unconfessed love

After He Yan left, Liu Yuxian fell into an uncontrollable silence.Disappointment, fear, anxiety, and anger, the chaotic emotions are intertwined in my heart, like a pond that has been muddied by someone.

uncomfortable.

irritable.

Powerless.

emptiness.

"It seems that they don't want to be disturbed, so let's go in the opposite direction." Deng Daping looked very happy, but seeing that Liu Yuxian beside him didn't answer, he tentatively added: "Or Play a little longer here at the shadow wall?"

Facing Deng Daping's questioning, Liu Yuxian remained silent.

"What's the matter? Are you tired?" Deng Daping lowered his head and stretched his face to Liu Yuxian, who seemed to be wandering away from him, "Do you want to sit on the bench over there?"

Suddenly startled by the face of Deng Daping who was leaning so close in front of her, Liu Yuxian subconsciously took a step back, followed by a burst of disgust that couldn't be suppressed in her heart, and her face flushed.

"I... want to go back to the dormitory..." She lowered her head and said in a low voice without looking at Deng Daping's face.

"Oh..." With an undisguised disappointment, but still unwilling to give up, Deng Daping added, "It's still early, why don't you go to the square again?"

Liu Yuxian pursed her lips and shook her head while still keeping her head down.

After a moment of silence, Deng Daping sighed softly: "Then, I'll take you back."

He bowed his head and said nothing.Liu Yuxian couldn't wait for a moment and wanted to be alone.

Deng Daping, who was walking beside him, slowed down a lot, as if he was talking about funny things all the time, but Liu Yuxian didn't listen to a word.During the distance the two walked together, every step Liu Yuxian took was as uncomfortable as stepping on the tip of a knife.

When he was about to reach the dormitory, Liu Yuxian finally spoke: "...I still have... I have something to buy..." Before he could hear Deng Daping's reply clearly, Liu Yuxian couldn't wait to run towards the supermarket opposite the dormitory. Before she had time to consider whether Deng Daping had seen it, when she was approaching the entrance of the supermarket, she turned to the side door next to her, rounded the curve, and ran all the way to the playground behind the supermarket.

People who run, play ball, hang out, the playground at night doesn't have to worry about being too lonely, but for Liu Yuxian at this moment, it seems too lively—it is unprecedentedly lively!She almost ran all the way here, directly across the large open-air playground, and did not slow down until she ran to the slightly quieter long sand pool specially used for long jumps.Relying on inertia and self-protection mechanism, Liu Yuxian finally stopped under a big camphor tree not far behind the sand pool, which was already on the edge of the playground.

With his back against the big smooth rock engraved with the word "self-cultivation" in small seal characters under the tree, Liu Yuxian leaned down slowly, propping his hands on his knees, panting heavily with both mouth and nose as if he had lost consciousness.

So sad.

It felt like something was blocking my heart, it was so uncomfortable.black!A big piece of it was pressed on my heart and blocked in front of my eyes.

She subconsciously waved her hand in front of her eyes, as if trying to push away the thing that blocked her vision, but in the end it was just a wave of her hand in vain.Half clenched her fists, she put the back of her hands to her mouth, not sure if it was her hands shaking or her body shaking.She shook hands hard, but still couldn't stop the slight but deep trembling.

Unaware of the thin beads of sweat on his forehead, Liu Yuxian let go of his right hand, and gently wiped it on his forehead.The left hand also moved away from the trembling knee and moved to the forehead at the same time.When both hands covered her forehead, her body also squatted down.

Just squatting down under the big rock without moving, her hands have been unknowingly spread to cover her small face.When Liu Yuxian didn't want to admit it but had to admit that the dark emotion in his heart that made him lose self-control was jealousy and hatred, warm and moist tears overflowed between the fingers covering his face.

She was jealous of the person who stood by He Yan's side for granted, she was jealous of his special existence to He Yan, she was jealous of him being considered by He Yan as the primary factor, and she was jealous of him being generously introduced to He Yan as her boyfriend Others... she is jealous, she is jealous, she is jealous and hates.She hated his existence. Although in a general sense, such a person would exist sooner or later, she was unwilling to accept it—at least don't let her see it!No, no, it's better to see, she wants to see, she wants to see with her own eyes, although she will hate it even more when she sees it, but she still prefers to see it, but... a soft sob came out of her throat uncontrollably, She didn't know what was going on with her self-abuse.

... No, it's not right, it's not like this. At first, she clearly thought that she just liked He Yan. Even if that person's temper was a bit weird at times, she still liked her.She thought that all she had to do was secretly like her, just like any good friend—although her "anything" was just He Yan—he simply liked her, wished her well, and hoped to see her She is so happy, she can talk to herself with a gentle smile when she is happy...

But, if that's the case, why would I squat in this dark corner and cry in pain like this?The dislike of Deng Daping had been forgotten by her in a corner, and now only the name He Yan completely occupied her mind.

Could it be... she thought suddenly.But he immediately shook his head in denial.She was already embarrassed enough, she didn't want to complicate matters spontaneously.

However, if it wasn't what she thought in her heart, why was her heart so uncomfortable?

It hurts, it really hurts.Liu Yuxian pressed her hand on the beating heart, and through the thin wall, she seemed to be able to feel the heart beating and spinning.

No, don't do this, it's really uncomfortable and my heart hurts.

She closed her eyes, leaned her head back on the stone, stroked her heart gently, and repeated small movements that seemed to heal the wound.She didn't know what to do, and she didn't dare to think deeply, she forgot to wipe off the tears on her face, she could only use her soft fingers to protect her tightly aching heart, and kept moving in the same posture blankly. Also do not move.

How to do?

How to do?

Thinking about this unsolvable question over and over again, Liu Yuxian, whose legs and feet were already numb, seemed to be muttering something.

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It seems that He Yan's relationship seems to be going well.I don't know if it's Liu Yuxian's subjective consciousness. She found that since she knew that He Yan was in a relationship, He Yan, who didn't spend much time with her roommates, seemed to spend less time in the dormitory than before. Except for coming back to rest at night, the rest of the time was almost the same as Liu Yuxian didn't have any contact with each other.