone resent her, and now that she has no news, I can't have more emotion for her.

A lot has happened over the years, most of which I chose to sit on the sidelines.Other people's lives to me are nothing more than a film for evaluation, which people should have been prepared for at birth.Many of the people I interviewed admitted that their lives were overwhelmingly bad, and some of the stories I followed ended up in a less than happy ending.So I am more willing to admit the eternity of suffering than to believe in miracles.The winning lottery tickets, the unexploded bombs, the belated but eventually rehabilitated rehabilitative stories may be empowering, but they are no longer fascinating.They are out of place in this world.

When I was working in Shanghai before, I bumped into a fellow I knew at the door of a KFC on Nanjing Road. At that time, we all thought it was incredible that the world is so big and the time is so long that there is no end in sight, but the reunion still happened like this.That's when I started to wonder, if miracles do exist, then this might be the closest I've come to a miracle.Later, when I walked on many unfamiliar streets, seeing crowds passing by and towering buildings, I always felt that I had lived here before, and everyone passing by was related to me.Many years later, I walked the streets of Bangkok and experienced this feeling again, because when I walked around a corner, I thought I saw Chang Qiao.

I think I saw her hair blowing in the tropical wind.I didn't react, I just thought it was so beautiful and wanted to turn my head to take another look.At this moment, I thought of Chang Qiao. In the first second, I just thought it looked like her, but in the second second, I suddenly felt that it was her.

At that time, it was the Loy Krathong Festival in Thailand, and people rushed to the Chao Phraya River to release the Krathong.The crowd was crowded, and I was carried forward.There is no wind today, and even the smoke is not moving, and there are too many people nearby, and the huge team seems to be stationary.Such a sight is easy to think of time pause.At this moment, I saw the red light of the iron tower in the distance, flashing a bit like fireworks in the sky.Someone has played the game of finding the iron tower before, and traveled through every corner of the city to find the best angle to photograph the iron tower.But the iron tower is always there, and I am beginning to be thankful that the things built by human beings are invariable to some extent. They are not like people themselves, they do not want to be free, and they will not hurt others.

It's there, and one day you'll find it.

All the languages ​​are whistling past my ears, the heat of the humidity is flying against my skin, the bells are ringing, and I feel like everyone in the world has stopped.I think I might have experienced a moment when time paused, with only echoes rumbling in my ears.

I turned around.