the one who lives in my body

At that moment, Xie Dongrong's expression can be said to be pure and at a loss. He held the tableware and stared at me blankly with blue eyes, as if he didn't hear what I was talking about. I don't know what mood I am in, guilty conscience ?Let nature take its course?Maybe both, but in the end I lowered my eyelashes and stopped looking at him.

"Oh, yes, your position in the palace was also banned before, and now the capital seems to be really..." Xie Dongrong's voice even contained a smile, "And according to the situation, it will indeed be easier for you to leave. Safety."

"Yes, I also came up with the result after thinking for a long time. After all, I don't know where to live after leaving the mech manufacturing park." I said with a pale smile as if joking.

"...Well, you didn't make a home here." Xie Dongrong actually agreed with me, but it's hard to describe the expression on his face at this moment, the kind of helplessness mixed with sadness, which made me feel very uncomfortable.

"I respect your decision." Xie Dongrong smiled and said this answer.

At that moment, did he breathe a sigh of relief, or did his eyes feel sore?I can't tell the difference.

"I haven't told you yet. Before returning to the capital, I bought a house in Nancheng. The price is quite affordable. I'm afraid the money in the capital can't be spent at all..." I laughed haha, but suddenly felt so The ground is pale and weak, I know that Xie Dongrong has no intention of listening to my words.

After a while, he just said, "So you don't plan to come back?"

"It depends on the situation. After all, many people I know are here." I clenched my hands involuntarily, and I didn't even dare to look at Xie Dongrong. It's going to be hard to come by.

"Tao Shu, I want to ask you... When you made these decisions, even for a moment, did you think of me?" Xie Dongrong finally asked.

"Of course, I can't get around you in everything, but didn't you say before that you are trying to get better? Don't be swayed by the needs of your body, you have been pursuing these before, right? Torture, of course, it is still the same now, I asked the doctor, your state seems to have stabilized recently, after all, our physical relationship cannot last forever..." As I spoke, I didn't know what I was doing. Saying something, but even in fragments, it's unquestionably my true opinion.

"Physical relationship?" Xie Dongrong repeated the word, his hands fumbled on the dining table for a moment, and finally slowly clenched into fists, "You asked the doctor about this? Tao Shu... you really can surprise me, I thought you knew it, I could clearly see that you still love me, but your heart is fucking hard as a stone! You are sure you will torture me no matter how hard I try, won't you look back at me? What are those before that? What are those words you said? Do you know what you are doing?"

His eyes were already empty, he looked at me, as if he had been defeated all the lines of defense suddenly, I saw tears in his eyes.

I wanted to answer that I know, I know what I am doing, but at this moment, I suddenly recalled the past, what is the difference between me at this moment and him before me?The same is captured by the hazy love, the same willful way, the same clinging to death, the repeated struggle of the body and the soul, the two-way rush of desire, the veil of the soul makes us unable to see each other clearly, and sometimes we cannot see ourselves clearly No matter what the proud son of heaven, no princes and nobles can escape these confusions, they are no more than mediocre mortals in the world.

Silence, long silence, Xie Dongrong stopped talking, and I sat where I was, not knowing what to do. The only thing I knew was that my decision would not change because of it.

"Forget it," finally, Xie Dongrong said, "It is indeed the best choice for you to leave, then you go, I will not look for you, I will not use means to force you, and I will not pester you anymore, just ..."

"If you have the ability, don't come back for me, and don't let me see you again."

"...Okay." That's it, it's over.

I stood up, inexplicably feeling that the distance to the door was very long, and my steps were heavy, but it seemed that I reached the door very easily.

"Your mecha is in the park, you can pick it up at any time, if you have any questions, you can contact the chief engineer." Putting my hand on the doorknob, I said.

"When you arrive, report that you are safe." This is Xie Dongrong's answer.

I can't explain why, obviously I left a trouble, and I can cut off all ties with the messy capital of the capital soon, but I don't feel relaxed.

Qiu Xingwen expressed his deep sorrow for the news that I was about to leave. As a person who will always develop in the capital, he seemed to think that this parting would mean less gathering and more separation, so he took me to drink that night, but I did He didn't drink much, but he poured it into his mouth one cup after another. In the end, I had to carry this guy back to the dormitory.

The colleagues in the mecha manufacturing park also quickly learned of my decision. As a designer, after confirming that there are no related problems in this mecha, I also got the unified practice of my comrades. Many people in the group persuaded me to stay, and said that it would be no problem to buy a house if I worked here for a few more years with my strength. Just laughing, if you want to say that everything in the capital is completely willing?That is naturally impossible.

On my mother's side, I briefly explained my decision, and she immediately expressed regret, and now she still hasn't given up on the idea of ​​"reuniting" with the Tao family, what else, if I don't fight for it , the property will be Tao Xinguang's and the like.

I couldn't help being astounded by my mother's greed. Although I didn't like Tao Xinguang, I didn't have to fight him for something I didn't want. In the end, my mother didn't succeed in persuading her and showed collapse, and I also Timely hung up the phone.

People's desires are really endless. After she got the title of wife, she thought about becoming a rich woman and embezzling the Tao family's property?Although I still know that I am an invincible sword in her eyes, it doesn't mean that I intend to accommodate her.

Soon, the ticket was bought, and the old man also told me that he would pick me up at the station, which made me a little embarrassed, but at the same time, it was also a feeling of happiness.

On the day I left, the weather was perfect, sunny and not overcast, and not cloudy. I went to the station alone. I don’t know if it was my illusion. In the blink of an eye, I seemed to see Xie Dongrong’s car parked somewhere. However, there are many cars at the station. When I searched carefully, I felt that it was just my illusion.

During the days when I was preparing to leave the capital, I often thought of him. After that, he never contacted me again. Sometimes I would ask myself—is it really right to leave Xie Dongrong at this time?

He seems to need spiritual support especially now, and the political and spiritual blows may make him...

No, shaking my head, I finally made myself laugh, isn't that just right?Leaving when he was at his worst, let him be completely disappointed in me, so that he would know that I was actually a big unworthy person, so... nothing bad.

Sitting on the train, the train started slowly, and I stared down at the capital city passing by my eyes. For several moments, I had the illusion that I saw someone I was familiar with, and I had an illusion that I saw him.

Perhaps subconsciously, I also feel that others should not let go of myself. I laughed rather self-deprecatingly.

What are you thinking so much about?Looking down, I stared at my callused palm, and slowly took out a small mecha model from my pocket, as well as my parts, which I kept in my bag.

After playing with big things a lot, it would be a bit unfamiliar to make these small things.

Luckily, though, the things I love distract me, keep me engrossed, keep me... off my mind.

Sure enough, the old man was waiting for me at the station.

I went up and looked down at this little old man, and suddenly felt that I had grown taller, or maybe he had become shorter. I clearly remembered that I had only been away for a short time, but his eyebrows and eyes seemed to have aged a lot. , he asked me about that mecha, and I started to tell about the big guys I met in the mecha manufacturing park, and he laughed out loud after a while, and we walked to the restaurant together, this time it was his treat.

In the mecha manufacturing center in Nancheng, my former colleagues or subordinates all came up to say hello to express their nostalgia when they saw me. Some guys who observed carefully found that An Jingtong hadn't come back. When I asked about it, I laughed twice. Sound, I really don't know how to answer.

Then the old man took me to see Mr. Fang again.

After reading my drawings, Mr. Fang expressed his approval for my trip to the capital, and then the old man started talking with him. I realized that he might have made a major decision, and I thought that maybe it was my thoroughness. The first step in returning is to listen carefully.

"The mecha manufacturing in the capital city has opened its authority. What we have obtained is first-hand information. This is a rare and good opportunity! If we have the opportunity to develop in the capital city, we can accomplish many things! It just so happens that Ashu Coming back from the capital, I have a better understanding of the situation there..."

"Wait," my head was a little dizzy, "Isn't the capital city always engaged in monopoly? I didn't even hear that it was going to be opened, why did it suddenly... don't be fake news."

"Don't worry, you can't fake it! It's the people above," Mr. Fang raised his eyebrows slightly, and smiled, "The people above paid a lot of money to buy off the monopoly over there, so they agreed to give a few places. It's really lucky, we actually Chosen."

For some reason, I suddenly thought of Xie Dongrong. Although this matter was not certain, at that moment, for some reason, I was so certain in my heart that it was him, it must be him.

Because he said it before...

"This is a big deal, and it needs to be discussed in the long run." I said with a smile.

"Yes, it may take three or four years before it is actually implemented, but as long as we get this quota now..."

The voices of the old man and Mr. Fang seemed to gradually drift away from my ears.

What an idiot, I realized that this may be something that Xie Dongrong had already started preparing for a long time ago, otherwise it would not have been passed on to Mr. Fang in this form. Indeed, I have said similar things before, just mentioning one sentence, But how can such a big event, such a big plan that can only be implemented in three to five years, be decided so hastily? It probably won't bring about any change... Besides, I've already left.

Xie Dongrong, you regret it.

Everything you've done is not worth it.