recession

There was an eerie silence in the box, which was broken by Xu Yunqing's almost rigid voice: "What's the relationship?"

"I do love him." Su Liang calmed down instead, and said this very frankly, "But we have never been together, never."

He paused after speaking, as if waiting for Xu Yunqing's reaction.But Xu Yunqing didn't say anything, his brows and eyes were calm, but water splashed out of the tea cup he was holding in his hand.

"I knew Qi Ming in the last year of my PhD. At that time, I was 27 years old, and your father was a few months older than me. You were not there at that time, and he hadn't even met your mother." Su Liang Slowly said.

Xu Yunqing said very coldly: "Should we say that this kind of thing should come first?"

Su Liang smiled bitterly: "I was assigned here as an intern, and my family had already arranged a position for me in another hospital at that time. I will go back to work when my internship is over and I graduate successfully. I have always been I thought so, but I met Qi Ming on the first day I came here to report."

Su Liang's voice softened: "At that time, he was still a patient of my trainee teacher. You should know about depression. Your father is sensitive and thoughtful. Of course, a large part of his illness was due to his sexual orientation. There was no homosexuality in China at that time. My teacher didn’t realize this, and your dad probably didn’t know it himself, he just vaguely understood that he was different from others, so he suppressed himself very much... But I noticed it, because I am too.”

The three words homosexuality mean so much to Xu Yunqing, each of which is not easy, especially at this moment.He unconsciously leaned closer to Tao Liyang, trying to get some kind of support.

"Maybe it's because of the same disease, or the same age. Among all the patients, I pay special attention to him. Moreover, many patients don't trust the intern, but Qi Ming doesn't care, so he was the one I had the most contact with at that time... I'm not sure what I am. When did you fall in love with him. But Xiao Ning, if you have seen your father when he was young, you will know that this is really too easy. "

He recalled that Xu Qiming's eyes were very bright, not like the eyes of an old man.But talking about his love for his father with a child is really too cruel, for both parties, so Su Liang's tone is very restrained.

"After the half-year internship period ended, I went back to school and went to work in the hospital arranged by my family. This matter should have ended here, but I couldn't forget him. So I resigned and came back here."

Xu Yunqing frowned and looked patient, but did not interrupt.Su Liang raised his eyes and glanced at him gently, took a moment to continue: "At the beginning we were a very ordinary doctor-patient relationship, but later on we can probably be regarded as friends. I'm not familiar with the place when I first arrived here, so Qiming would recommend it to me. There are some small shops and scenic spots in the surrounding area. Occasionally we will go together, but such opportunities are rare. But he did not move before he got married, and lived with your grandma in the staff building of the hospital, where I also live. You can see it every day He, that was enough for me at the time."

"Is it enough?" Xu Yunqing asked him softly.

Su Liang nodded, and after a while, he shook his head again: "The first time I wanted to break through this relationship was when your father was getting married. At that time, it was about two years since I met him. Your grandfather has passed away. Your grandma is not in good health. Because of Qi Ming’s illness, I have been very worried about him. And in those days, it was very weird to be near Li and not married. Your mother appeared just right. As you may know, she is an orphan. In the early years, I was sponsored by your grandparents. Later, I was assigned to work here, and with your grandma's best efforts, your father decided to marry her."

Xu Yunqing probably didn't know this, and frowned, as if thinking and remembering.Tao Liyang glanced at his expression, and gently squeezed his knuckles.

Su Liang looked at the white mist slowly rising from the teacup, and his eyes didn't know where to fall: "I heard the news at the time and tried to stop him. But I have no position and no qualifications. I am his doctor, friend, Love him, but I'm not his lover, I can't be. Under the circumstances at the time, that wasn't allowed. So I watched him get married, and then I had you."

"So he can live with women, why don't you leave earlier?" Xu Yunqing laughed mockingly.

"Yeah, I wish I had left earlier." Su Liang was silent for a moment, his voice was like stagnant water, "I have been by Qi Ming's side for ten years, but in fact I can't do anything, dare not say anything,...that At that time, homosexuality was against the law... I was so cowardly that I didn't dare to speak up, and there was only one time when I revealed my feelings to him, and that was when you were seven years old." "That year, my parents got me a job to study in the United States. Before that, they tried to transfer me out of here several times, and I did it my own way. But at that time, they were about to retire, and it was time for everyone to leave. If I don’t go this time, it won’t be so easy in the future.”

Su Liang's thin and sunken cheeks trembled slightly: "I don't know where your father heard about this. He came to persuade me to go. I was very angry at the time. In a fit of anger, I told him that I love him and that I did it for him. Stay here. Everyone can persuade me, but he can't. But he just shook his head and said it's impossible, I should go to America."

"We argued many times because of this matter, and no one could convince the other. It was the first time we had known each other for ten years. But I actually felt a little joy. After all, I finally said it... It's just that I lost my composure. I shouldn't have used my excuses to get close to him and hug him, and I never thought that I would be seen by your mother..."

Su Liang raised his hand and pressed the corners of his eyes. The light was too dim, and Tao Liyang couldn't tell whether the old man's tears were muddy or not: "Xiao Ning, believe it or not, your father and I have never been together. Intimate relationship, that's it. All the mistakes are caused by my greed, but your father, he has never done anything to be sorry for your mother and child. "

Xu Yunqing didn't speak for a long time, grabbed the tea cup in front of him and drank it down, looked at Su Liang: "If that's the case, why didn't you say it then?"

"I said it, but your mother didn't believe it. Under such circumstances, everyone's emotions were out of control, and there was no chance to explain in detail. And part of it, she was right, I am gay, and I really want to Destroy your family." Su Liang looked complicated, "After your parents left the hospital, I was also panicked, and I wanted to wait for your mother to calm down the next day, and then come to explain. But the incident was too big and spread to my family. In my ears, they came and took me away that day. I was locked up at home for two days, and then I was sent to the United States."

"My passport is not in my own hands, and I can't come back. But these are all excuses. I was weak and didn't fight for it. I wrote some letters and sent them back to China, and everything was said in the letters. I deceived myself and others I really think that your mother will be fine after receiving these letters. After all, it is not Qi Ming's fault, it is my despicableness... But after half a year, when I find a chance to return to China, I will find out that he is gone... I I also tried to find you, but no one knows where you moved..."

The author says: