over dependent

Jin Rong was locked up at home by Jin Shiyuan and never left him.She asked for leave for Jin Rong and didn't go to school for a while; she tied Jin Rong by her side and kept telling him how hard she worked and how much she loved him.

"Do you remember when you were a kid? When you first started talking. I hugged you to sleep and you didn't want to sleep and you would laugh and reach out and call me 'mom'. Do you know how happy I was? Jin Rong, at that time I thought, this is my child, he is still so young. He will grow very big, and he will grow very tall. Do you remember when you were five years old? You went to learn the piano for the first time , you start to learn the staff, start to recognize the keys, and start to learn fingering. Xiao Rong, I think you will become a pianist, and I want you to shine on the stage."

Jin Rong was silent.He completely lost any expression on his face, and it was difficult to even swallow.He just stared at Jin Shiyuan obsessively, in a daze, let go, or didn't listen to anything.

She is still talking about the piano, doesn't she know that the thing Jin Rong hates the most is playing the piano?He has said it countless times, he hates the piano, he hates it, he hates it, but Jin Shiyuan still wants to say it.

She hopes that she can become a pianist, but Jin Rong only hopes that she can hide quickly and hide in a place where there is no one.Either the world is destroyed, everyone dies, and he dies too.

Jin Rong suddenly realized: die.Does death free everything?Is it possible to go to a place where there is no one after death, no longer need to play the piano, no longer need to listen to Jin Shiyuan, and no longer need to see Fang Yizhe.

What is the dead world like?Is it colorful, is it full of rainbows, is it there, it is not wrong to like the same sex.

Jin Shiyuan didn't allow him to be in a daze, so he wanted to wake him up, shaking his shoulders and saying to him, "Xiao Rong, you are my mother's obedient child. You must be obedient, do you hear me? You must be very obedient, very obedient. "

Jin Rong couldn't understand what she said. He seemed to hear the sound of a violin, playing the first movement of Sibelius' Violin Concerto in D Minor.The accompaniment, which begins with the sound of an ambulance, is played by himself.

Haiyuan.

lighthouse.

The endless sea, drifting in wind and rain.

Through wind and rain, across the sea, just to be side by side with you.

Jin Rong seemed to be in the stormy sea, and the surroundings were so dark that he couldn't tell the difference between south, east and north.He looked on the deck, and he could see far, far, far away, a lighthouse.The lights of the lighthouse flickered, and that was the light that guided his direction.He wants to get close to the lighthouse, he wants to go through the wind and rain, and he wants to narrowly escape in the monstrous waves.He kept walking, walking... The surrounding waves almost swallowed him, and his body was covered with the breath of the ocean.It's a pity that he didn't hear the rain and the sky.

He's going to be trapped in the night.

"Xiao Rong, can you listen to your mother? Let's continue to learn the piano, go to a new school, to a place where no one knows you. We like girls, shall we? Mom will pick you a very, very beautiful one, you and When she's together, don't like men anymore, okay?"

Jin Rong could only see her mouth moving, but couldn't hear or feel anything.Jin Shiyuan's eyes looked like sharp nails, making him tremble.

"Are you okay? Are you okay?" Jin Shiyuan kept asking him.

Jin Rong suddenly laughed, for no reason.

"What are you laughing at?!" Jin Shiyuan was puzzled, "Why are you laughing?"

Jin Rong didn't know why he was laughing, he couldn't control himself laughing, and when he finished laughing, he looked at Jin Shiyuan lazily: "Not good."

"What did you say?"

"I can't say... It's impossible to like women in this life. You can only be gay in this life. You can only hang out with men in this life, just like you, just like you hang out with him. "

Jin Shiyuan slapped him in anger: "Are you determined to piss me off? In this life, in the next life, in the next life! You can't even like men! Jin Rong, you are a lunatic!"

"My heart grows on me." Jin Rong murmured, "My heart... grows on me..."

"Look at you! Jin Rong, do you think you look like a lunatic? What's the difference between you and a lunatic? You always do outrageous things, and you always have to be different from others!"

Is it wrong to be different...?

"People like you are cast aside in society! You will be looked down upon!"

Jin Shiyuan tugged on his collar, hating to the bone: "I ask you, what did you do when you fell in love with Jiang Yi?"

Jin Rong looked at her puzzled.

"Have you ever kissed? Have you hugged? Have you done anything more outrageous?!"

Jin Rong smiled: "Guess."

Enraged by his provocative smile, Jin Shiyuan kicked him several times: "Shameless! Jin Rong, do you know how the words 'propriety, justice, integrity and shame' are written?"

"Do you know?" Jin Rong asked back, "Do you know how to write it?! Like a mother, like a son, mom, I am what you are."

"I can't cure you, can I?" Jin Shiyuan looked around for something to beat him, and she often beat him when she was a child, with a long wooden stick. In the past, when Jin Rong didn't listen to her, she would beat him severely.

"How on earth did I teach a child like you? You might as well die now, so as not to endanger the society!" She beat and scolded.

After being hit several times, Jin Rong grabbed the stick with his backhand and threw it into the trash can with a "bang".

"Are you looking forward to my death so much? I know," Jin Rong pointed at her stomach, "Because you already have a new child, right? Because you have a new child, so I, a trash like me, can be thrown away."

"Why don't you listen to me?" Jin Shiyuan cried, "I want you to change your ways, is it that difficult?"

Jin Rong still said, "I'm not wrong."

"You still say that you are right? If you spread such a bad story, you will be cast aside everywhere! They will only blame you for killing a good student, they will only blame you for ruining Jiang Yi! Will anyone care about you? Does anyone speak for you? Jin Rong, do you think Jiang Yi will speak for you?"

Jin Rong didn't speak.

"How old are you, do you have the most basic judgment? When the Dongchuang incident happened, do you think Jiang Yi would give up his own future for you? He would just leave you behind!"

"Don't talk to the naive ghost about forever, can he protect you forever? Can he break with his parents for you? Jin Rong, you are the only one who gets hurt! And I am your mother, how could I leave you behind? What about you? In the end, I'm the only one standing by your side. I won't harm you, how could I harm you? "

He covered his ears in panic.

"Don't force me!" Jin Rong sobbed, "I hate hearing your voice, I hate you!"

"You're disobedient! Jin Rong, why don't you listen to me? What's so good about men, why do you like them? Since you like men, why do you hate Fang Yizhe so much? I don't understand you, I really don't understand You, Fang Yizhe is also a man, why don't you like it?"

Jin Rong's brain was hurting, he covered his ears tightly and said, "Stop talking!"

"Can you listen to me?!"

"don't want--!"

Jin Rong's feet were tied up by her, but now only his hands are free.He was suffocated, tears kept streaming, his eyes were wide open, and he couldn't think of closing them for a long time.He seemed to be on the verge of collapse, and he couldn't be saved no matter what.

There is a voice in my head calling for help: help me, help me.He misses Jiang Yi so much, he wants Jiang Yi to come and save him, he wants Jiang Yi to hug him.

But he had nothing left, and Jin Shiyuan took everything he had.He hated himself for being cowardly, hating himself for being useless, he was only a burden when he was born!

"Jin Rong!"

"Jin Rong!"

"Ah!" Jin Rong screamed, "Stop talking, please stop talking!"

"Why don't you like women? Why do you..."

Jin Rong bit his tongue, he could only cry or pant.He couldn't save himself, it would be fine if he died.he thinks.

If he died, if he died... But if he died, he would never see Jiang Yi again.He wanted to explain to Jiang Yi that he didn't really want to break up, and there was nothing he could do.He loves Jiang Yi very much, very much.

But he couldn't even save himself.

"Look at me!" Jin Shiyuan pressed him, and saw his look of astonishment and panic, as if he had seen a ghost.

"You're crazy," she cursed.

The bedroom was quiet when Jin Shiyuan's cell phone rang suddenly.This drew her attention.

She thought it was Fang Yizhe who called her and she must answer it, but when she saw the broken phone screen, it turned out to be an unfamiliar number calling from Beijing.

"Hello?" Jin Shiyuan answered in doubt.

"Excuse me, is this Jin Shiyuan?"

In an instant, blood seemed to rush to Jin Shiyuan's heart.The other party only said a word, and she suddenly realized something: "Song Nianyuan?!"

She would never forget Song Nianyuan's voice, not even in death.Even if Song Nianyuan turned into ashes, she could still recognize it at a glance.

"it's me."

"How could it be you?! Do you still know to call me?"

"Can we talk?"

Jin Shiyuan thumped the table angrily: "What are you talking about? Is there anything else we can talk about between you and me?"

Jin Rong took a breath slowly, he heard the call for help.

"Where are we talking?!"

Is she going to leave? Jin Rong relaxes. She is going to go, so that she won't have to suffer in this way anymore.

Right?

Jin Shiyuan hung up the phone very quickly, and after hanging up the phone, he felt a little proud of himself.She turned her head and changed to a gentle tone again: "Xiao Rong, mom has something to go out for. You can stay at home alone, you know?"

Jin Rong didn't answer.

Jin Shiyuan suddenly became ruthless: "Don't even think about leaving! I will lock the door behind you, and you are not allowed to go anywhere without my permission!"

She really locked the door of the house, showing no mercy.Jin Rong desperately hoped that she would leave quickly, and when she really left, he felt depressed again.

Jin Rong looked at the ceiling and thought about Xi Xiaoxie for a long time. Then he sat up and untied the tie that bound his feet.His ankle was worn red and painful.But he didn't seem to feel the pain, and he looked at his red ankle in a daze.

He saw the school uniform jacket that fell on the ground, and suddenly remembered that he put the shattered glass shards in his pocket yesterday.This shard of glass could kill him, set him free.

Jin Rong was actually unconscious, he didn't know what he was doing, in short, when he held the shard of glass in his hand, he thought of an idea.

That is death.

He was worried that the shards of glass wouldn't kill him, so he rummaged through boxes and boxes looking for them.

He remembered that Jin Shiyuan had a lot of sleeping pills and put them in the cabinet.He staggered to his feet, his hands shaking uncontrollably.

There are several bottles of sleeping pills, but after taking a few, they are still heavy.Jin Rong swallowed hard and poured all the sleeping pills into the palm of his hand.He was still shaking, and many pills fell to the ground, crackling.

Jin Rong couldn't help laughing, he was happy that he could die.Without water, he swallowed the medicine down his throat. He was so choked that he retched a little.He was afraid that dry swallowing would not work, so he went to the living room to pour water to swallow. In a blink of an eye, he took dozens of pills.

After eating, he sat on the sofa and looked at his mobile phone quietly.

He wanted to call Jiang Yi, and wanted to explain clearly before he died.Jiang Yi should be in class now, right?If you call him, will he not answer?

With the mentality of giving it a try, Jin Rong called Jiang Yi.As he expected, no one answered.

He sat hugging his knees, suddenly lost strength, and still had a headache.He stumbled back to the bedroom, picked up the shards of glass that fell on the floor, sat back on the sofa, and was still looking at his phone.

Jin Rong didn't dare to call Jiang Yi anymore, for fear that he would be annoyed and unhappy.He thought Jiang Yi hated him, so he deliberately didn't answer his calls to torture him.

But it doesn't matter anymore, because I can die right away, if I really have something to say to Jiang Yi, then let it be a dream.

Jin Rong laughed and burst into tears again.His head began to ache violently and he began to feel nauseous.He wanted to vomit so much, he vomited and couldn't vomit.

He scratched his wrist with shards of glass. It's strange that at this moment, he didn't feel any pain at all.

Once, twice, Jin Rong saw blood bleeding from his white wrist.

"It is said that if you shout out your wish to such a light, it will come true."

……

"I hope Jiang Yi is happy every day, and brings me to be happy too."

……

"I hope everyone treats Jin Rong well."

Jin Rong remembered the scene where they made a wish on the mountain, and it seemed like it was yesterday, just a second ago.

If the mountain god cannot help people realize their wishes, the gods will not hear his prayers.

The author says:

Please do not imitate the acts of "suicide", "wrist cutting", "swallowing sleeping pills" in this article! ! !Never imitate! !Life comes first! ! !Please cherish your life! ! !Say it again! !Never imitate! ! !

very angry! !It is recommended that Jin Shiyuan go and see his brain! ! (anger